It was a bright and musty night in the Gotham sewers. The sewage water danced sexily below Batman’s feet he’s in the water. “I sure do love this sewer,” says Batman, “It reminds me of my parents.” The sewer, dear reader, reminds Batman of his parents because when he was a child and his parents were not dead, they would dump him in here for fun, so he could play!
“I haven’t smelled this In ages…. Let me get a whiff of that sewer water!” Batman takes a big sniff.
“Batman the smell of this sewer water makes me sick,” says Robin, “Why couldn’t your parents drop you off at a park like mine.”
“Shut the fuck up Dickrobin.” Shouts Batman, echoing down the sewer tunnels?
“Oh batmanwayne, you always know just what to say!” says Robinboy. Robinboy then takes a big whiff of the sewage stink and throws up in his mouth a little.
Suddenly, out of the sewer water emerges the Penguin! He uhhhh starts doing some footwork, like the penguin in happy feet and the hit sequel Happy Feet 2. He then, in the most sensual whisper possible, tells batman, “Heyyy whatya doin down here? I was just out here playing cahds with my pal Doctah Connahs!”
Doctor Connors also rises from the water. “Hi its me, doctor Connors.” He continues, “we were playing cards underwater and it wasn’t going very well and uh shit uh we hold on. WE were playing cards underwater, but it wasn’t going very well because neither of us are good at holding our breath.”
Robin quips back, “Wow you’d think being named after aquatic animals you’d be able to swim underwater and stuff but I guess not!!”
The penguin glares at robin. “I don’t think you’re very nice and I think you should die.”
“I’m not even named after an aquatic animal,” said Docotr Connors.
Batman looks distraught. “Wait… aren’t you the Lizard? Aren’t lizards aquatic animals? I thought lizards go in the water?”
Doctor Connors looks confused at batman. “I actually don’t know. I never really tried it. Do you want me to try it now? I can hold my breath underwater and you can see how long I’m under.”
Now the Joker’s here.
All four of the previously assembled compatriots decide to ignore the Joker’s presence and Robin replies in a weird fake British accent, “Yes! Yes! Go under water and hold your breath as best you can!”
The penguin looks gleefully at the other three. “Hold on one second.” He pulls out a gun and shoots the joker. “Okay now we can go on with our water thing.”
Doctor Connors pushes the Joker’s body off into the sewers, like a Viking funeral, and then dunks his head under.
Batman then says to the pengoon, “Why don’t you try it as well? You should go underwater as well.”
Robin begins clapping, “Yes! Yes! Go in the water!”
The Penguin is spurred on by both Robin’s enthusiastic clapping and Batman’s suggestion, and dunks his head underwater as well. And then the Penguin reached out from the water and grabbed both Batboy and Robman’s heads and dunked them underwater as well.
“Ahjbahbghkhsgjhksjdak” says Robin, unable to talk due to being underwater. He’s not smart enough to hold his breath, you see.
Doctor Connors emerges from the water, unable to hold his breath any longer. “Hey guys were you counting?” Upon noticing the absence of his friend and also those two other guys, Doctor Connors becomes extremely emotional and runs off crying. Noticing the feet beside him leaving, the Penguin also grows distraught but does not think to emerge from the water and settles for reaching towards him under the water. The penguin then cries for ten minutes (Batman and Robin are still underwater).
Batpan becomes aware of the fact that he is probably now drowning, and decides ultimately to just let it happen, hey man whats the worst a lil sewage in the lungs can do?
“akjnjnjgknkfsakjakdnanw” says robin, very upset that there is sewage going into his lungs and ultimately decides to get out of the sewer water. He pulls himself out.
When Robin emerges from the water, he sees Doctor Connors standing there holding a large soda and sipping it nonchalantly. “Hey guys I’m back.” He then reaches into his labcoat, because that’s what doctr Connors has, and pulls out a medium fry from Wendy’s. And there’s also a gun in there but he doesn’t pull that out.
Batman somehow under all that sewage smells the food and drink and rips his head out, doing a 180, he looks as if he’s a gmod video character snapping his neck up like that. His nostrils are flaring… he asks, “What flavor is the drink? >:3”
The penguin does not emerge from the water.
“This…. This is a doctor peppy.” says Doctor Connors, “I got it because I’m a doctor, too.”
“May I have. A szip?” Batman looks hungrier than he’s ever been in his entire life.
“Let’s all go to wendy’s.” Doctor Connor’s says, gesturing to batman and robin to follow him. The penguin is still not emerging from the water.
Behind them, in the darkness of the sewer, Dracula picks up the Penguin’s wallet and leaves.
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