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@oriolescaptained
Gif graphic credit @ sparkygfx. Art credit @ hazukt1.
Siffrin, she / they, 27 yo, gremlin who doesn’t know what sleep is. V appreciative of just jumping into stuff rather than suffer through the hello hello convo. This blog has medium to low activity. I love talking to people, but I am slow to respond to things! Also found at @drolliic!
CARRD // PERMANENT STARTER CALL // OPEN STARTERS
@ceriason // @vicefifths + other blogs // @captivemuses
IT’S ALL ABOUT THE YEARNING
❝ you need someone. let me be that person. let me be what you need. ❞
❝ look, i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now. but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here. ❞
❝ i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there. ❞
❝ you asked me once, if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed. but. ask me again? sometime— doesn’t have to be today. maybe tomorrow just. ask me again. ❞
❝ i know i can’t protect you from everything, but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control. ❞
❝ i used to have so much faith. maybe not in deities or something but, in the world. the universe. i believed their was a purpose to it all. i’m not sure when i lost that. ❞
❝ have you ever had something…missing? like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is. ❞
❝ sometimes, i just need the world to be beautiful. i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes. ❞
❝ i was sort’ve hoping you needed me. is that selfish? ❞
❝ people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it. i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen. ❞
❝ sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be. ❞
❝ you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me. do you know how that feels? just see me. please. ❞
❝ i want to deserve you. i’m trying to deserve you. ❞
❝ i know i fucked up. i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore. let me in. please let in. ❞
❝ every time you smile at me, i memorize it. i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you. no matter what happens between us, that’s what i’ll remember. ❞
❝ i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me, somewhere. just some place where i actually feel like i belong. ❞
❝ the world is so big. why do i never feel like i fit into it? ❞
❝ when i’m with you i feel like myself. i feel like every side of me is present and accepted. and i feel good about it— i feel good about who i am when i’m with you. ❞
❝ do you like me? i know you love me. i know you care about me but. do you like who i am? ❞
❝ i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection. ❞
❝ just take my hand and close your eyes. pretend we’re anywhere else but here. ❞
❝ so, what would you be? if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy, what would your life look like? ❞
❝ do you even know what it does to me? every time i see you cry, any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart? ❞
❝ i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore. i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that. you’re part of who i am now. the most important piece of me. ❞
❝ every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you. ❞
❝ i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together. the rest is just existing until you look at me again. ❞
❝ it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you. everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind, pulling me towards you. ❞
❝ you’ve got me in the palm of your hands. you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all. ❞
❝ i no longer know where i end and you begin. you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly, you’re all i feel anymore. ❞
❝ you’ve stolen my heart, the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it. ❞
❝ i don’t have perfect words. i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit. so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you. i don’t know if you want me. but i’m yours. and at this point however it is you need me, i’m here. ❞
❝ you’re the only thing that matters anymore. i can’t eat, i can’t sleep— all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song. you’re all i think about. i’m useless except when i’m yours. ❞
❝ i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh. i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again. ❞
❝ when your eyes are on me, i feel like something worth seeing. ❞
❝ just let me look at you for a little bit. ❞
❝ i would do anything for you. all my lines and rules. they mean nothing when it comes to you. it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy. ❞
and whose fault is that??? // @captivemuses
couch make old fae go :(
ONE WOULD THINK THAT SAID FAE WOULD KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT BETTER. But no! Of course not! He's the exact opposite in that he loooooooooooves feeding the damn rumour mill! Just you wait until it comes back and bites him in the ass one of these days!
❝ You reap what you sow, Sir Flins. ❞ still pouting even though it's barely visible behind the collar of his sweater. If he loves running that mouth of his so much, then he can figure out how not to end up sleeping on the couch tonight. Though Illuga may be stubborn, he's not heartless. The old fae has more than enough time to think about how he's going to make it up to his favourite human.
"The winds awaken, the leaves whirl round, free your heart from dreams of the living." "Our cheeks are pale, our hair does flutter, our eyes burn bright as flame." "We shall part the snow-curtain of the sky, and blast the winter winds across the wasteland." "We are the Lightkeepers, who shine the eternal light of hope into the endless snow-swept plains." — so goes a quiet whisper along the lonely shore washed by the sea
Oh would you look at the time, it is time for patrols right now--
THAT'S ALL HE'S GETTING. A deeply unimpressed ( exhausted ) glare, arms crossed and a pout. Let him go on that patrol, he'll be back to his beloved nightingale regardless.
" Who am I to you? " // @captivemuses
" Who am I to you, Young Master? " (you know who it's from lol)
IF ONE WERE TO ASK HIM, ILLUGA WOULD CONFESS THAT, TO THIS DAY, IT STILL BAFFLES HIM THAT NOBODY THOUGHT TO CHECK ON FLINS MORE REGULARLY. Certainly, the fact that he lives on an island so far away ( and in the company of a Fatui base ) isn't helping exactly, but that doesn't mean that they should just abandon him. Yes, he's been doing more than just fine by himself for long enough at this point, but... aren't they coworkers? Why hasn't anybody visited him until the young Captain took matters into his own hands? And even that wasn't fast, seeing as he was stuck in logistics for a while until he finally acquired enough privileges to be on the front lines instead of sitting at a desk for hours on end.
At some point, it became Illuga's task to check on him at least bi-monthly, sometimes more often; to bring him supplies, to see about the progress on reports, to make sure that he's still alive and kicking.
So— who is Flins to their organization as a whole? A senior, somebody Nikita has known for ages and can rely on without a second thought. So— who is Flins to the young squad leader? He's never really thought about it in detail, truth be told. Saw no reason for it as long as they got along.
Boredom does funny things to him when he has nothing to channel his antsy energy on. He'd been staring at the wall opposite him for at least five minutes before his thoughts flew to the infuriating fae most likely out on a patrol right now. He should be out and about as well, there are so many things he still needs to take care of, but no! He's stuck here, waiting for updates on the reports that were rightfully the duty of the aforementioned mischievous creature. Ugh. Whatever! He'll handle this, and then go on patrol as well.
❝ Why am I the one doing this, though... ❞ lamented to no one in particular while he kicks the ground idly ❝ Of course, we work together often enough that I have higher chances to run into him, but still. Pops owes me one for this, using me to get Flins to submit his papers on time instead of letting them pile up. ❞ and if Illuga accepts because he wants to see his beloved firefly that badly, well. Nobody said he can't multitask!
This whole thing got him thinking, though. Nikita appears to have given up trying to get anybody else to check on the solitary Lightkeeper; anybody, but his own son. They are coworkers. Illuga caught feelings eventually although not unexpectedly. A part of him almost wished he could uproot them seeing as they had no intention of withering and dying on their own.
An arm over his forehead; dramatic, but there's nobody else to see him right now. ❝ I was so convinced he'd hate me for how insistent I was. His supplies never dwindled somehow, but I was set on bringing more over anyway. I'd end up using them myself whenever I'd spend the night over. Guess they still came in handy. ❞
Surprisingly, Flins accepted him without much fanfare. He did find his initial visits odd, but, dare Illuga say, he grew to enjoy them, and they even fell into a routine of sorts— water for two despite one glass never emptying itself, stories with too many details for comfort, the occasional night spent in a too stiff bed. Every so often, over and over again, until they've become something he looks forward to.
❝ In hindsight, everything is kind of funny. I was so worried about whether he'd be put off by me having feelings for him that I wouldn't consider until much later just... how much he courted me. All those little gestures I brushed off as nothing more than passing fancies. ❞ what an idiot he'd been. Not only to himself, but in front of his best friend as well who's been nudging him about his feelings being returned every time he started spiralling. He owes her an apology and a full meal course. Later, though.
Laugher; ❝ Flins is somebody I care about dearly. He's... somebody I love with all my heart. My lover, my heart, my... ❞ a pause, pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears ❝ ... everything. ❞ a shiver runs down his spine. In spite of the fact that they've long officially become lovers, this is probably the first time he's said it out loud. It still feels surreal. If it's just a dream, he hopes he'll never wake up from it.
“Ugh.” The past week had been nothing short of GRUELLING. Whether by sheer coincidence or some miracle of divine intervention, it seemed that every single person across every corner, nook and cranny of Nod Krai had simultaneously decided that they had something urgent that needed sorting. Alas, Aether - to his own growing chagrin - was efficient over all else ; a merit turned curse in a world where efficiency was only ever rewarded by an endlessly growing list of tasks.
He really ought to take a break from commissions. The notion had crossed his mind more than once in the past. Sadly, he’d yet to figure out how to grow Mora from trees, and with the Regrator having yet to personally reach out in sponsorship, the financial BENEFIT of his arrangement with the Adventurer’s Guild couldn’t be so easily understated.
Aether only uttered another noncommittal grunt as he RELUCTANTLY maneuvered himself from laying face down to laying somewhat propped up onto his side. Food sounded appealing. Soup sounded good - especially if it was warm.
It took a moment longer for him to finally respond, gaze flicking up to regard his unexpected benefactor’s expression, still wrought with worry which Aether maintained was still of the unfounded sort.
“… Okay.”
From there he proceeded to sluggishly drag the rest of his torso upright. As much as a nap in the soft dirt would have been a welcome and perfectly acceptable prospect, the temptation of the FINER luxuries of life had unfortunately begun to beckon. Hot food. A proper bed. A roof. Archons, he was exhausted.
“Don’t worry. I’m not hurt.” He paused to yawn. “Just… sleepy.”
UNFORTUNATELY, FOR BOTH OF THEM, UGH IS NOT EXACTLY AN ANSWER THAT PROMISES GOOD THINGS. Matter of fact, it makes the squad captain worry even more briefly that, at any moment, the one before him might empty the contents of his stomach ( if such even exist in the first place, with how exhausted he looks ) right then and there before anything else can happen. Luckily, such a thing doesn't actually happen, though he still can't say that he's happy with how sluggish company is — golden eyes regard him half-opened, and it takes a lot longer for the Traveller to even prop himself up on one elbow, never mind get himself in a sitting position. The urge to haul him up himself comes back with a vengeance, and it only dies down a little because, bless his soul, Illuga actually respects his friend and would do anything, but belittle him. ( He's still so very worried. )
Relief courses through him once the thermos changes hands, and he's finally sitting down himself. This scene would have been so much better if they were in an actual camp, around a fire, food cooking right then and there instead of consisting of soup that's been sloshing in his bag the entire day. Then again, he's just happy that they are sitting together, in relatively comfortable silence, while Aether wolfs down the meal as if it's the first thing he's put in his mouth the entire day; hopefully not! It brings unspeakable levels of comfort to see such an appetite, especially from somebody who's out and about for the majority of the day. Nothing's wrong, just... tired, huh?
❝ You should eat, and then return to camp with me. You look positively exhausted. If you didn't answer, I would have thought you collapsed from pushing yourself too much. ❞ which he doesn't mean to be so blunt about, but concern has loosened his tongue considerably. Then again, nothing's to say that the reason he's found the famed Outlander Hero in such a state isn't that he's been running himself ragged trying to complete as many commissions as possible. ( He's refusing to acknowledge that he has the same bad habit. )
Illuga is now holding a thermos himself, this one filled with herbal tea to keep himself warm and alert in these frigid lands. And to tide him over until he can go back to camp and have a proper meal himself, but that's not something he's going to say out loud to somebody he's just tempted into eating his lunch. Aether can't badger him about being just as terrible at taking care of himself.
And then, because curiosity has been gnawing at him; ❝ What were you doing out here, anyway? I'd understand people needing your help in Nasha Town and the surrounding areas, but out here on this island? It's just us, the Lightkpeers, and the Knights at Favonius Keep out here. ❞
𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 & 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐄 * // @captivemuses
❝ Louder. Don’t hold back on me. Let me hear your pleasure. ❞ (from Flins)
HAS HE NOT EMBARRASSED HIMSELF ENOUGH? Illuga has always been pretty vocal in bed, be it by repeatedly begging over and over again for more of what he's already being given or showing how good he feels by the wanton moans that leave slightly parted and quivering lips. Ironically, the cause for him attempting to muffle himself — biting pretty strongly onto the back of his hand — is exactly this embarrassment. He's being too loud, perhaps even too annoying, grating on the ears, and, oh, that spiralled into much worse thoughts, so much so he's gotten stuck in his head about it until about five seconds ago.
❝ But— ❞ only for his words to be interrupted by the filthiest groan that he's ever heard leave his mouth when those skilled fingers spread inside him in such a way that they scratch his walls, and also managed just about to nick that bundle of nerves that makes him see stars. It's more than enough to simultaneously shut him up and drag forward the very noises he's been trying to keep back.
The attempt at covering his mouth again is immediately thwarted by Flins' free hand coming up to hold his own, to intertwine their fingers and give the nightingale something to focus on and squeeze amidst all the overwhelming feelings. And it works so well because the next time he feels a spike of heat shooting up his spine, he arches his back with it on the background of another lovely moan.
❝ Please— There— Again...! ❞ so close, he's so close, he feels as if he's going to cry if the fae decides to toy with him instead after coaxing such sounds out of him for so long. He's even moving his hips in tandem, shifting downwards as if that's going to help him further impale himself; how naughty! ❝ L-oh-ve, please...! ❞ a high-pitched whine that abruptly gets cut off the moment static hits him akin to a moonwagon going at full speed. Oh, what a feeling...!
THE GREAT DIVIDE: LAST OF THE BUGS // @vicefifths
❛ will you be there in the morning? ❜
WHAT A SILLY THING TO ASK. While it's true that he has the habit of waking up early ( or, well, not sleeping much in the first place ), he wouldn't give the chance to lie in bed with his beloved winter storm a little longer up for anything in the world. Hell, the world could be ending, and he'd still want to get a few more moments snuggled up, all comfortable and warm, before having to get up and aid in saving it. Then again, his whole world is right here in his arms, face pushed into the crook of his neck, every breath tickling the exposed skin. And he wouldn't have it any other way.
Bright blue eyes close with a barely audible sigh, face nuzzling into mint curls of hair. For a moment, he's quiet, simply enjoying the closeness, and the fact that Lohen is here. He's here, he's... not entirely alright, but at the very least, they have each other and — Moon Goddess — he thinks he may start crying again just thinking about the past few days. How can he, in good conscience, leave in the morning? They'd have to forcefully remove him for that to happen, and even then — he'd claw, bite and scratch his way back if need be.
His hold on the hare tightens considerably; one arm firmly around his middle while his other hand rubs circles on his back before ultimately ending up travelling upwards, rests on nape with a quiet sort of possessiveness. ❝ Yes, I'm not going anywhere. For as long as you'll have me here, I'll be here every morning. ❞ and even beyond that, but that feels like something he should keep to himself for now. His beloved Knight is overwhelmed enough as is; it's a miracle he's been allowed this close in the first place, and Illuga plans not to squander this chance.
❝ You should get some rest now, Lohen. ❞ a soft murmur punctuated by the lightest of kisses and his own body growing heavier. Neither of them has slept well in the past few days so they need all the rest they can get. Things may not look great right now, but... They'll get better, much as the Captain himself struggles with this notion. They have each other, this has to count for something.
Illuga has a bunch of bunny pictures saved in his phone he texts Lohen every now and then ( or made into stickers to use in text convos ), but the most hilarious one is the folder specifically of bunnies in pans / pots he opens every time he's specifically angry at Lohen. 'I'm not angry. We are having rabbit for dinner tonight, btw' kind of pettiness
The funny thing was, Illuga had all these ideas and thoughts swiftly going through his mind in the matter of a few seconds, but his face was only giving away a fraction of that interest while Flins watched him in those few seconds. He still saw Illuga idly playing with the same handful of hair as if he'd found a new thing to fidget with, and then actually split the hair on purpose but did not go further than that. That had the fae's head tilting slightly in curiosity as he waited to see if Illuga would do more or remain still.
"More so that it's so heavy and long that I have to bend over a considerable amount to displace it from down my back."
The next moment of silence was comfortable while Illuga fiddled with it, but eyebrows raised in surprise when the captain suddenly spoke again and asked to braid his hair. Curious, Flins didn't know he even knew how to do that hairstyle. But he couldn't help but chuckle at how quick Illuga was to try and backpedal as if instantly afraid he'd offended the fae somehow. First Illuga was getting a kiss on his forehead to reassure him before Flins spoke again, best to put his concerns to rest multiple ways.
"Relax, nightingale, you did not offend me with such a simple request. I'm surprised that you know how to braid hair, but if it is something you would like to do at this moment, feel free to do so while we continue to talk."
ONE EYE CLOSES AT THE FEELING OF A KISS BEING PRESSED TO HIS FOREHEAD. Ah... It did put some of his worries at ease, that much is true. He's also wondering whether the other is just being mischievous and using it as a pretense to kiss him anyway. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise him in the slightest if it were a fifty-fifty situation. But he digresses, the important matter at hand isn't him getting smooched. No matter how much he'd like another one, truth be told. Damn fae and his ways of getting Illuga sidetracked and distracted even about matters not involving reports.
A huff; ❝ Is it really that surprising? The kids at the orphanage sometimes would ask me to help them style their hair. There wasn't much I could do most of the time, but braids — even short and wonky ones — and ponytails-slash-pigtails were pretty popular. ❞ it's kind of funny, in hindsight, how the younger kids pegged him for somebody who just knew how to do them. Not that it was a hard task, to begin with, just. It started with a little girl asking 'big sib Illu' for help. And then another. And another. Before he knew it, there was already a line forming.
Another moment passes before he shuffles into place, gloves now discarded so he can better manoeuvre the long strands of hair. It's so soft. No knots as far as I can tell, either. Even so, Illuga still summons a geo comb to aid him in parting the locks in three long sections, each equally thick. Now begins the hardest part, so to speak. Weaving the sections one over the other while maintaining the shape and making sure that no stray hairs stand out by the end of it, nor that he accidentally crosses one side more than the other two. He'd rather die than let Flins walk around Nod-Krai with anything less than a perfect hairdo after he indulged his beloved nightingale.
❝ It's not just that I want to do it, but also... I think it'd do you good too. People might be less scared of you if you change up your appearance a little. ❞ and habits, too, if he were to be a bit blunt. Of course, seeing the fae a bit more often in town is already a good start, just. He should visit even more. Selfishly, he wants the other to visit him specifically, for them to spend their evenings in his little home, all cozy and warm. That would be lovely.
It's an accident when he tugs a little too harshly, one he immediately apologizes for. ❝ Traveller recently let me redo his braid. Poor guy shed so much hair... It's no wonder with how stressed he must be with everything going on. ❞ is added with a hum ❝ A similar braid on you would look good. ❞
THE GREAT DIVIDE: LAST OF THE BUGS // @nightingalecaptain
❛ everything you see out here will die. ❜ Abyss-corrupted Illuga :3 your choice of verse for yours.
AS MUCH AS HE HATES THIS, NIGHTMARES AREN'T UNCOMMON. The sight of burning towns, the hoards of monsters approaching endlessly, his squad members torn to pieces begging him to end their misery, the shadowy hands wrapped tightly around his throat. Over and over again, images that by now have become permanent fixtures in his mind's eye. He's seen everything so many times by now that the scenery before him doesn't affect him nearly as much, although it still makes his heart skip a beat painfully. His mirror image is right. If Birdie isn't careful, everything he holds dear will go up in smoke just like—
❝ Not as long as I can still draw breath. ❞ hissed between clenched teeth, hands balled into tight fists at his side. He's joined the Lightkeepers as to better help keep his home safe, keep those he cares so much about from dying. He's not perfect by any means, has failed so many people who depended on him to lead them to the sought-after dawn. But that's the very reason he keeps pushing himself, he puts himself in harm's way, he works day and night until his body threatens to give up on him. He'll run himself into the ground if it means that he'll make up for even a fraction for all his sins.
With no hesitation whatsoever, he calls his polearm forth and swings it in his hand. ❝ So, you better shut your mouth while you still can! ❞ before he charges towards that apparition mocking him and everything he stands for. Even as it wears his very face. The irony of his biggest obstacle to overcome being himself isn't lost on him.
(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive
Top 5 kinks
HE HAS NO WORDS. Just. Mortified silence.
Bleeding heart
Saw this fanart which reminded me I entertained the idea of Illuga being picked up by the Fatui as a kid instead.
ends up in one of the HotH bases for a while bc the Experimental Design Bureau in Nod-Krai isn't exactly kid-friendly. Specifically the Fontaine one bc brainworms.
A natural-born leader once he comes out of his shell after finding himself an orphan suddenly. The grunts under him actually enjoy having him as their leader bc while he's still firm, he's not harsh. I don't doubt he also got compared to Lyney at some point, but also them friemds,,,,,,
They are pretty close in age and act similarly, but couldn't be more different. They both care about the others at the HotH, but Lyney focuses on his siblings mainly while Illuga is more liberal w/ it. They are both likeable, but while Lyney has the charm, Illuga's more the dorky type. I do think that it's these not quite similarities that make them get closer in the end.
Ironically somewhat better adjusted in this timeline. While he still has a tender heart, he's more used to people suddenly disappearing for one reason or another. He's still sad, that doesn't change, but he knows better how to handle his grief, pocket it and move along. It helps that the Fatui fight mostly against other humans and not abyss zombies.
Still v much a big brother type of person. He uses an old lantern he found and asked Freminet to help fix for a simple shadow theatre for the younger kids or to help Lyney and Lynette w/ their magic shows.
Speaking of Freminet, he's the one who makes the mechanical birdie friend he carries w/ him everywhere since like this, he'd never get the chance to actually meet Aedon. Light yet still sturdy enough to withstand a few hits and w/ such intricate work inside, he almost doesn't want to accept it bc he's worried he'd break it on a mission or it'd go missing and now he can't imagine being out and about w/o the ever-present soft ticking in his pocket.
Takes the opportunity of Arlecchino coming to Nod-Krai to deal w/ Dottore to tag along and come back 'home'. He hasn't been back in,,,, probably at least 10-15 years and while he doesn't remember much of his life before being whisked away to Fontaine, it does feel. Familiar. He asks to be allowed to temporarily join Sandrone's underlings so he can help them in w/e way possible, but also to be able to immerse himself into what his previous life could have been like.
Slight Fontainian accent bc I think that'd be v funny. Goes away while in Nod-Krai tho only to come back full force once he leaves.
And all the little and big differences this brings.
Send " Who am I to you? " to hear my muse describe their relationship with your muse/how they perceive them as a person.
