you, minion, are too saucy

Chelsea. 24. WI. Pansexual. I'm cool but not really.

[outofmywits]

#1 Reason Why It's Been So Long Since I've Posted a Picture of Mona: She constantly insists on doing her Miley Cyrus impression and I've finally gave up on trying to get her to stop. #cantstopwontstop #hedgehogsofinstagram #albinohedgehog #nobuthonestly #sherefusestostaystill

[exceptindreams]

Textbook Statistics | Arkaye Kierulf

“Textbook Statistics” Arkaye Kierulf On average, 5 people are born every second and 1.78 die. So we’re ahead by 3.22, which is good, I think. The average person will spend two weeks in his life waiting for the traffic light to change. Pubescent girls wait two to four years for the tender lumps under their nipples to grow. So the average adult has over 1,460 dreams a year, laughs 15 times a day. Children, 385 more times. So the average male adult mates 2,580 times with five different people but falls in love only twice in his life—possibly with the same person. Seventy-nine long years for each of us, awakened to love in our twenties, so more or less thirty years to love our two lovers each. And if, in a lifetime, one walks a total of 13,640 miles by increments, Where are you headed, traveler? is a valid philosophical question to pose to a man, I think, along with Why does the blood in your veins travel endlessly? on account of those red cells flowing night and day through the traffic of the blood vessels, which if laid out in a straight line would be over 90,000 miles long. The great Nile River in Egypt is 4,180 miles long. The great circle of the earth’s equator is 24,903 miles. Dividing this green earth among all of us gives a hundred square feet of living space to each, but our brains take only one square foot of it, along with the 29 bones of the skull, so if you look outside your window with your mind only, why do you hear the housefly hum middle octave, key of F? If you listen to the cat on the rug by the fire with the 32 muscles in your ear, you will hear 100 different vocal sounds. Listen to the dog wishing for your love: 10 different sounds. If you think loneliness is beyond calculation, think of the mole digging a tunnel underground ninety-eight miles long to China in one single night. If you think beauty escapes you or your entire genealogical tree, consider the slug with its four uneven noses, or the chameleon shifting colors under an arbitrary light. Think of the deepest point in the deepest ocean, the Marianas Trench in the Pacific, do you think anyone’s sadness can be deeper? In 1681, the last dodo bird died. In the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth suffered from a fear of roses. Anne Boleyn had six fingers. People fall in love twice. The human heart beats 3 billion times — only — in a lifetime. If you attempt to count all the stars in the galaxy, one every second, it’ll take 3 thousand years, if you’re lucky. As owls are the only birds that can see the color blue the ocean is bluish, along with the sky and the eyes of that boy who died alone by that little unnamed river in your dreams one blue night of the war of one of your lives. (Do you remember which one?) Duration of World War 1: four years, 3 months, 14 days. Duration of an equatorial sunset: 128 seconds, 142 tops. A neuron’s impulse takes 1/1000 of a second, a morning’s commute from Prospect Expressway to the Brooklyn Bridge, about 90 minutes, forty-five without traffic. Time it takes for a flower to wilt after it’s cut from the stem: five days. Time left our sun before it runs out of light: five billion years. Hence the number of happy citizens under the red glow of that sun: maybe 50% of us, 50% on good days, tops. Number who are sad: maybe 70% on the good days— especially on the good days. (The first emotion’s more intense, I think, when caught up with the second.) So children grow faster in the summer, their bright blue bodies expanding. The ocean, after all, is blue which is why the sky now outside your window is bluish expanding with the white of something beautiful, like clouds. Fact: The world is a beautiful place—once in a while. Another fact: We fall in love twice. Maybe more, if we’re lucky.

[capacity]

I really just ignore phone calls. Like leave a message. I don’t check those either but like

[themuteprotagonist]

[distractful]

U realize u have grown when physical attraction is not enough for you

[outofmywits]

Also, I'm going to take a second to praise my mother. She's honestly the best human being on the planet and neither my siblings, my cousins, her own twin sister, nor even myself treat her as such and we're all garbage for doing so. She's my absolute favorite person but is treated like literal shit which she just takes because she loves all of us unconditionally. She deserves the worlds and everyone's full appreciation but is settling for constant badgering and ridicule and it makes me feel absolutely awful.

[outofmywits]

You ever go to pride and everybody is coupled up and you just feel like a subpar human being who'll end up dying alone?

[jeffvanreenpoetry]

Gentle reminder

If you’re a gay guy and you fall for a not guy, that’s fine. If you’re a lesbian and you fall for a not girl, that’s fine. If you’re asexual and you experience sexual attraction, that’s fine. If you’re bi - or pansexual and you mainly fall for one particular gender, that’s fine.

It’s just a label. Things can change, maybe they’re short-term, maybe they’re permanent. Who cares.

[outofmywits]

It’s like @wickedclothes knew I was in the market for a ribcage necklace. #ialsoboughtthreeoftheirshirts #becausetheyGETme #wickedclothes (at Washington Heights, Milwaukee)

[veverybeautiful-deactivated2018]

[yzmas]

[snmdnsns]

ready for 🍂🍁🍂🍁

[queeringoutloud]

Lesbian follow train 🌈🌈👭

Reblog ♻️♥️ then follow everyone who does. Make friends and have a fantabulous time. 🙋👋

[thequotejournals]

Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.

Mary Rakow (via thequotejournals)

[wordsireadandloved]

How many words have you spoken in your life? How many did you mean? How many did you understand?

Arkaye Kierulf (via wordsireadandloved)

[brooklynhawaii]

[did-you-know]

There are 2 kinds of Thin Mints. All US Girl Scout cookies are made by 1 of 2 bakeries that have a similar-but- unique recipe for each cookie. This is why most of the cookies have 2 different names. If your local troop sells Tagalongs and Samoas, their cookies are baked in Kentucky, but Peanut Butter Patties and Caramel deLites come from Virginia. Source

HUNGRY NOW NOM NOM