the art of idiocy

majestic shit posts in their natural environment

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sees a breast implant,

“i want to hit it with a

badminton racket”

—a haiku

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“My teeth vibrate with the urge to sink into his flesh.”

[7ft-tall-shadow-monster-deactiv]

It's because you don't floss

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I’ll floss my teeth with your tendons. Square up punk (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

[7ft-tall-shadow-monster-deactiv]

What makes you think I have any

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I see you are truly a person of culture as well…

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“My teeth vibrate with the urge to sink into his flesh.”

[7ft-tall-shadow-monster-deactiv]

It's because you don't floss

[outofcontextiskey]

I’ll floss my teeth with your tendons. Square up punk (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

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so many words in the english language and we haven’t come up with one for the high-quality awkwardness that comes from recommending a movie to your parents only to forget that one rant of profanity-filled nudity where they preform satanic rituals.

To avoid the whole situation you have to give awkward narration about how the whole movie isn’t ALL like this or just excuse yourself to the bathroom to cry.

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vampire: *going into anaphylactic shock after their third basket of garlic bread* Fools, they still don’t suspect me…

Olive Garden Employee: Sir—

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I stand, crouched over my pasta dish, pouring garlic salt and Italian seasoning into it’s tomato depths, praying to whatever glutenous gods might be listening.

“Please let this fucking taste like something”

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ok ok wait I have an idea for a shirt:

one has: “i’m with thicc” on it and an arrow.

the other has: “i’m with thicc energy” on it with another arrow.

on the back of the first shirt it says “TH” and on the back of the second shirt it says “CC”. there is no “I”

and no one explains.

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“Aren’t we all just bisexual chef boys in some sense of the word?”

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“Holding a grudge? In this economy?”

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“My OnlyFan’s name is onlyback.”

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“Yes, I am pregnant with the Anti-Christ.”

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“My mind is hitting the gutter at light speed.”

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“If the spirit of my dead husband was in Whoopi Goldberg, I’d bang Whoopi Goldberg too.”

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“I pray that the congregation would stop being such a fucking sagittarius.”

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“You’re moral backbone has scoliosis.”

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“I love a good boy who looks like he had influenza in the 1800s.”

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“Does the ace have dom energy?!”