~learning to love again~

tales of a girl who never let on that her heart was being broken.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

first, it feels like a lump in your throat. like you just can’t quite breathe properly and you’re forced to think about it all the time. next, it feels like a pain in your stomach. maybe you’re going to throw up. maybe you’re just hurting. then, it feels like betrayal except you are the traitor. it feels like denial and masked pain. you hope it will go away. finally, it feels like words spilling out of your mouth and relentless tears dripping onto the floor. you don’t have quite a good reason why you’re leaving. it’s not one specific thing, you just know you can’t do this anymore. you’re not used to breaking anyone’s heart. usually, yours is snapped before you have the chance. after it all, it feels like blocked numbers and locked phones, trying not to relive memories. trying not to go back. trying to tell yourself this is for the best. after that, it feels numb. it feels like a new person’s hands crawling up your skin. it feels like coping mechanisms, and drowning the memories in liquor. it feels like a lot of nights getting lost and waking up no longer feeling at home.

p.f. // the stages of breaking someone you love’s heart

[chaiu]

when will white vegans shut up

[chaiu]

like for real… there are so many cultures and faiths that consume animals ethically. we don’t source our meat from mass industries that abuse animals and we utilise the entire animal for food or clothing. there are rituals and prayers unique to different cultures that are done to thank animals for their sacrifice, or concepts similar. Those who follow Islam and Judaism (who eat Halal and Kosher Meat, respectively) are required to kill the animal in the most painless way possible. stop telling us that what we’re doing is wrong and immoral when your expensive vegan products are sourced from companies that destroy land belonging to Native Americans or exploit people of colour to do their underpaid labour. Be mindful of other cultures and stop grouping us in with the white meat-eaters.

[mangopussy]

how do i frame this and put it on my wall

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

On Pretending To Love Ourselves Because It’s Fashionable

I tried on self love like

A pair of high tops that

I knew I couldn’t afford

But I loved the feeling so much

That I walked around the store

In them

And pretended to have money

In my wallet

I left the store empty-handed

And barefooted

Before finding the nearest

Knock-off brand

And buying them

I wear self love around because I knows it’s fashionable

I wear body positivity

Like a black a-line dress

That shrinks my waist to

My liking

I wear recovery

Like a choker

It’s suffocating to constantly

Remind myself that

I’m not

Actually recovering

But it looks so good

With my outfit

Imagine actually loving ourselves

Looking in the mirror and

Seeing something beautiful

No matter what anyone says

Imagine loving ourselves

Like self harm never became

A trend

And self love is not merely

A trend to make up for

That last trend

Imagine whispering sweet

Nothings into our own ears

Imagine worrying about ourselves

Rather than being the ones to cause

The damage

Imagine wearing self love

Like your favorite pair of sweatpants

Not fashionable

Not trendy

But oh so very comfortable

-p.f.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

i used to let love poems flow from my wrists, and i pretended that was the best thing for me. now, wounds have healed and my journals seem to shrink. i always know something’s wrong when i start writing again. not the angry, call-to-action type of writing. not the hollow type of writing. i’m talking about the type of words that sound so water-logged, like i’m choking them out of my throat and onto the page, like it hurts that badly just to see them manifest themselves into poetry. the type of writing that i’m known for. i don’t write as often these days, and every once in a while, i miss the creativity flowing through these veins, and then the time comes around where i begin writing again and i remember how much absolute pain it takes for me to write like this. sometimes i forget how a coping mechanism can take over your life and disguise itself as a passion. sometimes i forget how much it hurts to write again.

coping mechanisms // p.f.

[tamizhnadu]

i know ive talked about this before but we literally have no reason not to bring the original gay flag made in the 70s by gilbert baker back to regular use!

the pink stripe was simply taken away because pink fabric was too expensive to mass reproduce at the time, and the turquoise stripe was taken away for a really odd reason: for the harvey milk remembrance parade in 1979, they wanted three stripes on each side of the street and didn’t want it to be asymmetrical, so they did away with the turquoise stripe. like, they could have fixed it in some other way without removing a whole stripe, but eh whatever history’s history.

the pink originally symbolized sex and the turquoise was for magic/art and it would just be really cool if we could bring both the stripes back into regular use again since there wasn’t any significance behind the removal of the stripes and we’re perfectly capable of mass producing flags with all the stripes again!

[danielnelsen]

if anyone is interested, in 2017, shortly before he died, gilbert baker added a 9th stripe in lavender to represent diversity, partly in response to trump’s election. while i dont expect it to gain any kind of widespread usage, it is an interesting fact!

(source 1; article) (source 2; official site)

[dimensionaldemon]

Yes.

BIGGER,

GAYER

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

i guess my biggest fear, when you really get down to it, is showing him something and not knowing that it’s making him think of someone else.

p.f.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

sometimes i want to leave. but i know, i absolutely know, that in the end i will be the one sobbing and thinking about it forever.

p.f.

[ke-ray92-deactivated20201217]

Before January ends, I’m going to magically and extremely be blessed by the universe.

[introvertbard]

not gonna risk scrolling past this

[wearethewitches]

reblog if ur a cryptid gen z-millennial like me (born between 1994-2003)

[im-inlovewithmycar]

What are we? Who are we?

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

Iconic.

[femsmirk]

[insaiyan7]

Their names, ranks and kills in case people went to know;

First row – Guard Staff Sergeant, VN Stepanova: 20 kills, Guard Sgt JP Belousova: 80 kills, Guard Sgt AE Vinogradova: 83 kills.

Second row – Guard Lieutenant EK Zhibovskaya: 24 kills, Guard Sgt KF Marinkin: 79 kills, Guard Sgt OS Marenkina: 70 kills.

Third row – Guard Lieutenant NP Belobrova: 70 kills, Lieutenant N. Lobkovsky: 89 kills, Guard Lieutenant VI Artamonova: 89 kills, Guard Staff Sergeant MG Zubchenko: 83 kills.

Forth row – Guard Sergeant, NP Obukhova: 64 kills, Guard Sergeant, AR Belyakova 24 kills.

Total number of confirmed kills: 775. Photo taken in Germany, May 4, 1945.

[dicapito]

And this hasn’t been made into a movie or mini series?

[random-person-number-52]

The cool thing is, there’s still one person missing: Lyudmila Pavlichenko.

She was one of the deadliest snipers of World War II, and is regarded as one of the deadliest snipers of all time. Over the course of one year (June 1941-June 1942) she racked up a count of 309 kills, 36 of which were enemy snipers. Her prescence in the picture alone would have brought the total number of kills from 755 to 1064.

Goddamn.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

i slowly put on a smile, look in the mirror, don’t know who i am. a little voice whispers in my head “fake it till you make it.” i head out with an all too staged grin. i’m happy.

p.f.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

i feel like my writing on here is suffering because i want to write my personal shit but i know there’s someone who stalks this account who i would rather not know anything about me but i also don’t know their username so i can’t block them so i just choose not to write 🤷🏼‍♀️

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

to be honest, sometimes it’s the little things. sometimes you just need someone to text you first to remind you that they think of you. sometimes you just want to stop feeling like a tool.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

new rule:

no more talking to and being around people that damage my mental health. fuck that. the toxic shit isn’t worth it.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

turned into a hurricane last month.

nobody noticed.

i’m still on the hurricane relief team.

nobody suspects a thing.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

“Why are you so good to me? I don’t deserve it. I have fought through hell And high waters Emerged a worse person than before And yet you still tell me That I represent the purity left on this planet And I just don’t understand. Why do you see me so positively? Why do you cut me so many breaks? Why do you let me get away With my past? Why do you love me so much? I don’t deserve it. I love you too. And I hope you always continue to see me In the ways I can’t see myself.”

— p.f.

[overtherainbowandupyourass]

i can never seem to breathe these days, but he holds me and tells me it’ll be okay.

and i love him so much that i believe him // p.f.