Overcoming Bed Culture

My own journal exploring the dialogue of depression both in myself and others.

[overcoming-it]

What do you want for Christmas

2020:

I want to stay home, do nothing, talk to nobody, and somehow be at peace.

[overcoming-it]

Growing up, everyone brought in groceries, and if you brought it in, you typically put it away. Now I have someone who brings things in, puts things down, and it’s still my fault if it didn’t get put away. Everything’s my fault according to this person. I need to get the hell away from my family. They have always been this way, and they can’t hide the fact that it’s emotional abuse.

[overcoming-it]

I’m not feeling good. I feel on the verge of an emotional break down, and it’s taking everything in me not to reach out for a soda, or takeout, or the other things I usually cling to as a crutch.

[overcoming-it]

Some people have never had to feel how hard it is when they’re trying to celebrate their accomplishments with people who don’t understand or care. It’s so much harder when close family would never understand, and therefore can’t really care. It’s easy for others to care when accomplishments lead swiftly into a life of typical success such as financial independence and home ownership. But just finding a first step that only made you pocket change is easily brushed off, not just by family, but by society. Taking a $300 paycheck and turning it into $400 on a regular basis isn’t good enough. Nope. Nobody’s impressed until I get a job that buys me a house.

The worst part:

No amount of “You’re the best” or “you’re so awesome at what you do” makes you feel any better.

[heymamona]

please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you.

[overcoming-it]

Push ups.

A month ago, I started doing push-ups every day. Okay, fine. I may have skipped a day or two. My strength and endurance has always been considered sub par. World’s standards implied if I couldn’t lift anything I wanted to, I wasn’t a man. If I wasn’t concerned first and foremost with strength and power, I wasn’t enough of a man.

We’ve all heard of not trying so you don’t feel bad for failing. This trapped me into settling for asking for help from others all the time.

Some perspective changed things for me. I had a friend tell me he reached his physical shape with just pushups. He only spent ten to fifteen minutes a day on it. He would start with 35 wide push-ups. Then, wait 20-60 seconds to cool down. Then 30 normal push-ups. Then cool down. Then 25 diamond push-ups. Then 20, and 15, and 10 of wide, normal, and diamond respectively. Total of 140 push-ups.

I started. Boy did I feel inadequate. I had to do push-ups with my knees. Could do 15 wide then wait a bit then 10 normal. Those 25 push-ups were a far cry from 140.

I kept at it.

In the morning, I do 30 wide, cool down, 10 normal, cool down, the. 10 regular. I do the same in the evening. Up to 100 push-ups every day.

I’m not telling you to do push-ups. That would be weird. Or dumb. Or just ill-intentioned. This is not about strength, but being happier with who I am. You see, when I wanted to learn a trick or glitch in a video game, I would shoot down and practice the same thing for hours so I would become a master. If you want to feel better about yourself, you need to work at it.

Sucks to hear. I know. But, I honestly think this is more important than being told to just be happy as if it’s a choice. Of course it is not a choice to just magically be an improved version of yourself. It is work. The pay off of that work, however, is magically uplifting.

[shurima-deactivated20171001]

[overcoming-it]

Fear of Productivity

I’ve been married for three years. And I think, for the last three years, we took too much time being too hard on ourselves instead of confiding in each other and holding each other accountable. Too many times we said, “We’ll take care of it in the morning.” What did we blow off? Things like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, making the bed, getting our marriage certificate, visiting the DMV, or even writing down ideas.

But, we started holding each other accountable. You see, we saw Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life with a scene ridiculing Marie Kondo for her method of tidying up. The method in question was throwing everything into the middle of the floor and picking everything up one by one. The things that bring you joy are keepers, and everything else is to be thrown away. We treated that method unfairly since Gilmore Girls had ridiculed it as the work of a psycho. Turns out, they only had to denounce it because it was the wrong thing to help the person who was doing it.

We’re still in the middle of doing this with a few areas of our lives, but it’s been a relief to have less stuff. I have fewer shirts than I believe I’ve ever had. Turns out, I don’t like having to ruffle through clothes. I like the simplicity of just picking it out because they’re all just a plain color so it doesn’t matter which one I choose. My wife and I continued to force each other to go through with these things and stop saying “maybe tomorrow”. I don’t think I would have survived or even went through with any of this alone. My partner in crime is the reason I’m where I am today.

If something only takes five minutes, why don’t I do it? What was I afraid of? Five minutes of work? And when I do the work while I’m afraid of it, no wonder five minutes of work takes seventeen extra minutes. Why be afraid of a clean kitchen? Why be afraid of getting my learner’s permit? Why be afraid of getting computers fixed? Because there’s clean dishes? Because I might actually have to learn to drive? Because I might actually have to sell the computers to make some money?

The truth is, too many of us want a clean kitchen, our driver’s license, more money, or better jobs but for some reason are afraid of doing the work. Seems completely backwards, right? But, since I’ve been more productive and feeling better for it, I’ve been cooking at home more. I’ve been more motivated to stay healthy. I’ve been lifting my weights more and taking pleasure walks for. My wife even tossed most of her clothes because having more wasn’t making her happy. It was only an excuse to do laundry less often, but have it take much longer when she did do it. She had been wanting to wear more dresses when she isn’t going to work. That’s why most of what she kept is dresses. I hadn’t seen her so happy.

A message to you: when you feel like you don’t want to do something, ask yourself why you’re afraid of it. What would be so bad about that chore being done? There’s a lot more to life when you take the one hour out of your 12+ hour day to make sure that when you wake up, everything will be just fine. If you’re having trouble doing that, find yourself an accountability partner. It’s a great way to make sure you’re always thinking about someone else. Hold them accountable too. I can’t believe how much better it has been since I have been cooking at home for my wife not only to save money but to be healthier. I do that for her, and for me. It’s been over a week since we spent money on eating out. That kind of thing used to be unheard of for my family. But, you do what you got to do. After all, what if your doctor said you have to lose 50 pounds by summer or you’ll die? I think you’d rather lose those 50 pounds than leave your family behind. You’ve got your family to be accountable too. Less reason to stay in bed.

[statictay]

at this point you could probably stick OCTOBER 30 over any image and I would totally believe it was a real teaser for AHWM

for example:

[overcoming-it]

[anxietyproblem]

[overcoming-it]

Being up to date Doesn’t Bring Happiness

This year, we have seen several announcements for new things. The Switch has a new model with longer battery life, the Mac Pro will have a new modular design, AMD released Ryzen 3000 series, and several phone models and laptops have been released.

There’s no use letting that get to you. The trends are begging you to chase them. They tell you if you aren’t on the latest device, you’re missing out.

What exactly are you missing out on?

Your current wardrobe still keeps you warm and covered. Your current desktop is likely to last a long time and will be adequate to continue being your daily driver. And you definitely don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on a phone upgrade.

The high of a new device and its features quickly fades. It will not keep you happy. That new phone calls, texts, browses the net, and runs simple apps. So do the older phones. You’re fine.

Purge yourself of FOMO (fear of missing out). Not having money in the bank or always paying off your current phone is worse than missing out on some new fancy VR emoji app or a slightly better point and shoot camera.

[overcoming-it]

Talk

One night, a friend and I decided to go get a late night snack. My life had me feeling like an absolute disaster. A mixture of failure, self-loathing, and disappointment. Out of the blue, I text my friend, and we decide to go out. We just talked about what we were going through. There were no judgments. No offering solutions. No belittlement. Just talking and food. That turned things around.

[dailypsychologyfacts]

10 Things Depression Makes Us Do

Depression is a sneaky mental disorder. It’s difficult to catch during the early stages. Most of us realize we have depression when we are deep in the grips of it. Those with this mental disorder feel hopeless, empty or sad, fatigued, irritable, and restless. Here are 10 things Depression makes us do. Can you relate to it? Reblog this or comment below! :) 

[creativeinsights-deactivated202]

Accurate af

[anxietyproblem]

[overcoming-it]

Things You Can Do To Help Yourself When Feeling Depressed

It never helps when someone says, “Just be happy.” The first thought is that being happier is easier said than done. The following list is full of recommendations that may help with coping with the stresses of every day life. After all, those stresses always feel much heavier when depressed.

Disclaimer: None of these are guaranteed to work. These are meant as ideas to try. Some may work for others that don’t work for you and vice versa.

• Make your bed in the morning. Coming home to a clean bed feels so good. If your bed is made, you’re less likely to sit it in all day. Staying in bed can cause a vicious cycle of getting nothing done and then feeling bad about getting nothing done.

• Talk to someone you trust. It could be your parents, a sibling, a best friend, or somebody online. Lay down the ground rule that they should not try to give any advice unless asked to do so. This is for you to vent. This person should be non-judgmental and good at just listening.

• Grab some food with friends. Maybe even see if someone offers to help cover you. This isn’t always to be social and talk. Sometimes simply spending time with someone else and not talking is just as therapeutic as laying everything down. Just try to enjoy being with friends.

• Block anything on social media that is causing you to compare yourself to others. Even if it’s your close family and friends, it can make you feel so bad when they are posting pictures of them in a new car while you’re still trying to just get your license. If you’re single and depressed, the last thing you need is someone else, even if they’re close to you, posting baby pictures of their first, maybe even second, child.

• Join a support group. Maybe even an online one. You don’t always have to talk or participate. Most social media is about posting happiness online and hiding the sad, bad, and angry. Flip that on its head and find people who are in your boat and ready to talk or just know that you’re not alone.

• Groom yourself up as if you’re going on an extravagant date. Because you deserve to feel just as snazzy as the next person. Don’t have a date? Date yourself. Budget some money for a date with yourself to buy some dinner you really like and talk to yourself about how great life can be and what you will do to achieve it.

• Set easy goals and accomplish them. Example: “I’m going to spend half an hour outside today.” Example: “I’m going to remember to stand up and stretch while I watch my shows.” Example: “I’m going to frame a picture and hang it up today.” Make it easy, make it doable in the same day, and do it. Accomplishment feels good, and every little thing you do can be an accomplishment.

• Drink only water for just a day. Yeah, who knew that water could be good for mental health? I only know this from personal experience, but replenishing your body with a short water fast can help you feel better and more motivated to look after your health. This is always good for your mental health, no matter which way you slice it up.

• Start learning a skill. Pick a skill you think will be super fun. Or, pick a skill you think will be super easy to learn. This can help achieve a feeling of accomplishment as well as add something you’d like to do while feeling bad. Try to make it a skill/hobby you can do alone. You don’t have to become a master. You just have to like it.

If anyone else would like to add to this list, please do so.

[overcoming-it]

We are all an Eor, timid as a Piglet, eating our feelings likePooh, pretending to be a Tigger.

[fuck-customers]

Open letter to the lady who called the health insurance company I work at: Ma'am, I'm sorry that there aren't enough in network doctors in your tiny town in the country. There's nothing I can do about that. I don't know why our healthcare system makes it so that you have to see providers in a specific network. All I can tell you is you need to see a provider who will take our insurance. Trust me, if I had the power to allow you to see whoever you want and still be covered, I would, but I don't.

[overcoming-it]

We could solve this in a system pays our taxes for health coverage no matter what doctor we choose to see... I wonder how we can achieve that.