OUAT Hates Adoptees

Adoption Ignorance: Lana Parrilla and Regal Believer

#anti adoption #adoption ignorance #anti lana parrilla fans #anti evil regal

illest-pickle:

ouathatesadoptees:

illest-pickle:

ouathatesadoptees:

It’s time for our Adoption Doghouse and the sad thing is, we’re going to be talking about a permanent resident who hasn’t found a way to ever leave the confines of this place of internalized hatred and devaluing people based on social status. Let’s take a look at Twitter.

So what’s wrong with this? It doesn’t seem too bad, right? Normally a question like this wouldn’t be, but… Well Lana, because for four seasons you haven’t understood something about parenting and children. In a parental relationship, a child’s sole purpose is not to change you or to make you a better person. A child’s purpose is to be a child and to have their needs met by you. Considering Regina adopted Henry, if she didn’t want to meet those physical and emotional needs, she didn’t have to adopt him. However, she felt “empty” and was growing tired of her virtual sims game, so she decided adoption would fill the void and that “perfect baby” would make everything better. A lot of people think a baby is going to make things better in their life, when it doesn’t. Post children, people often find themselves in the midst of divorces or other crisis because the baby didn’t make anything better at all. When baby Henry cried, she took him to the hospital because she didn’t think it could possibly her doing anything wrong. Dr. Whale told her to love the child and pick him up. Granny offered advice because Regina was a new parent and it hasn’t exactly been her first rodeo since it’s clear she raised Ruby. Regina resisted. Things were not going her way. The baby was crying. Things were chaotic. The episode’s resolution was for her to take a potion to “forget” her worries, which was hardly a resolution at all. Nothing came from this and if we can recall from what other episodes have shown us from Henry and Regina’s relationship, we are told it was strained before Henry found the book. (S1, episodes one and two) In what ways has Henry changed Regina, exactly? We have seen Regina lust over him like a precious object and drive biological relations and others who care for him away while telling him that so long as other people exist, he’ll never fully be hers. This is completely anti adoptive. When you adopt a child you’re promising to be their parent and you’re going to support them. You’re accepting all of that child and you need to understand they have things that come with them. This is no longer about you. This is about your child. We have seen Henry be forced to parent Regina in S4, if that’s what Lana is referring to. This is entirely unhealthy and does not support a healthy narrative in which a person has a strong bond with their adoptive child. This is a child stepping on eggshells around an explosive, abusive parent in order to prevent them from harming other loved ones. However, the narrative doesn’t say that. It’s saying that Regina has changed while showing us she’s still torturing children that she’s forced aged (Pinocchio) and still lying to others. She’s still abusive in her speech to others she has harmed in the past and she’s not doing anything to show she’s rehabilitating herself, she’s only doing things to benefit herself while passing them off as “good”. This is not an adoption narrative. This is an abuse narrative and cannot be explained in any other way. We have seen Henry go from two seasons of fearing Regina, being reluctant to be near her, and telling her to her face to what she’s doing is wrong and hurtful, to suddenly molly-coddling her and petting her head, saying it’s alright and she’s perfectly okay for constantly hurting others. This is erasing Henry’s voice and his feelings in order to try to make Regina seem sympathetic and it is troubling. It also works on the fandom. I am not sure if it is because Regina is white-passing but Latina. I am not sure if because this is being called “feminist” when in essence it is not. Truthfully, it is a lot of internalized hate because what happened to Henry was abuse and people want to devalue it because Henry isn’t equal in their eyes as a real person. It is either because he is adopted and isn’t as good as a biological child or because he is simply a child and therefore doesn’t deserve a voice. Either way, he’s not getting part of this relationship at all. It’s not a matter of Henry changing Regina. It’s the fact that children are not supposed to change their parents. If a parent changes while parenting, it’s just a byproduct of parenting. It’s not directly caused by your child parenting you. I’d love if, by some way, Lana Parrilla could see just how hateful and discriminatory her fans have become and could understand she’s turned them into little monsters because she doesn’t understand adoption and “spoke to adoptive mothers”, who are also sometimes some of the biggest offenders of why adoptees are abused and marginalized. You cannot have the adoptive relationship without the adoptee.

if-i-fits-i-ships:

tbh your beef is with the writer’s that made this relationship, then. she’s doing what she can with the shit pile she was handed.

Incoming idiot who doesn’t know Lana pushed for this toxic relationship and talked to adoptive mothers. You know, those who tend to be some of the bigger abusers and suppressors of our voices. The fact you don’t know that Lana pushed for this just displays your ignorance. Please go sit your ignorance down somewhere because this blog is for discussing how this show and the actors do not understand adoption or the proper representation of. Given Lana’s comments and her actions, she does not. End of story.

First, it’s wonderful to see someone resort to juvenile name calling to help their point. Thanks for that :)

Secondly, she pushed for a relationship with Henry. Everyone knows she loves the idea of Regal Believer. That doesn’t mean she pushed for it to be done the way it was or the manner it was. That’s your opinion and your opinion only.

Lastly, just look at your tags in this. “Anti-adoption fandom” Really? Do you enjoy lumping everyone into one category or is it just a bad habit? You can’t possibly believe that, let alone back it up. So, if it’s such a bad fandom full of anti-adoption people shrouded in ignorance, leave. Do you tell black people that when they’re upset about their representation on tv about being made out to be ignorant thugs and criminals? When they take offense with the “magic negro” trope, they should “just be happy it’s positive for once”? Do you? Because with that attitude, I think you do. You must be that ignorant. My idiot comment MUST be correct. I bet you think I must be grateful for my mommy as I should have been properly aborted, huh? I should be so grateful for my liberators because I could be on the streets somewhere or, shit I could still be back home in the old country where they kill women. Yeah let’s use all the stereotypes since you just want me to “leave the fandom” since I have a problem with how my group is portrayed. Huh, kid? I don’t get to have an opinion because adopted people are properly? How dare I talk about a toxic ship that portrays the adoptee as many people like to stereotype us? So just “get out of the fandom” because this representation is trending wildly and is disgusting because the only alternative is tokenism like The Fosters. You want a ship and you don’t care how toxic it is or how poorly it represents people while “BLAME THE WRITERS THE WRITERS DID IT! MY POOR BABY!” despite that the actress is making poor comments in showing she doesn’t understand the concept of adoption and you are deliberately ignoring that to start a fight. You are an ignorant sixteen year old who is anti-adoption because of your comments. If you’re not, you could have fooled me because you can’t seem to stop running your mouth that way. And that does make you an idiot. Ignoring that your beloved “cinnamon roll” says toxic things about an adoptive relationship and displays her ignorance just because you love her so much makes you a terrible fan and a terrible person.

Oh my goodness, look at you!!!!

You can’t even write five sentences without name calling!! (Oh, and please stop putting words in people’s mouths x ) Literally half of your post is name calling and assumptions about some random stranger on the internet. This isn’t a show you have to watch, it’s not a fandom you have to be in. Why subject yourself to things that upset you and things that, frankly, you’ll never change? That’s literally just putting yourself in an unhappy place and then bickering because you’re unhappy. That’s the same thing that you’re accusing me of.

Race is completely different, btw, but if you can’t see that, I feel as though there’s not much I can do about that.

Also, it cracks me up because you seriously went through my blog to find more shit to, guess, start shit.

You think everyone who defends her is bad, but you’re leading a crusade against someone for a mistake that you think they made. You are a terrible person for all the shit trowing you do without any basis to go on except what you think you know from a few comments. Talking in paragraphs and screaming your opinion doesn’t make you any less of a shit starter, and it certainly doesn’t make you look like you know more.

*friendly note: Just because someone disagrees with your opinions doesn’t make them suddenly anti-everything, it just means you jump to conclusions :)

Okay so you’ve confirmed for me what I know already. You have no idea that it’s possible to be discriminated against outside your race and sexuality. You fail to understand a group that has been around since before the 1950s and even branches off to support our subgroups because we even have to specialize our concerns for other kinds of adoptees has been here a long time and fighting. “It’s different.” Would you like me to send you the newspaper clippings from the orphan train advertisements about how orphans were going to be the replacement to slavery and how all farmers lacking in laborers need to “adopt”? No matter how much wikipedia likes to downplay it, sweetheart, it’s just a tiny piece of legacy we hold of hatred against us and treating us like objects. Oh do you wanna talk about Korean adoptees instead and how they’re still struggling now? What about re-homing? That’s a huge topic. Hey, let’s talk about birth certificate laws and how they’re constantly screwing us over. Hey, let’s talk about LGBT+ people are actually now taking our rights away with the birth certificates... It’s controversial and mean, but you know what? It’s not right to go “screw you we have our rights, no rights for you!” because we need those for legal reasons... Not to mention we have a right to know where we came from. A right you’re promised WHEN YOU’RE BORN in the US, but not written down. Only biological people get this. You wanna talk about children being stolen from Guatemala? It’s still going on. All because of the myth that “the world is full of unwanted babies”. It’s untrue. All because white people have convinced themselves they’re some saviors every time they adopt? Let’s talk about Russian orphans and other orphans in the former Soviet block having no human rights whatsoever and developing what we call institutionalized autism. Let’s talk about the black community and adoption because that’s a sad story. Interracial adoption and adoption by your own race in this particular part sometimes mean neither community accepts you. Your adoption can take everything from you. Your skin might say you’re black. It doesn’t matter. Read those stories and see how long you last because those people go through a special kind of hell when they’re abandoned by a community just because of adoption. I haven’t even mentioned our statistics and how we suffer. I haven’t talked about what we have to go through when we’re “well adjusted”. I forgot, oh wait, you know everything. Tumblr taught you. All adoptees must be white to you. That’s so special. It doesn’t matter because you’re ignorant and you think there’s only two types of discrimination. You don’t think social status exists because it doesn’t readily manifest. You’re not one of us so you wouldn’t know. Also, you start swearing but how dare I use a name when you didn’t read the assertion because you failed to read the original post and understanding. Idiot and ignorance. Yeah. You really think you’re making any sort of convincing argument other than “God, you’re an idiot little girl and you’re offensive?” Oh how dare I see your header while making sure this is the same person from a username change and notice you’re defending an actress blindly. Yep. Here’s the thing, sweetheart. You don’t have an opinion. This is not an opinion. You don’t get to say I disagree when a person is offended by their group’s portrayal. You have to say “I’m too ignorant to understand why this could be offensive because I’m not one of these people. I cannot speak up.” You do not say “I disagree”. That is a hallmark of ignorance. You are a child and you act like it. It would be best if you learned more that there are others who experience discrimination.

Adoption Ignorance: Lana Parrilla and Regal Believer

#anti lana parrilla #anti adoption fandom #anti lana parrilla fans #anti ouat #bioscumbag

illest-pickle:

ouathatesadoptees:

if-i-fits-i-ships:

ouathatesadoptees:

tbh your beef is with the writer’s that made this relationship, then. she’s doing what she can with the shit pile she was handed.

First, it’s wonderful to see someone resort to juvenile name calling to help their point. Thanks for that :)

A Special Edition of Adoption Doghouse: OUAT RPers (Let’s not do this again please)

I haven’t had much to talk about on the adoption “what did you do NOW” level with OUAT, but unfortunately sometimes we do find a way. I just didn’t believe it would be this way. It’s that time again. Adoption Doghouse. Now with special tags. This edition is going to focus on the OUAT rp community because I don’t play games and I intend to educate people on how YES we are a group and portraying us incorrectly within a show/fandom that already doesn’t respect us is pushing it. If you know who this person is, don’t be a douche. Please. I would like it if they did research and better understood their character and had a better understanding of the world around them. I am here to educate those who want to be educated. I am here to start fights with those who want to be hateful and ignorant. Onto the doghouse. In today’s doghouse, I’m placing an original character who describes themselves as Henry Mills’ twin brother. They are autistic and speak with a lisp. They prefer Regina and are distrustful of Emma (but are fine with Mary Margaret and David). They are very unhappy if anyone says anything bad at all about Regina (how dare you say something bad about my mommy). They have interests but that’s not relevant. Though I will say they have the aversion to change correct. I think I probably lost you with autistic and speaks with a lisp. I can also promise you that their url is also highly offensive for an autistic character. Autism and adoption are a huge topic for the adoptees. We have institutionalized autism which isn’t really on the spectrum but can become permanent if you don’t receive adequate care. We have a statistic (everyone has an opinion on autism and adoption) that says children with autism are more difficult to place. When you’re often approved to take in a child, you have people who ask you to consider “special needs” children, which could be anything from a physical, emotional, or developmental disability. Or race. Race is a “special need”. No I’m not kidding. That’s not saying you can’t be Henry Mills’ twin OC with autism. It’s just saying you have to be sensitive because adoption and developmental disabilities are an actual HUGE TOPIC with reading on and require a lot of attention to do correctly. As for the topic of autism, where is he on the spectrum? You’re only showing it via a lisp? That’s painful to look at because I know those of us with family members and friends who are on the spectrum can vouch that they don’t talk like that. I know those who speak slowly and haltingly. I know those who are nonverbal. I know those who could out Shakespeare me. It’s a grab bag. Here. Have a fact sheet. Don’t want that fact sheet? Find more fact sheets. Find groups that are handled by people with autism because they do represent themselves. In fact, those are the best places to go. Just not Autism Speaks because they’re Satan incarnate. Don’t talk to them. If anyone cites Autism Speaks in a non ironic way? Don’t do it. Autism requires a lot of sensitivity (read: maturity) to play in text. You need to research. Like with adoption, you need to research that, too. You have to read things about adoptees and the bonding process. Think about how autism may effect bonding with not only say Regina, but others. That brings me to my next point. I’ve mentioned this before in my criticism of Regina’s parenting, but here’s where I cringe at the inherent Regina worship and ask someone to use their sense. If Henry gets subjected to painful testing when he’s crying to be held and comforted? What would happen to your character when they are having difficulties? Autism isn’t some cute accessory to have that makes your character instantly more lovable. With frantic, stressed out adoptive parents like Regina, they are often more subjected to abuse (usually more physical and sexual abuse because they have a hard time “forming the words” as I’ve had this explained to me). You need to understand that while you may love Regina and adore her as a character, Regina may choose to target your character because she may see him as less than perfect, not some adorably damaged teddy bear. That’s not how autism with adoption works. That’s not how a stressed adoptive parent works. This is a common story with many adoptive parents and seeing it used in such a way is not just troubling, but highly offensive. It’s okay to make the character wary of new people in his life. He doesn’t have to accept Emma. But you can’t pretend that Regina’s explosive personality isn’t there. She set up emotional trauma for Henry when she sensed a threat and only just admitted she “did things” but never quite ponied up to that she abused Henry in some of the longer-lasting ways. It’s common for one twin to be favored over the other with situations of abuse and since the idea that one is more delayed, figure that into Regina’s personality and how she wanted to see the town. She wanted them miserable and she wanted a lot of a picture perfect life. Imagine for a second she has a child who has a texture issue and cannot bear to swallow that prize winning lasagna. It scares me because that’s a situation that can get very bad very quickly. This is not saying “here’s how to play the character”. This is that you cannot ignore major plot pieces from the series. You can’t ignore Regina’s personality and how she treated Henry as an only child. Factor that into your rp and how she may treat a child with developmental disabilities. Understand that you need to figure out where on the spectrum your character falls and get a better idea of adoption perspective because it’s never that simple as clinging to your birth/adoptive parent over the other set. Autism does not make you adorable. It’s part of you. You suddenly don’t get better from it. It’s not an illness and a child doesn’t grow out of it. It’s not cutesy. This is something a person has to function with and it’s very heartbreaking at times because you have all of these “normal” people insisting you conform when it’s just not that easy. Add on being adopted and your world gets a little hellish there. Listen, as an adopted person? Seeing your character made me angry and then made me burst into tears. I haven’t seen this big of an inability to grasp two groups that are victimized constantly in a long time and of course, it comes out of an OUAT setting. While I understand you’re adapting a character from another series to meet OUAT? This is not the way to do it. You’re stepping on two groups here! Don’t delete your character. Read. Learn. Fix. I hope I never have to do this again, but truthfully? It’s not the first time I’ve cried over OUAT and the fandom screwing up the portrayal of real groups of people. Please don’t do this. We are actual people. Please write about us, but do not write about us like we’re objects. We have experiences and opinions. Try to understand a general feeling of us instead of making us all infantalized. That goes for any group you try to write.

#adoption doghouse #anti ouat rp #anti regal believer #anti adoption #anti regina mills #sexual abuse #ableism #anti ouat #child abuse

Adoption Ignorance: Lana Parrilla and Regal Believer

#anti lana parrilla #anti adoption #anti adoptee fandom #bad fandom

if-i-fits-i-ships:

ouathatesadoptees:

tbh your beef is with the writer’s that made this relationship, then. she’s doing what she can with the shit pile she was handed.

State Your Complaints for the Abuse in OUAT: Don’t Condone Henry’s Silence and Other Abuse

#anti regina mills #anti regal believer #anti evil regal #anti lana parrilla #ouat is anti adoptee

im-that-chic:

ouathatesadoptees:

Do you know what’s a problem? Your obsession with an actress who has demonstrated she cannot handle understanding how an adoption dynamic works so you’d rather her continue to whitewash the heinous abuse that went on. See that here, is what makes you a terrible person that you cannot accept that Lana’s been fed by this fan frenzy and says things to pacify her fans. She has refused to understand what Henry and Regina’s dynamic really is when in S1, she seemed to get the message. Now she’s playing out more of her fantasies, which is unprofessional. Yes it’s a problem because she’s unprofessional and doesn’t know how to handle these storylines. It’s a problem because she’s admitted in interviews that she’s fought for these things and bungled them as an actress. It is both actor and writer fault. If you can’t understand that because you are blinded by your obsession, you are part of the problem.

Okay I only read the first line of your response and stopped. Look kitten’s.. just ignore me and go on about your day. It wouldnt do you any good to get upset.. because you will just be upset.. I’m not. I still say that if you don’t like the character.. fine. Honestly you don’t know the character but that’s your right.. Attacking the actress is out of order.. Period.

Excuse me? You don’t get to tell me what to do when Lana’s out of control and saying things that directly misrepresent adoption, adoptive mothers, and birth parents. You don’t get to talk for us. You are defending a woman who whitewashed the abuse her character did in order to “feel” better. That is not an actress. That is a diva who took advantage of the writers liking her to write out the abuse and making it obvious that she didn’t care about what a proper story line was or how much healing it actually takes. She made it very clear she did not care at all about adoption or foster care, or about how many children are abused by the people who take them in and make a promise to love them like their own because blood means very little. Lana did something terrible and continues to do terrible things because not only does she not understand, she chooses not to understand. If you want to be ignored, stop reblogging and proving you’re for the abuse of adopted children. Stop proving my point that you are just a moronic fan crying because “how dare you insult my baby!” Guess what? She doesn’t know what she’s dealing with and she’s made a terrible mistake that will get someone killed. Get it through your head. Quit being a troll and do something productive rather than bother victims of abuse and people who are offended that the portrayal of these relationships are sending them back to the 1920s.

State Your Complaints for the Abuse in OUAT: Don’t Condone Henry’s Silence and Other Abuse

Thank you so much, lillysbitchfest! Just in case not everyone knows, let’s actually do something about the silencing of the abuse and skimming over what has happened to these characters. It’s not right. Once Upon A Time Stage 49 Ltd 2400 Boundary Road Burnaby B.C V5M 3Z3 Canada I do know there’s quite a few of us who are abused, were adopted, or have adopted children and we’re not satisfied with this. So if we’re all doing this, we can do something about it. As lillysbitchfest emphasized, we need to be polite and professional about this. I have personal stories. I have two true-to-life Reginas and life is scary. I have a lot to draw from that I’m really not up front with when it comes to talking here (or on my personal where I’m a bit more brunt with my opinion). We are triggered by this and this does bother us. A lot of what Lana is doing is pretty out of control. And to be honest? We’re not asking for a giant change. We just want things addressed, not erased. Even in a world of magic, things must be within a realm of realism. Even Walt Disney understood this. Some of the greatest modern storytellers understood this. I can’t understand why people can’t grasp this now. Walt Disney SHOULDN’T be the only man who told the best adoption narrative. Pete’s Dragon and The Rescuers cannot be my only choice in which I see children understanding what is being done to them and having an opinion.

im-that-chic

If you don’t like the character.. That’s fine. But when you come for the actress.. For Lana.. that’s a problem.

#anti regina mills #anti regal believer

Own Your Own Abuse Queen Barbie, Compliments of the DisneyStore!

It’s time for adoption dog house and we’re going to talk about the DisneyStore right now. Not just about the DisneyStore, but their facebook. Now I know it was no surprise that Evil Queen and Snow White dolls were going to be sold at D23 this year. That announcement was made a long time ago. However, if you check DisneyStore’s Facebook, they’re teasing about it and it’s Regina Barbie’s face as your teaser. Now it’s not a crime to give teasers. It’s not terrible to give teasers and hype up to how wonderful D23 is. D23 is great and I’ve purchased swag from D23 through ebay (albeit at a jacked up price) because some of the things that are con exclusives are just that beautiful and worth it. (If you’re wondering my find is worth a lot more than I paid now but you’ll pry it out of my cold, dead fingers!) There are many issues with promoting Regina for D23 con merchandise. As of right now, The Disney Store primarily has children’s products rather than a huge array for all members of the family. This has been my major gripe for a long time, but right now the Disney Store chooses to aim at children and their young parents. Regina is not “DisneyStore face friendly” for small children or their parents. For a character who is still offending and the narrative continues to reveal more horrible things she’s done while the creators and Lana scream as loud as possible that she’s good, I could not accept this. I don’t accept this as an adoptee and if I were a parent, this would outrage me. Regina has raped in the past. She abused her son and continues to not understand how to parent. This is dangerous for her child’s upbringing and we can agree to that. She has abused children who aren’t hers and shows she doesn’t care about the lives of those children. She continues to hurt people and move so that if it’s something that benefits her, she’ll work towards it. If it’s for someone else, she will reluctantly go towards it or work actively against it. (Letting Henry go with Emma to protect them from the curse was her dragging her feet and denying Pan-Henry’s behavior was different because it was the behavior she wanted to see, not Henry’s natural behavior.) I’m not going to beat a dead horse here on why. Regina is not close to being “family friendly” or even close to being something you want to see on the DisneyStore facebook. Maybe on a collectible website. Maybe on D23 itself. DisneyStore? This just manages to upset people and bait fans. Even some of the most gruesome Marvel villains don’t get this sort of advertisement. You’ll see a generic Marvel sale or this movie’s merchandise is on sale. They really don’t tend to do a super close up for that villain or promote them very heavily. Even so, this character usually gets one movie (about two hours or less) to be terribly evil. Not four seasons of rape, murder, abuse, and not being sorry for it. This is being done for a very obnoxious, loud, and overzealous fanbase that insists it’s the biggest there is, despite they can’t pull the numbers for their character’s centric episodes. Everything points to there being a stronger general fanbase, in reality. if you follow this blog, you’ll understand in many reasons why this isn’t acceptable. I’m an adoptee and yes, this is thinly veiled hate and acceptance that abuse against us is okay and normal. Here’s why it isn’t normal and especially isn’t acceptable coming from DisneyStore. Walt Disney’s Studios wrote some of the first and best narratives for adoptees that made them self aware and self sufficient. He gave adoptees a fighting chance to be recognized in a time when they were often adopted as labor for farm work and given food. That was being “part of the new family”. One of Walt Disney’s daughters was adopted. If there was no Walt Disney, we would not have Hollywood doing any movies at all that give us our own voice. Because of this man, we at least have something. This is not acceptable and by promoting Regina on DisneyStore, it is like spitting on Disney himself and some of the stories he told. By saying “this is okay”, you are indeed disrespecting something good this man did that did impact the future. So how do we fix this? Behind the doll is an unfocused Snow White. Why not use Snow White? People have been collecting all forms of Snow White for longer since we were born. She’s a safer bet and hasn’t had a history of crime or abuse on the show. (She was abused, but doing the actual abusing? No.) She has everything desirable about her design and even those who don’t know about the show would readily buy her just to add to a generic Snow White collection. It’s not that Regina was made. Merchandise is fine. It’s the careful placement of these advertisements. If we talk about how OUAT is a family show when it does things that are clearly not family-friendly and are highly offensive, we have to speak up. When DisneyStore chooses to promote a squeaky clean image and throw out Regina as an advertisement for D23′s merchandise? You cannot have it both ways.

#anti regina mills #anti regal believer #ouat is anti adoptee

This blog is a safe space for adoptees of all ages and situations to share their feelings, experiences, worries, fears, and dreams with others. Adoptees have the protection of anonymity here. Each...

Confessions of An Adoptee has posted a number of confessions tonight. If you would like to respectfully read the feelings of adoptees in their confessions tonight, I’d like to invite you to.

Understand that fandom ignorance isn’t just where the ignorance lies. It stretches beyond OUAT. We have opinions and the truth is, it seems the world doesn’t like that we are allowed to speak on how we’re treated.

I frequently blog from them on my personal, even if I might not agree with the confession. Truth is, we have feelings and they are real feelings. They are not to be invalidated because someone with a bio relation thinks we should feel as they should. We have life experience that has caused us to judge in a certain way, therefore we weigh opinions in that fashion.

Again, I ask you to respectfully read and get an idea that yes we are a group and we most certainly are putting up with a great deal of ignorance. Within out group we have many different faces and this makes us increasingly vulnerable.

Treat us like humans and understand we desperately need to be loved, cherished, and understood. We need to be told that for once, we matter.

#adoption #positivity #not ouat

I Am Offended and You Don’t Get to Disagree Just Because It Offends Me

OUAT Hates Adoptees exists because there was once a narrative that recognized Henry having a voice in which he called out Regina for what she did to him and his loved ones as wrong. We’re here because August’s life in The Land Without Magic was explained (not excused) by revealing a very sobering and often true-to-life time in an overcrowded foster home. We’re here because Emma’s own narrative was once considered important, but is now piggy-backed upon Regina’s story, instead of being allowed to be told as an all-important narrative that it truly is and being given the strength to stand alone as other characters were. We’re offended, simply stated. We had been treated to a taste of sensitive and good plots that were quickly overshadowed and sabotaged. Here’s a frequent problem, OUAT fans. You do not get to disagree with my offense when I am unhappy and offended at how our stories are portrayed and are often portrayed in the media. You can like these relationships and think they’re alright, but you do not get to disagree that I’m offended. I am allowed to be offended. I can be upset. I can point out that adoptees and foster children/teens/adult survivors have been getting stereotyped and abused due to widespread ignorance. I can point out as many things as I want to because fact is, I am an adoptee and I know these things. I can educate you. That’s why I’m here. I don’t want to bite your head off. I don’t want to be angry. But by denying that I’m a human being and that I don’t get an opinion on how I live by putting your fingers in your ears, you’re condoning child abuse and you’re telling me because I don’t have my biological parents and my birth was not traditional, I’m “forever indebted to the people who got stuck with me and should be grateful I wasn’t aborted”. Just because I’m part of a 2% that fractures off into smaller numbers when you factor in our sexuality, race, etc, does not mean I’m not going to tell you when you’re being impossibly offensive. You don’t get to tell us when we’re not being offended. When you rewrite your life to experience the things we have, then possibly we can compare notes on what we find offensive and nonoffensive in each portrayal of the relationship. The thing is, you can’t tell me what I find offensive or not. It’s offensive. It’s denying a voice to people who are adopted and implies an age old stereotype that adoptees are supposed to be eternally grateful and need to wipe their parents’ ass when they summon you, despite that adoption is no more than just forming a family in a different way (although you will need to be more emotionally mature and sensitive to an adopted child’s needs). Stop telling us you disagree with us being offended. Frankly it doesn’t make sense. The correct answer is, you don’t find it offensive because you don’t belong to this group. You may not like this answer because it doesn’t sound nearly as “edgy” or amazing to your “argument”, but this really isn’t an argument at all. This is a person expressing being upset and hurt at a portrayal. You shouldn’t even be questioning their feelings in the first place. Feelings are there. They are important. They are there. They are legitimate. I have them and I am pointing out that there has been a long tradition of adoptee hatred that OUAT has started to continue. You don’t get to tell me “I disagree with your offense”. Your answer is “I can’t feel this way because I’m not in this group.” Most of the time what I’m really hearing is “Hey my ship is too important to care about people(mostly children) who are getting raped, abused, murdered, and otherwise taken advantage of to understand how important it is not to approve of a narrative like this so I hate you.”

#anti regal believer #anti regina mills #anti ouat writers #ouat is anti adoptee #anti adoptee fandom #OUAT #child abuse

State Your Complaints for the Abuse in OUAT: Don’t Condone Henry’s Silence and Other Abuse

#ouat is anti adoptee #anti ouat writers #anti lana parrilla #anti regal believer #anti regina mills #complaints should be sent to #fanmail address ouat

Adoption Ignorance: Lana Parrilla and Regal Believer

anti-regal-believer

I find it kind of hilarious that she talks about adoptive parents telling her this when other adoptive parents balk at how terrible the representation of their families is.

I’ve had adoptive mothers message me and talk about how, when they get together in group, they actually mention how Regina is a terrible example of a parent, adoptive or not, and it’s disturbing to see her glorified like that because it’s frankly harmful to Henry as well as anyone watching and being validated by her actions. Don’t even get me started on abused adoptees watching and being told they are nothing, or abuse victims watching and being told the same thing.

It’s gross and hateful and destructive. This show has become influential and that makes the narrative it’s portraying that much more of a problem.

lillysbitchfest

This is exactly the reason I think we should start a polite letter writing campaign explaining why the show’s narrative and Lana’s comments are harmful and hurtful.

mewiet

Anyone know which address we’d send the letters to?

lillysbitchfest

Once Upon A Time

Stage 49 Ltd

2400 Boundary Road

Burnaby

B.C

V5M 3Z3

Canada

that’s the official fanmail address… So I would do that.

I think it would make the most impact coming from victims of abuse and people who were or did adopt children. Write personal stories and explain why what’s happening hurts you/your family without insulting anyone would be best. Avoiding saying things like “What you said was really offensive.” and rather say “I was really hurt when ____” because if we come off as attacking that’s the fastest way to get them to shut down and not listen.

If we do this I offer to read any letters from people who are worried they are too angry to come of polite and help with that. I’m not a victim of child abuse but my mother and best friend both are so I don’t feel like I can lead the charge but I want to help and this is the only thing I can think that might.

#OUAT #anti ouat #anti regal believer #anti regina mills #anti lana parrilla

Sorry I’ve been absent folks, but thank you for circulating this and continuing on the conversation. Let me give this a reblog and keep it fresh for all who haven’t seen. Thank you for having that address. I’ll be sending in a letter a week, starting every Sunday because it’ll be great exercise for my hands.

#fyi

Adoption Ignorance: Lana Parrilla and Regal Believer

So what’s wrong with this? It doesn’t seem too bad, right? Normally a question like this wouldn’t be, but... Well Lana, because for four seasons you haven’t understood something about parenting and children. In a parental relationship, a child’s sole purpose is not to change you or to make you a better person. A child’s purpose is to be a child and to have their needs met by you. Considering Regina adopted Henry, if she didn’t want to meet those physical and emotional needs, she didn’t have to adopt him. However, she felt “empty” and was growing tired of her virtual sims game, so she decided adoption would fill the void and that “perfect baby” would make everything better. A lot of people think a baby is going to make things better in their life, when it doesn’t. Post children, people often find themselves in the midst of divorces or other crisis because the baby didn’t make anything better at all. When baby Henry cried, she took him to the hospital because she didn’t think it could possibly her doing anything wrong. Dr. Whale told her to love the child and pick him up. Granny offered advice because Regina was a new parent and it hasn’t exactly been her first rodeo since it’s clear she raised Ruby. Regina resisted. Things were not going her way. The baby was crying. Things were chaotic. The episode’s resolution was for her to take a potion to “forget” her worries, which was hardly a resolution at all. Nothing came from this and if we can recall from what other episodes have shown us from Henry and Regina’s relationship, we are told it was strained before Henry found the book. (S1, episodes one and two) In what ways has Henry changed Regina, exactly? We have seen Regina lust over him like a precious object and drive biological relations and others who care for him away while telling him that so long as other people exist, he’ll never fully be hers. This is completely anti adoptive. When you adopt a child you’re promising to be their parent and you’re going to support them. You’re accepting all of that child and you need to understand they have things that come with them. This is no longer about you. This is about your child. We have seen Henry be forced to parent Regina in S4, if that’s what Lana is referring to. This is entirely unhealthy and does not support a healthy narrative in which a person has a strong bond with their adoptive child. This is a child stepping on eggshells around an explosive, abusive parent in order to prevent them from harming other loved ones. However, the narrative doesn’t say that. It’s saying that Regina has changed while showing us she’s still torturing children that she’s forced aged (Pinocchio) and still lying to others. She’s still abusive in her speech to others she has harmed in the past and she’s not doing anything to show she’s rehabilitating herself, she’s only doing things to benefit herself while passing them off as “good”. This is not an adoption narrative. This is an abuse narrative and cannot be explained in any other way. We have seen Henry go from two seasons of fearing Regina, being reluctant to be near her, and telling her to her face to what she’s doing is wrong and hurtful, to suddenly molly-coddling her and petting her head, saying it’s alright and she’s perfectly okay for constantly hurting others. This is erasing Henry’s voice and his feelings in order to try to make Regina seem sympathetic and it is troubling. It also works on the fandom. I am not sure if it is because Regina is white-passing but Latina. I am not sure if because this is being called “feminist” when in essence it is not. Truthfully, it is a lot of internalized hate because what happened to Henry was abuse and people want to devalue it because Henry isn’t equal in their eyes as a real person. It is either because he is adopted and isn’t as good as a biological child or because he is simply a child and therefore doesn’t deserve a voice. Either way, he’s not getting part of this relationship at all. It’s not a matter of Henry changing Regina. It’s the fact that children are not supposed to change their parents. If a parent changes while parenting, it’s just a byproduct of parenting. It’s not directly caused by your child parenting you. I’d love if, by some way, Lana Parrilla could see just how hateful and discriminatory her fans have become and could understand she’s turned them into little monsters because she doesn’t understand adoption and “spoke to adoptive mothers”, who are also sometimes some of the biggest offenders of why adoptees are abused and marginalized. You cannot have the adoptive relationship without the adoptee.

There area lot of “arguments” from Evil Regals and Regal Believers out there who claim that Regina never did many of the horrible things she clearly did in the canon of the show. These videos aim to show the truth.

This episode: “Regina never abused Henry!” Um, yes she did.

njgeekgirl-blog

This needs more notes. It really does because you didn’t cover all of Henry’s abuse. This should just be enough to stare at people and ask “what show are you watching again?”

Look, I love Regina. But even I can recognize that she is a deeply flawed character. I mean, she basically ruined everybody’s lives since day one. After all, she was the main villain of the show. Rumple also fucked up things with his son, remember that time he just let him go through a portal to another world? yeah, that wasn’t very good of him. But hey, let’s also remember the fact that Regina was also (probably) abused as a child. Her mother was basically hitler in a dress, and the examples that she set up for her daughter weren’t necessarily great. And yes, I know that that doesn’t make her less guilty of abusing Henry. But it can be used to explain why she acted that way. Also, she was very afraid of losing him. Fear of losing your child can also lead to bad parenting.

Besides that, I would like to point out that Regina is now using the term “our” son. She also is trying to make up for her shitty past as well. Even if sometimes she fails miserably.

P.D.: The whole “I broke up with the forest hobo and now I don’t wanna be your mother” thing is just shitty writing, and really, I wished A&E hadn’t fucked up her story that much.

Listen. You WOULD have been okay. You would have. Here’s where you screwed up.

- You compared Regina’s actions to another character’s in an attempt to try to lighten her abuse.

- You tried to excuse her actions by saying she was abused (too).

- Hitler card.

So let’s break it down here because this is the OUATHatesAdoptees blog and show why you’re being a bit offensive and why you should have stopped at “Regina is a horrible, abusive person and I know this. I love her anyway. I hope she works on herself.” Regina is not Mr. Gold or Rumplestiltskin. Her actions will never equal his actions or vice versa. These little squabbles between fans are very immature and are tearing the fandom apart. Rumplestiltskin did not force Regina’s hand to gaslight her child before Emma even appeared in Storybrooke so please, stop. Thank you. In today’s world we have plenty of abused people who are able not to repeat the behavior of their abusers. We do not lower the expectations of ourselves because of these strange “blood sins” because that is inherently offensive. My mother was abused. She adopted a child. Do you know what happened? She didn’t abuse me. She’s not Regina. You are not abused and suddenly a textbook situation. You make what happens to you, despite the terrible writing that set Regina up to look like a saint. Furthermore, you never use the name Hitler in an intelligent discussion unless you’re discussing Hitler themself. That’s a very foolish and immature comparison to make. Did Cora exterminate villages of people? No. Regina did. Regina’s still not Hitler. Let’s add in just how OFFENSIVE you’re being towards adoptees here because you want to add in “losing” her child. I don’t see you, at all, talking about Henry’s side. I see you trying to defend Regina when Henry should be having an equal voice because he’s the child. He’s the one who was adopted. She lost him the moment the relationship was unhealthy and that is S1 when Archie admitted Henry saw him for reasons BEFORE the book. Regina’s current writing has been made to completely ignore and erase how many people she’s murdered, including children she’s abused (Hansel, Gretel, Owen, Pinocchio) and there has been absolutely no attempt besides one empty apology which resulted in a kidnapping and torture session of a force-aged Pinocchio/August. Your beloved character also continually harasses Emma, a product of the foster system, and Snow White, who constantly shows signs of having victim mentality. The writing supports Regina as an abuser who has one, not someone who has changed. This is entirely offensive to anyone who has been a victim of abuse. As an adoptee like Henry, this is disgusting. You really should have stopped at you love the character despite her flaws. I doubt you are realizing this is anti adoptee behavior, but it is when you support this. These things WILL get people killed. People like me. People like Henry. Because we’re vulnerable. Regina-behavior in that video gets children killed. More people need to understand this now. You can like her and that’s fine. You can hope she changes. That’s fine. I don’t want Regina to be completely blank and bland. That would be stupid. No one would learn anything from her atrocities. You have to stop excusing her. You have to stop comparing her. You have to stop THAT.

Ahem.

“But even I can recognize that she is a deeply flawed character. I mean, she basically ruined everybody’s lives since day one. “

“And yes, I know that that doesn’t make her less guilty of abusing Henry.”

Also, and I want to make this clear so people won’t start judging me: I may like her as a character, but I would never do the same things that she does. I don’t approve what regina does. I would NEVER approve it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy her as a character.

Also- and I thought you would throw that card out there- I don’t approve abuse, because guess what? I live in a very abusive family. My biological father was a fucking drunken asshole, my mother had to leave him because of that, and in general, all my fucking family hates me to death, because they think I’m the reason of their divorce (yay family drama.). I live with my step father today,who basically adopted me. So yeah, I think I also know what it feels like.

I know these are real life issues. I know they exist. I never said they didn’t.

Besides, I like her as a character because she is a very complex woman. In one side, you have all these layers of evilness, cruelty and hate. in the other, You have this person who as a child was mentally/phisically abused. For me, as a writer, that is a incredible well written storyline. I enjoy that. I enjoy knowing why she is evil, and why she does the things that she does.

But that doesn’t mean I approve of it.

As you said, “In today’s world we have plenty of abused people who are able not to repeat the behavior of their abusers.” That is true. And these people should be respected. But being honest, Regina’s case, is not everybody’s case. Everyone can react in a different way to a traumatic situation, because everyone is different.

Should more representation about this theme be added in the show? YES. please yes.

Also, I did, in fact, compare her. Because OUaT is a show about horrible parents. That’s the truth that everyone knows, but no one wants to talk about. Rumple, Regina, The Charmings, Emma, Neal, and almost everybody else is just terrible at parenting. They just suck.

(Skip this part, this is just me being the awful person that I am.)

The hitler thing was a joke, in case you didn’t understand (oops, sarcasm is sarcastic!) and if you don’t want to talk about him, fine, I can resemble Cora to Darth Vader.

And she while she didn’t kill a lot of people on camera, We all know she did something way worse:

(Now go on)

Also, I understand that Henry has to choose a side, after all, he IS the main conflict between Emma and Regina. I never said that he couldn’t. I just said that Regina didn’t want it to happen, because she was afraid of it.

AND IN THE END, What I was trying to say was:

“Regina’s current writing has been made to completely ignore and erase how many people she’s murdered, including children she’s abused (Hansel, Gretel, Owen, Pinocchio) and there has been absolutely no attempt besides one empty apology which resulted in a kidnapping and torture session of a force-aged Pinocchio/August.”

I want Regina to be more complex this next season. the past one was just crap, and I know A&E can do better than that. I want her facing her mistakes, and seeing the consecuenses of her actions, because THAT would be interesting.

Do not write parts if you want them skipped. This is the internet. If you don’t want me to read it, don’t reblog it and have it posted. You did not grasp how the Hitler comparison is offensive in nature and though it was a “joke”, it’s not a joking matter. It’s history and still raw. If you want to discuss history, you discuss history. If you want to discuss a narrative that demeans and undermines abuse victims and adoptees/foster children, we do that instead. You seem to have missed my entire point here. What you wrote above that looked like a defense was offensive. Adoption by a stepparent is not the same as adoption without any biological ties. This doesn’t make you a vulnerable adoptee/foster. This makes you someone who had a biological parent and had a stepparent take shared custody of you via adoption. Frankly there’s nothing else to address about that. You’re not grasping the fact that you were being offensive and you are continuing to be offensive. There’s nothing that’s in here that Henry has to choose a side. There’s nothing in here about Regina needing to be “the best parent out of the crappy parent awards” because your opinion means everything (because it certainly does not and no, OUAT has a new theme for every season and last I checked, bad parenting was never it). It seems that no matter what I try to illustrate in the “you’re being offensive in your approach”, you’re going to make an excuse, some of which are still going to be offensive and flimsy.

okay, when exactly did I say that Regina was the best parent? oh right. I didn’t. I said that the show is full of crappy parents. that is a fact.

see this? Bad Parenting.

Even the chamings? Bad Parenting.

And this? Also bad parenting.

Let me get the Henry thing straight: is his fucking choice. if he wants to live with regina, emma, or even with the goddamn easter rabbit, it’s his choice. he can switch sides how many times he likes, but is his choice.

And I’m sorry if I’m being offensive, but this is my goddamn opinion. If you don’t like it, just don’t read it. I didn’t even tag this post, because I didn’t want to offend anyone. I didn’t even want to start a discussion. but hey, here we are anyways.

And yes, I do respect your opinion. I’m not asking you to change it. What I’m please asking you it’s to not assume things. There are a LOT of different ways a child can be abused. And also, I didn’t knew who my biological father really was. My mother told me that he was my uncle and that he wasn’t really important, so I saw my step father as my real father for a long time. So yeah, finding out that your parents aren’t really your parents its kind of a shock for a twelve year old.

Finally, I’m not defending Regina Mills. “I enjoy knowing why she is evil, and why she does the things that she does.But that doesn’t mean I approve of it.”

And if you want to see an example in OUaT of a kid that was abused and didn’t become that big of an asshole:

I’m done with this. I’m not gonna change my opinion about her, and I really don’t wanna keep writing. this is a TV show, not a real life situation. if this took place in real life, there would be a lot more of problems involved, and not everything would be solved with magic.

#ouat is anti adoptee #how to identify anti adoptive feelings #how to recognize anti adoptee behavior #anti regina mills #anti regal believer

I understand you think this is bad parenting Olympics and that comparing Regina with everyone else and going “ Rumple also fucked up things with his son, remember that time he just let him go through a portal to another world? yeah, that wasn’t very good of him. “ was worth mentioning, but it wasn’t. Do you know why it wasn’t worth mentioning? Because this wasn’t the bad parent awards. This was about Regina’s relationship with Henry and how she’s botched it. This was about Regina and Henry and how she’s abused him. Your entire post was “Regina, BUT-” You tried to excuse her behavior and offered “shining examples of change”. This was offensive. This is not to change your opinion. This is to say you’re being offensive and you have internalized hate against adoptees since you want to compare everyone else’s “bad parenting” and rank Regina’s “bad parenting” as not so bad because of circumstances. This. Was offensive. You’re giving Regina a pass because you’re going “she’s flawed, BUT-” I don’t care about your life story. I have one, too. I’m not doing an investigation against you and the thing is, adoption by a stepparent will never be the same thing. You will never have to fight to obtain your birth certificate. You will never have to understand what it’s like to prove your citizenship even if you were born here. You won’t understand what it’s like to have your heritage erased. You won’t understand what it’s like to be a jailbaby. You don’t understand what it’s like to grow up and be told you’re going to make the same mistakes as your birthparent. You don’t get Henry’s narrative. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS SHAME. YOU DON’T. You had a biological parent all of your life. You don’t have to live with the risks. You don’t get to be the statistic and I have no idea why you’d want the statistics of mental health, teen pregnancy, prostitution, or the fact that people like to abuse us because we’re voiceless. Don’t get me started on the foster care. So please spare me your life story. You’ve already proven you not only don’t grasp why you’re offensive, can’t be bothered to understand why the narrative about this relationship has to be also about HENRY, and that the more you try to pass off to the “other parents”, the more you look like an idiot because you can’t even focus on the parent who nearly killed her child via a curse because she couldn’t love the adoption away. This is sickening and the fact there are so many of you in this fandom is worth noting.

This episode: “Regina never abused Henry!” Um, yes she did.

njgeekgirl-blog

This needs more notes. It really does because you didn’t cover all of Henry’s abuse. This should just be enough to stare at people and ask “what show are you watching again?”

Besides that, I would like to point out that Regina is now using the term “our” son. She also is trying to make up for her shitty past as well. Even if sometimes she fails miserably.

P.D.: The whole “I broke up with the forest hobo and now I don’t wanna be your mother” thing is just shitty writing, and really, I wished A&E hadn’t fucked up her story that much.

Listen. You WOULD have been okay. You would have. Here’s where you screwed up.

- You compared Regina’s actions to another character’s in an attempt to try to lighten her abuse.

- You tried to excuse her actions by saying she was abused (too).

- Hitler card.

Ahem.

“But even I can recognize that she is a deeply flawed character. I mean, she basically ruined everybody’s lives since day one. “

“And yes, I know that that doesn’t make her less guilty of abusing Henry.”

I know these are real life issues. I know they exist. I never said they didn’t.

But that doesn’t mean I approve of it.

Should more representation about this theme be added in the show? YES. please yes.

(Skip this part, this is just me being the awful person that I am.)

The hitler thing was a joke, in case you didn’t understand (oops, sarcasm is sarcastic!) and if you don’t want to talk about him, fine, I can resemble Cora to Darth Vader.

And she while she didn’t kill a lot of people on camera, We all know she did something way worse:

(Now go on)

AND IN THE END, What I was trying to say was:

#anti regina mills #anti regal believer #ouat is anti adoptee #anti ouat

This episode: “Regina never abused children!” Um, yes she did.

Please like/comment!

#anti regina mills #anti regal believer

Still relevant to this blog and why we’re all for the numerous fosters and adoptees to have their own narrative in the show the way they used to!

This episode: “Regina never abused Henry!” Um, yes she did.

njgeekgirl-blog

This needs more notes. It really does because you didn’t cover all of Henry’s abuse. This should just be enough to stare at people and ask “what show are you watching again?”

Besides that, I would like to point out that Regina is now using the term “our” son. She also is trying to make up for her shitty past as well. Even if sometimes she fails miserably.

P.D.: The whole “I broke up with the forest hobo and now I don’t wanna be your mother” thing is just shitty writing, and really, I wished A&E hadn’t fucked up her story that much.