let's talk sebastian stan.
i wasn't going to make my own post about my thoughts on the whole sebastian drama because other people were already doing a good enough job, but man, with this flare up and the probable worsening of it since seb's birthday is tomorrow, i can't stay silent any longer.
warning: this is long and i barely proof-read it.
so many things are already blown out of proportion so here is the story again, for anyone who managed to miss it: sebastian was spotted by paparazzi twice in ibiza with a woman (alejandra onieva), and the pictures suggest that they're romantically involved (unconfirmed whether or not they're in an actual relationship). fans reacted by being upset he's travelled and isn't wearing a mask in said pictures (this was a whole other issue, which is semi-fair, although worth noting that these pictures also showed they were not in a crowded area and were mostly alone, save for a few employees on the yacht they were on - the "club" he was also seen in without a mask is almost definitely a restaurant, or a combination of the two at least, because they're literally seated around a table with food and drinks...), and also started trying to figure out who she was. it didn't take long for them to find her instagram, and it didn't take much longer after that until someone had gone through all of her own posts as well posts she has been tagged in, and found a picture from 2018 in which her and a friend were dressed in traditional clothing, captioned “ASIAN NIGHTS" (the post has since been deleted). things escalated from here, with fans commenting on the post to say it is offensive, which resulted in them being blocked - so others joined in, spamming her comment section as well as sebastian's and i think even who people assumed was his pr manager (esmerelda brajovic), sending dm's and creating posts of their own about the issue. these people were then blocked by alejandra too, as well as sebastian and esmerelda, and alejandra restricted comments on her posts. this started the trending hashtag "SebastianStanIsOverParty" and all the conflict that followed. there has been radio silence from sebastian since this all kicked off, which is making fans even angrier, now labelling him as a racist, racist-apologist, because he isn't addressing the situation.
people have been trying to pin sebastian as a racist since they were dissatisfied with his "late" involvement in posting about BLM. they harassed him until he posted, and even then were still giving snide comments along the lines of "looks like bullying works", "thanks for the bare minimum, priviledged white man", etc. others were demanding he donate money, and after it was revealed he did in fact donate $10,000 to a charity, he was once again met with comments such "the rich white man finally opened his purse" and others telling him to keep donating (which isn't necessarily bad but just the phrasing was often rude).
i think it's quite a reach to deem him racist just because he didn't post much and was late to join in. who knows if he was even using social media? maybe he didn't feel it was his place to speak when others were doing better? maybe he didn't feel educated enough to post the right things so took some time to read through information before deciding what to say and where to donate? coming from my experience (i know i'm not a celebrity and don't have a massive platform, but we're both still human beings), i felt totally overwhelmed when deciding what to post out of fear i say something wrong, or share something wrong, or misinterpret... the list goes on. i was battling with pretty bad anxiety at the time and posting on social media in general caused me a lot of distress, let alone the thought of someone yelling at me to post and donate and calling me names if i don't comply. seb himself has said before that he tries not to look at instagram much, so who knows, maybe he feels the same about it. i'll acknowledge i could be wrong in this and maybe he didn't post because he didn't care, as many are claiming, but they have about as much evidence for their assumptions as i do.
so people went on to further connect his low level of involvement here, to him now being associated with a woman who was guilty of cultural appropriation, in order to further pin him as a racist. this situation got ridiculous.
i'm not saying to excuse alejandra - she caused offence, she should apologise. simple. i won't argue with anyone wanting to hold her accountable. but sebastian? you really want him to apologise for something she did two years ago, probably before they even knew each other? it is nothing to do with him. maybe (and i mean maybe) if it was posted in the time since they've been spotted together, he would have more responsibility to comment on it, but he probably didn't even know she did it. like, i assume, almost definitely, he had no idea the post existed - he doesn't even follow her on instagram.
i can't even imagine what an apology from him would sound like without finding it ridiculous. like, "hey guys, so sorry about my girlfriend posting an insensitive picture two years ago, i didn't know her back and then and she is genuinely sorry after i spoke to her about it"? no, because then people will probably attack him for defending her - they're already claiming he's defending her when he literally hasn't said anything. i think it could be fair to say he's ignoring her wrongdoing, but he isn't defending it. either that or he'll get hit with those "took you long enough" comments again.
or, "hey guys, thank you for pointing out alejandra's racist behaviour, we've now broken up because of it so thanks"? again, no, because then it will feed into this strange narrative that fans always know what is best for their fave, that they must always bring their attention to wrong-doings of people in their life, and it will inevitably just lead to a repeat of this situation somewhere down the line. they are (usually) grown adults who do not need their fans to filter through their friends' and family's social media to find out what kind of person they are - they can do that through human, in-person interaction. people can grow, maybe alejandra has too.
a lot of people are also trying to pin sebastian based on the "people he surrounds himself with" and i just... sigh. the examples i've seen are his ex-PA, ex-girlfriend, and his trainer. so, you've found about three people sebastian has been associated with and that automatically makes him share all of their beliefs and mirrors their behaviour? as far as i'm aware, he fired said PA after finding out about things they've done/said, he broke up with said girlfriend (although cannot confirm it was because of this), and the worst i've heard about don saladino is that he is allegedly a trump supporter? i'm sorry, but have you not heard sebastian making jokes expressing his dislike of trump? don may be a friend to him but it's still work-related - sebastian won't have actively chosen to work with him (or his assistant, for that matter, they would have been hired for him), and so what if they get along? i have work-friends who i get along with because we spend a lot of time together, but we share different beliefs. it's called being civil, might be worth looking up and learning!
also, like, what about all the other people sebastian is "surrounded" by? all his co-workers who have nothing bad to say about him? all the fans who have met and conversed with him? try looking at his friend group that has stood for 10+ years? media may create a false sense of who he is close to, or spends a lot of time with - unless you know him personally, you do not know anything about his private life.
many fans are still mad he hasn't posted on social media and it's really about time they get over it. i held my breath for the first few days after the uproar thinking he would say something, but it's pretty clear now he's avoiding social media altogether - maybe to never return. i know i wouldn't if i'd had people starting an "RIP" hashtag about me, telling me to kill myself, and doxxing me. he's said in fairly recent interviews that he tries not to use instagram very much, and has pretty strong opinions on how crazy the internet is. i share the same view as a lot of others - i hope he doesn't come back, for his sake. rude fans don't deserve it, and his loyal fans will support him no watter what, even if that means he pulls back from interracting with us.
i don't believe anybody actually wants an apology, they just want something to continue attacking him for.
stop expecting anything from him. you're bashing his image based on unrealistic standards and expectations you made up - he's not perfect, and has never claimed to be, often even rejecting the compliment when fans say it to him. he's tried to make it clear that he has flaws, and it's not his fault people decided not to listen to him and if you really do want to stop supporting him, go for it, but the best thing you can do is just stop talking about him altogether - consider taking up a hobby if the best thing you can do with your time is tweet about your hatred for someone who did something you disagree with. don't shove your opinion down other people's throats, and don't bully others who want to continue supporting him.
this was extremely long, i'm sorry, i just have so many opinions on this whole situation, and this is just the tip of the iceberg, but i had to get it out of my system! i don't have twitter otherwise i would tweet this too - if you think this is good enough to share, then go for it, but please only use it respectfully and don't get too mean with others who disagree with anything said here! fighting fire with fire never works.
p.s. (i can't stop myself lol) i still don't believe it was sebastian blocking fans. he's inactive on social media and returns just to block people? that doesn't sound very believable. or, if it was him, it was under the recommendation of his pr team if it wasn't them, themselves, who did it. and who knows what was actually being sent? i've seen people show screenshots of what they claim they only commented, but there's no way of telling if they sent rude messages too. i'm not accusing anyone of doing so, it's just a thought. some people have also said that it was actually just an instagram function that restricts people from and stops them from spamming.
p.p.s. sorry if my telling of the story is incorrect in any way! that would be kind of ironic wouldn't it... it's hard trying to remember everything that has happened!
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