[panopticonzoo-blog]

Fractured Graves

This is quite possibly my favorite piece of writing that I have ever composed!

Calculating the average span of your existence,

Realizing it's time to outline your somber funeral

  You're deceived by the deceiver's deadly deception,

You don't differentiate fantasy from fact,

"No heaven, no hell.

Just decomposition in a wooden casket decomposing with you."

  Because Hell is your nightmare,

You profess it doesn't exist.

  The Creator will smite that perverted smile

From your filthy lips.

  The Creator's most overlooked creations will commence your consumption,

You'll be the fertilization for the vines that fracture your tombstone.

  Tell me, now that you're dead,

Do you wish you gave heed to my "irrational creationism hoax"?

  You chose the fires of Sheol,

Over the perfection of Heaven

I pray your offspring,

Pave a better fate.

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Rant:

I do not understand people's irrational (yes, IRRATIONAL) fear of snakes. I mean, seriously? I just want to bring mine into my dorm. That's all. It's far more safe than most other pets and it doesn't shed hair that leaves people allergic and it doesn't get a disgusting odor or anything like that. Why can't people just be not lame for once...?

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Good-byes Suck.

Remember when you were twelve and all you wanted was to be a grown-up?

Well... now we're grown up. Is it all that we thought it would be? It certainly is not for me. When you're twelve you don't realize how hard it will be to work excessively just to pay the bills or how hard it is to say goodbye to people you've known for years and places you've gone to for as long as you can remember.

We move on to college and leave behind friends and family. It's more heartbreaking then I ever imagined it would be. In three weeks I'll be back at school for another year and this time, I won't be back to Cutting Edge. I won't be there every Monday and Wednesday drumming and just worshipping my God with my friends there. I have to move on and it's quite utterly depressing. After this year of college, I'll have to say good-bye again to all my teachers, classmates, and other people at school...

The question plaguing my mind as of late is this: what is life but a series of good-byes? Is it even worth getting close enough to people or places that you'll just have to bid farewell in a few short years? I don't know the answer to that question. I think it is definitely easier to stay detached, but, from what I hear, detachment isn't very healthy.

Sometimes I just wish life wouldn't be filled with constant changes. I don't do well with change. It's difficult for me. I hope good-byes get easier one day.

[adoringautumn]

[autumnskymusic]

I hate summer again.

[autumnskymusic]

I know it’s so hard to understand the racism and homophobia that permeates our very fabric of society right now, as it twists in your mind like a black demon and spawns its despair and hopelessness in your heart.

It’s hard to breathe, even.

But just think. Think about what a beautiful world...

[autumnskymusic]

I’m one of those weird people who mostly just liked people her entire life and did nothing about it. I approach nobody when in my natural state. You know that cute, super flirty girl who’ll just go up to you and say, “we should go out sometime”? Yeah, that’s definitely not me. If I ever...

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Just reverse this to make it a straight male's perspective and you've got me.

[autumnskymusic]

There's nothing wrong with fandom

Unless it overshadows how special and wonderful you are. Your whole life shouldn’t be devoted to celebrities, and that goes for your tumblr too. Keep being a great fan, but make sure you’re taking the time to exercise the art and beauty inside your own brain as well. Makes me sad to see all these fourteen year olds with nothing but boys in bands plastering their walls. Come on babies, you’re way too amazing for that.

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Sometimes you just get overwhelmed...

You know those times when everything just seems to be going poorly in life?

How about those times when you just have no desire to do anything or be around anyone?

And those times when all you want to do is sleep, cry, or scream?

Me too.

I wish I could say that I no longer have days, weeks, or even months like this anymore but that would be lying. Even though I'm just so overwhelmed by what God has been doing in my life and teaching me, sometimes the stress of life, the burden felt for others and so many other factors just seem to take control and leave me feeling so helpless, hopeless, and depressed.

I don't even think it has anything to do with me or problems that I am going through...it seems so often to be the problems other people are having and my inability to be helpful enough to make their lives better, more joyful, more Christ-centered. That's when I'm reminded of the fact that God has to work in them and then I wonder why He isn't using me to do that.

It hurts to see the people I care about hurt.

It hurts to know that I cannot save them or take their pain upon myself.

It hurts to know that I'm in Michigan at school, and they are states and states away.

It hurts to know how little I can do.

It hurts and the hurt runs deep.

I want to beat this for them, I want to beat this with them, and I want to lead them closer to Christ while doing so.

Somehow I need to beat back my own emotions though, my own emotional state that arises from such a deep care for them. I need to learn not to let it make me hole up in my room and hide what I'm feeling and experiencing from them.

I don't know how, and I want to know how. I want God to fix them, and I want it to happen now. I guess I'm too impatient and not realizing the good that can come out of the situation. I can't see the big picture as God sees it. One day, hopefully, I can see what great things He will do through this... I just hope they allow Him to...

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Creativity.

When I'm talking to you, I feel as if I am lying in a prairie of wildflowers showing off their individuality and beautiful hues of red, blue, orange, yellow, pink, and purple during the early hours of a warm summer morning as they are just beginning to open up in order to receive the warmth of the suns rays and as the morning dew is just beginning to evaporate up into the vast expanse where it will dwell until the following morning and the indescribable unique smell of a brand new morning mixes with the gentle odor of dew and the intoxicating aroma of wildflowers all joining together in complete and perfect unison in order to waft to my nostrils and overcome them with unparalleled delight.

[hplyrikz]

The best quotes on Tumblr.

[gofuckingnuts]

[autumnskymusic]

A Little Look Back at This Year

There’s so much I could say about this last year, so much that’s happened to me in my musical career. If you told me six years ago that this would happen, I would never have believed you. Which is what makes it all so sweet in the end, that despite my own doubts what really happened is totally out of my control, and 100% up to the lovely friends I have made in my life thus far. And I think everyone can relate to how wonderful it is to have such a huge wave of love and support from the people that surround them. It is certainly rare, and it is certainly powerful. I do not pretend for a second that I could have done any of this on my own.

This past year was a changing point for me in so many ways, personally and musically. I became a single person again and discovered how to better love and take care of myself, which unlocked a mountainslide of new songs that tackled things I’d always been afraid to sing about. I found friendship in so many new people, comaraderie in so many new musicians, love in the most unexpected of places, success where I expected none. To make a long story short, despite the lows that I’ve gotten used to in my life, this year has been the most richly blessed. I have never been more brave, and I’ve never felt less alone. It is such a tremendous achievement in my life, one that I believe has marked me and shaped me into who I’ll be for the rest of my days.

This past year I almost died in a 12-car collision on the way to Utah, but we survived and played at Sundance just 24 hours later, a decision I’ll always be proud of. I got to play a show with The Secretions, Hanover Saints and The Stripminers (and Brett from the Donnas told me she liked my set — I almost peed myself!) I got booked to play at Concert in the Park again and had one of the best shows I’ve ever played. I’ve started to play with more people and I feel like the live sound has finally reached what I’ve always heard in my head, and I have gained the most amazing new opportunities to travel, tour, record and create. I decided not to ask anyone to vote for me in the Sacramento Music Awards this year (I felt like I didn’t need to hog up the system, and that I probably wouldn’t win again anyway,) and you know what happened? I won Artist of the Year, for the THIRD TIME IN A ROW. If THAT is not a testimony to YOU, I don’t know what is! I cried like a little baby up on that stage, in thankfulness and because I was sorry I had ever doubted myself or you. From now on, because of that, I will act like I have oil wells in my backyard (a quote from Maya Angelou.) I will be proud of what I do, and stand up for it without apology. For you. :) I have always been a deeply introspective girl, a girl who tried her best to record every tiny beautiful thing she ever saw. When I began sharing the images I’d put to paper with the public, I never expected anyone else to feel like they had something in common with me. But it’s become the strand that connects us all, at shows or way across the globe on the other side of the world. We all have deeper yearnings, we all want to love deeply, we all want friends who will be there for us and we all want to bring incredible things to the world. I am so grateful that you’ve given me my chance. 

Love you guys so much, here’s to a beautiful 2012.

Autumn Sky

PS:

This winter, I’ll be going to Seattle to record some new songs. I just thought you’d like to know. :)

[the-holocene-epoch-deactivated2]

[panopticonzoo-blog]

New Tribes Update!

Hey! Just wanted to give you another update on life out here at Bible College! First, I want to say that I hope those of you affected by the hurricane and snow storm are doing well and do not have much damage if any to tend to. You have all certainly been in my prayers as regards to the storms!

Well, school has been quite busy, more so than usual the past few weeks and there's only 5 weeks left to the semester! Time seems to be going by so fast. I recently finished studying the Pentateuch and started Old Testament History. In my last update I was in Exodus but since then I studied through Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. These classes were not very long, about 10 hours a week for each of them but they are an essential foundation as far as understanding the rest of the Bible goes. Understanding the laws laid out and the different feasts that pointed out Christ's work that was to come shows just how much higher God's ways are than our own. Also just seeing the Israelites constantly turn from God and to the gods of other nations and their own selves and the way that God, though he punished them, loved them enough to punish them and point them back in the right direction. It just depicts the current life of so many individuals even in the church. How often we leave God out of the picture and how often we turn to other 'gods' whether they be our own selves, our sleep, the internet, television, et cetera. It's convicting to see the same things in my own life that we would normally read through in the Pentateuch and think, "Oh, I'd never do THAT." and realize that we do it daily.

I've got a little over one more week of Hermeneutics to go, it's been an incredible class which I already covered in my last update but I'll try to go into more detail on it in my next update when I finish it! I get to start Proverbs after it ends so while I'm sad to be done with hermeneutics, I'm also excited to start Proverbs! So far I've read through and studied from Genesis to Ruth, and then Job, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, and Philippians. Looking back and realizing that I've gone through that much scripture in just a few months is incredible. I've learned so much and am continuing to learn so much more. I started Old Testament History which will be going from Judges all the way through Esther. This class definitely has the heaviest homework load of the semester, at least two hours worth a day, but I'm more than happy to get into it. It's going to be a hard class but it's going to be incredibly worth it!

Moving on from school, I've been going to a church called Community Bible of Manchester. It's a very small church and I'm currently helping out with Awana there on Wednesday evenings. I've got 3-6th grade boys. Depending on what other helpers show up sometimes it's just me and a younger guy, Sam, working with them and then on other nights, we have an older guy who helps out. It's been going well so far even though it just started and I'm getting used to how it all works because it's been so long since I went through it and it's incredibly different than when I went through it as well! I'm really glad I can help serve the church though, and I look forward to getting to know the people at the church better and develop relationships there.

Overall life here has been going so well. Classes are great, relationship building is going great, and life outside of school at church is great as well. I really cannot believe how smoothly everything is going here and I could not have expected it to be nearly this great, not my first semester especially. I really expected a much rougher transition and I'm so thankful that it's been so much easier to adjust than I expected.

Thank you so much for your prayer and support!

God bless,

Daniel Moniz

[kurtcobains]

[panopticonzoo-blog]

Remember, remember the 5th of November. The gunpowder, treason, and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder, treason should ever be forgot.

[panopticonzoo-blog]

What I actually say: I find serial killers interesting.

What other people hear: I am a serial killer.

[autumnskymusic]

There’s nothing I like so much than to be a first-row witness to the coming of the cold after the summer sun begins to set earlier and earlier in the evenings. Every day it gets darker a little sooner, the night air on my ears and nose a little sweeter, a little crisper. The air tastes like golden...