I played Ricky Potts a few months ago, as a disabled person. I wrote this stream-of-conciousness style backstage throughout the run, and figured I'd share it. Explanations/headcannons/personal choices at the end.
Ricky was 4 months away from being able to sign a DNR when the accident happened.
He'd been counting down for years, the moment his mothers decided that flapping their hands meaninglessly was better than learning any form of sign language, better than giving Ricky his voice back after his genetics had stolen it.
He'd written it down, before. In an appointment with his primary care doctor, he'd written "I'd like to sign a DNI and a DNR," and he'd gotten a psych evaluation for his troubles. Eventually, it was decided that he didn't know what those documents meant. So now Ricky had to wait until he could apply for community supported transport. While yes, he was medically in charge of his own care, being a teenager didn't grant him freedom in the way he needed to MAKE those decisions, like changing from paediatrics to an actual fucking care team. He just hoped he didn’t lose his ability to sign by then. It didn't seem likely, his fingers weren't great, but they'd been that way since he was ten with minimal change. And the splints for his wrists were good enough for now.
On the topic of things he could access when he turned eighteen, a damn wheelchair was written in thick black ink on the top. Fuck this "compulsory able-bodied" shit, sometimes Ricky wanted to NOT have all his weight in his hands on bad days.
Still, that list was useless now. Because he was dead, apparently.
Death was... interesting. Instinctively he protected his joints, switched between his cane and crutches for different movements, but nothing really... changed. The pain felt different, almost unreal. He hurt, still, but hurt differently, and the "dynamic" part of his dynamic disability had shifted into something static.
Oh. And his vocal chords worked again. Great.
Well, no, thats actually a good thing. Kinda. Being able to be understood was awesome. But the bitter, twisted part of him screamed at it.
He was happy. For a minute, he was happy. He picked his first words, an expression that didn't work when he used his hands, and signed an equivalent with it at the same time. And then Ocean made him sing and put him on the fucking ground, and looked at him like a slug when he signed back at her, like that hadn't been his primary language for the past decade. She stole every positive aspect of it, and used it to her own advantage, and NO ONE seemed to give a damn about the fact that he's ALWAYS been like this.
This weird limbo gave him speech, but couldn't give the rest of them the ability to understand sign? Rude.
Well. At least Karnak seemed to understand him. Better than nothing. And Savanna asked him what his sign name was!
Well. She said "you name", but he'd signed "you name savanna" so it definitely wasn't her fault. He'd gotten lazy with his signs as of late, it's not like anyone could understand him.
He also got a sense of satiasfaction from getting Savanna to sign Ocean's name WITH the eyeroll, that felt good.
Honestly he's not sure he's ever signed some of the names he's given the choir. Ocean he had, at least once, after she forced him to give her one (he still curses 12 year old him for naming her "nice-ocean" with a hidden eyeroll, if he could go back in time he'd give her "bitch-politician" or something, it's not like she'd ever know). He's pretty sure he must've used Constance's at least once. If he hasn't, he should sign it at her. "Sweet-pigtails" feels more accurant than ever.
He'd never really given one to Noel. Usually he just signed "drama" or "drag". He tossed up signing "gay" every so often, Noel reffered to himself as 'a gay', but Ricky was worried that if he ever looked it up, he'd see how often it was used as a slur. And Ricky didn't think Noel would be open to hearing about the way that sign language grammar, tone and facial expression worked. He did end up picking one though, when Savanna asked, "dreamer/gay", and it ended up being the only one with a single sign rather than two. Mischa was "drunk-Ukraine", specifically with the USL sign for the country's name, but that one was just... obvious. Mischa was the first after Ocean, because the convention was well established in every community online. Karnak became "clown-robot", for fun, and while he felt BAD about it he couldn't really CHANGE Talia's sign name from "fake-girlfriend".
Anyway, all this to say; Ricky is still disabled. Even if the dream logic of this limbo could remove his body's issues, Ricky will always be disabled culturally.
Ricky is also ready to move on.
While the physical movements had been difficult for years, the emotional component was, in-fact, easy.
He looked around. He took in the space, absorbed the faces of his choir-mates and the empty novelty machine, and took the first steps.
He was first. He always knew he'd be first. Not long after, Noel joined him. Then Constance, Ocean, Mischa...
Noel grabbed his hand. Held on tight. Ocean covered his hand on his cane.
And then... they stopped.
And somewhere sunrise was beginning another day, shining on the face of Penny Lamb, who's sign name, "Lucky-Coin", would vanish silently into the aether without ever being shown.
This characterisation of Ricky was a passion project between me and our costume designer. I am physically disabled, and used mobility aids the entire show (including a painted cane for Space Age that I still have), and they're both physically disabled and Deaf, and did all of the sign translations for us. They named each of the characters.
One of the most important things about my version of Ricky was that he was GLAD to die, to a point. He died before he lost all of himself, he got his 17 years and managed to walk into the afterlife with his cane rather than be dragged. Also: he died on a good day, physically. He could walk and move easily the day he died.
I used 3 sets of aids throughout the show, plus the desk chair for Space Age. I started AND ended the show with my then every-day cane, Connor, who is heavy but able to free-stand. I had a second cane, Bowie, one that wasn't really usable anymore, that our stage manager painted silver. This one I used for Space Age, as a cane, dance prop AND a fake microphone Freddy Mercury style while I spun around in my office chair. Finally, for the parts where I had to dance a bunch, I used my forearm crutches, Lady Marzipan and Dame Judy Dench (named as such because I actually bought them FOR Ricky), with all terrain ferrules on them. These were used in What the World Needs, This Song is Awesome, and a few miscellaneous scenes.
As established, I also signed. I am not fluent in sign (it was Auslan as we are Australian), but I tried my very best. I signed the entirety of Space Age while singing, my personal favourite translation was "I'm just a swinging, space age, bachelor man" becoming "I'm talented, in space, and I love you" (Not a perfect translation, but we had to make it work with the choreography too).
Some miscellaneous fun facts:
- We used the same sign for "lil' sweetie" (which Ocean calls Ricky infantalisingly) and "Monkey Love Drop".
- Mischa handed me my crutches when saying "We listen to you now, Space Jesus."
- I was at the bottom of the pyramid! Non weight bearing, ofc.
- New Birthday Song was acted as being translated into sign on the fly, which was very fun.
- I'm asexual. And married. I am a committed, digital age, bacheln't man. That being said, I channelled my inner David Bowie to make that song work.
- I'm also (very obviously) intersex non-binary, so take with that what you will.
- I still played the Tamborine. I used crutches during the opening of uranium suite. Yes, this was hard, but I chose it, because I really wanted it to look like Ocean SUCKED at accommodating.
- I wasn't on stage for Talia or Jane Doe, because I needed a breather before and after Space Age. My director was super accommodating.
Playing Ricky meant so much to me, and playing him Right meant playing him Disabled.
