Have you ever heard the phrase cockblocking? You know, youâre at a bar, talking to a girl, and what happens? Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything. Cockblock. Well I have to tell you something guys: I have been the less attractive friend, and you were NOT cockblocked. I was following orders from my better-looking friend that she did not wanna fuck you. âŚGirls have two signals for their friends: âIâm gonna fuck himâ and âHELP.â
Amy Schumer [x] (via rashaka)
The number of âget me out of hereâ tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.
I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you donât have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. Iâve had women I didnât even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the âDear god, help meâ facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We donât get a handbook for this. We donât have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. Itâs just part of being a woman.
BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESNâT EXIST.
Yup. Iâve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, âOh my GOD itâs you! How ARE YOU?!? Itâs been so long!â and then been like âhey I could overhear that guy who wouldnât leave you alone so I figured Iâd give you an outâ and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.
I once had a girl sit on my lap and say âhey babyâ after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldnât thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.
We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we donât like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent âaggressive man-sheild.â Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.
Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.
(via cractasticdispatches)
Iâve been asked to pretend to be my friendâs girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys wonât leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if weâre together romantically, and sometimes not even then.
i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldnât back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.
It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.
I canât count the number of times I have pretended to be somebodyâs girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldnât leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.
(via feministsupernatural)
After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because Iâm the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, Iâm small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. Iâm just too scared.
Youâre probably scared of confronting the guys. Â And you should be. Â Thatâs what this whole post is about. Â Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt. Â Thatâs why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect. Â How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isnât allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture. Â Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance. Â Women are not allowed to say no. Â So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse. Â Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women.Â
Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but itâs kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as âsecret signals.â The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glance their way will be able to see that the woman isnât interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.