blood has one currency

poetry by j.m - once i lived in a town that took up residence inside of me and has never found the decency to leave

[otorohanga]

Are you a witch or spiritually involved?

nope! just catholic

[otorohanga]

Just wanted to pop in and say that I love your poems and that I’ve put them into a little book filled with extracts from my favourite books and other general creepy things. I actually intend to learn one off by heart!

oh my god thank you so much!!! this is such a huge compliment!!

[otorohanga]

someone needs to write an nz fjiordland gothic because fjiordland is like the old forest and mirkwood in lotr but REAL and messes with your head and probably eats people and is probably sentient and Never Leave The Path was never more real.

!!!!!!!!!!

i love this! i’ve never visited fiordland but this makes me want to so badly

[thehistory]

How to explore castles

-when walking down hallways, voices will come from different directions. Do not respond.

-some of the doors to the rooms are shut. They are shut for a reason. Do not attempt to enter.

-Consequently, some doors may open as you walk past. They want you to go in there. Don’t.

-If you see the edge of a cloak or a dress, it’s the old spirits from when the castle was young. They are there to help you escape.

-Don’t go near dark shadows. They aren’t shadows at all.

-If the ground shakes, the castle is waking up again. Get out.

-Sometimes, all of the dust and cobwebs will disappear, and the castle will look welcoming and lively again. This isn’t real.

-If you hear footsteps, run.

-Ignore the baby you hear crying.

- Stay away from the vines that grow in the castle. It’s a trap.

- the piano moves around to different rooms. That’s okay, just be careful if it starts to play.

[thehistory]

Just so you guys know, this is partially inspired by @otorohanga and her great post

[otorohanga]

I'm sorry that you lived (live?) in Otorohanga. I'm sure that place is where the Devil has their holiday.

i have moved away from otorohanga which i’m happy about, but i’m also sad. i think the town has so many good parts that are just. tainted slightly by the general miasma of the place. 

[otorohanga]

Hey! I loved the gothic New Zealand post and I felt so inspired to turn it into an illustration kind of like fan art/ comic strip thing?. But I first wanted ask for your permission if I could and post it on Insta (and if I posted it i would 100% give you credit for your words).

of course!! please tag me when it’s done, i would love to see it

[otorohanga]

I found your blog from an account on Instagram that reposted your farm post, and for the past 30 min. I’ve been reading through all of your poetry and it pulls at something inside of me that I didn’t know was there. Please never stop writing, you have a gift that is a blessing.

oh could you link me to the post? it would be interesting to see

[otorohanga]

Hi. I saw the post about abandoned farms and I'm confused. I'm new to tumblr and so I don't quite know what it is. Is it writing? Is it real? What is New Zealand gothic? I hate to be one of those annoying people who don't have any idea what the fuck is going on but here I am

okay i wouldn’t normally answer something like this but. idk. a lot of things have happened recently that have made me reconsider this blog and my writing and everything so i may as well answer, because you guys have been sending me such kind messages about my writing and i do really really appreciate it, so here’s a bit of an explanation. tw for death, trans/homophobia, and general family issues

the whole #brand and style of my writing was heavily influenced by the regional gothic movement on tumblr that happened a few years ago, and a lot of the stuff about rural horror really resonated with me and i have a lot of childhood experiences that really lend themselves to that kind of style. the specifics of ‘new zealand gothic’ are hard to pin down and really do come from a place of me growing up on what i believe to be incredibly haunted land. i don’t mean like literal ghosts or demons, i mean land that has seen untold amounts of violence and grief, and has held on to that like a lifeline. a lot of this comes from specific parts of new zealand history. all of new zealand was subject to brutal colonisation, but two places that have a particularly bloody history are the regions of taranaki and waikato, both of which i lived in until i was 18. if you would like to learn a bit more about that history i recommend starting with the invasion of the waikato and parihaka. so that kind of sets the scene for new zealand gothic and why i feel like land can be haunted. of course there are other awful parts in our history, but i can really only speak to what i know.

the rest of it is incredibly personal. a reoccurring theme in a lot of my writing is drowning and burying and death and decay which. all sounds super edgy but most of it is to do with being trans and dealing with That whole situation. a whole lot of that shit is really internalised but i don’t, really feel like that anymore?? which i think is a good thing. the farms i grew up on had a whole lot of nasty stuff attached to them, and a lot of the things i wrote are true. there were people squatting in the abandoned share milker’s cottages on the farm. there was a child that drowned in the pond on our farm. my nana did tell me about her going home and writing her will when she was sure she was going to die the next day (she didn’t). the things like my ‘guide to exploring abandoned farms’ (which i really wish i had never written) is mostly fake, but comes from various folklore and mythology and weird feelings you can get from growing up on farms. my dad is another huge part of that, since he has a deep knowledge of new zealand and folklore and it’s something we have always bonded over very strongly, which is nice because i have a tough relationship with him and he’s had a tough relationship with his family and all of that boiling together for 18 years on haunted land like. you get some lingering feelings about it.

so yeah, for the most part, this stuff is real, or it comes from a real place. some of it is embellished and exaggerated because it’s writing/poetry so you get a certain amount of wanting it to sound nice but. all this stuff is hugely personal and hard for me to properly explain. but i went back to one of the farms recently and it felt very sad and empty and quiet and i think that’s probably for the best.

[otorohanga]

Your blog and your writing and your poetry changed me. You are pure talent and if you ever gather your poems and publish a book I'll be your first buyer. xxx

this means a lot xx

[otorohanga]

rot | j.m

[ramonameisel]

I think people forget just how starved we writers are for feedback. Like every time someone tells me how much they liked my writing or how it touched them I do an internal breakdance while crying for five minutes straight. 

[otorohanga]

hi, i was just wondering where your blog title comes from and what is it's meaning?

it’s from my poem false god and it came from this idea that when it comes to sacrifice, blood is always worth the same, no matter who it’s coming from. the whole stanza reads like this: weeds and roots have no / morality. trees do not differentiate / between virgins and sinners. / blood has one currency.

[otorohanga]

hello! terribly sorry for the ask but i was wondering how you formatted your poetry physically? ive seen the format floating around but never quite learned how to do it.

i used the memos app on my phone for the latest two because i like the font, but before that i have used google drive and plain tumblr text post formatting

[otorohanga]

driving through otorohanga at night right now and all i can think about is your poetry. i think this town remembers you

fuck. this is, a lot. thank you so much

[otorohanga]

an attempt at honesty | j.m

[otorohanga]

x | j.m

[otorohanga]

rwy'n dy garu di | j.m