Hello there! I am pandaluc, but you can call me pan! My name is basically combined by my two most favorite in this world which is panda and diluc (genshin impact).
I write for genshin! However, as of now, I am only able to write for certain genshin characters. I will soon write for other characters, I just need to get to know them better.
Requests are currently open.
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ephemeral [adjective. something that lasts for a very short time]
pairing: scaramouche/reader
summary: after years of radio silence, scaramouche returned to you, no longer the mellow and friendly person that you’d taken in and grown to love. it was hard for you to trust him again but here he was, promising you the future that you wanted. all the wanted was to protect you and so he kept his word.
wordcount: 5.8k
content/warnings: major character death, suggestive content, 2.1 spoilers so please do not read ahead if you haven’t played the archon quest + also aren’t familiar with the sus leaks about his future [UNEDITED]
a/n: i don’t know, this idea kinda popped up in my head and it all accumulated into this piece. i am very sorry. this is my first time writing for genshin like ever and i debated for a very long time whether i should even post this. not sure if i’ll write more for genshin but i love scaramouche a lot and i can’t wait for him to be playable. anyways, i hope you enjoy and sorry againfajefgazfe
Before the next update for Genshin drops, friendly reminder to please tag the spoilers (and not to discuss them with me for now since I won't be able to play for a while!)
If you are scrolling through Tumblr trying to distract yourself from something you don’t want to think about, or you’re looking for a sign. It is going to be okay. Just breathe. You are alive and you matter.
what are you looking at? you.
—when you catch them staring at you.
[木] CONTENT.S : gn!reader, fluff, separate relationships, established relationships, scenarios, prompt taken from this list
[漏] SHARED WITH. : thoma, kazuha, gorou
[れ] WARNING.S : none !!
[日] NOTE.S : toki posted a new fic weewooweewoo because u pretty <3
p.s. if you liked this work, consider giving a reblog! or they won’t look at you anymore >:( /lh /hj
Warnings: mentions of war, death. slight mention of blood and corpse, grammar and spelling mistakes.
Zhongli was a man of composure, sincerity and wisdom. Yes, he often forgets about mora, but his personality is not all that. In fact, he was a loving man. A reason why you had fallen in love with him. He had so many experiences, and you admire him for that. One of his many experiences is death. He had lost so many loved ones, to the point where whenever he meets someone, he will always tell himself to prepare for their death. Because of his years of living, he got used with deaths... but do you think that such will be applied to everyone? Or maybe he secretly prays to the celestial gods to protect and save a particular someone from death? Will the celestial gods hear him?
You and the traveller were friends ever since the two of you talked to each other in Mondstadt. A reason why you were friends is because the both of you are travellers, seeking the same thing - to know more about this unknown god. Ever since the two of you knew this similarity to each other, you would travel Teyvat together. You both were like duos - you would plan things out while they act these plan out..and well Paimon would be the source of your mental strength, cheering the both of you up if times get rough. Alas, you and the traveller reached Liyue, and met this man named Zhongli. Just a day being with him made you look up to him so much. From his words to his beliefs, you. admired them. Even if he did not have mora with him, some part of you admired him for that since he doesn't pay too much...attention, yes, to prices. He was smart, caring, and gentle. Little did you know that that exact moment, Zhongli had also admired your stories and personality.
Time goes by, and you fell for him even more. As if every minute you spend with him, there is warmth in your heart. Everytime you look at his shining eyes, you end up being in awe.. what a beautiful man, you tell yourself. Though you were careful with being in love with him. From what you knew, he was a mortal while you are a traveller of realities being thousands years old. But alas, it has been made known to you and the traveller that he is an archon, alive for more than 6000 years. You felt better with being in love with him, and thought that maybe that is one of the reasons why you felt some strong connection between the both of you.
After you and the traveller saved Liyue, the traveller had to leave you in order to go to Inazuma - a closed nation that unfortunately, you cannot go in. Though you were sad that you have to leave the traveller in Inazuma, you were happy when you realized you could spend more time with Zhongli alone. And so, the both of you did. Each day, the both of you fell more and more in love with each other to the point where you cannot handle your feelings being hidden anymore. So you confessed. Part of you were scared, but you knew Zhongli was mature enough to not let your friendship fade away if ever he doesn't like, no, love you back.
"Does this mean that we break our friendship now?", Zhongli's words startled and hurt you. "Why..? You don't have to love me back, I am alright with that. But why must our friendship be ruined because of my feelings?", you ask him looking straight at his eye as you do everything you can to not let your tears escape your eyes. "If two people become in love with each other, don't they leave the stage of friendship and proceed to be in a relationship together?", Zhongli replied in a stern yet blushing face. Yoh look at him with shock and jokingly hit his chest. "First off, why must you scare me like that? How rude.. And second, where did you learn how to say these kind of things?". A part of you was upset that he had scared you like that, but you still had a wholesome smile in your face, a result of happiness because he had felt the same way towards you all along. Zhongli simply chuckled, which is quite rare, to your flustered state and proceeded to put one arm on the back of your head, pulling you to a hug while your head relaxes against his chest.
And starting that day, you and Zhongli was in a relationship. At first, it was quite awkward. After all, Zhongli never had been into a relationship or at least, been years since he had been into one again. You're relationship was also private. The both of you did not do pda too much. But behind closed doors, Zhongli loves to hug you and put his head on top of yours, relaxing to your embrace as he forgets all of the cruel things in this world. One day, the traveller came back to Liyue to perhaps bring you in Snezhnaya with them, but you preffered to be selfish for once and declined. You still wanted to know more about the unknown god, but at the same time, you are already contented with the life you have with Zhongli. The traveller understood that and made their way in Snezhnaya, you reminding them that if they need anything, they could ask you for help.
Zhongli was quite surprised with your decision. He did not want to be a distraction to your goals, however, you insisted that it is alright. In which he became secretly happy about. He is, after all, very in love with you. So much that no word can describe the amount of love he has for you. As an archon, he had met a lot of people and lost lots. He was used to it, and often times, he would prepare himself if anyone he meets dies. But you. He knew that he was nowhere near prepared to see you dying, or simply disappearing from his life. He wanted you to stay. And he will do everything to do so. May it be strict contracts or bloody fighting, he will do it just so that you will stay alive. He at first thought that it was pathetic for him to act and think like this all because of one person in his life. All because of you. But instead of burying himself with these thoughts, he simply decided to do everything he can to make you stay. Everyday, he thanks the celestial gods for such a wonderful partner and asks them to protect you with all their might.
But alas, all lovely days come to an end. The traveller's experience in Snezhnaya sadly was very complicated. It caused the fatui to attack Liyue and Mondstadt. It caused Venti and Zhongli regret losing their gnosis because now, all they can rely on is human power and celestial gods' mercy to protect their nations...
A lot of people in Liyue proceeded to hide from the fatui, going through mountains and forests just to survive the war going through. The adeptus, as well as those with visions and the traveller, was doing everything they can to help Liyue. You decided to help as well. Zhongli, at first, was hesitant. He did not want you to fight as your chances of dying will increase. All he wanted to do was for the two of you to run, hide, and if anything happens, simply defend yourselves together. But no. A part of you thinks that if only you had went with the traveller, none of this could've happened. You had a tearful argument with Zhongli, just so that he could allow you to fight while he runs, saving himself from the war. Before leaving him in a cave both of you found and hid in, the last conversation you had with him happened.
"Please..dear. Please stay safe. Please do not die on me. I trust you, but I hope you know that I can never manage to lose you."
"Zhongli, my dear, you know that I cannot just leave Liyue to suffer when I have the power to defend the nation."
"But I cannot afford to lose you. I rarely do these type of things, but I am begging you to go back home harmless and safe."
"We both have lived for thousands of years. We both know that this was bound to happen."
"I do know that such is bound to happen, but I am not prepared to lose you. I never want to lose you. I want the both of us to spend each day in our life together. So please, don't just leave me. Promise me that we will still be with each other, together, even after this war."
"I will try."
You refused to look at him as you two had this conversation. But you know he was crying. You know he was suffering. You knew, however, that you need to help defend Liyue. And so, you bid your last goodbye as you left him miserable.
He waited for you. He remained awake at night, hoping to see you just by the cave entrance. But you never came home. However, he still waited. He wanted to keep his promise to you to stay safe no matter what. A day of waiting, turned into three. Three days of waiting had turned into five. Five days of waiting, turned into a week. He trusted you. He listened to you. He prayed to the celestial gods. But he cannot sit in the cave anymore, simply waiting for you. He went outside with his polearm, and tried to find you.
He went to rivers, lakes, and forests but he cannot find you. After a few days of searching, he finally sees you. Your cold rotting body, dried blood all over you, your eyes and mouth open. It was a sight he imagined might happen but he never wanted to see. He ran to you, cupped your face. Uncontrollably, many tears had fallen from his eyes as his hands shake while holding your dead corpse. He lost you. He was too late. He felt stupid. He should've done more to make you stay. And now, you're dead. The one he loved so so much, is now dead on the ground. He screamed, not caring if there is anyone near by or if there are any fatui members that could hear him and kill him. He found life suddenly useless. He found his heart empty, mind filled with so many regrets and memories of the both of you. He thought to himself why must it end this way? He was mad, sad, disappointed... Even if you were dead, he held your cold hands and hugged you for one last time.
What he did not however was that you were still there. That the celestial gods had listened to the both of you - that the both of you will stay together. However, you are only there beside him as a spirit that he is not able to see. You felt horrible. You tried your very best but you failed. And now, the both of you are covered in tears. One decision. Only one decision of yours was what led the two of you to this.
The war had ended. Lots of people died, including you. Ever since the day you died, you followed Zhongli everywhere as a spirit. You would hug him, kiss him, and hold his hand especially when he cries about your death. You know that he won't feel your affections and hear your words, but you stayed with him just like how you would as a human.
Maybe Zhongli became slightly crazy. Maybe he knew that you were a spirit. Maybe it was just his way of coping. But a lot of times, especially when he is alone, he would pretend that you are still with him. Everytime he cooks food, he pretends to talk to you and tell you about his day. Everytime he eats, he always put on two plates on the table, one for him and one for you. Everytime he sleeps, he leaves a space for you and wears a shirt of yours, and hugs the pillow you used to lay on, and he does not decide on washing anytime soon. Even in times where he would take a walk, he would have one hand open, pretending that you are there to hold it. Some had noticed this habit of Zhongli, especially the traveller and Paimon. They would think that such coping mechanism is unhealthy and will just hurt him more. Some also thinks that it is quite delusional of him to do such things. But they preferred not to tell him these because they knew how important you are to him. They knew how your death affected him so much, and decided to just let him be.
Bonus:
He and Childe are still friends in some way. Childe indeed was a part of the fatui, but was against with the war that happened. In fact, he helped the traveller and tried to save you. It was also because of this war why he had left the fatui and hated it instead. Sometimes, Zhongli and Childe would have a conversation together. Childe would even cook for Zhongli at times. And since he knows how Zhongli copes with his loss, he would make sure that there is an empty chair for you anytime, as well as a plate of food meant for you. You can't help but feel sad and happy at the same time. You were sad to see Zhongli like this, miserable and dead inside. But quite, just quite, happy that he still acknowledges your presence even if he does not know you as a spirit, but knows you as a part of his memory and imagination.
Author's Note:
Felt like writing hurt today so here, I feed you this. Archons know how much grammar and spelling mistakes are in this post, so forgive me for that. I don't know if it is sad enough to make people cry, but I wish it is because that is my goal after all. I love y'all and stay safe, have a good day <3 sorry if this is also ooc, i main zhongli but uhh :D i only know osmanthus wine
