It’s Time, Witches!

Cauldron burn and Cauldron bubble, coffee makes the day less trouble.

[osha-employee-witch]

Hello! I am currently new to the OSHAverse, but I would love to get involved! I am genderfluid, currently going by she/her, and I am aro/ace. Terfs/bigots fuck off. You can call me Samantha, Sam, or Witch, whatever works. My blog icon is a picture representation of my character, so refer to that! I made this blog because I’ve seen some mad scientists and mad magicians in the OSHAverse, but no mad magical doctors. So, here we are! (Asks are encouraged!) (anons now work sorry about the confusion mobile is weird)

[draculasdaughter]

Secret poison cabinets in the shape of books, historicism in the style of the 17th century (1 2 3 4 5 6).

[concerned-civilian]

What the fuck is happening at that OSHA place????

[osha-stairs-department]

Hypocrisy and a few dozen murders??? Maybe more?????

[concerned-civilian]

MURDER?!

[osha-stairs-department]

Yeah, I think???? Everyone here is some form of godkiller, eldritch, or otherwise supernatural being, and the only humans I know were killed by monsters, or are currently dying. They should really remove the S from OSHA because this is the least safe building I’ve ever been trapped in.

[concerned-civilian]

HUH?!

[osha-stairs-department]

There are currently 15-40 interns trapped in the basement where they were supposed to keep large violations. I have been trying to locate said interns for at least 2 months and have found a lot. So far, only around 23 may be alive. I am the only one who can survive down there as far as I’m aware. Basically, this place is fucked up.

[concerned-civilian]

I AM. CONCERNED!!!!!

[osha-stairs-department]

THANK FUCK SOMEONE ELSE IS!!!! FOR ONCE!!!! HOLY FUCK DID IT REALLY TAKE THIS LONG FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO EVEN BE CONCERNED?!?!?!??

[osha-employee-witch]

Because that’s just Tuesday. The universe knows naught but chaos, fellow employee

[osha-stairs-department]

…You ever stopped to wonder why that’s a normal Tuesday???? Because I don’t really think it should be???

[osha-employee-witch]

Because osha as a whole is condensing a shit ton of random fuckery into a small company space. Ever wonder why almost anything that can be found in the universe is under one company name? Well, it’s because osha is a way to bring order to that chaos. Do we do our job well for laws and orders within our own realms? Sure! Does the office, which includes unimaginable horrors and what are basically gods need more regulation? No! Because our tomfuckery is what makes the rules that others can follow to lead safe, happy lives.

Plus, the necromancies and medical students gotta get bodies SOMEHOW.

[concerned-civilian]

What the fuck is happening at that OSHA place????

[osha-stairs-department]

Hypocrisy and a few dozen murders??? Maybe more?????

[concerned-civilian]

MURDER?!

[osha-stairs-department]

Yeah, I think???? Everyone here is some form of godkiller, eldritch, or otherwise supernatural being, and the only humans I know were killed by monsters, or are currently dying. They should really remove the S from OSHA because this is the least safe building I’ve ever been trapped in.

[concerned-civilian]

HUH?!

[osha-stairs-department]

There are currently 15-40 interns trapped in the basement where they were supposed to keep large violations. I have been trying to locate said interns for at least 2 months and have found a lot. So far, only around 23 may be alive. I am the only one who can survive down there as far as I’m aware. Basically, this place is fucked up.

[concerned-civilian]

I AM. CONCERNED!!!!!

[osha-stairs-department]

THANK FUCK SOMEONE ELSE IS!!!! FOR ONCE!!!! HOLY FUCK DID IT REALLY TAKE THIS LONG FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO EVEN BE CONCERNED?!?!?!??

[osha-employee-witch]

Because that’s just Tuesday. The universe knows naught but chaos, fellow employee

[off-duty-lorefinder]

Secret Santa Gift! (OOC Post)

@osha-employee-witch

Man it'd be funny if this sophisticated character was sleepy-

... A h . Merry Crisis! /ref

[osha-employee-witch]

Secret Santa gift for @osha-stairs-department ! Their boi Vern, and at one point I misread his description as being a “gentleman”, so I drew him in a suit! Whether his description actually said that or not… well…

Hope this does your lil guy justice!

[thecollectibles]

Art by simone ferriero

[osha-employee-witch]

Hi! This is a message from “oshahelpdesk”. I’m trying to make a catalogue for all osha accounts so it’s easier to navigate them. If you could submit a bio for the catalogue at some point, that would be great! Thank you for your help! - Mod Janitor of @oshahelpdesk

Yeah, I’ll get to it. I was working on one, but then life launched a razor scooter into my shins at near light speed.

[super-perfectqueen-reyna]

My math teacher sent this to the math group chat (read d/m/y)

[callmebliss-got-swamped]

Fellow Americans please queue this for December 2nd

[osha-janitor]

*Something is wrong with Kishar... all of their bodies are moving robotically, and their eyes are glazed over, almost staticky... there's a withered white rose in their hair, and their hair itself is short and straight. And they're in a maid outfit...

They seem entirely focused on their janitorial duties, and nothing else.*

[evil-osha-employee-blackbox]

Hey y'all I won't be active much for a few days (at least 3). I'm just taking a short mental break, dw about me

[evil-osha-employee-blackbox]

Semi back? I won't post as often. Give me three more days

[evil-osha-employee-blackbox]

Hello! I am officially back from my break!

[osha-employee-witch]

AH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE AUDIT NO ONE SNITCH UNTIL I FILL THIS OUT I FORGOT I WAS LIKE A TAX RETURN AND IT HAD A DUE DATE

[osha-records-keeper]

(ooc)

I just had an idea. It's probably not a good one, but whatever.

What if we(the osha-verse) had a winter ball?

Let me explain that a little more. Those who wish to participate would pick a day to all do storylines about the ball. Maybe it's asking someone to the ball in the week before, maybe it's a few characters going dress/suit/outfit shopping(again, in the time leading up to the ball), or maybe conversations happening during the ball.

I don't know. Again, it's not a perfect idea. But I think it might be fun?

It could also be an office holiday party or something, a ball was just an example that I could think of.

(Feel free to reblog this & add to it if you have any ideas)

(End ooc)

[osha-employee-witch]

Yes!

[osha-janitor]

the director actually killed me on the spot

I came back to life immediately and laughed at him

Jackie. Sweetheart. My Daughter Dear. Apple Of My Eye. Various Other Terms Of Enderment.

If I Had A Physical Heart And Not Just A Metaphorical One, You Would Be Giving Me A Heart Attack Right Now. Please, Please Do Not Get Yourself Killed Over Calling Someone A Twink

[determined-spirits]

I. mean. too late i guess?

[osha-janitor]

... I Am Going To Call Both Of Your Mothers If You Do This Again. I Do Not Know How To Explain You Should Not Just Let Someone Kill You Without Sounding Like A Hypocrite

[determined-spirits]

I kind of didn't think he wouldn't actually do it so i literally dared him to

[osha-janitor]

*Loud Sighing Sound*

Jackie. My Dear Sweet Daughter. My Treasure. PLEASE DO NOT DARE PEOPLE TO KILL YOU

[determined-spirits]

I THOUGHT HE WOULDNT DO IT

[osha-janitor]

PLEASE DO NOT DARE PEOPLE TO KILL YOU EVEN IF YOU DO NOT THINK THEY WILL?

[determined-spirits]

I thought he wouldn't be so unreasonable as to kill someone over being called a twink

[osha-janitor]

You Thought The Director Of Evil OSHA Would Pass Up A Chance To Commit Murder? ... Sweetie,,,,,,

[determined-spirits]

I'm a little bit dumb sometimes

[osha-janitor]

Honey... I Worry About You And Your Safety

[determined-spirits]

At least I'm fated to live for like another 500 years?

[osha-janitor]

At Least There Is That... That Does Not Mean You Cannot Be In Pain Though

[determined-spirits]

I've fallen in lava and the void I think I'll be okay

[osha-janitor]

You Have WHAT

[determined-spirits]

lava in caves and the void in the end

dragon's knocked me off a few times

[osha-janitor]

... Jackie. I Am Calling Your Mother {Mer} And I Am Asking Her To Help Me Create A Device To Teleport You Back To One Of Your Parents Every Time You Are Hurt Because I Am So Concerned About. All Of This

[determined-spirits]

... I don't think I've told you that I've died about 3,000 times since I was 8

[osha-janitor]

*Muffled screaming sounds*

JACKIE. SWEETHEART. I AM GOING TO CRY

[determined-spirits]

no dont

just

do you think an 8-year-old is going to survive in the wilderness on their own without dying

[osha-janitor]

Why Were You On Your Own

I Will Go Back In Time And Adopt You Right Now

[determined-spirits]

other guy in there was an asshole, to say the least

[osha-janitor]

I Am Going To Find A Time Power Person And Adopt Baby You Right Now What The Heck Sweetheart

[determined-spirits]

Please don't mess up the timeline

[osha-janitor]

Mmmmmmm Fine. Can I Mess Up A Different Timeline?

[determined-spirits]

I don't think another time would like that, either.

Besides, what if I'm not the same person I am today?

[osha-janitor]

Why Must You Make Me Think Logically About My Actions. I Will Not Mess Up Any Timelines By Kidnapping A Baby Child Version Of You, Even If I Think You Deserve To Grow Up Somewhere You Do Not Die Constantly...

I Am Immediately Wondering If Mike Or Mer Have Had This Exact Though About Me, Now That I Am Pausing For A Second

[determined-spirits]

uhuh

[osha-janitor]

You Know, When They Said "Like Parent, Like Child" I Do Not Think They Meant "Very Concerning Childhood And Frequent Brushes With Death And Pain" ... Or "Very Blase Opinion Of Their Own Mortality".

I Do Not Know If This Is Comforting Because We Are Similar, Or Concerning. Both? Both.

[determined-spirits]

Both.

[osha-janitor]

Both.

[determined-spirits]

[osha-janitor]

Exactly

[osha-employee-witch]

Cheers, I’ll drink to dying a lot. There’s a reason most of me is replaced.

[osha-janitor]

Sam. Sam I Am Worried About You Too Now

[osha-employee-witch]

Well, I haven’t been in as much trouble since I’ve come to this office, but experimenting with unchecked magical abilities isn’t precisely… safe. That, and I’m worried just about everyone here has some weird “I died before, what about it” story. This office seems to claim everyone eventually, but I’m ready for it. Besides, YOU died enough for all of us combined, and gave the ENTIRE office a heart attack, so chill out.

[sosuperawesome]

Maxine Vee on Instagram

[franzkafkagf]

not all of it is bad i think….…. we are going to be okay i think.

[osha-janitor]

the director actually killed me on the spot

I came back to life immediately and laughed at him

Jackie. Sweetheart. My Daughter Dear. Apple Of My Eye. Various Other Terms Of Enderment.

If I Had A Physical Heart And Not Just A Metaphorical One, You Would Be Giving Me A Heart Attack Right Now. Please, Please Do Not Get Yourself Killed Over Calling Someone A Twink

[determined-spirits]

I. mean. too late i guess?

[osha-janitor]

... I Am Going To Call Both Of Your Mothers If You Do This Again. I Do Not Know How To Explain You Should Not Just Let Someone Kill You Without Sounding Like A Hypocrite

[determined-spirits]

I kind of didn't think he wouldn't actually do it so i literally dared him to

[osha-janitor]

*Loud Sighing Sound*

Jackie. My Dear Sweet Daughter. My Treasure. PLEASE DO NOT DARE PEOPLE TO KILL YOU

[determined-spirits]

I THOUGHT HE WOULDNT DO IT

[osha-janitor]

PLEASE DO NOT DARE PEOPLE TO KILL YOU EVEN IF YOU DO NOT THINK THEY WILL?

[determined-spirits]

I thought he wouldn't be so unreasonable as to kill someone over being called a twink

[osha-janitor]

You Thought The Director Of Evil OSHA Would Pass Up A Chance To Commit Murder? ... Sweetie,,,,,,

[determined-spirits]

I'm a little bit dumb sometimes

[osha-janitor]

Honey... I Worry About You And Your Safety

[determined-spirits]

At least I'm fated to live for like another 500 years?

[osha-janitor]

At Least There Is That... That Does Not Mean You Cannot Be In Pain Though

[determined-spirits]

I've fallen in lava and the void I think I'll be okay

[osha-janitor]

You Have WHAT

[determined-spirits]

lava in caves and the void in the end

dragon's knocked me off a few times

[osha-janitor]

... Jackie. I Am Calling Your Mother {Mer} And I Am Asking Her To Help Me Create A Device To Teleport You Back To One Of Your Parents Every Time You Are Hurt Because I Am So Concerned About. All Of This

[determined-spirits]

... I don't think I've told you that I've died about 3,000 times since I was 8

[osha-janitor]

*Muffled screaming sounds*

JACKIE. SWEETHEART. I AM GOING TO CRY

[determined-spirits]

no dont

just

do you think an 8-year-old is going to survive in the wilderness on their own without dying

[osha-janitor]

Why Were You On Your Own

I Will Go Back In Time And Adopt You Right Now

[determined-spirits]

other guy in there was an asshole, to say the least

[osha-janitor]

I Am Going To Find A Time Power Person And Adopt Baby You Right Now What The Heck Sweetheart

[determined-spirits]

Please don't mess up the timeline

[osha-janitor]

Mmmmmmm Fine. Can I Mess Up A Different Timeline?

[determined-spirits]

I don't think another time would like that, either.

Besides, what if I'm not the same person I am today?

[osha-janitor]

Why Must You Make Me Think Logically About My Actions. I Will Not Mess Up Any Timelines By Kidnapping A Baby Child Version Of You, Even If I Think You Deserve To Grow Up Somewhere You Do Not Die Constantly...

I Am Immediately Wondering If Mike Or Mer Have Had This Exact Though About Me, Now That I Am Pausing For A Second

[determined-spirits]

uhuh

[osha-janitor]

You Know, When They Said "Like Parent, Like Child" I Do Not Think They Meant "Very Concerning Childhood And Frequent Brushes With Death And Pain" ... Or "Very Blase Opinion Of Their Own Mortality".

I Do Not Know If This Is Comforting Because We Are Similar, Or Concerning. Both? Both.

[determined-spirits]

Both.

[osha-janitor]

Both.

[determined-spirits]

[osha-janitor]

Exactly

[osha-employee-witch]

Cheers, I’ll drink to dying a lot. There’s a reason most of me is replaced.