For all those weird conversations you walk into

[overheardatlife]

You don't want to play with me because I'm black!

A small black child to the only other black child in class.

[overheardatlife]

I am not allowed to shove candy into people's mouths and tell them to 'taste the fucking rainbow.'

This beautiful fanfic

[mccrees-tumbleweed1-deactivated]

Actual conversation that happened today

Friend: “What are the pairings in your book?”

Me: *lists pairings*

Friend: “Uh-huh, and which ones of those are gay?”

[overheardatlife]

Greeter: Where do you want a party of eleven?

Waiter: I don't want 'em.

[overheardatlife]

"Covert shit post?" You mean my life!

[bace-jeleren]

So I’m walking into work and this group of teenaged boys pass by me and one of them says, “my heart goes out to Matt Damon, this is disgusting!” And in his hand, he was holding a whole potato with a bite taken right out of it.

[overheardatlife]

Grissom is a firefly.

[overheardatlife]

Girlfriend: There's only three of you

Girlfriend: *Burps*

Girlfriend: *Giggles*

[overheardatlife]

Just don't talk about the slut with J.K. Rowling!

[nicolaclaus-blog]

I hate myself for dancing to this song.

some drunk guy in my house about dancing to a Justin Bieber song (via nicolaclaus)

[nicolaclaus-blog]

I still made out with that fish.

shit drunk people say in my house (via nicolaclaus)

[overheardatlife]

*has very little time to clean the house before people get here*

Me: we should do arts and crafts

Roommate: that's not a good idea

Me: *grabs glitter glue*

Roommate: *grabs construction paper*

[overheardatlife]

Why is there so much bacon in my shoe?

[overheardatlife]

Though it mostly involves fingers

[overheardatlife]

Satan's favorite porn writers

[overheardatlife]

there are no remotes in the batteries

[sweet-puff-deactivated20170804]

Potatoism is spreading