I feel so weird. I'm constantly questioning my sexuality. But the thing is - i wanna be pan (label that comfortable for me right now). I wanna have an opportunity to date all kinds of people. I'm female & I want to date girls so much. But I feel like I'm fooling myself. I'm 16 and I've never been in love. I'm living in society that for the most part support all kinds of discrimination. It's hard. It's weird, but I'm really sad that clothes on me wouldn't sit like on boys or men I saw it on.
When I read your message, I really wished I could hug you.
I get a feeling from your words that you feel guilty about your worries and I can relate to that as I was 16 once, too, and I felt so so weird and guilty and confused, too. That’s why I want to start this off with this:
None of the things you describe here sound “weird” to me! They sound pretty common, actually. Many of us had or have the same questions. You are not alone and you’re certainly not weird here.
You told me you want to be able to date girls, to date all kinds of people. Think about it like that: Would you want that if you weren’t attracted to them?
Wanting to date people is a pretty big sign you’re into them. Don’t overthink that, honey. The label wouldn’t feel so comfortable for you if there were no truth behind it!
You don’t need someone’s approval to use a label you feel happy with but just to ease your mind: You’re 100% allowed to identify as pan.
It’s okay that you’ve never been in love. You’re young, you have all the time in the world. I know it feels like you need “proof” before you can say you’re into girls (or any other gender) but that’s crap, frankly said. Your identity is not about who you’ve dated before or who you have experience with, it’s about you and how you feel.
Your feelings matter, regardless of your age. It seems like pan describes you well right now. Will it still do that in ten years? Maybe, maybe not. We don’t know - nobody ever knows that, old or young. And that’s okay. If it turns out that pan doesn’t fit anymore, you can still adjust or change your label later on. (With that being said: There are enough people out there who choose a label at 16 and it fits them their whole life!)
About your sadness when clothes don’t fit you the way they fit boys: That’s worth exploring if you want to. With that, I don’t mean “drive yourself crazy with trying to analyze that feeling” - just allow yourself to feel that way without judging yourself, allow yourself to be curious about that. It doesn’t necessarily need to mean anything - it’s just a little thing that makes you you and it’s always a good thing to learn more about yourself. It sounds to me like it could be related to your gender identity or the way you like to present your gender (some people feel happier when they look masculine, others when they look feminine, or a mix of both.. that kind of stuff). Again: You have all the time in the world to discover that.
I hope this helps a bit and if you have more questions, feel free to reach out <3
