When I Found You
"It was dark when I found you," Castiel said quietly. It came out of nowhere and left Dean speechless for a couple of seconds. "What?" Dean finally spluttered, putting down the blade he'd been previously cleaning. "I meant in hell," Castiel looked at Dean with his wide blue eyes. "Oh..." Dean let out a shaky breath, they didn't really talk about this and never in any detail. "Everything was dark, Dean, but despite all you'd been through you were still light." Castiel paused and tilted his head as if he found it hard to recall. "Of course you were very much broken and I could tell that your light was diminished and weakened. Dean can you imagine this? What I was seeing was a burned out version of Dean Winchester. I was merely seeing a fragment of your real light." Castiel paused again and seemed to consider his next words. "You were still beautiful in hell though, Dean." At that Dean shook his head and laughed awkwardly. "How could I have been beautiful? You know the things I did there and how could I be even close to acceptable in your eyes?" Dean could feel those familiar feelings of self hatred and regret bubbling up inside him, "Aren't you meant to be about purity? I doubt there was an ounce of purity left in me!" "I won't lie and say that you were pure, Dean, but tortured and damaged as you were, your heart and never ending desire to do good shone through." Castiel explained, "and any doubts I had about what I'd been ordered to do just vanished. It was the first time I felt a purpose, Dean. My purpose was and always will be to protect you." "Don't say things like that, Cas, this is your life it's not being lived to shelter me." Dean shook his head and got up from the motel dining chair he'd been sat in. "I don't have to, I choose to!" Castiel protested, "I don't have any desire other than to protect you." "That's stupid!" Dean was getting angry, how could someone give up their lives in order to protect him. "Is it?" Castiel challenged, "is it stupid that I have a purpose in my life and that for once my purpose is not to follow orders from someone superior to me, but instead it is to protect and care for an equal, for a friend." "Castiel in what way are we equals?" Dean sighed sadly. "I... I just thought that," Castiel tried to mask his disappointment, "I mean I know that I've messed up and I've not always been the most reliable but I've tried so hard to make it up to you... "You really believe I think that you are inferior to me?" Dean cut Castiel off with a look of disbelief, "Compared to you I am the darkest thing in this world. I am selfish and I'm reckless. Sammy and you are the only people's lives who I've ever truly attempted to protect and I couldn't even keep you two safe. I am a corruption to you and your beliefs. I'm not your purpose, if anything I took away your purpose. What kind of a person does that?" Dean couldn't look at the man in the stupid trench coat in fear of showing just how much he cared. "You think so little of yourself, Dean, I don't understand how you can do that. After everything you've done for this world," Castiel stepped closer to Dean, "You are so much better than you believe and I don't care how long it takes me, I will show you that light that I saw when everything else was dark."