Mischief Managed

Sirius Black - you probably already know who I am: 17 nearly 18, Gryffindor, Beater and Sex on Legs. "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." Braveheart

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

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Marlene had actually gotten a little stiff as well, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as Sirius, so she just quickly cracked her neck and she felt just fine again. “Hey, don’t say anything against steak. Not everyone cane make it perfect, warm inside, yet still raw”, she explained to him, grinning widely at the thought. “Together with some baked potatoes”, she added and nodded once, before she started walking.

"And hey, don’t worry about it, it’s okay. I’ve misse dinner before, you know. And I wouldn’t let anyone alone, when they felt miserable and I could do something against it", Marlene told him and looked over at him briefly, with a soft smile. "Now come on, hurry up, I’m still hungry, so let’s go to the kitchen quickly."

Marlene sped up a little and nearly ran down the stairs to get to the kitchens as quickly as she could, because the thought of food just made her even more hungry.

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"Don't say anything against steak? I don't hate steak, I just wouldn't choose it. And ugh, not half raw? It's still all bloody! I may be a dog but I'm a refined dog - who wants to eat raw meat?" Sirius said, aghast, "No, it's got to be properly cooked, brown all the way through. No stupid red meat or bloody steaks for me, thank you very much." Why on earth were they having a conversation about steaks? Sirius didn't know and didn't really care, it was amusing. "Baked potatoes? I already bagsied baked potatoes with my chicken pie, stop being mean and stealing from me!"

Sirius shrugged, although he still felt bad. He'd hate to miss dinner for someone he didn't care about that much (although if he didn't care that much he probably wouldn't have stopped). He realised with a start that if it had been McKinnon crying, he would've stayed to look after her. That's a weird thought, why do I care so much about her? he thought with a frown. This obsession with her needed to stop.

Chuckling to himself as he watched her run on ahead, he called after her, "Someone's hungry!" He wondered briefly how she knew about the Kitchens: he thought that was a well kept secret in the Marauders, but then again McKinnon was quite close with Prongs so she might've found out about the place through him. It was still annoying Well, she didn't know half of their secrets so all was well.

[god-ben-barnes]

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

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"Yeah, but that’s exactly it, Sirius. You didn’t trust him, because you thought he’d just suddenly change his opinion about you, when he obviously wouldn’t. James loves you like a brother and I can’t think of any situation that he’d ever give you up", Marlene replied quietly, just wanting to tell him that, before she let the topic go and raised one eyebrow at his question.

"My favourite food? Uhm, well, I don’t really have a favourite food, I love pretty much everything. But, uh, I guess I’d say I love steak the most?" Marlene told him, smiling slightly as she thought about it. "And now I’m actually getting hungry for steak. Wanna go the kitchens and have a small or maybe not so small snack? I’m sure the house elves will make us something", she said and quickly got up from his lap, before she held out her hand to help him up.

"Also, I think, food of any kind always helps to get a clear head about something, so it’s probably a good idea for you to get something into your stomach as well", she added with a gentle smile.

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Sirius didn't know how to reply to what she had just said, so left it. Maybe it was better not to try and come to conclusion because he knew he would never agree with her. Instead he let her get and got up himself, stretching his limbs out. They were stiff and painful to move, courtesy of sitting on the floor in the same position for near on two hours.

"Steak? Of all the imaginative and awesome foods you could think of you choose a steak? I love a good chicken pie, myself, with lots of gravy. Mrs Potter makes nice chicken pies," he said with a small smile. "That sounds like an excellent plan, McKinnon, because I get the feeling that we've missed dinner Shit, man, does that mean I made you miss dinner? Og merlin, I'm sorry," he said, widening his red-rimmed eyes at her. 

"Oh damn, were you on your way to the Hall when you stopped? You should've just gone on, you know that? Next time you should just go," he said firmly, rambling on for no apparent reason. 

[take-me-not-my-otp]

sirius playing ‘chase harry’ as padfoot

sirius playing peekaboo with baby harry with the invisibility cloak

sirius looking after harry when lily and james are tired from a mission

sirius taking harry everywhere he can before the potters go into hiding because he loves his godson so much

sirius complaining when anyone touches his hair apart from harry who can tug it all he likes and propably even chew it i mean one year olds?

sirius wanting to take harry on his motorbike until even james has to stop him because ‘ffs padfoot it’s dangerous’ while marleen cackles with laughter

sirius chasing his own tail for harry’s amusement

sirius finding harry alive when he thought he’d lost everything

sirius saying ‘let me take him hagrid, i’m his godfather’ when everyone knew he could never have managed by himself

sirius losing harry again

sirius saying ‘when all this is over we’ll be a proper family’

sirius’ last sight being harry

sirius being harry’s godfather and always being harry’s godfather

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

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When he asked her that, Marlene wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to answer. She didn’t really know herself, what could she tell him. So her first reaction was just to shrug, but she knew she owed a little more explanation than that.

"I’m not sure, I just do. I’m not blind, you know, and I notice things, as I might dare to say, sometimes more than others do. And I know the Potters and I know how heartwarmingly they are, but I also know that it’s not easy to just accept all that and feel entirely welcome, because you, of all people, need time to trust someone entirely. James is my best friend too and he once told me, years ago, after you’ve been friends for ages, that he felt like you still didn’t trust him. But you eventually did, you just took longer than most. And that’s all right, because like James his parents will prove to you that theyre trustworthy. Just don’t feel guilty for yourself. You’ve been through more than most, not that I know much about it, but considering that you had to run from you family, who is all Slytherin, I get the vague idea", she said and shrugged again, not quite realizing that she was, once again, rambling, maybe a little too much.

"Most people just don’t look close enough. But if you do, you notice more than you think you would. And I remeber these kinds of things… those that really matter."

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"It wasn't that I didn't trust him," Sirius protested vehemently, "I just didn't trust the fact that he'd always let me be there, you  know? I mean, if he had turned around and told me 'actually, Sirius, get out and find your own place to live' what the hell could I have said? it was his house, his parents, his friendship, his everything. Was I suppose to go 'you know what no because this is my home too' when it obviously wasn't?" He shook his head in confusion and rubbed at his tired grey eyes before running a hand through his dishevelled hair, a habit he had picked up from James over the years. Unfortunately for him, his hair just fell right back into place rather than staying messily in place like his friend's.

Not that Sirius really cared, but he appreciated Marlene being here, even though she was only rambling about things that didn't really matter. It was comforting at worst, relaxing at best, and in the silence that followed his little outburst he found himself consciously wanting her to stay. Which wasn't that peculiar for most people to want (after all, McKinnon was hot and sitting on his lap) but for Sirius, wanting emotional closeness as well as physical closeness was a very odd feeling to experience. 

"Uh," he muttered, unsure as to exactly what to say to keep her here, but knowing he'd need to say something or she'd get up and go. "Um, McKinnon?" This was going to go horribly wrong - he didn't even know what he wanted to say to her. "What's your... Uh, what's your favourite food?" Wow, Sirius, he thought to himself in a sarcastic voice that sounded worrying like Remus, wow, that'll really make her stay. Impress her with your hilarity and wittiness why don't you.

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

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Marlene just smiled at him slightly at his first words, not thinking there was anything more to say about it. It had been awkward, her kissing him on top of the head, but not bad and she would probably do it again if she felt like it was right.

"I get what you mean", Marlene told him, the smile still consistent on her lips as she watched him with a knowing look on her face. "You love them and you know that they love you, but they’re still not your parents and if they wanted, they could throw you out at any time", she concluded and nodded slightly as if to confirm that she indeed knew what he was on about. "But let me tell you something about the Potters. If they tell you that you’re welcome at their home, you are, no matter what. I’ve known James for my whole life and if I had a problem I didn’t want to talk about with my parents, I’d go to them, because I know for sure that they care and they love me. And they love you too. You’re James’ best friend, you’re his brother and so you’re their son and they don’t care that you’re not related by blood, you just belong to the family because James wants you to. So if they say, you’re welcome at any time, you are, because anyone who loves James as much as they do belongs to them, they don’t care how fucked up you are, they just help you and welcome you and love you. Okay? So don’t keep thinking that they’ll end up throwing you out, because they won’t. Mrs. Potter cares far too much about you already to ever be able to do that. You’re her son and she would never be able to cut off her family."

Marlene’s voice was quiet and soft as she talked and once she was done, she reached forward to grab Sirius’ hand and squeeze it lightly. “I know it’s hard sometimes to actually accept all that love without a doubt, but you’ll get used to it. You won’t have a choice, really. She’ll just mother you until you feel entirely welcomed.” It was clear that Marlene loved the Potters quie a lot too and she spoke with a lot of confidence in her voice, making it clear that she was absolutely and entirely sure of the correctness of her words.

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Sirius had absolutely no idea how she got it all so quickly. It didn't make sense that Marlene fucking McKinnon of all people would understand how he felt. They weren't good friends, she wasn't in the same position as him, nothing made sense. But she got i t, and by Merlin she got it. He almost wanted to cry again because what she said was so ridiculously true.

"How you know all that? How can you be so sure you're right?" he said, looking up at her with wide eyes, "You understand it and said everything I never wanted to say without blinking." It made him wonder if he was that obvious: how much did she know about Regulus if she could work all that out? Regulus wasn't something Sirius had thought anyone would get but maybe, just maybe, Marlene might. Not tat he wanted to tell her; there was a big step from appreciating she might understand to actually spilling everything he'd kept bottled up.

But he was close, so very close. For the first time it almost felt like it might be better to share the burden.

Not with McKinnon, though. There was only so much one person could take without laughing, and `Sirius couldn't bear it if she thought he was weak, or cowardly. Even worse would be if he ever told he had thought about going back home. It'd protect Regulus, he could always leave again if it got too bad, was Sirius' reasoning, but he knew he wouldn't be welcomed back like before.

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"Yeah, well, when has James really suffered? As in, really been in pain, or hurt, or lost, or alone? Never," he said bitterly, "He has parents that love him and care about him, he has friends that love him, the girl he always liked likes him back but just won’t say it. He has...

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He kept staring at her, confused beyond belief, and ran his hand through his hair (a habit he had picked up from James that he always used when he was nervous). "No, no, I-I just wasn't expecting it, don't worry... Uh, yeah, it was okay, I-I-don't..." This was getting ridiculous, why did he get so put off?

"James helps more than he knows," Sirius admitted quietly, looking down at his lap to avoid her gaze, which was unnerving him. "He does so much and him and his parents /are/ my family, I won't deny that, but it's complicated. I always feel like I'm taking things from them. Mrs Potter insists that I'm welcome but I never really do, you know? I want to, but I don't." He had never even told James about this fear, and here he was talking to Marlene McKinnon about it. What was wrong with him?

"McKinnon," he said warily, looking up to meet her eye with a small smile playing around the edge of his turned down mouth, "You've got some pretty good advice there. I, uh, thank you, I guess." He was still thoroughly miserable, and Regulus was still in control of his thoughts, but at least he didn't feel like giving up was the right thing to do.

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No one had held him like this for a long time, without hesitance or an ulterior motive, with only concern and caring. In fact, the last time must’ve been when he ran away and Mrs Potter greeted him with arms wide. Before that, he was rarely given affection. Her running her...

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"Yeah, well, when has James really suffered? As in, really been in pain, or hurt, or lost, or alone? Never," he said bitterly, "He has parents that love him and care about him, he has friends that love him, the girl he always liked likes him back but just won't say it. He has no problems to speak off. So I can't really channel someone who has no idea. He tried to reply but he doesn't /get it/, McKinnon, he has no concept of what I go through!" While Sirius loved James with all his heart, his messy haired friend never quite understood why Sirius was so conflicted: he was an only child loved by his parents unconditionally, how could he relate?

Sirius froze when she kissed the top of his head and jolted backwards to stare at her, emotions roiling and heart thudding. "McKinnon, w-what was that for?" he said, almost sounding flustered. Sirius Black was never flustered.

It was such an odd move in such an odd situation that he was stunned, barely able to think about why she might be kissing him, even platonically.

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"I’m learning not to think too highly of anyone. It means you can’t be let down. Low standards mean they almost always surprise you," he said sadly, sighing again. "Unless of course they’re so amazingly shitty and drop below your low standards. In which care you’re screwed."...

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No one had held him like this for a long time, without hesitance or an ulterior motive, with only concern and caring. In fact, the last time must've been when he ran away and Mrs Potter greeted him with arms wide. Before that, he was rarely given affection. Her running her hands through his hair made him shiver and grip her a little tighter: plenty of people (mainly girls he was shagging) had done that, but never had it felt so... familiar... Like something was right about the action.

Sighing, he looked down at his lap and took a deep breath. "It's a safe attitude. And I'm starting to think it's the right one. I don't like being like this, McKinnon, having low expectations would stop this happening again. Not caring could prevent this."

Once she had finished he scowled. "I have tried. I've tried so many times and each time it hurts more and nothing changes so what is the use? I'm giving up on him, okay?" He hadn't actually said what he was upset about before and realised too late he'd let something slip. "I mean, not giving up on /him/ in particular, because I'm not upset over a person.... I just..."

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It almost would’ve been embarrassing if the situation wasn’t so desperate, as he broke down crying almost as soon as she turned the corner and discovered him. Damn McKinnon and her ability to hear. He almost wanted her to laugh and leave him alone, anything would be better...

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"I'm learning not to think too highly of anyone. It means you can't be let down. Low standards mean they almost always surprise you," he said sadly, sighing again. "Unless of course they're so amazingly shitty and drop below your low standards. In which care you're screwed." When she wrapped her arms around him, he was startled at first but then began to relax, tense muscles working loose as he gripped into her waist like a dying man. He didn't know what she was doing, or why, but he didn't really care. Someone was there.

How very thoughtful of her, he thought to himself and he sniffed to try and remind himself that this couldn't be happening. He wasn't sitting in a corridor with Marlene McKinnon on his lap while he was crying over Regulus. In no universe did that make sense. "I don't need anything," he protested, "Honestly. I'm fine. I can manage a few minutes without someone helping me, really." Blinking to get rid of more tears threatening to fall, he leaned backwards against the wall, expecting to move away from her only his hands were still on her waist and she was pulled back towards him again.

It was surprisingly comforting having someone - anyone - so close when he was like this, but it felt weird for that person to be /Marlene McKinnon/. They had barely spoken since New Year. Not that he cared. Obviously.

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Really?

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I suppose, but drinking with permission would break up the monotony nicely.

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Oh, right, of course, it would change everything.

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Hey don't knock the drinking, it's good to get drunk!

[take-me-not-my-otp]

-i got soul but i’m not a soldier keep fighting this war ain’t over-

war time fan mix for sirius black

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

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Marlene was lost in her thoughts when she came back into the castle. She had meant to go for a run, but when she had reached the Quidditch Pitch it had turned out to be far to cold for this, so she had decided to stay in her normal clothes and just go for a short walk around the lake, before going back to the castle.

A lot had happened since that party back in February and she hardly ever thought about it anymore, though it was still somewhat nagging at the back of her head. That night just didn’t really seem to fit in the picture that she had gotten from Sirius Black in the past few years and she was struggling to put everything together correctly, though by now she had mostly given up on it and just let it be over and done with.

She was shivering from the cold air outside, having fogotten to take her coat, so she was wrapped up tightly in her Quidditch jumper, the hood pulled into her face, so she almost would have walked by the empty corridor, when suddenly she head a sound coming from it, almost like a moan, but then she recognized words, a murmur. “No no no no no.” And a few seconds later, Marlene also recognized the voice and turned around on her heel swiftly to check if she was right.

Indeed, she was and there he was sitting, almost not visible from where she was standing as he was hidden in the shadow of the dark corner. Marlene furrowed her brows and bit her lip, before she finally started moving again and walked over to him slowly.

"Black?" she asked, keeping her voice soft as she could see what a mess he was the closer she got. He simply looked terrible. Like he had seen a ghost that wasn’t supposed to be there and a thousand times worse. "Are you okay?" Marlene added as she knelt down in front of him, uselessly asking as if was obvious that he wasn’t. She didn’t stay in the position for more than a second, before she quickly scrambled to the place next to him, so she could sit cross legged by his side.

"Do you want to tell me what happened or should we just go and eat some ice in the kitchens? Or both?" she asked after a few more seconds, without even looking at him. She wasn’t quite sure where those words were coming from, he probably didn’t even really want her to be there, let alone tell her what had happened, but she felt like she should at least offer her help.

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It almost would've  been embarrassing if the situation wasn't so desperate, as he broke down crying almost as soon as she turned the corner and discovered him. Damn McKinnon and her ability to hear. He almost wanted her to laugh and leave him alone, anything would be better than sympathy. How could anyone give him sympathy when they had no idea what he was going through?

"Fuck off," he muttered, running a hand through his hair and tipping his head back, the shaft of light illuminating half his pale face. "I'm not in the mood, McKInnon, just leave me alone. Please." On the 'please' his voice cracked and he pulled himself tighter together, hoping that she would just leave right away. He didn't have any energy spare for getting annoying people to get away. When she sat next to him he wanted to cry even more, but at the same time he wanted to hit her. "What did I just say?"

Sighing heavily, he shuffled to one side and closed his eyes. "McKinnon, I appreciate the concern but it's none of your business."

"It's none of your business, Sirius, it stopped being your business when you left me there!"

"Get out of my head," he muttered to himself.

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Let It Go || Marlene and Sirius

"You are nothing to me, Sirius," he had sneered, folding his arms across his chest.

"You say that you want me to stay, Regulus, but you say I mean nothing to you!" Sirius snapped, "How does that work? I can't do both. I made my choice. I can't think about you all the time."

"You never think about me," Regulus laughed coldly, "Never thought that I might not want to stay."

"Don't deny you want to follow in Bellatrix' footsteps - you like that life!" his older brother raged.

"To protect my family, Sirius, that's why I'll join." His young face was set.

Suddenly, Sirius lashed out and drove him clenched fist into the wall, the pain not half as bad as the internal pain. He wanted that life. His little brother.

He had ran then. Ran as far as he could before he broke down into an angry, messy heap. His hand was throbbing with pain and his head was pounding. Everything was screaming at him and Sirius wasn't sure i it was even worth trying any more. For all he claimed to resent his brother, they were blood after all and any communication was painful and always ended badly. Sirius had hoped Regulus might leave too, but had never thought to ask. Now it was all too late.

It couldn't be happening, he told himself over and over, as if repeating it might convince himself he wasn't lying. "No... No no no no no," he moaned, sliding down the cold stone wall of the deserted corridor, cradling his broken hand in his lap.

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Really?

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Aw, poor Black. But honestly, do you really need an excuse for that? Usually you just get drunk anyway.

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I suppose, but drinking with permission would break up the monotony nicely.

[ben-thebons-barnes]

The Traits of a Broken Man

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Really?

Apparently we can't use St Patrick's Day as an excuse to get drunk.