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Hong Kong|California|Korea Ken 18 Dogs

[iggykoopa666]

[huffylemon]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Not me learning that Trump has been arrested and that the Barbie trailer came out at the same time by randomly glancing at Twitter trending and doing a double take when seeing the first two spots

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[goon]

[catchymemes]

[maudit-innocent]

Ngl this is kinda hilarious

[tumakhunter]

Makes sense. I mean, a passenger of a cruise line isn't called a sailor, right? Astronaut literally means "star sailor."

[graymooncult]

OP how could you not include the first paragraph of the article

[maudit-innocent]

Huge oversight on my part you're absolutely right

[funnytwittertweets]

[thenewborndeity]

[zechery-deactivated20220114]

Him: yeah, suck that dick

Me, has authority issues: you boutta suck your own dick if you don’t shut up

[clownchronicles]

Him: tell daddy how much you like that dick

Me: 😒 it’s alright.

[youngblackndgifted]

Him : this my pussy baby ?

Me: 🙄I mean it’s mine , but we can share it .

[kidkendoll-deactivated20240714]

[henstomper]

dont you dare call me a fucking fake gamer i think about dick every moment of my life.

[noxusnocturnal]

What does that have to do with gaming ?

[henstomper]

fake gamer spotted. take the shot.

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

[whats-a-bear]

OUGH what a beautiful bear....

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

i used to have to see a mandatory therapist for school and for a good 6 weeks i had him convinced i had a toddler and that i was a teen mother, honestly the most alive ive ever felt. i did however get kicked out of the free therapy programm once i got made bc it was 'disrespectful' to fake having a baby

n. six weeks..

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

the fact that yhey kicked you out of therapy after all that instead of like. doubling it.

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

[wayfaring-cryptid]

How dare you leave that in the tags?

[cheltrei]

[whatleighdoesnext]

Twitter stealing our ideas again

[the-gay-cryptid]

No, they can have this one. I think it would be funny

[fishareglorious]

I love this post so much

[undead-puppetry]

[neanderthyall]

I would like to congratulate greta thunberg on being the only funny person on twitter

[loki-cat2]