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I'd be in pain trying to rationalize other people's action. Nakakapagod din na parati nalang ibang tao ang uunahing intindihin. Pano naman ako, who's there to look out for what I need and deserve? I have to allow myself to feel hurt and get mad and not feel bad about it. Tao nga lang sila, tao lang din naman ako.

Pero in the end, after all that I've said and done, ako padin ang maguiguilty at hihingi ng tawad. I value people that I love more than my pride, pero wag sanang sagarin ang pasensya ko. Hindi kasi yun unli, 

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To be upset over something you have no right to be upset about is just so upsetting.

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cAn Love cOme Now, plEase?

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Should I refer to it as a start of a new chapter? Or have we just gone through the Conflict element in the nth chapter of our story? Woah! It made me wonder, how many conflicts are we going to face in this lifetime? But hey, you know what they say, a good story always have conflicts. I could only pray that the ones that would be thrown at us in the future would be a whole lot easier to get over with, or if not, may all the previous conflicts makes us more resistant and resilient. 

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Just a friendly reminder yo!

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Hatred. Lately, it's been driving me to move on. I don't intend to wake up each day like that, I'm only settling for what emotion's currently available. So far so good, it works.

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Back to my old habits, with a few sprinkles of change here & there.:)

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Yung hindi ka makatulog dahil pilit kang dinadaldal ng sarili mong utak, tapos kung kailan naman meron kang totoong tao na kausap dun ka biglang aantukin. Minsan ganon ata talaga, mas enjoy ka pang kausapin ang sarili mo kesa iba.

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I used to wish for someone who'd be afraid to lose me. Maybe it's wrong because it feels like I'm giving in to the possibility of it failing. 

Now, I hope to have someone who knows that he'd never lose me. He would never want to & would do every means to not to.

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Maybe it's because I didn't trust you enough? Negative thoughts breeds negative realities. Worrying that you'd cheat & leave me. Did I attract that? But then, I wasn't all negative, I was hopeful too. That'd we'd be together forever. I'm pretty sure that I thought about that more than anything else.

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One day, you would tell me all the things that I am longing to hear now. Maybe it would be too late, or maybe it would just be in time. But nevertheless, it will happen.

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What scares me the most isn't about being unable to find someone who'd love me & I'd love back. It is the feeling that I might not find anyone else whom I could be totally comfortable with. I am open to people, but only up to a certain point. Nobody else have achieved the level of comfort I had with him, not even with my family & friends. It is as if he were an extension of myself.

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I can't help but wonder if you pursued the relationship with her. The thought of it makes my insides churn. The uncertainty makes me want to try to be with someone just to not be alone. I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing. It feels like I'm about to commit a crime. Like I'm cheating. Like I'm still with you.