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@pandora-4-cindy
THIS BLOG IS UP FOR ARCHIVE PURPOSES ONLY. I AM SOBER NOW … lol i relapsed
(i also now use this blog as a web diary where i post cringe…)
23, gender nonconformist, music fan
minors dni plox
main blog is @symetricon (follow/like from there)
log to let myself ramble at a brick wall and then look at the next morning when sober
Still clean!!
Clean for good this time, i keep saying that tho. I tattooed ‘quit’ above my right knee. I also had a mushroom trip that made me believe in true absolute redemption and handmade a rosary about it. Still dont really know what im doing. I will always always always be an addict but i will try to live virtuously. I need something noble to strive for or ill never stop. Im deep in the withdrawals rn so im pissed all the time and my body is constantly sore, especially my back and eyes. Ive stopped talking to friends and family. I can tell im on a cognitive decline. Im stupider than ive ever been, super slow. I feel super detached because everyone is stressing me out. Its not the worst episode ever, just annoying.
Dxm is very dangerous, my lungs feel like they’re caving in on themselves whenever i lay on my back. My cat could tell when i was high and would avoid me. Ive never related to sam ray more than i do now.
Anyways just having a bad night, i needed to write something down.
getting clean again ✌🏼 i also use a real diary now and will not be oversharing on the internet anymore, real diaries are sooo much better you can be way more honest with yourself. if u come here and are a dxm user, bro cmon, just stop that. try taking edibles instead, and start listening to screamo music. thats what helped me quit the most lol. (oakwood, jacques rocque and ethel meserve helped me the most! and twelve hour run, i hate myself, knives chau fan club, mcr (first album), the pine, girlfriends etc)
emo music is awesome :D it saved my life
i will not waste unmetabolized dxm by bouncing around until i vomit
i will not waste unmetabolized dxm by bouncing around until i vomit
i will not waste unmetabolized dxm by bouncing around until i vomit
i will not waste unmetabolized dxm by bouncing around until i vomit
i will not waste unmetabolized dxm by bouncing around until i vomit
i miss dxm so much. id suck an old crusty dick for 180mg ngl
u do NOT have to suck dick for dxm, just walk into anything with a pharmacy and walk out with dxm gel caps in ur coat pocket
honestly dxm makes us fucking. even cooler. i mean we're wonderful amazing beautiful already but dxm just makes it all nicer yk
Comfort game + drink
robotripping how to and tips?
depends how much u weigh and how tall u r. i’m 5’1 and 109lbs so too much gets me to 4th plat easily.
start off w 300mg of dxm, pls make sure dxm is the ONLY thing in there. no acetaminophen or diphenhydramine. it will take abt an hour and a half to kick in, you will feel light, dizzy, and euphoric. you might get mild closed eye visuals.
some tips: listen to music, be in a dark environment, be in your room/don’t be around others — the general public, as this can make you anxious and have a bad trip. smoking weed on dxm is also AMAZING and i recommend.
TripSit DXM Calculator Tool
u can calculate ur dxm needed based on weight with this link, dxm is awesome but withdrawals r a bitch and its very easy to get addicted!
also i dare u to walk down a flight of stairs or walk any distance in public on dxm lol
hallo high again, so me and dude have been talking lots, like everyday, just abt random stuff and we have a call scheduled for wednesday to talk (hes out of town) ive gotta make this dude so attracted to me he doesnt know what to do with himself. im working on it. he called me cute today and its been like 5 days since i asked him out? i think? we havent even had the first date yet. waaahhhhhhh i told him abt my fav band today and that ive read shane/ryan slash on ao3 URGH demon au and everything… so embarrassing…. wah.. anyways he was like oh ok im no yaoi expert or anything but u can tell me abt it…. HE WANTS ME TO INFO DUMP!
husband, asap, like fr…. and children, the whole nine yards… quit doing drugs idiot uuuuugggghhhhhhhhhhh
high rn, asked this rlly sweet dude out on a date and he said yes, hes way out of my league and im punching soooo far up the scale… I CANNOT FUMBLE THE BAG! I CANNOT! im like 100% sure i wanna make this dude my husband eventually i mean hes a teacher already so yk hes good with kids and he knows what marble hornets is… like more than just surface level… so… hes kinda the one i think i hope… YOU CANNOT FUMBLE THE BAG JADEN!!! DUDE LITERALLY BUILDS ROBOTS FOR A LIVING!! DO! NOT! FUMBLE! THE! BAG!
yup 🙂↕️ i can definitely do it now
just texted with amber for most of my trip. i told her i relapsed and she said she would help me quit which is super fucking kind of her, shes been so patient with me and i rlly dont want to take it for granted. dont wanna fuck this up cus shes pretty cool and i like her alot, idk why i was so hesitant b4, ugh now im horny… fuck
relapsed for 3 days straight and got withdrawals again fuuuck me forgot how fucking bad they are. 2nd day high now to stave off withdrawals (excuse). music wise ive been listening to alot of mcr and 90s emo , im suuuper into mcr now after going to concert with my sibling. illi mcmillin trans girl truther. ugh anyways kms drugs r bad other than that its ok tho, i miiiight have breast cancer but im also a hypochondriac so idk.
relapsed hard withdrawlz blah blah but making music actually??
i also relapsed after getting accidental benadryl high fucking kill me
i should have neeeevvvver done this seen it coming a mile away im like so close to the edge
im just gunna withdraw a fuck ton and only talk to jim and my girlfriend
i wont go out ill just get high and sleep and work and talk to jim and amber i really cant fucking handle it anymore i really really cant
i must’ve fucked up and said the wrong thing i got defensive just like he did and i didnt speak up until it was too late i dont even want to talk to him about it anymore i really dont feel like being his friend anymore i dont really have any drive to fix it
idk its just over again i just have to shed it and move on maybe ill make friends and live again but probably not for a while
!!!EDIT SEP 4th 2025!!!
wtf is my deal, were fine now sorta we never rlly worked it out but we took some space away from each other (as much as roomates can) and now were friendly again. its not the same as it was before tho and that makes me sad. maybe its good that were not so close tho cus we were like… way too close for people who werent dating… ya…. im probably still in love with him tho or something stupid like that, fuck my stupid baka life
