Our Fostering Journey

Join us as we tackle the foster care system, one foster little at a time. (Any identifying info changed to protect privacy.)

[ourfosterlove]

M and I just keep looking at each other and saying “I’m having feelings.”

The last time Rue was here she was about three months old and in foster care. Now she’s three and a half and it’s just...it’s wild. It’s a lot. I see the ghosts of what could have been when the siblings all play together in the living room. And I am so happy the way things turned out, because if Rue had stayed we wouldn’t have gotten Holtzy. And Rue is safe and happy and healthy and cared for and so loved where she is. But wow is it just heavy.

[ourfosterlove]

Guess who’s spending the night tonight?

Rue.

Open adoption is fucking wild.

(Background if needed: Rue is Juni and Bean Sprout’s full biological sister, she’s exactly a year younger than Bean Sprout. Grandma has custody, the kids’ birth mom is completely unsupportive of our connection but Grandma told her off and said she doesn’t get a say 😂)

[ourfosterlove]

We have a fellow two mom family at church who have twin toddlers. We get along really well with them and they’ve been supportive of all our foster care/adoption stuff.

But.

M was venting with one of them, and M said “trauma parenting is just so so hard.”

And she said.

“Well I mean you have to get to know every kid, it’s not really different than regular parenting.”

And every time I think of it I get ragey. Like okay sure. It’s exactly the same. Because you, as the parent to two neurotypocal biological toddlers, would know.

[fosterwhat]

Today I mentioned to the caseworker that the kids were being changed into visibly dirty, incorrectly sized, cigarette smoke-drenched clothes during supervised visits. I also mentioned Felix’s asthma attack, which we ended up at the doctor for today.

I was matter-of-fact. I was not accusatory. I didn’t even ask for anything to change. Simply an FYI.

The caseworker’s response? She is their mom, she can do what she wants, stay in your lane.

So, if we’re still wondering who matters more in foster care...

(In my experience it’s always the parents, never the kids)

[ourfosterlove]

We had similar issues with Leo. He’s a preemie with a fair amount of medical needs, and it’s coming up on Sickness Season. I mentioned to the worker that anyone who comes to visit should wash their hands or sanitize before holding him and that he can’t be around secondhand smoke. She got super testy and was like I can’t control that. Get a doctor’s note.

I mean I’m not trying to be a bitch. Just trying to keep the kid alive.

[ourfosterlove]

Back to Four

(Aurora moved on.)

I really think four kids is our sweet spot. We function best at that- we can do five, but it’s not my ideal.

It is wild how just subtracting one child makes you feel like you can do anything 😂 Such freedom!

[ourfosterlove]

We do! Kinship dropped out so we’re still trucking along! Court in November, parents have so far been MIA but we will see what happens. He’s perfect.

[ourfosterlove]

So much screaming. 2.5 hours this morning without stopping. Lots of feelings.

“Mommy said just one night then she’ll come pick me up.”

Thanks, Mom. (I get why she’d say that but also. Come on.)

Mom said she takes a little bit of melatonin at night. Sent it with her. 10 mg.

Funny moment: while taking a bath she screeches “HEY! I LOVE JESUS!” 😂

This weekend is a busy one- Holtzy’s adoption party tomorrow and his baptism Sunday. Hoping little miss can hang in there. Let’s call her Aurora.

[ourfosterlove]

Oopsies

We’re not on the open list currently. But we just got a call for a 3 year old girl.

We said yes.

[ourfosterlove]

She’s here. Hysterical and shaking and keeps demanding we take her to her mommy. My heart breaks for her.

A bright, funny spot: while she was crying in the living room, I heard Bean Sprout calling for me from his room. I go to check on him and he’s sitting up in bed and says excitedly, “A little boy came?!” I said no, a little girl. He BEAMED and decided which episodes of his favorite shows to show her tomorrow and also asked if she can run fast. You know, the important stuff. I just love that he didn’t twitch when he heard a random kid crying in the house. It was just NEW PERSON. Foster care, man.

She may be going to kinship relatively soon, court Tuesday so we will see!

[ourfosterlove]

Oopsies

We’re not on the open list currently. But we just got a call for a 3 year old girl.

We said yes.

[ourfosterlove]

Tomorrow...

We adopt Holtzy. 915 days. I’ll be holding my breath until it’s official.

[ourfosterlove]

Stole this from @fosterwhat who stole it from @clem3ntin3.

Years fostering: 5

Year 1: Holly

Year 2: Dragon & Noodle; Bean Sprout & Juni

Year 3: Bean Sprout & Juni; Rue

Year 4: Bean Sprout & Juni; Holtzy

Year 5: Bean Sprout & Juni (finally adopted!); Holtzy; Baby (an emergency placement, just for a week in between his placements)

Year 6: Holtzy; Momo and Sassafrass; Baby Boy who needs a name!

Bean Sprout and Juni were in 1078 days.

Holtzy has been in 873 days.

Baby Boy has been in 6.

[ourfosterlove]

Baby boy gained an ounce since Wednesday! Go baby go! Next goal: get our days and nights straight.

Stupid insurance hasn’t kicked in yet so the doctor’s office is getting tetchy, and baby’s CW has never had a newborn before, only teens, so she doesn’t quite know how to go about speeding the process up. It would help if the NICU would send over the records to the pediatrician like they said they were going to the night of discharge 🙄 so someone can get mom’s info. In short, a lot of people we were irritated at today. Polite but firm phone calls were made. We are trying to be super sweet to the CW, who really does seem very nice. But she’s newer to the CW side of things and tends to ask a more experienced CW what to do, and sometimes the answers they give her are not exactly accurate.

Also we’re about to go over some heads for Holtzy’s adoption. The adoption worker has gone radio silent, and according to our worker that’s the case for another couple who have her assigned to them as well. Lady, you’re the only thing standing in the way of my baby being my baby. You don’t want to be there.

Juni got invited to a birthday party!! Y’all this is so big. She never gets invited to parties. Second grade looks GOOD on her. She reads to the baby at night and has gone out of her way to be genuinely thoughtful to multiple family members. I could cry. It may not/will not always be this way but it is now which means it can be repeated. Progress. So happy.

[ourfosterlove]

Thursday

Pediatrician yesterday went really well, health department surprisingly did today as well. The initial court hearing was continued for two weeks out because parents didn’t show.

Baby boy is so perfect. The resilience of these little ones continues to amaze me. He loves to be snuggled and rocked. We go for a weight check at the peds tomorrow just to make sure he’s keeping steady.

But just to checks and balances everything, I woke up with pink eye. Viral pink eye, it turns out. SUPER COOL.

[ourfosterlove]

Update

So the baby Holtzy’s CW talked about didn’t end up coming to us. CW’s supervisor was friends with a family who isn’t done their homestudy yet but “wanted a baby they didn’t have to give back” and since that case is probably going to adoption, the supervisor overrode CW to give them what they wanted. Let me tell you ALL my feelings about THAT. Later.

Because.

We got a call today. Baby boy. Nine days old. Abandoned at hospital. Grandma has two young kids and doesn’t feel like she can take a third on. No dad mentioned yet. I’m in the NICU now while he rocks his car seat test and then we’re busting out of here.

[ourfosterlove]

We’re home. He’s perfect. CW comes tomorrow so we’ll know more about his case then. He has siblings so there might be sibling visits, and CPS was able to get in touch with mom at some point but we don’t really know anything beyond that. The beautiful nurses loaded us up with formula and diapers and then we had a security escort (!!!) out of the hospital. I told baby he is clearly Very Important. The kids are in love, Holtzy tried to give him all of his soccer balls which is the Highest Honor.

Tomorrow: CW visit, pediatrician. Thursday: initial court hearing, health department. Friday- who knows what will come up by then 😂

[ourfosterlove]

Update

So the baby Holtzy’s CW talked about didn’t end up coming to us. CW’s supervisor was friends with a family who isn’t done their homestudy yet but “wanted a baby they didn’t have to give back” and since that case is probably going to adoption, the supervisor overrode CW to give them what they wanted. Let me tell you ALL my feelings about THAT. Later.

Because.

We got a call today. Baby boy. Nine days old. Abandoned at hospital. Grandma has two young kids and doesn’t feel like she can take a third on. No dad mentioned yet. I’m in the NICU now while he rocks his car seat test and then we’re busting out of here.

[ourfosterlove]

CW this AM: we want to move the baby ASAP for attachment, I just have to talk to my supervisor and placement. I’ll call you back soon.

CW this PM, after calling her twice: Well we’re not in a big hurry, he’s too little to get attached really so we’ll know something by Friday. Probably.

Me:

[ourfosterlove]

What we know so far

We won’t know for sure until next week what’s happening with the baby. But on our end-

We said yes.

Preemie, been out of the NICU a couple weeks. He’s almost two months old. Current foster mom isn’t adoptive and they want a preadoptive home. Birth parents are semi in the picture, potentially, but have already had rights terminated on five previous children and due to some birth circumstances they are pursuing the same for this babe.

Obviously anything could happen, we know that, but we’re committed to seeing it through regardless.

CW has to meet with her supervisor and see what they want to do. If they are planning on moving him, we’re going to advocate they do it sooner rather than later even if they decide not to go with us for whatever reason.