CAPTAIN ED MERCER

[orvlle]

ORVLLE. a selective portrayal of ed mercer from the orville. oc and crossover friendly. likes and follows from @underworldsarcade. written by underworld ( he / they / it. 21. ) rules. muse. tags.

[teapottroubles]

Jesus christ Ed.

[orvlle]

You're the one that brought up marriage. That's just the natural progression of things.

[teapottroubles]

words said shortly before our wedding

[orvlle]

yeah. and right after i found someone in our bed with someone else.

[orvlle]

wow kermit. we're really in it now.

[nightmarealm-a]

[orvlle]

you know what ? probably not the best to comment on someone's dimensions. that's my bad.

[nightmarealm-a]

[orvlle]

wow. you're like. flat. that's crazy. and you're a shape. that's crazy. that's - wow. hold on. hold on.

[orvlle]

are you gonna let me infodump or not ?

[orvlle]

hey , have you ever read flatland ?

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

oh, no! i'm stating you overthink. there's a difference.

well, you won't know unless you try it! do you want me to close my eyes so i don't see you, or?

[orvlle]

You don't know that.

I - you really want me to practice flirting on you ? Doesn't that defeat the purpose ?

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

i think you think too much but agree to disagree. coy, hm?

( he himself pauses for a moment before his eyes widen just slightly with a soft gasp. ) are you .. is that a new jacket you're wearing today?o - oh, it's not? how silly of me! it just .. it's sort of embarrassing, but i think you look so handsome, i thought maybe it was the clothes, but .. ( a chuckle sounds, paired with a hand shyly raising to cup his own cheek. the giggle forms a small smile once it ends. ) it's clearly just you, eddie.

[orvlle]

. . are you implying that i overthink ?

( Will's pause catches him off guard , and he blinks a few times. ) No , it's not - ( It takes Ed far too long to catch on to what he's doing. He clears his throat. ) . . Y'know , I think that works a lot better when you do it.

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

it's been around for so long and yet you have none. c'mon! what's your type of like, flirting? i'll teach it to you. are you bold and confident, innocent and coy .. ?

[orvlle]

( His mouth opens and closes again. It takes him a moment to really think about it. ) . . Coy ? I guess ? I don't really think about it when I flirt. ( A bold - faced lie. )

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

that's more like it! you're not going to get any if you don't ask! where's your cool? where's your.. rizz?

[orvlle]

. . rizz ? that is ancient slang. what is that , twenty first century ? crazy.

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

is this true or are you doing one of your lying to yourself tricks

[orvlle]

. . ok - i'm not going to get any. that's just not how it works.

[orvlle]

. . no , I suppose not.

[orvlle]

( he thinks about it for a while. he shakes his head. ) It.. uh . . just feels hypocritical of me. I guess.

[returnedimage-deactivated202605]

YOU NEED TO LOCK IN ED!!!!!! ED YOU NEED TO LOCK IN YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY STAFF LIKE THIS

[orvlle]

i don't think i need to get any.

[orvlle]

. . sorry. i just . . my wife. y'know. ( he gestures vaguely. ) iiiiiii - no you're not interrupting at all ! I was just about to leave. Actually.