Im depressed... for the first time has alcohol "helpt"... just watching horror flics trying to feel something. Im so lost... ive started to get help but.. what will it do? It wont solve anything and pills will just push my problems forward... i believe i can feel happiness but the moments are just so... so... i lost so mutch of my progress... i want to do stuff but its all so far away... i want to sleep and never wake up but the day can bring a solution... i need something to believe in. To work for, to struggle with, to complain about.. i dont know how to feel normal.. i never did.. i never have.. the only thing i know is how to be weird.. and i feel some form of.. me in it all? Yet.. its not truly me... i dont think thers just one me... i think im split. One part in the back of my head screaming for to be seen and heard. I dont know... i solve problems but my own are a puzzle i cant handle... or work with... one day i might read this and pity myself... or never see these words agen.












