Clarity
Sometimes, I'm learning, there are moments of absolute clarity in the most interesting moments. Things become so clear in a specific moment - it almost floors you.
I had a moment like this last night.
Sitting at the bar of the Misfit, drinking mescal and talking to complete stranger. I was sitting there, nipping at my drink, sitting back, relaxed. I was talking about nothing.
But also about everything.
I was open and vulnerable. Completely. With a stranger who I had just met because of her interesting tattoos.
I never was like this in my life, but for some reason, in that moment, I felt like I was who I wanted to be in that exact moment. And for the first time in a long time, I felt truly normal.
No reservations or judgments. No intention. No foreseeable outcome.
Just an unfiltered conversation.
And as we talked, I felt myself get lighter and open myself. We talked about life, personal aspiration, goals, fights, regret.
In those words, I found myself feeling. Really feeling, not with intention or with expectation. Just a pure intimate human connection. No intention other than interest in someone’s story.
And as the night wore on, we started to talk about family and love. In the past, I shut myself down and out. I didn't allow myself be raw,unfiltered or emotional. Everything I did or said was calculated, clean, planned and with intention.
And i thought to myself as I walked out “man...I would have never done that a few months ago” and the thing is, it felt so good. In a weird way - I almost felt guilty.
Guilty for not sharing myself fully with family, friends, strangers. Most importantly - with her.
What conversations could we have had. Where could we have gone, mentally, spiritually, physically? But, I guess that part of the journey of self discovery.
And as my uber driver, Marcus, a Black dude born and raised in South Central LA and I, Oren, a white Jewish dude who grew up in North Orange County, shared a few laughs, talked about music, women and LA. I realized how good it felt to be clear. To be truly open and unreserved.
As I was about to hop out of his SUV, I thanked him for the ride and conversation, he turned around extended his hand and said “Thanks for being human my dude”
Floored.