When it came down to it, the bare true was that very few things seemed to matter to Marlene McKinnon anymore. Sure, her morals were in place, her ‘righteous attitude’ one that seemed to get her into just as much trouble as her quick tongue managed. But when it came to the people in her life that she would lay it down for, the list was short, sweet, and simple. Perhaps she was selfish, condemned to never fully be as forgiving and love-centric as others around her. Or maybe she was just smart, after week after week of torment at the hands of Orion and Bellatrix Black, names she still refused to disclose despite the constant yammering of Moody and McGonagall alike. They sought justice, while she sought to keep Sirius alive and away from whatever idiotic choice might befall him, were he to ever find out the truth. What he didn’t know about his father or estranged, batshit cousin couldn’t hurt him.
And while the list was short, barely exceeding the chance to count them all on both hands, they were hers. Emotions weren’t something Marlene was particularly fond of, had never really grasped hold of understanding them. She was a hot mess, one that had been shown strange examples of love to a degree that never gave an exact understanding on how to feel it. Yet, she was loyal, at least to those she considered family. It was small, and difficult to find footing in unless she decided otherwise– picky, yes, but safer that way. Simple enough, she figured; the less people one allowed in, the less likelihood of getting fucked over and hurt again. While some seemed to be holding people dearer in times of war, Marlene seemed to be pushing most of them away; whether or not residual side effects of the Unforgivables impacted that aside, it seemed easier that way. She regarded everyone she wasn’t familiar with for years that way, Pandora included. It was a special case, her best friend fancied the blonde and that counted for something. And she seemed kind and innocent enough, but Marlene knew it never hurt to be careful; her own hidden agendas fed into everything she did, regardless of when she chose to admit it or not. She half expected the fellow badger to do the same, though she was positive Pandora was too scared of her to vocalize such a thing.
“I’ve been stuck enough places to last the next twenty years.” Marlene shrugged, the candid nature of her dialect leaving little to question. She was quite certain that details of her ‘time away’ were ones she would never disclose, but anyone with half a brain was bound to have figured out she was captive. And while the castle was in the Order’s possession, several protection charms and a Fidelius on top of it sealing them in, Marlene often felt caged rather than safe. At the girl’s next comment, Marlene raised an eyebrow, letting out a quiet scoff before she could contain herself. “Why should it matter to me what you look like? It’s a bar, not my mother’s.” She spoke, shrugging. “Besides, ya look fine, it’d take a lot more than your clothes to embarrass me, mate.”
Trust wasn’t something that was easy to come by in the world anymore. While Pandora tended to believe the best in most people, she wasn’t blind to the fact that there were people that didn’t deserve her trust considering how monstrous certain ones could be. Especially in the world that they were in. However that didn’t often extend to those that she shared the castle with. With those people she felt as though she could completely trust them until they proved otherwise. So far it was working for her, but she knew that it was more than likely only a matter of time before that willing to trust was completely shattered. It wasn’t something that she looked forward knowing how horrific the event would have to be to take it from her. The only hope that she had was that the fact it would be her that was harmed instead of the people that she cared about, but she knew at the end of the day she wouldn’t have control over that. Her heart could handle herself being hurt but imagining those that she loved being harmed? It completely shattered her. Although if she was ever honest with herself it wouldn’t matter who was hurt if she knew about it because either way her heart would never be the same. Perhaps she was too tender hearted to survive the war.
Everyone was always telling Pandora that she needed to be careful about how easily she let people into her heart especially with the war going on. You never knew who would be there the next day, or honestly in the next hour. It was all too easy to get swept up in the hurt of losing someone meaningful and for most that was too much to deal with. For her though that was more of a reason to throw herself into caring for everyone. At least then she had no regrets about never giving herself into her heart. She’d rather go through grief than having to live with the regret of closing her hard off from anyone else. After all what was more important? To live with regret or to avoid pain? For someone like her the answer was pretty easy, but she understood the same couldn’t be said for everyone. She knew that for most that it wasn’t as easy to handle the grief that came with losing someone they cared about and it wasn’t worth it to them to get close and risk that pain if they could avoid it. For Pandora she believed that everyone should do whatever they had in order to get through the war no matter what it meant.
“Honestly I hope one day that I can travel the world and see different countries, but that will have to wait,” She admitted taking a deep breath. It wasn’t a secret to those that knew Pandora that she tended to get restless to say the least. Her current caginess had nothing to do with the castle itself, but rather the fact that she was surrounded by so many people that she often found herself feeling as if she was drowning. She shrugged her shoulders if Marlene didn’t care what she was wearing then she could be happy with wearing whatever then. “If you’re fine with it then we can just leave. Get some fresh air from this place and all that.”
