My Soliloquize

Expect the unexpected

[orevable]

Not to mention, mentally drained..

[orevable]

"Do you even think about it?

The way that we changed the world

And don't it make you sad

That we'll never be kids again?

No, we'll never be kids again

Tell me how you live without it

Did somebody change your world

And now you don't look back

'Cause we'll never be kids again

No, we'll never be kids again"

[orevable]

This song just sounding over and over in my head, so I guess I'll just share it..

"Baby, the best part of me is you

Lately, everything's makin' sense, too

Oh, baby, I'm so in love with you"

[orevable]

Everybody’s got an answer to a question that they need to know

“Still broken over one thing I didn’t ask you, do you have to go?”

Now I’m looking for a reason it isn’t easy but I gotta have hope

Sometimes it can be harder to remember that you just let go

Always seems to be something to remind me what I miss the most

“Cause you are the one thing I believed in when it all falls down”

So if you got a candle you better light it now

And if you got a voice you better shout out loud

Raise your hands above this crowd and I will reach you

Can you hear me, can you hear me now?

Even though I can’t see you, I can feel you after all this time

So maybe, if you’re hurting all I’m asking for is just one sign

‘Cause I never met anyone who was lost but didn’t wanna be found

So if you got a candle you better light it now

And if you got a voice you better shout out loud

Raise your hands above this crowd and I will reach you

Can you hear me, can you hear me? I will reach you

Can you hear me now?

Light it up, and I will reach you 

Shout out loud, and I will reach you

Raise you hands above this crowd

So if you got a candle you better light it now

And if you got a voice you better shout out loud

Raise your hands above this crowd and I will reach you

Can you hear me, can you hear me, can you hear me now?

Did you hear me? Did you hear me? I will reach you

Can you hear me? I will reach you

Raise your hands above this crowd and I will reach you

Can you hear me now?

[quotefeeling]

You can’t be strong all the time. Sometimes you just need to be alone and let your tears out.

Unknown (via quotefeeling)

Totally can relate..

[orevable]

"Giving up on a thing doesn’t mean giving up on your entire life.. Like a tree giving up on a leaf, it doesn’t mean giving up on its life to be chopped down, it’s just, making a room for something better to grow”

-J-

[deeplifequotes]

You can’t explain everything to everybody. Some people just won’t get it and you have to be ok with that.

Tony Gaskins (via deeplifequotes)

[orevable]

Road to The Second Intersection

Once a time, on the way home, i took the usual route that need to crossing two intersections. On the first intersection, i should've take left when suddenly my mind told my hand on the wheel to change direction and turned right. I, with my unbearable know-it-all behaviour was like, "yeah, okay.. It will lead to the second intersection eventually", "I won't get lost, the road just a circle route, what can go wrong?", "Anyway..wise man said: sometime, you have to get lost to find yourself" Well noted!. So I drove confidently along the way. 2 kilometres, 3 kilometres passed i read a roadsign, it was saying that this road is leading to the third intersection. "Ahh don't worry, this is just an alternative route, i can arrive at the second intersection through the third intersection, this is just a circling route", i spoke to myself. Then 4 kilometres passed, and the confident still high along with the hope of arriving to the third intersection soon. I went further and further. The hope began to waver, the confident slowly sinking as the doubt slowly rising. In a few more kilometres, the road still not showing the sign of arriving at the third intersection. And soon the doubt completely took over my confidence. "I think I'm lost", "Should I turn around and go back to the first intersection now?", i asked myself. "Have you gone mad?? We've come this far, we can't turn back!", "Such a wasting time if we go back to the first intersection!!", "Firstly, you go back to the first intersection which kilometres away now, secondly, you'll go right from the beginning from the first intersection to the second intersection".

"There is no way we go turn around. There's no turning back!. Anyway, wise man said: don't give up too soon, you never know how close you are!" And there's a battle within me untill I spoke loudly, "Screw it!! I'll turn around and go back to the first intersection. If i have to start this journey right from the beginning, so be it!".

Sometimes when you find something's going wrong and feel like lost your way, it is okay to go back and retreat yourself to the starting point and do it all over again from the beginning. It takes times, yes, but that's just the process to find out that you are on the right track.

Agreed?

-J-

[orevable]

"Leave it behind, there's no place we can go

We're going the wrong way, and we both know

Forget all the things, all our dreams go separate ways"

-TheOvertunes, Memory Lane-

[quotefeeling]

“I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now I’m losing everyone while I’m trying to find myself.”

— Unknown

[quotefeeling]

“The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander.”

— Robert Tew (via thoughtkick)

[justs0meth0ughts]

"A heart that always understands, also gets tired"

[orevable]

What was your dream?

I saw Empire State Building, so I guessed I was in New York. Stranded, somehow. So I walked down the road, not knowing where to go. I just walked unaware to a store building, followed a lady, who was suddenly somehow walked in front of me. The store building was located under a large bridge and seemed to be in the Chinatown area. I wondered if that place is real, so I googled it, and found this picture that is exactly the same like the one that i saw in my dream. Apparently I was on Manhattan Bridge on East Broadway area.

I followed that lady to the 2nd floor of the store. There, I met her family. There was her mother, who was making dumplings, her husband, who was reading a newspaper, and her little son. We had this little conversation like we have known each other. I was pretty sure they gave me some wise words, but I can't recall the whole conversation was about. And then, I left. As I walked down the stairs, I awoken.

Not sure of what was that all about, but one thing that stuck in my mind is that I will be in New York. Or, maybe, it was only my subconscious told me that I was feeling anxious because I felt lost. Who knows?

But after I writing this, I hold on to that 'I will be in New York' part. 😉

That was my dream last night. Tell me yours?

-J-

[quotefeeling]

Educate yourself. When a question about a certain topic pops up, google it. Watch movies and documentaries. When something sparks your interest, read about it. Read read read. Study, learn, stimulate your brain. Don’t just rely on the school system, educate that beautiful mind of yours.

Unknown (via quotefeeling)

((educate that beautiful mind of yours))

I can relate to this quote. I always googling every time a topic pops up and read all the information that’s written before asking anyone else about it. That’s why maybe sometimes I get annoyed when someone starts to question something they can find the answers easily, just one type away. Seriously, it’s really annoying when the question is just something not really important, you can just google it, really, one type away.

At least, please make some efforts for your own sake, you can’t just rely on someone else and do nothing. There’s nothing to lose to educate that beautiful mind of yours, really...

[orevable]

So here it is, here it goes...

This is my personal project to improve things in my life, my future, my mental health, and my happiness.

What I want to do with this blog or miniblog is that I want to be able to express any feelings, any thoughts, or anything that is going on in my mind. Have you ever feel so overwhelmed by anything that’s going on in you but unable to express it? I have. And it’s so frustrating, and it feels like eating you from the inside. It gives me anxiety and insomnia for quite a while. I can’t get focus on everything I do daily.

Speak up! Say it out loud, talk to someone, are the common answers that I get to deal with my problems. Nope, no, no, no... I can’t talk to someone, I can’t talk out loud. Either I don’t have the skill of good communication or the trust issues that I possess over other people. The thing is that I haven’t found any person that I fully trust, that I feel comfortable to talk with, and not to mention that sometimes words just don’t come out right when I start to speak. In another way, I feel insecure. But, I got to release it somehow.

Some of the article I read mentioned about writing that is good for mental health. Oh, this could be the answer, I can write something in a diary or else to ease my mind. I finally found a way to express what’s in my mind without being insecure. I can let myself to say anything without being worry about what other people may say or think, or even judge. I don’t need to think about my friend’s feeling just because I want to say something that might get them to feel bad or hurt, because I don’t do direct-communication. But, another problem occurred, it turns out that writing isn’t as easy as it seems. The words don't come quite easily not just when I start to talk but also when I start to write, LOL. So I begin to wonder what’s wrong with me. Hmm.. maybe.. just maybe... I don’t read too much. I read a little, not very often and just light reading.  It led me to the conclusion that I lacked vocabulary because I didn't read much. I don’t really like to read big, heavy, boring books, it gets me dizzy drowsy easily. But I kind of being a tsundoku (people who always buying books but never reading them), I love being in a bookstore, in a book expo and buying some books that got my interest, but until now that books are piling up and well sealed, LOL.

So my project starts right here. I forced myself to start to read a lot. Begins with books that really get me into, a fantasy novel and Harry Potters (I mean, who doesn’t love Harry Potter?), and recently I read Percy Jackson’s series, those books are the easiest way for me to get started. And along with that, I found Tumblr (pardon me for being in another universe all this time. LOL). So I write this blog to ease my mind, just like using a pensieve in Harry Potter’s world (haha). I intended this blog to be a light writing of anything I want to share. It could be a short story of what I have experienced, or talk about the movies, or share some quotes, or just trashing about what I’m feeling (but I still want to do it in a good positive way as possible), share about music, posting pictures, literally anything!. And I will use a lot of English but of course, I will use a little bit of Bahasa Indonesia once in a while.

So, this is my personal project to being able to be myself, to embrace a better me, and eventually to define my Ikigai.

- J -