You have no chance to survive make your time.

Elder Millennial. Queer. Fic Writer. Tall Wife. Dog Mom. Cat Mom. Multi-fandom. Multi-ship. Multi-Disordered.

[chunkypossum]

Art created by: @hornysadfrog who really went above and beyond for this. It took me a long time to take my jaw off the floor!! Her Eris is one of my most favorites. He’s so regal and lovely I could cry. Little frog you are a light in this fandom and I appreciate you so much!

A gift commissioned by me for @pippsmcgee and her word vomit in my DMs over the years about the wonderful stories in her brain. Even if you never write them I will cherish your talent for speaking them into existence anyway.

If it wasn't for you and your tenacious comments on my fics, I would have never gotten back on Tumblr, and I would have never met any of the wonderful people in this tiny corner of the fandom. I will forever be thankful for that and you. Your handle is all over ao3 in all the Azris comment sections passing out love and thoughtfulness that make it worthwhile for writers to post! Your amazing imagination is on my mind all of the time so I hope this gift is a reflection of that. 🖤🖤

Holla at ya boi if you want on or off the Azris tag train:

@talibunny30 @iftheshoef1tz @born-to-riot  @fieldofdaisiies  @skyesayshi @acourtofladydeath @pippsmcgee  @yams-77 @ninthcircleofprythian  @jules-writes-stories @the-darkestminds  @yourlazykitkat  @shadowsandlint @acourtofbatboydreams  @mistandmemories @chairofchaos  @brunetterebel010 @astro-h0e-4azris @queercontrarian  @molcat07 @baileybird71  @stargazingmellon @hornysadfrog @ejkreader  @thesourcabbage  @tessville @jolenes-library @betweenthelines888 @irithiadourden @theiudices @werehorsebite  @skies-for-eyes-trees-for-knees @fourteentrout @frostystarlight  @nus4yy @ysmtttty   @lizzo78 @vanserreneity @krowiathemythologynerd @alexof90s  @snugglesandsmut @clarranam  @plumita-d-la-sangre @wrraccountant  @theeternalstruggle  @hieragalbatorixdottir  @g00seg1rl 

[famouspainterwombat]

[voidfishersong]

#i HAVE to include context as a classical musician who is *almost*in these spaces #this is from the schleswig-holstein music festival #(presumably faculty????) #which is probably The most selective classical music festival in the goddamn world #these people are some of the best you will ever hear on their respective instruments #this was literally posted originally by the goddamn schleswig-holstein music festival #these are their dudes #classical musician me is being shocked by seeing them on tumblr #y’all don’t even know how insane this is #y’all are just enjoying chickens playing saxophone and cornet (via @clockworkouroboros )

[saphushia]

the hardest part of the job is breaking the news that lactose intolerance is more permanent than death

[bloodstainedgauntlet]

my knight you have to live you have to get up you have to put your hand over your wound and hold it there. you have to keep walking and walking and walking because you cannot lay down yet, it’s not time. wipe the blood off your breastplate and look up into the sun. lean on your sword if you need to. lift one foot after another. get up. get up. this would be a pitiful grave.

[sophsknight]

this would be a pitiful grave.

[scienceviewscreen]

Project Hail Mary // Incorrect quotes 1/?

Bonus:

[its-not-lookin-good]

Batman: Three Jokers #2

He was really funny for this.

[tim-drake-scholar]

Dick Grayson being annoying is actually so important to me

[mammutblog]

jason todd unique second child privileges

[faiyaart]

Superman's first meeting with Robin

a stupid unfunny joke

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

Clark begs asks Zatanna for a glamour spell. At first, she assumes it's for disguise purposes, so it surprises her when he specifically requests to look older.

"Humans age," was Clark's only explanation.

Zatanna gives him a watch. It looks simple, lovingly used, something that could be a century old. Once he puts it on, its features shift just a little; the band changes to a worn, dark leather; the clock face becomes a little more modern, the numbers morph from Roman numerals to Arabic as the face turns from withered brown to aged white. Clark swears quietly to himself that he'd seen Pa wear a watch like this.

"Just turn it forward to look older, and backwards to look younger," Zatanna explains. "Five minutes is one year, and that's human years, so be careful. And press the knob down three times to reset."

"Thank you," Clark says, before bidding her farewell.

He goes back to his apartment first. It doesn't see much use anymore, but he'd insisted on keeping something tying him to Metropolis. Flicking the bathroom light on, Clark peers at himself in the mirror for a moment.

Familiar discomfort pinches in his gut. The man staring back could still be shaking off the softness of youth, looking at home on a college campus. He allows the feeling to settle, then reaches for the watch.

If five minutes was a year, then Clark would need to turn it at least two and a half hours forward. Once done, he takes a breath, and looks back at the mirror.

And sees himself.

Clark Kent, with fifty three years of life brimming in his new wrinkles, his receding hairline, his stripes of gray running from his temples. His face had sunken, somewhat, the skin looser to show the true sharpness of his cheeks.

He adores the permanent laugh lines. He'd never managed a single wrinkle before, proof of his life of joys and fears and experiences. He loves the faint spots dotting his face, hands, arms. He loves the loose skin on his neck, just above his Adam's apple and under his jaw. He has a double chin, now.

A strong rightness settles inside him as he pokes at new pockets of flab across his body.

He can't wait to show Bruce.

In fact, he doesn't wait.

Bruce doesn't turn his way just yet when Clark touches down in the Cave, too focused on the report he types out at speed. Clark waits, crossing his legs midair and floats quietly.

When Bruce finally finishes and saves the file, he turns to ask Clark what he needs. His words halt in his throat, taking in the man who is definitely Clark Kent, but different from the one he saw this morning. Not just physically, either, having visibly aged despite his biology decreeing otherwise. He's... happier?

Clark beams. "We match," he says, pointing to the grey at his temples.

With striking clarity, Bruce suddenly understands why Clark finds an old man like himself attractive. You're not old, he'd say, you're mature.

As gorgeous as Clark always is... this is different. He's beautiful. Most of it, Bruce realizes, comes from the joy and ease with which he holds himself. Had Clark been unhappy with his appearance before? Had Bruce not noticed?

Bruce lets his eyes drag up and down Clark's form, puts just a hint of Brucie in his smirk. "Well well," he says. "Come here often?"

The laugh lines deepen exquisitely as Clark bellows out his cheer.

[tizeline]

When your LITTLE brother stops being little (relatable)

Audio from Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

[whentheredbirdfalls]

Jason who finds Dick smoking and instantly puts his own cigarettes away to start guilt tripping

Jason, coughing: Did ya know I died of smoke inhalation

Dick nearly choking on the smoke

Dick: Jas-

Jason: Y’know Sheila was standin’ there smoking while Joker beat me

Dick slowly putting out the cigarette

Jason: I can never look at cigarettes the same

Dick looking at his pack of cigarettes, horrified

Dick: Shit little wing.. I’m sorry-

Jason trying not to laugh: No, no. It’s fine.. how could ya have know I’d have issues with smoke after dying in a explosion.. inna room full of smoke…

[superbat-lmao]

Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.

[soapdispensersalesman]

I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon

[zevveli]

StumbleUpon once sent me to a supercut of Lion King, Lion King 1 1/2, and Lion King II, the main edit being that the scenes of Lion King and Lion King 1 1/2 were interspersed so that they happened in the order they actually happened.

[redpandarascal]

stumbleupon not existing anymore can be directly traced to a dramatic decline in my mental health, I could do a thesis on it.

[musashi]

bestie stumbleupon very much still exists its just called cloudhiker now. i use it all the time.

[lesbiassoon]

mini compilation of suggestions from the replies:

The Bored Button - "Press the Bored Button and be bored no more."

The Useless Web

Cloudhiker - "Discover the most interesting, weird and awesome websites of the Internet" (not really a rebrand, it's a different person running it but they have the same intention in mind)

Astronaut.io - "These videos come from YouTube. They were uploaded in the last week and have titles like DSC 1234 and IMG 4321. They have almost zero previous views. They are unnamed, unedited, and unseen (by anyone but you)."

Marginalia - "This is an independent DIY search engine that focuses on non-commercial content, and attempts to show you sites you perhaps weren't aware of in favor of the sort of sites you probably already knew existed."

[no-one-offical]

‎

[totally-cis-offical]

I used to love take me to a useless website

[princessdelacruz]

the pitt + nicknames (season 2) (season 1)

[ciricearts]

yeehawww

[nat-20s]

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

[nat-20s]

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

[nat-20s]

Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-

Bert: Bert and I

Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!

Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)

[stellacartography]

Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.

Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

On Sesame Street: Oh, no, Telly is watching too much television!

The Muppet Show Theater, that night: Gonzo attempts to explain his latest fetish at length.