I hate minions. I hate them so much, I hope they go to a misty yellow capitalist mainstream marketing hell. I don’t know who decided to wake up on one bright ass sunny morning and fling themselves out of bed, eat, and sit down at their desk to design a minion. The fact that some of them have one eye and some of them have two makes me want to bash my head into a brick wall. Who the fuck does that? You know you have children as viewers, why the hell would you trick people like that? God I fucking hate minions so much, stupid fucking anthropomorphic foam earplug pieces of shit go straight to hell, there is a special place in hell for minions. I hate how minions have taken over EVERYTHING in the marketing industry. Who in their right mind, as a designer, cartoonist, or anyone with the least bit common sense decides to pick up an HB pencil and make a sketch of an ugly, yellow tic tac looking creature with one eye and an ugly blue suit. Who the FUCK just wakes up and decides “Hey. I think I wanna design something uglier and more annoying than the crazy frog. It’s gonna be yellow, have an annoying ass voice, one eye, sometimes two, because I want to torture people, and a ridiculous costume. Who knows. Maybe one day, they’ll get their own MOVIE, because why the FUCK not.” I bet the designer of the minion’s mother regrets not letting her boyfriend pull out when he could have because she ended up having to carry a human who would create the prevalent downfall of this economy and world itself for 9 months straight. There’s minion themed shit everywhere. Mom posts on Facebook, on cereal boxes, on BILLBOARDS. There are even TIC TACS that look like minions. This shit needs to STOP. Minions are fucking disgusting. I can’t remember the last time I hated something relatively innocuous as much as I hate these Despicable Me minions. I think their voices are like Satan’s own, only multiplied by a million and pitched to sound like a pitchfork is simultaneously being rammed up each of their asses and down each and every one of their throats, if they even fucking have any. Each and every minion, whether it be on a school notebook, a shipment box, or a billboard, is the spawn of SATAN, not that big bitch named Gru or whatever the fuck his name was from Despicable Me. I want to pick up each and every minion and throw them into a flaming, erupting volcano and watch their yellow skin melt as their pathetic, pitched voices scream into the air for mercy. I have no mercy for minions. They are a nuisance, a pest to everything and anyone who breathes or fucking excretes. I wish the slowest and most painful death to all these ugly, annoying, idiotic and impudent little shits. Death to all minions. Thank you for reading
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
titsay
gummygunk
