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NO BUSES : rindou haitani

✶ they always offer when there’s loads of love around but when you’re short of some it’s nowhere to be found

content : fem reader, reader dates men, drinking, mentions of vomiting, very brief mentions of sex, barely edited and probably poorly written #sorry

wc : 2.4k

character : rindou haitani

notes : hey guys long time no see x this diva is a uni graduate so now i can go back to writing silly little stories lol. i felt like writing something that idk ? maybe people can relate to or like. something made up of many different experiences into one. recently i've been thinking about feelings and the want to be wanted and i was like well lets write some BULLSHIT !!

you let out a deep sigh in senju's quiet room, save for the whirring of the laptop fan and the chatter of the show you were meant to be watching.

"i think i should break up with him." senju sat up on her elbows and pursed her lips together. she saw this coming, once again. you dating men that you think you're so in love, so enamoured with that you neglect taking the time to get to know them as a partner, not just as a person, only to realise later how many alarm bells you ignored. an alcoholic who made it your problem every time, one with wandering eyes, a cheater, a liar, a disrespectful asshole who, you think, was jealous of you. senju saw right through all of them, trying her best to help you see, too, but to no avail. she, and most of your friends, think you are simply too kind, seeing the best in all, others think you are an idiot. how could you let such things slide?

to be wanted is not a rare want. the want to feel someone's heart race for you, for them to hold and cherish you, to have a peaceful, benevolent connection with someone you truly care about. you want to be wanted. though, how does one admit such a thing? it is utterly embarrassing to confess, surely. at least, that's what you believed.

"why do you think that?" senju spoke gently. "what made you come to this realisation? he isn't as bad as the others, for once." she scrunched her face up, as if she felt herself being untruthful.

"he just... isn't right for me, i suppose. there's no spark, he doesn't excite me, he isn't who i'm looking for, i don't think... as lovely as he is, of course." you lamented on your feelings. you knew he liked you. he always did when you were in a relationship and it nagged and poked at you, though right as you come out of a relationship, he's in one. it seemed as though as soon as you were short of love, he was nowhere to be found.

"who is right for you though, girl? not that i mean no one is, of course, but... who are you actually looking for? you seem to say that 'bout every guy." senju pressed that these awful men and their behaviours were not your fault, which you knew. though, she was also right to ask that all-important question. who is right for you?

rindou, perhaps.

you’d never been one to trouble yourself with relationships, frivolous to your life and the independence you valued for yourself. that isn’t to say you didn’t leave the door ajar for one, hoping maybe it’d find you on a sunny street when everything felt right, and nothing more. you tried not to let yourself run after something that wasn’t meant to be, hell if you even knew what you wanted to chase. previous chances either turned sour or such a proposal did not interest you, letting them gently pass by.

that chance you truly wanted only seemed to occur when you didn’t need it. when it came to him, to rindou, when you wanted something, it was withdrawn from you. there was something about him that you simply could not shake; a charm he had that made you feel giddy and excited. your friends couldn’t stand the fact that you liked him. they'd tell you "he isn't right for you, y/n!" and "there's gonna be consequences to dating him!" but you just did not care. not when you knew he had some sort of feelings for you that lingered about whenever you were unavailable and he was, hanging in the air like a carrot on a stick. you saw it in his eyes and felt it in his stare, hot and tempting and it consumed you. the guilt you felt when you realised you were thinking such things sunk in your stomach. how could you when you had a boyfriend who loved you (you think). did rindou love you? well - of course he did, he loved you dearly. he didn’t know what he’d do without such a wonderful girl on his arm wherever he went! rindou couldn’t imagine you not being there when he messes up again and breaks his second favourite girl’s heart!

he felt like a game where the rules keep changing before you even learn them. a race that changes course at every unexpected turn and it drove you nuts. though you refused to chase him, you simply could not figure out what you were doing wrong as to make him drift away from you from time to time.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

"who's that guy that kept buying you drinks, do you know him?" senju shouted in your ear with a grin on her face, "he's kinda cute, would you talk to him?" the music in the club pounded in your ears and vibrated in your feet. the lights were fluorescent, beaming in your dizzy vision while you gave senju a maybe. you'd taken in your friend's pep talks; their advice was nothing you would not tell them if they were in your shoes, so you settled with practicing what you preached. in the process, rindou's flirty remarks, touches, and stares became all the less enticing and rather irritating. you felt frustrated and bored, unlike the exhilaration he once made you feel. instead, you found quiet in your own company.

your loneliness left you in turmoil for a while, uncomfortable with the stillness of your love life. there were no commotions, nothing to be anxious over, no eggshells to tiptoe over, and it was disturbing. though with time, you came around to the freedom of your own company and reminding yourself of other aspects of life that brought you joy.

though clubbing was not necessarily one of those joys when hinata forgets she's a lightweight. you sat next to a bush with her muted pink hair in your hands, smoothing it down and away from her face. she choked out an apology to you and senju while yuzuha urged her to sip her water despite her drunken refusals.

a gentle tap on your shoulder removed you from your dissociation; you hated vomit but you loved hinata. the bells in your ears were deafening, though through your disorientation you caught his proposal of giving him your phone number. you gave a slight smirk and rummaged around in your bag with a heavy hand. "wait a second," you giggled, "can barely see what 'm doing." hinata leered at the man from the bush and mumbled something about you being busy helping her, evoking a chuckle from your friends.

"woah, woah, what are you doing?" for fucks sake. you forgot rindou was here. you heard mikey and sanzu hissing at him to stop and to do this later, but rindou never listens. the man asked if rindou was your boyfriend to which he received an aggressive 'yes' to. an uproar of exasperated and confused remarks erupted around you as you kneeled on the ground, hinata still in your lap. you could not feel the sticks and gravel moulding into the reddened skin of your knees or your brows meeting in the middle of your forehead. you felt nothing but a pounding in your chest, a familiar anxiety that you had not felt in a long, restful year. you felt sick.

mikey asked you to stand up, taking your place as hinata's nurse while you dealt with him. "it's okay, y/n, just be honest with him."

as you approached rindou he smiled as if what's his had been returned, protected. you shoved his chest, spitting out harsh insults and questioning his protective behaviour. "well, you don't wan' anyone do you? was doin' you a favour, y/n, i thought you'd be grateful... don't even want me anymore." he stumbled about, drunk and babbling, apologising here and there for walking into people. you retreated to the curb to sit down.

"you upset about something i've done, rindou? or are you just trying to piss me off?" you felt defeated, evident in your voice. he'd done this countless times, chastising strangers for approaching you, being aggressive and rude to perfectly normal individuals. initially it seemed sweet, as if he was trying to help you "protect your peace" or whatever you said to him. though you soon learned it was nothing but his selfish antics, trying to keep you all to himself, neglecting to remember that you were never his and that one time you fucked him meant nothing to you.

you stared at him. he was talking but you weren’t listening to your friend. ‘friend’, you thought to yourself. considering him that at any other point before this would’ve brought you great disappointment at times, knowing that that label prevented any further progression. hell, you’d even cried at the thought.

you lamented your feelings for him in silence until he stopped talking.

“can i...,” rindou had always struggled to get his words out if he wasn’t the one tormenting, now more than ever, it seemed, “can i just ask you something?”

“of course.”

he looks at you as though he's going to tease you for something. "did you ever... have feelings for me?" you knew this conversation would stop lingering in the air someday, it couldn't hang above your heads forever. what surprised you is that rindou brought it up - that isn't usually like him, he prefers to ignore things, not like his brother who confronts people for any minor inconvenience. something, other than he alcohol, must be bothering him.

"uh... well uhm... why do you ask?" you murmured, the sobering question bringing you back to reality.

"i was thinking about you... 'bout us. feel like we've always had sum special, no? 's been fucking with me for a while, i just uh... i wa- i just... fuck!" he turned his head away in shame? embarrassment? you weren't sure. he cleared his throat, "'s that still there? was it ever, is what i'm asking." he blinked slowly at you, his confidence dwindling with every question he sputtered out.

you shook your head and mouthed a 'no'. he searched for your love for him between the sympathy in the furrow of your brows and the frown in your lips, but to no avail. he spat out a strangled laugh.

"but you rejected t-two guys in there? i thought that was because of me. you've been playin' this "hard to get" fuckin game, persona, whatever, givin' no one a chance, 's like this guy's gotta be some kinda superhero to even hold your hand. i thought..." he spoke with a whine, like a child struggling to persuade someone to give them something they want but have yet to deserve. rindou's tone dislodged something within you and lit an ember of irritation towards him. he caught the unsettled glint in your eyes and his stomach sank; there's nothing like a dirty look from the one that you want.

"i used to," you nodded, " that would've been true about... maybe a year ago, i think? i just moved on, put myself first, i guess. stopped letting guys treat me like shit 'n' stopped waiting around for something that only seemed to be there when i didn't need it."

rindou was, for some reason, dumbfounded. in turmoil. “so… you don’t love me anymore?” love was a big word, you thought.

“of course i love you, rindou...” he looked at you with a face that you couldn’t quite read, and his mouth moved before he spoke. “but not... like that?"

“no, i’m not in love with you." you paused, "i stopped liking you a while ago."

“oh.” rocks and grit and gravel rested heavy in his chest, almost taking his breath. perhaps his proclivity to toy with you, to stretch and tug at the strings of your heart whenever he pleased had come back to force him to repent.

you sighed, as if to apologise. a sliver of your heart considered fulfilling an old dream. to be with the one you longed for and cried over for so long. the man who stood in the back and laughed at every fail in your love life, as if it was a point to him and a loss for you. he felt like a game you no longer wanted to play, you'd done it all before. although rindou looked special, beautiful and handsome with his purple and blue hair, at that, you realised that he was not as exceptional as you once felt. he toyed and messed with you, kept you waiting, and fiddled with your emotions until you simply cared no longer. he was just another one of many that you should have let pass you by many moons ago.

the air was crisp and cool on your face and you sniffled into the silence. rindou stared, deep in thought about his actions. "i think i might take myself home, rin, if thats okay." you stood up, wobbling like a new born foal as rindou remembered where he was.

"yeah, yeah, do you need me to walk you to the bus stop?" he asked flatly with his head in one hand.

"uhh, no i'll be okay, they come often enough. i'm sure i won't be stood there long." he mumbled in agreement and stood up off the curb, brushing his trousers off. "i'll see you tuesday?" you asked over your shoulder.

"yeah, tuesday. what's tuesday, again?"

"um... ran's birthday."

"oh, fuck, yeah." you chuckled together despite the awkwardness. "we're fine, rindou, you just need to forget about this, too, 'kay?"

"hm. let me know when you're home safe." you said your goodbyes before departing. the sky was a cold blue and the birds chirped all around in the stillness of the dawn. you were upset, but at peace; the cold air nipped at your skin and the wind tugged at your clothes but you cherished such tranquillity. it was serene, somehow. you thought of rindou, your dear friend and how maybe you wished things could have been different if you had spoken up, but would he have just been another ball ache? probably.

rindou could not sleep. he wanted you, and he wanted you to want him. he always had. he could not quite understand why you no longer did, and he did not know what to do without such attention from you. it was his antiseptic to his sore, and fuck was he hurting. though he knew deep down you were right, that he was being a spoiled sport and, if anything, disrespectful to you. no matter what he did now, you'd let him pass you by and his want to be wanted by you would never be fulfilled.

he checked his phone

just got back! 5.10am

he liked your message with a boulder in his throat, opening his and ran's messages.

can't come on tuesday man 5:11am sorry 5:11am

brother: she reject you or something? 5:11am

yup 5:12am

brother: lol 5:12am

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