My Fields of Paper Flowers

Being agender, intergenerational lithromantic, poly-oriented, honest and trying to survive in a small bigot town... Is it impossible? Probably I'll feel like an alien for the rest of my life, but I can't change who I am. The real world can't give me a place to be free and in touch with people like me, so I hope this piece of World Wide Web will. (English is not my mother langauge, I'm trying to improve it, sorry for the grammar errors if there are some).

[oveja-negra44]

The non-monogamous challenge

Day 8: A favorite picture, song or video you associate with non-monogamy..

The first time i listened to the song " I can have both" I thought that it was about non-monogamy. Now i know that it is about bisexuality, but my mind continues with the wrong assosciation. If this doesn't count, well... I don't know O_O

[oveja-negra44]

Non-monogamous challenge

Day 7: What do you think about hierarchical non-monogamy? (e.g. having relationships that are primary v secondary)

some people need to made a hierarchy of their relationship and, as long as their partners are confortable with it, that's okay, but that's not for me. Every person is different and for this every bond is different, but I don't think that the love I feel for a person is more important than the one I feel for another, so I  never felt the need to hierarchize.

[oveja-negra44]

Non-monogamous challenge

Day 6: What does marriage mean to you?

Not only marriage is not important for me, but I don't want to marry no one of the person I love. That doesn't mean that I want to forbid to other people to marry their partner(s) if they want to, of course, only that it's not for me.

[oveja-negra44]

non-monogamous challenge

Day 5: How did your family react? (or how do you think they will react?).

It was terrible at the beginning, now it's better. Maybe they think that I'm in a traditional relationshiip and healed, maybe they have accepted who I am... IDK O_O

[oveja-negra44]

The non-monogamous challenge

Day 4: How do you feel about your non-monogamy? Honestly….

It's a part of me. Sometimes I think that if I was monogamous like most other people I know maybe my life would be simpler, but I would be another person in that case.

[oveja-negra44]

Love is the best medicine :)

Went to the gym with terrible backache.

The person I "secretly" love told me: <<Happy Valentine's day!>>.

Backache passed. *.*

[oveja-negra44]

The "big" problems of life...

I read a status on another social network showing how on Valentine's day we are surrounded by images, stories, shops' windows etc. who talk about a man and a woman who have a sexual and romantic relationship, but love isn't just that. We have also people who love people of the same gender, because love is not phisics, where only opposits can be attracted. We have also people who not experience sexual and/or romantic attraction, because love shouldn't necessary have these elements. We have also people who love more than one person, because two isn't always the perfect number (in fact for the popular culture that's three ^.^"). These people on these days are invisible, and that's not fair. Well, a person commented that she's not okay with Valentine's day beacuse love is love every day of the year and you pay more on restaurants. Is it possible to compare everyday discrimination that gets worse on Valentine's day wtih the restaurant bill?!?!!?!?!?!  What I thought is: <<She needs to sort out her priorities!>> (cit. HP).

[oveja-negra44]

non-monogamous challenge

Day 3: Describe the best and worst experiences you’ve had coming out to people about being non-monogamous..

When I came out with my family: they sent to a psychologist thinking that something is wrong with me. Fortunately she was very open-minded and helped my father to understand who I am. 

[oveja-negra44]

Non-monogamous challenge

Day 2: When did you first realize you were non-monogamous? What was that experience like?.

I think I've ever been non-monogamous. That is a part of what I am. When I was young and I read stories about people who have to choose between two or more partners, I usually thought: <<Why not both of them, so all can be happy?>>. When my first crushes started it was very difficult to me, because when I felt love for more than a person (unfortunately usually unreciprocated) my friends didn't understand and more than a person, relatives included, called me "slut". The worse came with my first sexual relationship at the age of 19, obviously non-monogamous. I have to face a primary partner who revaled himself as a liar and an asshole, my father who sent me to a psychologist and my closest relatives who talk with me about abstinence at every single familiar event. Now the situation is better because they think i'm "healed", but is not better for me, that I'm feeling so unaccepted.

[oveja-negra44]

Closed-minded pepole, part two

I want to know, or maybe not, why some people who tell me:<<Never mind of your orientation, you have not to think about it>> or <<your orientation is wrong/not normal>> don't do the same with a gay person. Maybe they are intermittet bigots.

[oveja-negra44]

Terminology doubt

I've read that the term "queerplatonic" can't be used when the people involved are heterosexual, heteromantic and cis. But a person who is genderfluid and rarely identifies with their biological sex and likes people with opposite biological sex can use it?

[oveja-negra44]

Non-monogamous challenge

Day 1: Describe the type of non-monogamous relationship you have? You can use an existing category or make up your own!

I've ever been sexually non-monogamous but without romantic involvement 'cause, also if I love multiple people, I'm not very confortable with this type of relationship, preferring to have multiple friends with benefits.

Now I'm living a romantic relationship in which I have only one sexual partner, but I love lithromantically another person, my bf knows and accepts it and I'm trying to find the words to ask this other person if he wants to become my qpp (how can I explain that to a person who never heard terms like "poly", "lithromantic", "(queer)platonic relationship" and all of that?! Mission:Impossible). I don't know if a name for that exists, maybe "I'ts complicated"?

.

[oveja-negra44]

I don't wanna trust on human race anymore

December 2013, whatsapp, first attempt to come out with my teammate

me: <<I can't go out with you at 5,30pm today, I'll arrive at 7pm 'cause I'm at a football match with X [*our former trainer*], I've already told in gym that I can be a little late for training if the train we catch is....>>

teammate: << Oh, ok... I think that's the reason why our new trainer banter you about having a crush for him :) >>

Me: << Er.... do you have ever considered the possibility they're right? ;) >>

teammate: <<oh, really?! :) >>

me: <<yes :) >>

........

February 2013, gym, with half the team listening

teammate: <<so, tell me, what happens between you and X?>>

me: <<Nothing, we're just friends, but I...>>

teammate: <<And is he single?>>

me: <<I  think so, but...>>

teammate: <<Does he know your SO?>>

me: <<They're friends and we often go out togheter, but the point is....>>

teammate: <<And what about him? Do you want to leave him?>>

me: <<He kn......>>

teammate: <<Are you crazy?! Your feelings are terribly wrong! Listen to me, you have to forget him right now!>>

Me: ok. (*Thinking: I thought that you were the most open-minded person in our team and I wanted to tell you that I'm poly, I love those two people, my BF knows about it and I want to ask that person to be my QPP if he wants, but I don't know how to explain that I'm poly, what's a QPR and all the rest and I need an advice. With those premises, I think that I'll remain in the closet with you forever and I'll search for help elsewhere. If you think it's funny to make me feel horribly in front of all the team maybe you don't deserve anything*).

I think that's the worst coming out attempt in my whole life.

[oveja-negra44]

on the phone

Talking on the phone with my boyfriend telling him that I saw the girl he likes and how much I miss the boy I love lithromantically is very funny... especially when I'm on the bus and some people start looking at me like I was wearing some underpants on my head :D

[oveja-negra44]

When numbers matter

I can feel sexual and romantic attraction only for people significantly older than me and all the times I fall in love with someone new I have to answer the same question: <<why you don't fall in love for someone younger? There is something wrong with your feelings!>>. All my friends, and even my boyfriend, always do that question to obtain always the same, obvious answer: <<This is me, I can't change>>.

I've always been poly-oriented, I'm out since 2008, I had two W open relationships and loved without reciprocation two people simultaneously at least three times before now and when I talk about my feelings with friend the question is always the same: <<Seriously, which one of the two you love? You can't love more than one person at the time! That's wrong!>>. <<It's like you ask me if I'd prefer having cut off an arm or a leg>>, I explained patiently every single time. <<This is me, I can't change!>>, I say another time.

Now a friend of mine, one of the more insisting ones, has taken a huge crush for a guy that's about ten years younger than her and that has not reached 18 years old yet (but he's near to them). I'm happy for her and neither I nor the law have something to question about that, only I'm wondering why she doesn't have to answer all the terribly invasive and fastidious question I have to and all the people say she has not to think about one fucking number and go on, because age is only a line of digits written on the ID card and those numbers don't mean anything.

Why, according to my friends, numbers matter only when they're regarding my life?

[oveja-negra44]

Marriage

As a poly-oriented person I think I'll never marry, knowing perfectly I can tolerate having only one sexual partner but romantic monogamy is not for me at all. I don't stand the whole idea of marriage because also a mono-oriented person can't promise he/she/they will love a single specific person for the rest of life, the increasing number of divorces confirms it; plus in my native language the word which stands for "marriage" means etymologically "mother's duty" and that term doesn't contemplate the possibility of not having children, cutting out all those people who do that kind of choice. My position is that society needs to redefine the whole concept of relationship and marriage but, if all that shit has to remain the same, the right to marry has to be applied also to homosexual couples: in my bigot country that is not possible now. I'm tired of seeing homosexual couples going abroad (or dreaming to do that) to have the possibility to live together with social recognition.

[oveja-negra44]

Sad...

My boyfriend didn't buy to me as a gift my favourite chocolate egg because on the label there was written "for him". I hope he wanted to say: <<There was written "for him", you are ?gender, it did not fit to you>>, not another time that there is something wrong with me. I feel terribly sad and tired of it all.