The City's First Most Appealing Snack

✨unkind luxury gay✨ i write and ship [sugarbowl] but rly esmé + any female character, my interests include asoue and cute girls 🐊pierrot/grown ass adult/ real life lesbian/takarazuka fan/serial complainer🐊

[p-etronelle]

not sure if we’re all aware, but hello, i’m still Alive

i went away to die, but then was resurrected by killing eve

[cur-sed]

[iwatchedyougoinghomeeveryday]

All of the new ASOUE stills featuring Queen Ésme Squalor, for your viewing pleasure. (x)

[sashabanks-moved]

today’s mood ladies and gays

[p-etronelle]

an accurate and real photograph of me

[sunnydaledaily]

[crystallineknowledge]

Stevie photographed by Neal Preston in 1996. 

HQ copy: X

[pocketss]

it’s just one of those croissant days

[pocketss]

we love a recovery

[hotladypants]

Ouch. 

[tarmairons]

Esmé forgetting she was the one to start the Baudelaire fire because she was lost in the sauce on cocaine is one of the wildest concepts to come out of this fandom

but it sounds pretty legit u gotta admit

after all these years @cozcat finally solved the mystery of the baudelaire fire.. legendary 

[cozcat]

this is my greatest contribution

[lotrscenery]

Laketown

[preventive]

[whisped]

[tarmairons]

so no lettuce bikini?

ˢʰʰʰʰʰʰ ˢᵗᵒᵖ ᵃˢᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵠᵘᵉˢᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵃⁿˢʷᵉʳ

[satansfavoritedyke-deactivated2]

[hexmaniacmareen]

what they say: cats are evil and unable to love

what they mean: i dont know how to handle small animals and consider them lashing out in SELF DEFENSE an insult

[rad-roach]

Usually what it boils down to is “I’m mad because the cat didn’t act like a dog”.

[black-nata]

[luvtonique]

Pushing fragile things off tables and breaking them: Self defense. 

Destroying Christmas Trees: Self defense, I mean the tree attacked them. 

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Self defense. 

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Self defense. 

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Self defense. 

Admittedly yeah 

A dog doesn’t do those things because a dog’s version of self defense is to be a good animal who loves you and doesn’t attack you unless you attack them first. 

I mean if a cat feels that threatened by everything in their owner’s household maybe the owner shouldn’t have gotten a cat. 

[amphiaria-deactivated20250226]

Pushing fragile things off tables and breaking them: Playing. Cats are well-known to like to play with small objects. Your cat does not know what “fragile” means and does not understand the distinction between toy and not-toy objects. Place fragile things out of a cat’s line of sight and reach, and if you don’t provide them with enough enrichment items that they go looking for them, that’s on you.

Destroying Christmas Trees: Cats like to climb things. They’re not doing it to spite you.

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Probably an accident, due to overstimulation when playing. It wasn’t trying to hurt you. Don’t anthropomorphize animals by attributing spite to them. Animals don’t do spite the way that humans do.

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Trying to rouse you with its paw, probably gently, because it loves you and wants to play with you.

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Come on. If a cat is jumping on you, it loves you and wants to be close to you. Digging in with its claws is how it balances itself on an unstable surface and is purely a reflexive reaction. It isn’t intending to hurt you.

99% of cat behavioral problems stem from bored cats. Cats need to climb, need to scratch, and need small objects to play with. I only recommend adopting cats in pairs, so that they can keep each other entertained. Cats are not purely solitary. They get lonely, and lonely cats act out. Once again, your entire problem with cats as a species seems to stem from the fact that you don’t understand how cats express affection and it upsets you that they don’t do so the way that dogs do. Cats aren’t small dogs and cannot be expected to behave as such.

[otahkoapisiakii]

FELINE PROTECTION SQUAD

[solardivulger]

*walks around my house looking for scissors while making a scissor motion with my fingers*

[anxietyproblem]

[urparty]

Straight girls be like woman crush wednesday hanging out with their “girlfriends” slappin each others asses while meanwhile the Wuhh Lu Wuhs acccidentally brush yals arm for 0.2 seconds and we go pikachu meme

[urparty]

i just think thatt.. straight women get to cop all these things from wlw with 0 risk factor and 0 awareness or sympathy for how we would be seen as predatory or obscene if we did those same things…. i dont care if you say you went to yoga with your girlfriends or whatever but its specifically these things which put targets on our backs and straight girls get 2 do them for shits and gigs… Meanwhile i am scared to be cute with any girls in any way at all because i am scared of being cast out for even the most innocent thing. And like that is a little bit bullshit i think.