golden lines

who knows if i'm serious

[ovideeznuts]

about me

hi everyone. i’m ovid, he/him, poet and shitposter

DO NOT INTERACT (DNI) if you: support Augustus, have no critical reading skills, or don’t hate Augustus

Please interact if you’re Corinna <3

[ovideeznuts]

my advice to get over people

Start farming. You will be so busy farming. Or pick up some other hobby… but like farming since unless you live in like Iowa, you would have to move and new places are good too. 

Become a hater. You like their legs? No they’re actually ugly. Take her swimming and watch her make up melt off.

DON’T turn to witchcraft. Manifesting does NOT help. Crystals do NOT help. 

Delete your texts, delete your pictures of them. Block them on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, wherever you’ll see them.

[ovideeznuts]

Your advice is cool except I just got my heart broken after following it :(

Writing a new post just for you. This one will apply to both men and women (and everyone regardless of gender) so only one part is needed. Keep reading and I’ll give you the cure. My advice is so great it would’ve stopped Pasiphae from having the Minotaur and Bill Clinton from sleeping with Monica Lewinsky.

[ovideeznuts]

love advice for women

Try to look nice. I know most of you are not born beautiful, but even if you are you have to take care of yourself to keep looking pretty.

Don’t dress up too nicely. If you look rich, us men will get insecure. Sorry.

Learn your Kibbe body type (https://www.kibbebodytypes.com/). This will help you pick out the right kinds of clothes. Your face shape is important for what hair styles (https://www.face-shape.com/). Also learn your personal color (https://cladwell.com/how-to-create-your-color-palette) for picking the right make up colors.

On the topic of make up, do it privately. Do not let men know that women do not look that good naturally.

Hide your flaws. Again you want to look beautiful. 

Be talented. You’ll be especially cool if you read my poems haha.

Remember men are liars. Don’t trust all men, especially if they look too pretty.

Fall in love with a poet. We will immortalize you <3

Don’t reply to texts immediately. The three day rule is awesome. Make him want you!! Do not reject him but remember you want to play hard to get and make him jealous.

Though you also have to make him believe you like him. Flirt a little and he will be hooked.

[ovideeznuts]

Love advice for men

Have an alpha mindset. All women can be won over if you try hard enough. No does not mean no!! She is pretending and playing hard to get.

Get close to her friends. Learn her secrets and she will be so much easier to win. However DO NOT sleep with her friends.

Remember her birthday. Birthdays are terrifying. Even if you try to save money, she will know.

Text her often. You have to write compliments and nice words. Make her promises (you don’t have to keep them). Don’t get mad if she leaves you on read.

Don’t be ugly. You need to bulk at the gym. Get good haircuts and brush your teeth.

Alcohol is great but don’t get too drunk. Just enough so you can use it as an excuse to get closer ;)

TAKE THE LEAD!! No does not mean no. Alpha mindset!! She will secretly enjoy it.

[ovideeznuts]

top 5 places to find hookups

The beach

Races and sports events

Parties

Ohio political offices

Tumblr

[ovideeznuts]

Getting comments asking to explain number 4. These political offices are great places to meet people, especially if you’re gay. Wes Goodman, Republican state legislator, was seen sleeping with another man in his office. If even politicians who push “family values” can find queer love here, you can too.

[ovideeznuts]

top 5 places to find hookups

The beach

Races and sports events

Parties

Ohio political offices

Tumblr

[ovideeznuts]

lol

[ovideeznuts]

You slept with my best friend. We’re over

Who told you this??? Why do you keep accusing me?? I liked another girl’s instagram post and suddenly I’m cheating on you?? Cypassis is such a slut why would I sleep with her?? I swear I’ve done nothing wrong.

[ovideeznuts]

Rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service I dive in her cervix

“U Da Realest” 2 Chainz 

[ovideeznuts]

Someone needs to get me OFF of dating apps 😭I keep swiping right and talking to girls and falling in love. No matter how they respond I’m in love 😭Female validation is just so nice. When they compliment me 🥴 But also, I think I’m becoming an attention whore in general… One time a girl replied to me saying my pick up line was stupid and I still couldn’t get her out of my mind. 

[ovideeznuts]

As May comes around, I just wanted to celebrate National Military Appreciation Month. I have much to appreciate the military for. Without the hard work of these soldiers, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the comforts of home and spend my days relaxing. I personally will be honoring them by conquering women.

[caesaraugustusoctavian]

New Content Policy

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr. While I love our users, I think it is time to transition towards a more child-friendly space. Through this change, I hope to expand our user base and improve the experience on this platform. Posts promoting adultery, affairs, bribery, and any kind of NSFW content will be flagged and punishable with bans.

[ovideeznuts]

KUNG POW PENIS