I know youâve all been dying to know a little about me (sarcasm) so here we go!
Iâm 20!
she/her
I'm back to writing again! I'll keep everyone updated but I'm doing a GIANT account purge right now, clearing out some of the older stuff that remains unfinished and I am starting some new ones!
My specific tags
#tori-speaks
#tori-rants
#tori-answers
#tori-updates
I also want to point out that my requests and dms are always open! I write just about anything so do let me know.
Thank you for taking your time to read my posts đ§Ą
THIS IS A SLOWBURN FIC! I PLAN ON CONTINUING THIS ONE! I SWEAR!
Anyways lovies! Here we go!
High School Sweet(ish)-Hearts
Karasuno was definitely a place to be when your life went to shit, especially if you played volleyball. For starters, the women's team didn't seem to have the... *motivation* of the men's team. It was hard to even get them riled up. Passion was lacked in all aspects, and it wasn't like that was something you could just conjure within yourself, either. The men's team, however, was the exact opposite. There wasn't a single person on the team that didn't have the drive to do their utmost best.
I was jealous of the men's team.
Not to mention, the students here weren't exactly the most.. friendly of people either, nor the most accepting of any sort. I wasn't really sure how I was even going to make it here, especially since our women's team was practically the worst in the country.
Despite all of that, I still strived to be the best I could, to keep our team somewhat motivated, and that's where we are now.
Practice had started late today, again, and as our team captain, it was my job to figure out how to get us all together. It was deeming more difficult than it should have been.
I had grown close with one other person since becoming a part of this school, and she had been the most helpful to our team as well. Kiyoko Shimizu, the manager for the boys team, was my best friend.
She sat through this practice with me, watching as the rest of the team simply fumbled through the entirety of the practice, not giving a shit about the way that it went, just wanting to get it over with. By the end of it, I had plopped down beside her, utterly exhausted.
"This feels utterly pointless." I said, huffing as my body slumped onto the bench beside her. Sweat pooled down my cheeks. What was I even doing this for again?
She sighed, knowing what that felt like.
"It's important to keep your head up, y/n..." She'd say to me every time I had this mentality after a practice, which deemed to be quite often. She sighed once again as I huffed in response.
"Why don't you come sit in on our practice.. We have one tomorrow after school. I'm sure you'd enjoy that." She said, her face with her usual cooled expression. I gave her a half-hearted smile.
"I think I'd enjoy that."
--------------------------------
School the next day was absolutely agonizing. It was long, and my heart was pumping with adrenaline. I was nervous, but i was moreso excited to be able to finally witness what held this team together. When the time finally came, I met Kiyoko outside of the gym, impatiently twitching my fingers.
"Are you nervous?" She asked me, staring at my hands with a small smile. I shook my head, a small smile on my face.
"Not really, I just need to know what this team is doing better.. what I can improve on." I replied, walking into the gym beside her.
Kiyoko was immediately greeted at the door by several of the team members, two of which I had not met before. One was shorter, his hair was crazy on the top of his head, but it added extra character I suppose; and the other, well, he was bald.
"Hi Kiyoko!" They said in unison, bounding up and down in excitement that never seemed to end. She sighed, rolling her eyes ever so slightly.
"Good afternoon., Tanaka, Nishinoya." She said to them, simply walking passed the two as if they didn't exist. I giggle slightly, watching their faces morph into heartbroken sadness.
"That was quite cold." I grinned, nudging her slightly. She glared at me.
"Don't encourage them."
Kiyoko then walked me to a few other members of the team who seemed to be much more calm than the two I had just met. They waved her over, staring at me with a somewhat confused expression.
"Good afternoon!" One of them said, a pleasant smile on his face. "Have you brought a friend, Kiyoko?" He asked her, giving me another glance. She nodded in his direction.
"This is y/n, she is the captain of the girl's team." Kiyoki replied to him, introducing me. I gave them a small wave. "This is Daichi Sawamura, he is our teams captain." She then pointed to the grey haired boy next to him, who I had seen in classes as well. "This is Koushi Sugawara, our second in command."
Sugawara looked in my direction, a smile planted on his face upon introduction. I returned that to him in greeting.
"It's nice to meet the two of you finally." I said, adrenaline once again coursing through me.
"Likewise." Sugawara responded, holding out a hand for me to shake. I hesitated, but eventually grasped it in my own. I smiled softly, his grip firm but gentle. Daichi, who seemed to be glancing between the two of us, finally spoke up.
"So, will you be joining us for our practice then?" His attention returned to me as I finally let go of Sugawara's hand.
"I suppose I will. Our team has been.. lacking the drive as of recently. I was hoping to find some of that here." I explained, shrugging my shoulders lightly. Kiyoko nodded, backing me up.
"I see, well, in that case, I hope you can find what you're looking for." Daichi smiled at me, a bit more genuine than the one I had received before.
At this moment, yelling could be heard from outside, and I could see the pinch of anger on Daichi's face just from the sound of it.
"Guess who finally showed up.." Sugawara said, a small grin on his face. I turned, looking at the now opened gym doors to see two boys barreling inside, seemingly trying to fight with one another. A confused look rushed across my face, to which Kiyoki just sighed.
"That, y/n, is our two first years, Shoyo Hinata and Tobio Kageyama." Daichi introduced, annoyance evident in his tone.
The two continued to argue about who knows what, walking over to where we were standing.
"You're just mad because you're too short to set the ball!" Kageyama yelled, narrowly dodging the pole of the net as he was distracted by the shorter of the two.
"I don't have to be tall to set! Just wait and see!" Hinata retorted, though, he had not been as aware as Kageyama, hitting the pole straight on with a thunk.
"Alright that's enough!" Daichi said. already fed up with the two first years. He rolled his eyes as Sugawara helped Hinata onto his feet from the floor. "Maybe if you weren't so busy arguing you would've seen the damned pole..." He grunted, glaring at Suga for even attempting to help him. I giggled, looking over at Kiyoko.
"This is a normal occurrence?" I asked. She shook her head, displeased. "Very normal." She responded. "I'm sure the girls don't act like this."
"Who are you?" I heard from Kageyama, who was definitely not keen on schooling his expressions. Before I could respond, Daichi answered for me.
"This is y/n, she's the captain of the girl's volleyball team. I would've introduced you had you given me a second-" He said, glaring slightly before allowing himself a breath. I gave Kageyama a smile, one that would definitely not be returned.
"Okay, and why is she here?" He asked, pure confusion on his face now.
Daichi gave him a look.
"I'll explain once everyone gets into uniform, now hurry up and change would 'ya?" He groaned, earning a grunt from Kageyama as the two of them scurried into the changing rooms.
"Sorry about that." Daichi said. "I'm sure if they were aware we would be having a guest that nothing would've changed." I snorted.
"I'm not worried about that, Daichi." I responded. "I'm quite enjoying myself." He rolled his eyes at my response, leading me into the middle of the court as they set up the net on the poles.
As the rest of the team stumbled in and changed, they gathered around us in the center of the court. I suppose this was something I should try with our team, maybe to rack up some motivation?
"Alright team, hopefully we're all doing alright in our classes?" Daichi started, staring straight at Tanaka and Hinata, who refused to make eye contact. The rest of the team seemed to nod in agreeance. He sighed.
"Well, that's better than nothing." Daichi continued. "Today we have a guest from the girls team, please don't do anything else remotely idiotic. This is y/n, the captain of the girls team!" He introduced. I waved at the group of them, who seemed to be staring at me with a confused expression. This was turning out to be normal with this group of boys. Sugawara, I guess sensing the nerves I had around the group, clapped my shoulder gently.
"They don't bite.. usually." He grinned down at me. I smiled, feeling the nerves relax in my body.
As Kiyoko led me to a bench, one that I plopped down on eagerly, she spoke softly.
"They can definitely be a handful, but I'm sure in due time you'll grow to love them." She said with a small smile. I nodded.
"They seem to be an energetic bunch for sure. I'm sure I can learn a few things from them." I responded eagerly, eyes darting back to the team which seemed to be focusing on drills at the moment.
Sugawara was their setter, it seemed, which was the same position I had at the time. i watched his precision and steady movements, ones that I did not have. I continued to stare in envy as Kiyoki smiled softly once more.
"Eye on the ball? Or something else?" She asked me, a small nudge being planted in my arm. I glared at her.
"I hate him." I said jokingly, to which she laughed slightly.
"It seems like the opposite of that." I glared at her. "Are you jealous?" She continued to pry into my thoughts, as if she had a place in there.
"Maybe." I pouted, a hint of a smile forming on my face. She smiled once again.
"He's only our backup setter, you should see what the rest of the team can do before you get too envious." My eyes widened at that statement, and she nodded with pride before continuing. ",,,Besides, I'm sure if you asked, he'd be willing to teach you everything."
I doubted Kiyoko's words horribly.
"What makes you say that?" I asked, looking over at her once more. She shrugged.
"He loves the game, and he loves other people almost as much as he loves the game, especially those who are interested. It's not like you don't have the drive or the talent for it, either. All you'd have to do is ask." I nodded, somewhat understanding what she meant.
As practice went on, my eyes stayed locked on their backup setter. This team had determination alright, I had noticed that above all things. They fought for each other, even in just practice like today. I found myself wondering how they played during actual games, and I found myself even more invested in this small group of boys, how they even got together in the first place.
As they took a small break, Sugawara and Daichi both made their way towards us, towels wrapped around their necks to collect the sweat. I needed to start bringing myself one of those to practice, too, it seemed.
"Enjoying the drills?" Suga said, sitting down next to me as Daichi sat in the floor in front of us, panting from exhaustion. I grinned.
"Definitely. I should be taking notes." I responded. He smiled at me, a small laugh escaping his lips.
"Well, nothing is stopping you from doing that. Kiyoko does it, but I guess she has other reasons behind it."
"I do, in fact." Kiyoko spoke up, looking over at Daichi then. "We're moving to actual practice matches next. I think two people in particular are sick of spiking." She said, eyeing Kageyama and Hinata. Daichi rolled his eyes.
"Yes, that was the plan." I gave them a look. Plan?
"Do you always plan out your practices like that?" I asked, quite dumbfounded that I had never thought to do that, though, we don't exactly have a team manager either. Daichi and Kiyoko both nodded in my direction, Suga snorted beside me, I sent him a glare.
"Well, I thought that went without saying." He joked. Daichi then glared at Suga as well.
"Michimiya has also complained about that." Daichi said, referencing my vice-captain, who was one of the only other people on the team that cared anything about it. "It's definitely important to have a plan together, and someone on the sidelines that can tell you what needs to be worked on without any bias." He explained. I sighed, knowing he was right.
"I wish it were that simple, however." I responded, knowing we didn't have a manager and we more thank likely wouldn't get one, though, it gave me things to look out for in the future. Daichi and Sugawara shared a look, and Kiyoko and I were left confused as well. I was almost certain they were telepathically communicating.
"What if we sat in on tomorrow's practice?" Suga spoke up, leaving Daichi glaring at him, as if he was going to say the same thing. I nearly choked on my breath.
"You want to sit in on one of our practices?" I said, deadpanning the the two of them. Suga nodded eagerly.
"Yeah! I'm sure it could help. Not to mention, you can continue coming to ours too, that is, if Kiyoko doesn't mind the extra help." Kiyoko nodded, knowing she enjoyed my company as well, regardless, I was confused as the what they meant by 'help'. I shook it off as they stood up, getting back to their practice.
"I've been meaning to ask about that." Kiyoko said sheepishly. I turned to look at her, giving her a questioning look.
"Ask about what?" I questioned. She shrugged.
"We could use another manager, and in tern I would also be managing the girls team, if you would be interested."
I stopped, mouth slightly agape, staring wide-eyed like a fish at my best friend.
âWell, that definitely wasnât what I was expecting, for sure.â I said, drooling slightly from my mouth still being open. Kiyoko smiled at me, wanting to laugh but holding it in.
âSo, does this mean youâll agree to it?â
âââââââââââââââ
I should have said no.
Now, instead of doing my homework, I was mindlessly staring at a phone screen as the messages poured in.
I had been invited to a group chat with Kiyoko, as well as Daichi and Sugawara.
They were characters to say the least.
It was created for business, so they said, for practice planning and other helpful information.
I havenât seen a single word about volleyball mentioned throughout the hour.
I groaned, laying my phone down and flipping onto my bed. I had had enough social interaction for one day.
I got ready for bed, finished my nightly routine and then once more flopped into my warm, comfy bed. I had already set my alarms, and was ready for sleep to take over. Just as it had started doing so, my phone buzzed.
âWho the hell could this possibly-â
(1) New Message from Koushi Sugawara
I blinked, not expecting that, but reading through anyways.
Koushi:
It was good to meet you! Sorry for the insanity in the group chat, we donât usually see new faces around here. The entire team is worked up about it!
I sighed, not understanding why the gesture meant so much to me. It was kind, and I wasnât expecting something like that so quickly. I smiled softly before shutting off my phone. Iâd answer in the morning, for now I needed to sort myself out, and finally get some sleep.
THIS IS A SLOWBURN FIC! I PLAN ON CONTINUING THIS ONE! I SWEAR!
Anyways lovies! Here we go!
High School Sweet(ish)-Hearts
Karasuno was definitely a place to be when your life went to shit, especially if you played volleyball. For starters, the women's team didn't seem to have the... *motivation* of the men's team. It was hard to even get them riled up. Passion was lacked in all aspects, and it wasn't like that was something you could just conjure within yourself, either. The men's team, however, was the exact opposite. There wasn't a single person on the team that didn't have the drive to do their utmost best.
I was jealous of the men's team.
Not to mention, the students here weren't exactly the most.. friendly of people either, nor the most accepting of any sort. I wasn't really sure how I was even going to make it here, especially since our women's team was practically the worst in the country.
Despite all of that, I still strived to be the best I could, to keep our team somewhat motivated, and that's where we are now.
Practice had started late today, again, and as our team captain, it was my job to figure out how to get us all together. It was deeming more difficult than it should have been.
I had grown close with one other person since becoming a part of this school, and she had been the most helpful to our team as well. Kiyoko Shimizu, the manager for the boys team, was my best friend.
She sat through this practice with me, watching as the rest of the team simply fumbled through the entirety of the practice, not giving a shit about the way that it went, just wanting to get it over with. By the end of it, I had plopped down beside her, utterly exhausted.
"This feels utterly pointless." I said, huffing as my body slumped onto the bench beside her. Sweat pooled down my cheeks. What was I even doing this for again?
She sighed, knowing what that felt like.
"It's important to keep your head up, y/n..." She'd say to me every time I had this mentality after a practice, which deemed to be quite often. She sighed once again as I huffed in response.
"Why don't you come sit in on our practice.. We have one tomorrow after school. I'm sure you'd enjoy that." She said, her face with her usual cooled expression. I gave her a half-hearted smile.
"I think I'd enjoy that."
--------------------------------
School the next day was absolutely agonizing. It was long, and my heart was pumping with adrenaline. I was nervous, but i was moreso excited to be able to finally witness what held this team together. When the time finally came, I met Kiyoko outside of the gym, impatiently twitching my fingers.
"Are you nervous?" She asked me, staring at my hands with a small smile. I shook my head, a small smile on my face.
"Not really, I just need to know what this team is doing better.. what I can improve on." I replied, walking into the gym beside her.
Kiyoko was immediately greeted at the door by several of the team members, two of which I had not met before. One was shorter, his hair was crazy on the top of his head, but it added extra character I suppose; and the other, well, he was bald.
"Hi Kiyoko!" They said in unison, bounding up and down in excitement that never seemed to end. She sighed, rolling her eyes ever so slightly.
"Good afternoon., Tanaka, Nishinoya." She said to them, simply walking passed the two as if they didn't exist. I giggle slightly, watching their faces morph into heartbroken sadness.
"That was quite cold." I grinned, nudging her slightly. She glared at me.
"Don't encourage them."
Kiyoko then walked me to a few other members of the team who seemed to be much more calm than the two I had just met. They waved her over, staring at me with a somewhat confused expression.
"Good afternoon!" One of them said, a pleasant smile on his face. "Have you brought a friend, Kiyoko?" He asked her, giving me another glance. She nodded in his direction.
"This is y/n, she is the captain of the girl's team." Kiyoki replied to him, introducing me. I gave them a small wave. "This is Daichi Sawamura, he is our teams captain." She then pointed to the grey haired boy next to him, who I had seen in classes as well. "This is Koushi Sugawara, our second in command."
Sugawara looked in my direction, a smile planted on his face upon introduction. I returned that to him in greeting.
"It's nice to meet the two of you finally." I said, adrenaline once again coursing through me.
"Likewise." Sugawara responded, holding out a hand for me to shake. I hesitated, but eventually grasped it in my own. I smiled softly, his grip firm but gentle. Daichi, who seemed to be glancing between the two of us, finally spoke up.
"So, will you be joining us for our practice then?" His attention returned to me as I finally let go of Sugawara's hand.
"I suppose I will. Our team has been.. lacking the drive as of recently. I was hoping to find some of that here." I explained, shrugging my shoulders lightly. Kiyoko nodded, backing me up.
"I see, well, in that case, I hope you can find what you're looking for." Daichi smiled at me, a bit more genuine than the one I had received before.
At this moment, yelling could be heard from outside, and I could see the pinch of anger on Daichi's face just from the sound of it.
"Guess who finally showed up.." Sugawara said, a small grin on his face. I turned, looking at the now opened gym doors to see two boys barreling inside, seemingly trying to fight with one another. A confused look rushed across my face, to which Kiyoki just sighed.
"That, y/n, is our two first years, Shoyo Hinata and Tobio Kageyama." Daichi introduced, annoyance evident in his tone.
The two continued to argue about who knows what, walking over to where we were standing.
"You're just mad because you're too short to set the ball!" Kageyama yelled, narrowly dodging the pole of the net as he was distracted by the shorter of the two.
"I don't have to be tall to set! Just wait and see!" Hinata retorted, though, he had not been as aware as Kageyama, hitting the pole straight on with a thunk.
"Alright that's enough!" Daichi said. already fed up with the two first years. He rolled his eyes as Sugawara helped Hinata onto his feet from the floor. "Maybe if you weren't so busy arguing you would've seen the damned pole..." He grunted, glaring at Suga for even attempting to help him. I giggled, looking over at Kiyoko.
"This is a normal occurrence?" I asked. She shook her head, displeased. "Very normal." She responded. "I'm sure the girls don't act like this."
"Who are you?" I heard from Kageyama, who was definitely not keen on schooling his expressions. Before I could respond, Daichi answered for me.
"This is y/n, she's the captain of the girl's volleyball team. I would've introduced you had you given me a second-" He said, glaring slightly before allowing himself a breath. I gave Kageyama a smile, one that would definitely not be returned.
"Okay, and why is she here?" He asked, pure confusion on his face now.
Daichi gave him a look.
"I'll explain once everyone gets into uniform, now hurry up and change would 'ya?" He groaned, earning a grunt from Kageyama as the two of them scurried into the changing rooms.
"Sorry about that." Daichi said. "I'm sure if they were aware we would be having a guest that nothing would've changed." I snorted.
"I'm not worried about that, Daichi." I responded. "I'm quite enjoying myself." He rolled his eyes at my response, leading me into the middle of the court as they set up the net on the poles.
As the rest of the team stumbled in and changed, they gathered around us in the center of the court. I suppose this was something I should try with our team, maybe to rack up some motivation?
"Alright team, hopefully we're all doing alright in our classes?" Daichi started, staring straight at Tanaka and Hinata, who refused to make eye contact. The rest of the team seemed to nod in agreeance. He sighed.
"Well, that's better than nothing." Daichi continued. "Today we have a guest from the girls team, please don't do anything else remotely idiotic. This is y/n, the captain of the girls team!" He introduced. I waved at the group of them, who seemed to be staring at me with a confused expression. This was turning out to be normal with this group of boys. Sugawara, I guess sensing the nerves I had around the group, clapped my shoulder gently.
"They don't bite.. usually." He grinned down at me. I smiled, feeling the nerves relax in my body.
As Kiyoko led me to a bench, one that I plopped down on eagerly, she spoke softly.
"They can definitely be a handful, but I'm sure in due time you'll grow to love them." She said with a small smile. I nodded.
"They seem to be an energetic bunch for sure. I'm sure I can learn a few things from them." I responded eagerly, eyes darting back to the team which seemed to be focusing on drills at the moment.
Sugawara was their setter, it seemed, which was the same position I had at the time. i watched his precision and steady movements, ones that I did not have. I continued to stare in envy as Kiyoki smiled softly once more.
"Eye on the ball? Or something else?" She asked me, a small nudge being planted in my arm. I glared at her.
"I hate him." I said jokingly, to which she laughed slightly.
"It seems like the opposite of that." I glared at her. "Are you jealous?" She continued to pry into my thoughts, as if she had a place in there.
"Maybe." I pouted, a hint of a smile forming on my face. She smiled once again.
"He's only our backup setter, you should see what the rest of the team can do before you get too envious." My eyes widened at that statement, and she nodded with pride before continuing. ",,,Besides, I'm sure if you asked, he'd be willing to teach you everything."
I doubted Kiyoko's words horribly.
"What makes you say that?" I asked, looking over at her once more. She shrugged.
"He loves the game, and he loves other people almost as much as he loves the game, especially those who are interested. It's not like you don't have the drive or the talent for it, either. All you'd have to do is ask." I nodded, somewhat understanding what she meant.
As practice went on, my eyes stayed locked on their backup setter. This team had determination alright, I had noticed that above all things. They fought for each other, even in just practice like today. I found myself wondering how they played during actual games, and I found myself even more invested in this small group of boys, how they even got together in the first place.
As they took a small break, Sugawara and Daichi both made their way towards us, towels wrapped around their necks to collect the sweat. I needed to start bringing myself one of those to practice, too, it seemed.
"Enjoying the drills?" Suga said, sitting down next to me as Daichi sat in the floor in front of us, panting from exhaustion. I grinned.
"Definitely. I should be taking notes." I responded. He smiled at me, a small laugh escaping his lips.
"Well, nothing is stopping you from doing that. Kiyoko does it, but I guess she has other reasons behind it."
"I do, in fact." Kiyoko spoke up, looking over at Daichi then. "We're moving to actual practice matches next. I think two people in particular are sick of spiking." She said, eyeing Kageyama and Hinata. Daichi rolled his eyes.
"Yes, that was the plan." I gave them a look. Plan?
"Do you always plan out your practices like that?" I asked, quite dumbfounded that I had never thought to do that, though, we don't exactly have a team manager either. Daichi and Kiyoko both nodded in my direction, Suga snorted beside me, I sent him a glare.
"Well, I thought that went without saying." He joked. Daichi then glared at Suga as well.
"Michimiya has also complained about that." Daichi said, referencing my vice-captain, who was one of the only other people on the team that cared anything about it. "It's definitely important to have a plan together, and someone on the sidelines that can tell you what needs to be worked on without any bias." He explained. I sighed, knowing he was right.
"I wish it were that simple, however." I responded, knowing we didn't have a manager and we more thank likely wouldn't get one, though, it gave me things to look out for in the future. Daichi and Sugawara shared a look, and Kiyoko and I were left confused as well. I was almost certain they were telepathically communicating.
"What if we sat in on tomorrow's practice?" Suga spoke up, leaving Daichi glaring at him, as if he was going to say the same thing. I nearly choked on my breath.
"You want to sit in on one of our practices?" I said, deadpanning the the two of them. Suga nodded eagerly.
"Yeah! I'm sure it could help. Not to mention, you can continue coming to ours too, that is, if Kiyoko doesn't mind the extra help." Kiyoko nodded, knowing she enjoyed my company as well, regardless, I was confused as the what they meant by 'help'. I shook it off as they stood up, getting back to their practice.
"I've been meaning to ask about that." Kiyoko said sheepishly. I turned to look at her, giving her a questioning look.
"Ask about what?" I questioned. She shrugged.
"We could use another manager, and in tern I would also be managing the girls team, if you would be interested."
I stopped, mouth slightly agape, staring wide-eyed like a fish at my best friend.
âWell, that definitely wasnât what I was expecting, for sure.â I said, drooling slightly from my mouth still being open. Kiyoko smiled at me, wanting to laugh but holding it in.
âSo, does this mean youâll agree to it?â
âââââââââââââââ
I should have said no.
Now, instead of doing my homework, I was mindlessly staring at a phone screen as the messages poured in.
I had been invited to a group chat with Kiyoko, as well as Daichi and Sugawara.
They were characters to say the least.
It was created for business, so they said, for practice planning and other helpful information.
I havenât seen a single word about volleyball mentioned throughout the hour.
I groaned, laying my phone down and flipping onto my bed. I had had enough social interaction for one day.
I got ready for bed, finished my nightly routine and then once more flopped into my warm, comfy bed. I had already set my alarms, and was ready for sleep to take over. Just as it had started doing so, my phone buzzed.
âWho the hell could this possibly-â
(1) New Message from Koushi Sugawara
I blinked, not expecting that, but reading through anyways.
Koushi:
It was good to meet you! Sorry for the insanity in the group chat, we donât usually see new faces around here. The entire team is worked up about it!
I sighed, not understanding why the gesture meant so much to me. It was kind, and I wasnât expecting something like that so quickly. I smiled softly before shutting off my phone. Iâd answer in the morning, for now I needed to sort myself out, and finally get some sleep.
I never cried in front of people. It wasnât something I did, not even behind closed doors did I ever make that mistake. Crying was something that people did in their weakest moments, and I did not have weak moments that I could not handle.
At least thatâs what I told myself as I climbed the stairs up to my apartment building.
My fingers fumbled with the door handle, struggling to slide the perfectly fitted key into its lock to open it. Isnât that something? An object made perfectly for another object, one that slides right in perfectly in a way so intricately designed that no other key could fit into said lock.
A dry sobbed escaped my throat at the thought.
I stumbled through the door to my room, crumbling into the floor with a heartbroken sob, not even feeling myself fall. I drowned out the crying with the thumping of my heartbeat, I swallowed my pride and allowed for the tears to simply cascade down my cheeks like rain filling the gutters of my soul. Enough had happened today, and yet, it somehow continued to shatter my resolve and loosen my grip on reality.
Another six months down the drain.
Was I crying because of another failed situationship? No. That wasnât it at all. I couldnât care less about the boy I knew didnât want me for anything other than sex. I knew that all along. Hell, I only wanted him to prove to myself I was lovable; but these, these tears were the tears of someone whoâs never felt the touch of another that truly loved them.
Was I upset? Absolutely; and it showed with every tear that dripped pitifully down my face in a way that definitely wasnât attractive. My sobs could probably be heard by my neighbors, who I didnât entirely care about that lived just behind the paper thin walls of the complex we shared; but who was I to care? My phone had been lost on the way through my apartment, my keys dropped off somewhere in the living room in a place Iâd probably forget when I needed them again, my coat desperately hanging onto the rack I half-heartedly hung it on in a desperate attempt to keep in my tears. Now, here we were, lying on my bedroom floor with my face in my tear-dampen hands, praying to whatever higher being that would so much as spare me a pitiful glance that Iâd finally stop kidding myself and come to terms with my feelings.
The gods didnât so much as turn their heads. If anything, theyâd probably shunned me by now.
My attention was taken by the sound of the door shutting, and I thought my luck mightâve turned around and someone had followed me home to put me out of my misery, wishful thinking? Possibly, but that didnât stop a lonely heart from beating for it.
To my dismay, my bedroom door opened quickly enough to give me whiplash, and my best friend stumbled in and nearly fell on top of me.
One look at Tsumuâs face and all I could see was worry. This hit me like a brick.
âWhat the hell happened to âya?â He asked. âIâve called âya about a million times⊠donât ya ever answer your damned phone-â and then he stopped talking. His gaze turned a little darker as he saw my pitiful position in the floor, and I didnât even turn my head.
I let out another quiet sob as he stared at me with more worry.
âWhatâŠ?â He said, walking over to me after hesitating, sitting down next to me on the floor. I shook his head in disbelief. âY/nâŠ?â He asked, his voice shaky and uneven.
I shook my head, forcing myself backwards in the floor. I couldnât let him see me like this.
âWhy are you here?â I said, forcing the seethe into my voice to keep the hoarse sound of sobs out of it.
âWhy are you crying?â He said, answering my question with one of his own. I groaned loudly.
âDammit Iâm not fucking crying.â I said, obviously lying through my teeth. âI donât cry, I donât break, and I sure as hell donât wallow in my own self pity.â I said, knowing I was doing all of those things, and by his silence, I knew he was aware of this too.
âYou donât lie either, y/n, so whatâs gotten into you?â He asked softly, sitting down in front of my new position up against the wall. My head fell back against it, and I gave up on trying to hide my tears from his gaze, he could see them regardless.
âAnother six months, gone..â I mumbled, sniffling and closing my eyes tightly to keep any more tears from falling. âAnother six months.â
I heard him moving around, but didnât care enough to lose my battle with my own tears to see where he was going. Instead, I heard the small thump of his back against the wall, and I felt his strong arm drape over my shoulders as he tugged me a little harder than usual into his side. As I tried to pull away, I was no match for his muscles, and he made that abundantly clear.
I could feel my face heating up, and another broken sob escaped my dry, cracked lips.
âI told âya it was a bad idea.â He mumbled, rubbing my shoulder with his thumb. âI wouldnât lie to you.â
âI knew it was a bad idea, donât lecture me Tsumu.â I grumbled, trying to calm my pulse.
âThen why the hell do you even do it?â He asked, grip on my shoulders tightening just slightly. âWhy do you put yourself through hell every time you feel lonely? It pisses me off.â He said. I spared a glance at his face, trying to remind myself that his anger wasnât sexy, it was anger at me and my own foolish actions. He was disappointed in me, and that hurt more than my crumbling pride.
I didnât bother responding, I just let out another mangled sob. There wasnât any point in trying to stop the tears now. Years worth of anger, disappointment, and resentment were now cascading down my cheeks in harsh, slick streaks that were staining them so horribly.
âIâm sorry I yelled at you.â He said softly, loosening his grip and rubbing small circles into my shoulder again. âBut Iâm not sorry that Iâm angry.â
Like a blunt knife to the gut, his words wounded me further.
âYou shouldnât have to be sorry at all.â I managed to choke out of my dry throat. I shook my head as I slumped against him, entirely giving up and feeling defeated. âYou shouldnât have to be here with me now either, holding me like Iâm defenseless.â I could feel his glare before I looked up, so I didnât even bother looking up.
âHow could you say that?â He said, genuinely shocked. âHave you seen yourself lately? Youâre painfully thin, you have no stamina or any sort of motivation whatsoever. You are defenseless! Do you know how many times my mother has asked if youâre eating enough? If youâre depressed? Do you know how many times Samu has asked me whatâs going on with you? And you know, the worst part of it all is my answer, because I canât answer them at all! You donât tell me jack shit about what youâre going through, and I donât know what Iâm going to do.â He said, his voice breaking as he spoke to me. I tried not to let it get to me, I tried so damned hard to keep my tears steady and not the harsh ones that sting my cheeks, but the crack in his usual, steady and calm self is what pushed them over the edge of my tear ducts and pouring down my cheeks again.
âI know!â I said a bit harshly. âDammit I know.â He barked a sarcastic laugh.
âWell dammit why donât you start fessing up with you do know, because I sure as hell donât.â I finally met his gaze as he said this. A tear fell down his reddened cheek, and I was met with eyes of cold, hard steel, that held so much emotion in them it was almost overwhelming.
He stopped rubbing circles in my shoulder again, and instead he let his hand rest there idly, almost limp.
âI.. I canât..â I choked, giving him a look that held more remorse than it did anything else.
âAnd why not dammit?â He said, another tear streaming down his face. âWhy canât you tell me why youâre hurting so I can try and help you? Why do you go weeks without saying anything to me or answering my calls? I thought I was your best friend.â He said, his voice breaking again.
The truth is, I didnât know why I didnât talk to him, why I pushed him away from me after years of loving him so strongly. I didnât know why I resented myself for it, I didnât know why I was so head over heels for him that I tried so desperately to find love anywhere else I could. But the one thing I did know, is that he couldnât know why either. He couldnât know that I thought of him every second he wasnât there. He couldnât know that my fingers itched to text him every time I got in my phone. He couldnât know how badly I wanted him.
I couldnât lose the only person that I knew cared about me, and I wasnât going to, not now or ever.
âI donât know.â I said, not looking him in the eye. âI wish I could tell you.â
He dropped his arm from around me, and the next thing I knew he was turning to face me.
âYet, youâre still lying to me, even when Iâm the only person you let into your life who doesnât just see you as something of use.â He said, holding my hand tightly. âI canât force you to tell me the truth, god knows I would if I could, but I can tell you one thingâŠâ he started, gulping down the sob he wanted to desperately to let out. â⊠you wonât get rid of me, even if you ignore me and make me feel like shit when you do, when I just want to make sure youâre okay, when I worry so much about you I make myself physically ill. You arenât losing me, because I care too damned much about you to let you.â He said, standing and tugging me up with him. âWhen was the last time you slept?â He asked me. I shrugged, I didnât even remember. He let out a deep sigh, walking me over to my messy bed, pulling back the covers gently.
âGet some rest⊠or try not to torment yourself with whatever it is youâre not talking about⊠Iâm not going anywhere I promise.â He said, squeezing my hand again. I didnât bother arguing. I laid down on my bed with a helpless flop, nearly lifeless as I stared up at him from the sheets. He tugged at my blankets, pulling them on top of me with so much care it almost broke my heart again; and just when I thought he was finished, he leaned down to kiss my forehead with a soft, heartbroken smile.
âIâll be here when youâre ready to talk.â He said, his voice holding a sort of promise that I wasnât sure how to decipher, a promise that forced me to speak later, one that he wouldnât let me live down, so I nodded.
âI will.â I said softly, clutching the blankets tighter around me as he walked out of my room to sit on my couch until I was ready.
I woke up with sticky eyes and a swollen face. I drug my hand across it with a small groan, feeling the headache coming on already. I stared at the clock on the wall, not knowing what time I had fallen asleep but knowing I had at some point, as it was 3am, and I smelled food. It was a pleasant smell, and I was wondering which of my neighbors was cooking. Then it hit me.
Atsumu Miya, who had not left my house, was cooking in my kitchen.
With a jolt of anxiety, I sprinted from my bed into the kitchen of my apartment to see if the building was on fire, and why the smoke alarms hadnât gone off yet. His eyes landed on my in an instant.
âUp already?â He asked, looking at his watch. âItâs only been a few hoursâŠâ he said. I shook my head.
âYouâre cooking.â I mumbled, my throat dry from the crying and hoarse from being dry. I looked around in confusion. Where was the smoke? âWhy is the apartment building still standing?â
I heard him snort from the stove, looking back at me again.
âSamu isnât the only one that learned how to cook. You know I have to eat to survive, yeah? Especially playing professional volleyballâŠâ he mumbled, the look on his face showed amusement, but I could still see the anger and resentment in his eyes. I tried not to flinch when I held them for a second too long before breaking away again.
âIâm sorry.â I said softly, catching my own ears by surprise as it easily tumbled from my tongue. His eyes widened, and he gave me a look I could barely process before he turned around to face whatever it was he was cooking on the stovetop.
âI donât want you to apologize.â He said firmly, emotionlessly. âI just want you to tell me whatâs going on and give me something to work with here. I canât stitch a wound if I donât know where itâs at.â He said. I think those were the most brilliant words I had ever heard him say, and it was a shame that they were directed towards me.
He turned to me now, two plates in hand, he put one of them in front of me and immediately started eating without giving it a second thought.
âHungry?â He asked, looking at me with a little bit of shock. I nodded eagerly, trying to distract myself from the dried streaks of tears. Had he been crying while I was asleep?
âFamished.â I responded, gulping down everything he had given me, barely noticing that it was even edible, which was a shock given that Tsumu had cooked it. Regardless, I was grateful.
He gave me a look after I cleared my plate, one that was remorseful, pitiful, and equally as hard as steel. I knew what he wanted, and I gulped in response.
âTsumu..â I started, my lips parted gently as I tried to find another easy way out of this. He shook his head.
âIf youâre going to lie to me, either do a better job of it or donât bother speaking.â He said, holding my gaze with that same pained expression. I stiffened, nearly throwing up everything I had eaten.
My mind had gone utterly blank other than my true feelings for the man in front of me. His brow was creased in such a good way, a way that boiled in my stomach like water, a way that left a residue in my throat and on my lips as it steamed throughout my being. I hated the way he looked at me because I absolutely adored it.
âI donât want to lose you Tsumu-â
âYou arenât going to lose me. I promise that already.â He said, his fingers digging into his palms as he tried to steady his anger. I bit my lip. âWhy do you think you will?â He asked, taking a deep breath.
âI⊠Iâm scared Tsumu.â I said, my voice slightly trembling as I looked away from him with red cheeks.
âWhat have I done that makes you scared of me?â He asked; his voice trembling along with mine as he tried hard to keep his cool. I shook my head.
âIâm not scared of you Atsumu.â I said firmly. âIâm scared of my own feelings.â
He looked at me then with so much affection and understanding that it nearly gave me whiplash compared to the look he had been giving me only seconds before. I swallowed the lump in my throat in a heartbeat.
âTell me about them.â He said, letting go of his own hand. âPlease.â
I nodded, steadying myself with a deep breath and leaning onto the table.
âI..I..â I stumbled over my words, and the only thing I was met with was a patient Tsumu begging me to take all the time I needed, as long as I said it. I breathed another deep breath, exhaling just as deeply. â..love you..â I said meekly, a tear threatening to fall again. I heard him audibly gasped.
His silence cut through me once again, and my heart dropped. Surely I had lost it now, surely I was alone forever and wouldnât ever find the peace with myself I had wanted for so long. I looked up to see his eyes already on me, his mouth agape like a fish underwater. His eyes distant, trying to process it all.
âI shouldnât have-â
âI love you too.â He said, cutting me off. Now it was my turn to look at him in shock, my heart racing through my chest as it threatened to break out of it.
Once again, we were silent. The only thing that could be heard was the soft sound of our ragged breathing. He was the first to stand, and I followed almost immediately as I walked to the other side of the table, meeting him halfway. Gently, his large palms met my cheeks as he stared down into my eyes.
âWhy..â he asked, breath jagged and irrational. âwhy would you ever be scared of losing me over something like that?â
I met his eyes with love in my own, an emotion I never wanted to feel before, and now was all I felt. It was raw, and nearly painful, and I wasnât sure why I enjoyed the feeling so deeply.
âBecause youâre the first person that Iâve ever genuinely wanted.â I said softly, leaning into the warmth of his palms almost desperately. He seemed to hang on every word I said, trying to understand it and trying to trust it. I couldnât say I blamed him, it wasnât like Iâd been honest with him to begin with.
âBut you havenât lost me⊠have you?â He said, rubbing my cheeks gently with the pad of his thumbs. I shook my head.
âNo.. no god if I lost youâŠâ I said, the lump forming in my throat again. âIf I lost you Id-â
âDonât even finish that sentence.â He said firmly, kissing my forehead. âBecause you arenât losing me, ever.â
Slowly, I nodded, wanting to trust him blindly and stop feeling the pain I had felt earlier tonight ever again. He cracked a smile.
âAtta girl, y/n.â He said softly, pulling me in for a tight hug. âIâm more proud of you than Iâve ever been.â He said. I smiled softly into his chest, my own hands wrapping around his torso snugly. My body fit perfectly into his, almost like a key to a lock, and suddenly the world made complete sense.
âI doâŠâ I heard him say loudly, clearly through the sharp silence of the venue we had booked a year prior. My heart thudded in a way that it never had before as I looked up at him, his shaggy blond hair falling perfectly to frame his handsome face. He took my hand in his own, squeezing it gently as the priest spoke to me. I looked over at him with a confident smile.
âI do.â I whispered, locking eyes with Atsumu as he leaned closer to me, placing his lips gently to mine with so much passion that it nearly broke me.
âAbout damn time.â He said, breathing heavily as he pulled away from me. As the ring was slipped onto my finger for the first time and the last, I sighed deeply and stared into my husbandâs eyes.
âYouâll never lose me, Tsumu.â I said. âNot now, not ever.â He gave me a look that told me he trusted me completely, a look that told me how much he loved me.
âYou donât have to tell me things I already know, y/n.â He teased with a lopsided grin, one that made me lightheaded.
âWell, seeing as you think you know everything, I just thought I should tell you.â I grinned, poking his chest. He gave me an offended glance, but his usual smirk stayed present.
âYou wound me, truly Iâm wounded.â He said, his hand on his chest dramatically. I rolled my eyes with a small smile.
âWhatever, Tsumu, just kiss me again.â I said, and without skipping a beat, his lips were on mine for the second time as our families clapped behind us.
I would never get tired of this feeling, I would never get tired of him, and Iâd never push him away ever again. Was I scared of losing him? Absolutely not. Heâd seen me at my best and my worst, and most importantly heâd vowed that heâd love me even then. With that, I had found the key to myself and my own locked heart, and that key was Atsumu Miya himself.
summary: miya atsumu needs to find a date for his cousinâs wedding, or risk getting hounded by all his relatives prying into his business. unless said business is youâin which case, heâs all for it. maybe he can work up the courage to ask you out for real while heâs at it.
âą pairing: miya atsumu x fem!reader
âą genres: fluff, mild angst, best friends to lovers au, fake dating au, idiots to idiots in love, debatable attempts at comedy were made
âą word count: 9.2k
âą warnings: profanity, one (1) scene where atsumu is shirtless
Miya Atsumu acknowledges the fact that he has made several stupid decisions throughout the course of his life.Â
There was the time he decided that dipping waffles in hot sauce would make for a tasty food combination. (It did not, and he ended up lying in bed with a stomach ache for three days with a grumbling Osamu looking after him). Then there was that incident where he proudly claimed he could crush an entire watermelon with his bare hands. (He could not, and Suna had laughed his ass off when Aran easily demonstrated the same feat).Â
And then, there was the time he tried to comfort you after you watched Hachiko Monogatari together. Youâd been sniffling quietly, your eyes red and puffy, when he awkwardly handed you a tissue and said, ââS okay. The dogâs probably acted in better movies.â Â
Youâd stared at him, horrified, before bursting into tears. Osamu had walked in just in time to witness you chuck a pillow at Atsumuâs head, calling him an emotionally inept moron; heâd laughed so hard, he dropped the tub of ice cream he was holding and got mint chocolate chip all over the carpet. Atsumu still cringes whenever he thinks of it.
Nothing much has changed in Atsumuâs life. He still has a massive crush on you, and he still makes stupid decisions.
What transpired in the Miya twinsâ childhood homeâs sitting room fifteen minutes ago is a testament to this tragic fact.
When the Miya brothersâ cousin, Shohei, called them up to invite them to his wedding taking place in two weeks, Atsumu and Osamu were nothing short of elated. Shohei video-called them, and for a good five minutes, all Atsumu did was scream incoherently when he announced that the wedding date had been fixed. Osamu promised to close Onigiri Miya on the Saturday two weeks hence, and Atsumu made a mental note to ask Meian if he could take the weekend off.
Shohei then turned the phone to their grandmother, sitting on her favourite armchair with the pink satin cushion, wrinkles by the corners of her eyes and sagging skin by her cheeks. Atsumuâs heart lifted at the sight of herâhe was her favourite grandson, after allâand when she smiled at the twins, her lips were slightly puckered because she didnât have her dentures in yet.Â
But that wasnât the important bit. It shouldnât have been what Atsumu focused on most, as he opened his mouth to tease her. He should have been focusing on the knowing, youthful gleam in the Miya householdâs matriarchâs eyesâa gleam that spelled trouble when she set her gaze straight at him.
âWell, well, if it isnât Grandma Miya herself,â Atsumu drawled.
âGrandma Miya wonât be living for much longer,â she retorted, not one to be outdone by her own grandson.
Osamu had frowned. âDonât say things like that, Grandma. Itâs superstitious.â
Shohei had sighed dramatically, making a face at Osamu. âShe does it all the time now. You should hear her go on and on. Itâs good that youâre getting married, Shohei. This old woman wonât live for much longer, but at least I can see one of my grandsons getting married. Shame on the twins for making me live in suspense!â He said the last bit with an imitation of Grandma Miyaâs toothless drawl, and it drew out a giggle from Atsumu and a swat on the shoulder to Shohei from the woman herself.
âMaybe I do have a girl in mind, Grandma,â Atsumu said on instinct, waggling his eyebrows. âI just havenât told anyone yet.â
Grandma Miyaâs eyebrows rose. âOh? Is she nice?â
âThe best,â he had promised. âYouâll love her.â
Beside him, Osamu had gone very still. Even Shohei quietened down, letting Atsumu and their grandmother talk. In hindsight, Atsumu probably should have realised what a horrific blunder he was making, but he had a habit of letting his mouth run loose and this was one of those times.
Grandma Miyaâs eyes had lit up. She had lifted the corners of her mouth into such a wide, hopeful smile, that Atsumu felt a twinge of guilt deep in his chest for lying to her. He couldnât take back his words, however, because Grandma Miya excitedly clasped her fingers together and said, âYouâll bring her along to Shoheiâs wedding, wonât you? She must meet the rest of the family. Itâll be nice for Sakura to meet her, too.â
Shohei nodded. Sakura was his future wife, a beautiful and kind lady who complemented Atsumuâs cousin perfectly. âSakura would love to meet someone thatâs going to be part of our family.â
Osamu didnât say anything. When Atsumu looked at him, he had his lips pressed together in a thin line. âUhââ he began.
âNo hesitating,â Grandma Miya had said firmly. âTell her to come along. It will be fun.â
Atsumu couldnât deny that; events that took place within the Miya family were always fun. But he couldnât exactly create a girlfriend out of nothing, could he? Belatedly, Atsumu felt the guilt and horror of his words seep into his brain. He flashed a panicked look at his brother, but Osamu only shook his head and didnât say anything.Â
He looked back into his phone screen, at his grandmotherâs happy expression. If there was one thing Atsumu hated, it was letting down the people important to him.
Meekly, he nodded and forced a smile to his face. âOf course, Grandma. Donât say I donât do things for you.â
âSilly child,â said Grandma Miya affectionately, and that had been that.
Atsumu has since paced in front of the living room couch exactly eight times after Osamu pressed end on the call. He twirls in his spot, ready for his ninth walk around the living room. His brother sits on the sofa with one leg thrown up, watching him amusedly.
âFuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckââ
âOkay,â Osamu interjects. âSwearing isnât gonâ help your situation.â
âWhat else can I do?â Atsumu wails pathetically, flopping onto the sofa next to his brother. âIâm such an idiot.â
âGlad to know youâre aware.â
âSamu, what do I do?â Atsumu leans his elbows on his knees and holds his hand in his hands. ââm so screwed.â
âShouldâve thought of that before you decided to get Grandmaâs hopes up for nothinâ.â
Atsumu huffs, annoyed at both himself and his brother for being so unhelpful. âI know that, asshole. I jusâ meantâ What the fuck do I do about it now?â
Osamu pats his brother on the shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face. âTsumu, I can think of only one solution.â
âWhat?â
âYou need to find yourself a girlfriend.â
Atsumu wrinkles his nose when you wave a bottle of some sort of bubbly, green-coloured concoction at his face. It looks disgusting even through the translucent plastic, and he has no doubt that itâll taste twice as bad.
âEugh. Whatâs that?â
âWow. Itâs so nice to see you too, Atsumu. Iâve only just flown back from halfway across the world after two weeks. No big deal at all,â you deadpan, staring at him.
âYeah, Iâm so happy youâre back, but what is that, and is it for me?â
Atsumu is glad youâre backâyouâd gone overseas on your first ever business trip at the company you work at, and heâd missed your presence at the Tokyo apartment right next to his. He tries to verbalise it, but truthfully, his attention is solely fixed on the green muck youâre holding out to him.
âIt is, actually,â you reply, shoving it into his waiting hands so he can scrutinise it better. You turn back and rummage through your open suitcase, pulling out an identical bottleâonly this one is filled with something that looks like a cross between a squashed pumpkin and a gruesome shade of brown he doesnât want to define. âAnd this oneâs for Osamu. Can you give it to him the next time you go back to Hyogo?â
He lets out a sound of disgust, puffing out his cheeks and blowing a raspberry at you. âYou couldnât have gotten us somethinâ more⊠eatable?â
âEdible, Atsumu,â you correct, walking around the luggage strewn about your living room and plopping down on your sofa with a grunt. âThis is whatâs popular everywhere now. Apparently.â
âThat doesnât sound very optimistic,â he points out, sitting down next to you. Atsumu holds the drink bottle close to his face and squints at the ingredients printed on the back in a tiny font. âIs that⊠spinach?â
âYeah.â
âAndâŠâ he continues, âkale? Whatâs a kale?â
âItâs some kind of leaf? Kinda like spinach,â you say, shrugging.Â
âOh, wonderful. This is a cocktail for cows.â
You huff out a soft laugh, shoulders shaking with the movement. Atsumu grins, pleased that heâs made you smile.Â
âItâs supposed to be healthy, Tsumu. And youâre a professional volleyball player so I figured youâd drink stuff like this.â
âSounds like a nightmare.â Atsumu shudders, but pockets the bottle anyway. It bulges out of the side of his cargo pants and he might look a little silly, but itâs really the thought that counts; the fact that youâd bought this drink with him in mind makes his heart rate spike. He nods at the muddy orange drink you left on the floor, meant for Osamu. âWhatâs in that one?â
âCarrot and squash, if I remember correctly.â
Atsumu gags. âDidâya pick the worst flavours or somethinâ? You say this is popular?â
You nod, a little embarrassed. âThey were selling it everywhere I went!â you defend. âI just figured it was, like, the thing, or whatever.â
âIf me and the team promoted this, itâd be sold out in no time,â he says thoughtfully. âEven if it tastes like a gourmet meal for goats.â
âSo humble.â You roll your eyes, letting your head fall back on the couch cushion.Â
Your airport clothesâa hoodie and jeansâstick uncomfortably to your skin after hours of being airborne, and you scratch your elbow. Atsumu thinks it must be annoying; you must be itching to peel off your clothes and take a warm shower.
But first, Miya Atsumu needs to ask you out.
He tries not to let the wording mess with his head. Heâs doing this for his grandmother, and most certainly not because of the self-indulgent fantasies his mind conjures up for him when heâs asleep. Dreams of holding your hand, walking through the cherry blossoms together, kissing your cheek and taking in your delighted gaspâthey haunt him even in his waking moments, and Atsumu aches to make them turn into a reality.
He acknowledges that he is a coward in some ways. This is one of them.
âHeyâŠâ he begins, and then trails off, unsure.
âHm?â
âThat bottle of muck you got for Osamuââ Atsumu gulps, ignoring the hammering of his heart inside his chest. âThink heâd like it more if you gave it to him yourself.â
You sigh. âI would love to, Atsumu, but I donât know when Iâll be going to Hyogo next. I donât want that milkshake to stay rotting in my fridge for, like, six months.â
âWell⊠Iâm goinâ there next Saturday. Wanna come with?â
âI donât knowâŠâ
âCâmon. Itâs Shoheiâs wedding. You canât miss it. Grandma Miya specifically told me to tell you to get your ass down there.â
Itâs a lie that slips easily through his teeth, but heâs not exactly wrong, is he? Justâbending the truth a little. Grandma Miya did tell him to bring his girlfriend with him, and if he thinks about it, you are his girl friend, arenât you? With a space in between the two words, but thatâs just semantics. Atsumu ignores the voice in the back of his mind that tells him heâs coming up with excuses that he used to think of when he was in elementary school.Â
âIâll think about itââ
âYou have to,â Atsumu implores, briefly letting go of his pride in favour of convincing you to come with him to his hometown. âItâll be a nice break. You can meet Samu and Shohei. Have fun at a weddingâyou know how fun Miya weddings are. Get dressed up, dance around a bit. And Grandma would be ecstatic if you came.â
âEcstaticâŠâ you echo, an amused smile flickering on your face. âDid Osamu teach you that word?â
âYes,â he says immediately. âBut thatâs not the point! The point is, I want your company for Shoheiâs wedding.â
Atsumu waits for his words to sink in. He notices your sharp inhale when he emphasises on the fact that he wants you there. This one is the truth, and nothing but; there is no one else he would rather go to his cousinâs wedding with.Â
For all the lies heâs spouted out this afternoon, some part of Miya Atsumu wants you to recognise that heâs not lying this time.
âSo, please,â he continues quietly, âwill you come with me to Shoheiâs wedding?â
You look away, teeth worrying your bottom lip. A moment later, you nod.
â...Fine. But youâre paying for the train tickets.â
Atsumuâs exhale is both relieved and anticipatory.
It takes exactly two hours and forty-six minutes to get to Hyogo from Tokyo by train. Atsumu purchases the tickets, partly because youâd asked him to, but mostly because of the steady feeling of guilt gnawing at his chest. He even purchases tickets for the first-class coach, because he wants you to be as comfortable as possible, even going so far as to give up the window seat for the aisle one.
âYouâre being weirdly nice,â you note suspiciously, as he hefts your suitcase onto the rack above.Â
Atsumu grunts with exertion, his muscles rippling under his shirt. He takes in the small bob of your throat at the sight with a gleeful sense of pride. âDunno what youâre talkinâ about. Iâm always nice.â
Luggage secured successfully, he rubs the palms of his hands on his jeans and settles down into the seat next to you. The plush cushion is soft and velvety to the touch, a dark shade of blue thatâs soothing to the eye. As he looks around, he canât help but notice that the rest of the passengers consist of old peopleâsenior citizens, with wobbly knees and wrinkled skin. Old and married, they must be on their way back to their hometown after visiting their children and grandchildren in Tokyo. As far as he can tell, you and Atsumu are the only two people here who donât have a relationship beyond the platonic. Thereâs the occasional family of four: a tired husband, an even more tired wife, and two boisterous children. One child, no more than four years old, with her hair done up in two pigtails, points a chubby finger at him.
âMama, look! That man looks like Pikachu!â she exclaims loudly.
You giggle at the chagrined look on Atsumuâs face, and his heart lifts slightly at the sound.
âKomi! Shhh. Itâs rude to point at people.â Her mother pulls her hand down, giving Atsumu an apologetic bow of her head.
âShe has a point, I guess,â you whisper to your friend, nudging his shoulder.
âThe point beingâŠ?â
âYou do look like Pikachu.â
âHuh?â
âYour hair, Tsumu.â You grin mischievously. âItâs yellow. Youâre practically halfway to having electric powers.â
Atsumu flushes. He runs a hand through his dyed-blond hair self-consciously. âThat bad, eh?â
âI donât know,â you reply, shrugging. âYour fans seem to like it.â
âAnd you?â he asks softly. âYouâve never told me what you think.â
You hum and look away, fiddling with your phone case. âIf you like it, then I like it.â
âThatâs not even an answer.â Still, Atsumu will admit that your reply makes him happy.
âIt is.â
âItâs not.â
âIt is.â
âItâsââ
âYou both argue like Mama anâ Papa.â
Startled, you and Atsumu look in front of you. Komi pokes her head out from the seat in front of you, a wide grin on her lips. You stifle a laugh; it turns out Komi and her brother have occupied the seats in front of you and him. The tips of Atsumuâs ears turn crimsonâwhether with embarrassment at being caught bickering by a four-year-old, or at Komiâs previous comment about his hair, he isnât sure.
âHello, there,â you greet the small girl with a grin as wide as hers. âKomi, isnât it?â
She nods, her pigtails rocking with the movement. ââm Komi! Anâ my brother is Kento!â
âItâs very nice to meet you both, Komi and Kento,â you say, solemnly holding out a hand for her to shake. Although you havenât met her brother, you can hear his excited babbles from his location on his motherâs lap. âIâm ____, and this is my friend, Atsumu.â
âBut you can call me Tsum,â Atsumu supplies, knowing it must be hard for the little one to pronounce his name properly.
Komi shakes your hand with the sort of vigour that one only has at the young age of four, and then glances expectantly at Atsumu. He holds out his hand as well, and the little girl grips it with all the strength she can muster. Her soft palm is sticky; once she releases it, he tries to discreetly rub his own palm on the seat in front of him, garnering a frown from you.
Slowly, the train begins to chug forward.
âTsum and ____,â Komi says, âare you both like Mama anâ Papa?â
âLike⊠Mama and Papa?â you repeat, tilting your head.
âYeah! Like, sleepinâ in the same room anâ givinâ each other kissies while cooking dinner!â
Atsumu gapes at the child. He feels his face heat up at the insinuationâif Komi thought his hair was like Pikachu earlier, then now sheâd surely think his entire face was akin to Charmeleon, or something of that sort. Unable to answer, he glances at you.
Your face settles in an expression that he can only describe as pained amusement. Your lips twitch up, finding the whole situation funny, but you pick at your cuticles at the same time. A chuckle forces its way out of his mouth.
âThatâs right, Komi,â Atsumu says. âExcept we arenât⊠married yet.â
The girl tilts her head, confused. âWhaâs that mean?â
âIt meansâ âAtsumu pauses, just enough to notice the stupefied glower you give himâ âthat we havenât promised each other what your Mama and Papa promised each other.â
âOh!â Komi gasps, her eyes lighting up with excitement. She grips the seat with her tiny hands, clearly thrilled at his words. âLike a pinkie promise?â
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Atsumu scolds himself yet again for letting his mouth run loose all the damn time. How is he supposed to break this poor, innocent girlâs heart by telling her that you and Atsumu arenât married? Heck, you arenât even dating, and he doesnât even know if you want to get married to someone eventually. He wishes he could blabber about his feelings for you directly to youâbut it appears that he is tongue-tied only around you, as well. The irony isnât lost on him.
Regardless, he cannot take back his words now, which means he must plough on.
Ignoring your pointed glare, he nods. âExactly. Youâre very smart, arenât you, Komi?â
ââm the third in my class!â The girl beams proudly.
âReally?â Atsumu gasps. âI was only fifth!â
âFrom the bottom,â you interject, seemingly having finally found your voice.
âDonât listen to her,â he says. âSheâs just trying to make me look stupid.â
Komi giggles. âPapa says thatâs a bad word.â
âAnd Papa is right.â Atsumu nods. âIdiot is also a bad word.â
âYouâre so brilliant, Tsumu,â you mutter. âTeaching her bad words by saying theyâre bad. Genius.â
âSee, Komi, now what ____ did is something called sarchasmââ
You let out an odd noise, something in between an exasperated sigh and an amused giggle.
â...And now sheâs laughinâ at me,â Atsumu finishes, staring at Komi and shaking his head ruefully. âCanât believe Iâm payinâ for this oneâs train tickets.â
Komiâs curious gaze darts between you and Atsumu, a little confused but wholly entertained. âStop, stop, stop!â She holds her palms out as though sheâs a judge imparting all her four-years worth of knowledge to pass her verdict. âBoth of you need to make a pinkie promise.â
You blink. âWhat for, Komi?â
âTo always love each other. Forever anâ ever, until you both die!â she declares seriously.
Atsumuâs smile turns soft around the edges. Ah, the child-like innocence that vanishes so quickly. He doesnât remember much of his own childhoodâitâs mostly just a blur of juvenile volleyball and fistfights with Osamu and Aran, and playdates where you would come over with your mother and the three of you would romp around with the twinsâ toy dinosaursâbut he hopes he had the same sort of faith in the world that little Komi so proudly presents to him.Â
He turns to you, fingers already twitching with the urge to wrap his little finger around yours. âI think you have a point, Komi. Whaddya say?â
âI agree,â you say quietly, shifting slightly in your seat.
Atsumu gently takes your hand in his, hooking his pinkie finger with yours. Your skin is soft, a little bit clammy, but so is his. He swallows thickly, nervous for no reason at all, and says:
â____, I promise to love you forever and ever, until we both die.â
âI, umâ âyou inhale shakilyâ âI promise to do the same.â
He squeezes lightly and then lets go, letting his hand drop down to his lap. It was only a brief moment of contactâbarely thirty secondsâbut Atsumuâs finger twitches again; he aches to prolong the contact, to hold not just your finger but your entire palm, encase it within his handâs confines, and never let you go.
âNo, you didnâ do it properly!â Komi whines, her chubby fingers tightening around the headrest.Â
The volleyball playerâs gaze snaps back to his small friendâs face. Gruffly, still wary, he asks, âWhat did we do wrong, Komi?â
âMama anâ Papa always make me anâ Kento kiss after we fight! You should do the same!â
âBut we havenât fought, Komi,â you try to gently persuade her from exacerbating your situation.Â
It doesnât work. Komi is adamant, as most children are, and Atsumu senses the beginning of a tantrum. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Komi and Kentoâs parents napping in their seats, probably taking a well-deserved break from handling two kids. He doesnât want to wake them up, all because he couldnât satisfy their daughterâs harmless demands.
âAll right, all right,â he says, flashing Komi a winning smile. âWeâll kiss to seal the deal, âkay?â
Next to him, he hears your sharp intake of breath. Atsumuâs heart thuds in his chest, a marching band of his own. The words just slipped outâas they always do. It is his fatal flaw.
Before he can turn towards you, he freezes.Â
You kiss him on his cheek.Â
You kissed him.
He can feel remnants of your lip balm on his skin, a slightly oily residue that he doesnât bother wiping away. His brain feels like itâs a laptop with the Blue Screen Of Death causing it to cease all functions; blood rushes to his ears.
âThere,â you tell Komi with an air of finality. âPinkie promise made properly.â
The girl giggles and claps her hands, but he can tell sheâs getting tired as well. With one last parting smile, she turns back around, presumably to nap for the one hour of travel left.
Atsumuâs cheek tingles at the spot where you kissed him. He resists the urge to brush his fingers against it, conscious of the fact that you might find it weird. Instead, he forces down the giddy smile that threatens to overcome his face and joins you in silently observing the countryside whip past him through the window.
Jealousy is an emotion Miya Atsumu grapples with rather frequently, and itâs no exception when he sees his brother tackle you into a hug as soon as he lays eyes upon you both.
Meanwhile, heâs left standing at the genkan, carrying both your bags and suitcases. Osamu doesnât even spare him a look. Atsumu scowls; is this what their brotherly love has been reduced to?
âDonâ mind me,â he announces, toeing off his shoes and socks. ââm just a luggage carrier.â
âGuest roomâs all yours,â his brother says, arm still wrapped around your shoulder.Â
You snicker at Atsumuâs disgruntled expression and he rolls his eyes. Hefting a bag on his shoulder, he smirks and shoots back, âSomeoneâs gotta be the useful one. Cookinâ isnât gonna save your life.â
âDinnerâs on you, Tsumu,â Osamu calls out to his retreating back. âAnd then weâll see who survives after eatinâ your food.â
Atsumu blanches, but he sees the amused tilt of your head and flashes a winning grin at you instead, trying to quell the envy that bubbles in his chest when he sees Osamu whisper something into your ear and you giggle.Â
After depositing your bags in the guest room, Atsumu heads upstairs to put his own luggage away and wash up a little. He can hear the sounds of you and Osamu talking and laughing downstairs, taking the time to catch up on everything youâd missed in Hyogo districtâabout the twinsâ mother and her little circle of friends, the news about when one of their neighbours threatened to cut down another personâs apple treeâand your delighted laugh sends a ripple of something warm down his spine.Â
He knows heâs well and truly fucked when he thinks about how much he wishes he could be the one to draw those elated sounds out of your mouth.
Downstairs, youâre doubled over with laughter as Osamu regales you with the story of their Grandma Miya accidentally crashing the wrong knitting circle and not realising until three meetings in that they were discussing trashy romance webnovels instead of actually knitting. Atsumu lingers at the top of the stairs, listening to your guffaws. You snort, once, and it sends you and Osamu into peals of laughter again. His fingers curl around the bannister.
The volleyball player steels himself, plastering on a confident smile as he saunters down the stairs.
âOi, whatâs so funny?â he drawls. âYa laughinâ without me now?â
âJust tellinâ her about Grandmaâs new knitting club,â Osamu says. âSheâs startinâ to think she can direct a romantic drama now.â
âI mean, she probably could,â you agree, smiling. âFrom what I know of her, your grandmother is a force.â
Atsumu scoffs, dropping into the armchair closest to you. He mutters, âA force that guilt-tripped me into bringinâ a date to the wedding.â
Osamu snickers. You tilt your head, curious. âA date for Shoheiâs wedding?â
âYeah. And if I show up without one, Iâm doomed. Grandmaâll start parading me around to every eligible bachelorette sheâs ever metâthe neighbours, the cashier at the konbini I said looks cute, random strangers on the street.â
The corner of your mouth quirks up. âThat doesnât sound so bad. Maybe youâll find someone perfect.â
Atsumu swallows down a groan. The last thing he needs is for you to think heâs taking his grandmotherâs matchmaking seriously. âNah, itâs a nightmare waiting to happen. Imagine Grandma introducinâ me to that one lady who brought natto salad to her friendâs birthday party.â
Osamu barks out a laugh. âEveryone ended up with really bad diarrhea that day,â he explains to you. âGuess Tsumu will hafta rely on me for cookinâ unless he wants bowel problems by the time heâs thirty.â
âAs if,â Atsumu says quickly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. âPoint is, I need someone to save me from this circus.â
âHm, better start polishing your flirtinâ skills, Atsumu.â You give him a teasing smile.
His eyes lock with yours for a fraction of a second longer than he intends, and the words sit heavy on his tongue. Youâre my date. I was thinkinâ of asking you. But his throat tightens; instead, he tosses a pillow at his twin brother to cover his nerves.
âYou busy, Samu? Wanna be my date?â he jokes, deflecting easily.
Osamu catches the pillow without missing a beat, and then shudders. âNot a chance. The second they see me with you, theyâll think youâve finally lost it.â
âHasnât he already?â you pipe up.Â
Atsumu clutches his chest dramatically. âEven you, ____? Betrayed in my own home!â
âTechnically, itâs Samuâs home.â
Osamu grins triumphantly. Atsumu sneers.
âWell, donât worry âbout me,â he says, leaning back and stretching his arms behind his head. âIâll find someone. Real classy. Someone whoâll shut Grandma up for a whole year.â
His brother rolls his eyes. âSure you will, Tsumu.â
You glance at Atsumu again, lips pressed together in a thin line. Thereâs something indecipherable in your eyes, the way your forehead is creased ever-so slightly. Before he can say anything, Osamuâs phone rings. He excuses himself to take the call, leaving the two of you alone.
âWhoâs the lucky fake date?â you ask after a beat. You donât meet his gaze.
He rubs the back of his neck, debating his next move. His heart pounds as he tries to muster some semblance of courage, but all he manages is a lopsided grin and a shrug.
âDunno. Guess Iâll know when I see her.â
âWe have a problem.â
âWe do?â Atsumu has only just woken up. His brain is still struggling to catch up with the rest of him; he blinks once, twice, waiting for your statement to sink in.Â
âGet up, loser,â you say, walking into his bedroom like you own the place. You flick his duvet off of his body. âWeâre going shopping.â
Atsumu sits up, pressing his palms to his face and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The duvet slips further down.
âFuck!â you yelp, immediately turning around. âSorry! Sorry, I didnât see anythinâ.â
A shiver ripples through his body. Without the warmth of his blanket cocooning his body, the cold of the morning seeps into his skin. Heâs trying to figure out why, exactly, heâs being presented with a marvellous view of your back, and what youâre apologising for, when the chill makes him shiver again.
Oh. He looks down at himself.Â
Atsumu didnât wear a shirt to bed.
His cheeks flood with heat, the back of his neck prickling with embarrassment. âEr. Iâm wearinâ pants,â he says, like thatâs going to be of any help.
âIâm, um, going to leave,â you say. Your voice sounds stiltedâlikely due to being similarly embarrassed by Atsumuâs bare-chestedness. Atsumu grunts in agreement. You walk out slowly, gingerly tip-toeing over a discarded pair of sweatpants he left lying on the floor.
You shut the door behind you, face lowered, and exaggeratedly twist the doorknob until it lets out a click sound, as though youâre showing him that you have not seen anything indecent. As though his abs have personally offended you. Like youâre a National Geographic narrator documenting a rare, disgruntled creature in the wild.Â
The shirtless Miya Atsumu, with its ruffled plumage and tragic morning breath, appears to challenge the peace of its habitat.
Ha. Wouldnât that be a hoot.
To his credit, Atsumu gives himself five minutes before he flops onto his stomach and screams into his pillow. Then, he rises and rummages through his closet for a shirtâhe settles for a grey one that he probably stole from Osamuâs closet during high schoolâand, still mortified, slips out of his bedroom and heads downstairs to see if breakfast is ready.
He finds his mother and you sitting side-by-side on cushions by the chabudai. Itâs the usual motherly nonsense she always spouts whenever you come overâgushing over your job, asking about your parents, and, of course, wondering if you have a boyfriend yet.
âNot yet, Miya-san,â you reply politely, though Atsumu can tell youâre a little embarrassed. Your eyebrows furrow just slightly, and itâs always a tic youâve had, Atsumuâs discovered.
âOh, well, thatâs too bad,â his mother says. âBeautiful girls like you should have boys tripping over their own two feet to date you.â
Atsumu is sure heâs tripped over his own two feet in front of you enough times by now for him to be able to date you. He clears his throat and puts a little swagger to his step when he sits down opposite you. âMissed me, Ma?â
âSlightly lesser than how much I missed ____,â she says.
âJust adopt her already, why donât you?â Atsumu quips, rolling his eyes.
His mother actually seems to consider this, as she presses her lips together. âMarry one of the twins, ____. You know I would love to have you as a daughter-in-law.â
Your eyes widen, and you flounder, beseechingly locking eyes with Atsumu and begging him to help you out. He smiles a little. He remembers why he brought you here in the first place. His smile gets wiped out in an instant.
Itâs not as though Miya Atsumu doesnât want to spend time with you. He knows Shohei would love to have you at his wedding, and Hyogo is a beautiful place to be at this time of the year. But the thought that he needs you to be a scapegoat to appease Grandma Miya niggles at the back of his mind, unforgiving. He really should tell you, he thinks.
Thankfully, youâre saved from his motherâs matchmaking attempts by Osamu, who walks in balancing bowls of rice and miso soup. He sets them down on the table expertlyâOnigiri Miya has trained him wellâand plops down on a cushion next to his brother.Â
âSorry for beinâ late,â he says gruffly. âForgot to add salt in the miso.â
It smells delicious. Atsumu has to admit that heâs missed his brotherâs cooking. After surviving on a majority of meals that were either konbini snacks or cheap ramen in Tokyo, home-cooked food makes his stomach grumble in a good way.
The four of you chorus your gratitude for the meal with bowed heads and folded palms, and then dig in. Atsumu slurps up the miso soup, chewing on a piece of tofu. Itâs heavenlyâit really is, and he nudges his brotherâs side with his elbow to convey it. Osamu nudges back, and the table is silent for some time.
âOh, by the way,â his mother says, âwe need to get your suits from the dry cleaners. I have to go help your aunt out with last-minute wedding preparations, so I need one of you to do it.â
âNot me,â Osamu says. âIâve got a restaurant to run.â
âYes, Iâm well aware of that, Osamu,â she continues, giving him a small smile. âThatâs why I asked ____ to wake up Atsumu early today. Both of you still have the same build, so Atsumu can go to the tailorâs to see if it fits or if he needs any adjustments.â
âOh,â says Atsumu. You donât meet his gaze. âI didnât know we had actual work to do today.â
âI also offered to buy ____ a dress, but she refused.â His mother casts a quick, affectionate glance at you. âSo, Atsumu, I need you to buy her one, all right? Get her a gorgeous one.â
âOâcourse I will,â he says, quietly.
Osamu looks curiously between you both. âDidnât ____ tell you all this when she came to wake you up, Tsumu?â
A wad of rice gets lodged in Atsumuâs throat. You accidentally inhale miso soup through your nose. Both of you cough and splutter.
Osamu frantically pats Atsumuâs back, while you, eyes watering, accept a glass of water from the twinsâ mother. Something unfurls inside Atsumuâs chest at the thought of spending the whole day with you, getting his suit tailored and buying you a dress. Â
Itâs almost like youâre actually his date for his cousinâs wedding.
Is it weird that Miya Atsumu wants to see your reaction to him wearing a suit? Is he being presumptuous in the way he lifts his chin and puffs out his chest so that the tuxedo fits him better? What are your thoughts about men wearing tuxedos and ties, in general? Should he buy a tie that matches your dress?
This, and other such mysteries of life, are what the volleyball player ponders over in the tiny fitting room while one of the seamsters kneels in front of him and measures the length of his leg with measuring tape.Â
Atsumu has to constantly remind himself that you donât know heâs your date yet. The wedding is tomorrow. He doesnât know if he has it in him to stick it out until then.Â
âAll done,â the seamster announces, getting back to his feet. âGive me fifteen minutes and Iâll be able to alter this to the right size.â
âThanks,â Atsumu mumbles, pulling back the curtain and heading outside.Â
Youâre sitting on one of the couches theyâve kept by the corner of the shop, scrolling through something on your phone. The bag with your new dressâhis motherâs gift to youâis placed on the floor by your feet. He doesnât know what the dress looks like; youâd insisted on buying it secretly because it was, apparently, embarrassing to go dress-shopping with a close friend who happens to be a well-built, devilishly handsome, popular, famous pro-volleyball player.Â
Not that you said those words exactly, but Atsumu can fill in the blanks.
He plops down next to you, leaning back and circling his head to get rid of the cricks in his neck. You put your phone away and glance at him.
âTake a picture,â Atsumu says, not looking back at you. âLasts longer.â
âIf only your face actually looked good in photos.â
âMy face looks excellent. Havenât ya seen me and Bokuto in the Calpis advertisement?â It was a small gig theyâd gotten right after the Olympics season. Kuroo had said it would make for good PR, and Atsumu and Bokuto jumped at the chance to have their small five minutes of fame. Shouyou had sulked about not being a part of it for two weeks straight afterwards.
âI have, actually,â you respond, crossing your arms over your chest. âYou know I wouldnât ever miss out on that. Iâm surprised no one hereâs recognised you yet.â
âLivinâ under a rock, the whole lot of them,â Atsumu mutters.
You laugh softly. âThe fameâs gone to your head, Atsumu. Donât forget me when you and the team go gallivanting across the country.â
âYou know I wouldnât ever be able to forget you,â he says, after a beat. âYouâre, like, a part of me now.â
You blink. âThatâs kind of weird.â
Atsumuâs cheeks burn. How is it that he always, always fumbles so much in front of you? Itâs like his brain sees you and immediately decides to unplug itself for maintenance. He gulps, thinking of ways to salvage whatever dignity he has left.
ââS not weird,â he forces out. âWeâve known each other since we were kids. I think you spent more time at our house durinâ elementary school than you did at your own.â
âFair enough,â you acquiesce. Shifting slightly, you eye the bit of fabric from your dress that pokes out of the paper bag. âStill canât believe your mom insisted on getting me a dress,â you murmur, lightly brushing your fingertips against the edge of the bag. âItâs a bit over-the-top, donât you think?â
âShe just likes you a lot,â he responds. âHonestly, Iâm startinâ the think she likes you more than me or Osamu.â
âThatâs not a very high bar.â You roll your eyes, but thereâs no malice in the action. âBut itâs probably âcause I didnât dunk her favourite teapot into the toilet when I was seven.â
âThat was an accident! And I apologised more than a hundred times!â
âYeah, and Iâm sure the apology totally made up for the fact that you made Osamu stick his hand down there and fish it out for you.â
âWhy dâyou always take his side?â Atsumu grumbles. âCanât ever catch a break with both of you around, I swear.â
You lean back, shoulder brushing against his. Atsumu can feel your gaze roving over his face; he bites the inside of his cheek, feeling strangely self-conscious.
âMaybe,â you say, âI just enjoy making fun of you. You always make fun of me back. Itâs nice.â
Atsumu swallows hard, trying to focus on anything elseâthe tacky wallpaper, the sound of pop music blaring from the shop next door. Anything but the way your words make his heart somersault, or the way your smile lingers for a second more than usual.Â
âThatâs cruel, yaknow,â he manages to say. âGanginâ up on me all the time. Makes a guy feel unloved.â
You stay quiet, thoughtfully steepling your fingers under your chin. Atsumu glances at you from the corner of his eye. Your expression doesnât betray anything, until you reach out and gently grasp his wrist.
âIâm sorry,â you say quietly. âDidnât realise you didnât like it.â
Miya Atsumu is certainânot for the first time in his lifeâthat heâs utterly doomed. Itâs a little bit pathetic, really. It started back in middle school, and still, somehow, heâs unable to move on. Youâve consumed him. Your thumb brushes over the veins on his wrist; he wonders if you can feel his pulse racing.
âDonât stop,â he says, because what else does a fool in love say?
âAtsumu, Iââ
Youâre interrupted by the seamster, who calls Atsumu over to the register to finish his billing. He grits his teeth. This is the worst sort of interruption ever. He turns to face you properly, because maybe if he pretends he didnât hear the tailor, youâll tell him what you were about to say.Â
But your face is carefully blank, your lips pressed together. âGo on,â you tell him. âDonât forget to collect Osamuâs tux, too.â
âYeah, okay.â Atsumu nods once, twice. He gently extricates his hand from your grasp, as much as he dislikes it. âIâll, uh, go do that, then.â
âOkay.â
Atsumu hates this. Heâs not sure if he even wants to attend the wedding anymore. All his relatives are going to heckle him about his love lifeâand thatâs fine, he can deal with them. He just doesnât want his grandmotherâs face to crumple with disappointment on finding out her grandsonâs whole ârelationshipâ was a farce. Feeling sick to his stomach, he pays for the alterations done to his and his brotherâs outfits, and gestures for you to accompany him outside.Â
You donât meet his eyes the entire way back home.
Itâs the eve of the wedding reception, and Miya Atsumu canât find you anywhere.
The reception hall is lovely. Golden lanterns hang from the ceiling, enveloping everyone in a soft, warm glow. Vases of peonies and cherry blossoms, intertwined with sprigs of babyâs breath, are placed on top of the soft linen covering each table. The delicate strains of a koto and shamisen ensemble weave through the air. The centerpiece stage, framed by cascading fairy lights and flowing silk, bear the names of the bride and the groom, written in exquisite calligraphy. An array of traditional Japanese sweets and cups of sake are placed on a long table by the corner of the hall.
Shohei and Sakura sit by the shintaku, looking resplendent in their outfits, surrounded by family members and friends. Heâs already congratulated them, clapping his cousin on the back and winking proudly at Sakura. Youâre nowhere near them, so he tries the snack table instead.
Atsumu hides his mounting worry by shoving a piece of mochi into his mouth. He racks his brain, trying to think of other possible hideouts where he can find you. Itâs not like you to disappear like thisâand itâs a shame, really, because all he wants is to be by your side this evening. Osamu is posing for a group photo with his second cousins and his mother is helping his aunt with the gift bags, but youâre not anywhere near them either.
He knows you wonât be at the smoking area where his uncle has held court all evening, but he decides to check anyway. Atsumu gives the area a cursory glance, confirming that youâre not among them, before hastily walking out. He curses under his breath, his usual confidence giving way to an unfamiliar, gnawing unease.
Youâre supposed to be here. You said youâd be here.
He adjusts the lapels of his tailored suit and forces himself to think rationally. Youâre probably just outside, he tells himself, getting some air or hiding from the relentless matchmaking attempts of meddlesome aunts. Itâs probably fine. It has to be.
Atsumuâs footsteps turn towards the garden doors. His urgency is masked by the cocky, practiced demeanour he wears like a second skin.
âAtsumu, boy, where dâyou think youâre running off to now?â
The volleyball player freezes mid-step. He exhales slowly and drags a hand through his meticulously styled hair before turning around.
Grandma Miya stands by the hallâs entrance, wearing a lavender kimono that glows under the warm lights. Her lacquered cane gleams as she taps it softly against the polished floor. Despite her diminutive frame, his grandmother commands the space effortlessly. Sharp eyesâso like his ownâpin him in place.
ââM not runninâ anywhere, Grandma,â Atsumu says, summoning a sheepish smile that he hopes will placate her. âJust, uh, checkinâ on something.â
Her eyebrows lift, arching in a way that shows sheâs wholly unconvinced. âChecking on something or someone?â
Atsumu opens his mouth, an excuse perched on the tip of his tongue, but she raises a hand and continues before he can say anything. âThought you ought to knowâthereâs a pretty girl standing outside in the garden cussinâ out your name like sheâs auditioning for a sailorâs choir. Care to explain why?â
âWaitâoutside?â
âSo you do know her,â Grandma Miya states.
âUm. YeahâIâ Sheâsââ The grin heâs worn like armour falters under the Miya matriarchâs scrutinising gaze.
âOut with it, Tsumu,â she prompts, tapping her cane once on the floor. âWho is she?â
âSheâs my⊠date,â Atsumu admits. The words tumble out awkwardly, and he canât deny the way it sounds both weirdly foreign but strangely right at the same time. âFor the wedding.â
His grandmotherâs eyes narrow. âAnd why is she out there cursing you to Hell and back all alone in the cold?â
âI didnâtââ He stops, shoulders slumping. He knows thereâs no point in lyingânot to her. Grandma Miya has always been able to see right through him, as though his thoughts are scrawled across his face.
âSheâs not really my date,â Atsumu mutters, gaze downcast. âI mean, she is, but she doesnât⊠know that she is.â
Grandma Miya blinks, and then lets out a short huff of laughter. âAtsumu, are you tellinâ me you brought this poor girl here, told everyone sheâs your date, but didnât think to inform her of that little detail?â
âI didnât forget,â Atsumu protests, though his words sound weak to his own ears. âI just didnât have the chance to tell her.â
âWhy would you go and do something so spectacularly foolish?â
He hesitates, avoiding her eyes. ââCause I didnât want to disappoint you,â he says quietly, the admission dragging itself out of his throat.
His grandmotherâs smile fades, and without it, her wrinkles look more and more pronounced. âDisappoint me?â
âYeah,â Atsumu whispers. âYouâre always askinâ me when Iâm gonna bring someone home. You want to see me and Osamu get married, too, before youââ His voice catches. âBefore. Um. I just wanted to make you happy, âs all.â
Thereâs a long pause, and when Grandma Miya speaks again, her voice is sadder than he expects. Classic Atsumu, he thinks bitterly. Always findinâ a way to mess things up for everyone.
âAtsumu, you daft boy,â his grandma says, âI donât care if you bring someone or not. All Iâve ever wanted is for you to be happy.â
Atsumu swallows, her words entering his chest and settling down with a warmth that wraps around his body. When he looks up, he finds her observing him not with judgement, but with quiet understanding.
âAre you happy?â she asks.Â
Something about the way she says it is tinged with hope, and it makes his heart lift. The truth lodges in his throat, too big to swallow, too heavy to speak.
âI like her,â he blurts out finally. âA lot. But she doesnâtâshe doesnât know that either.â
Grandma Miyaâs lips lift up in a grinâthe same smile that passed on to his mother, and then to him and his brother. âThen go find her. Tell her the truth.â
âBut what ifââ
âNo,â she says firmly. âLifeâs too short for all that nonsense. If you care about her, you owe her the truth and an apology. Go on, now. Dinnerâs starting soon.â
Atsumu nods, the corners of his lips twitching up in a small, grateful smile. She waves him off with her cane, before turning around and bellowing to Osamu to get her another cup of sake. He heads out to the garden.
The cool night air fills his lungs when he steps out of the ornate doors. He catches sight of you pacing near the koi pond; your movements are tight with frustration. The moonlight shimmers on the water, and dances across your face. The ends of your dress billow out because of the wind and Atsumu swears he forgets how to breathe.
Itâs not until he climbs down the steps and comes to a standstill in front of you that you finally acknowledge Atsumu. Even then, itâs with flaring nostrils and flashing eyes, and he knows heâs fucked up really badly this time.
âAtsumu,â you say, voice taut. âWhat the Hell is going on?â
He winces. He doesnât know what to say, how to explain everything. He tries to speak, but no words come out, and all he can do is watch helplessly as you curl your fingers into your palm with anger.
âWhy the fuck did you tell your entire family that Iâm your girlfriend?â you snap, when it becomes apparent he isnât going to say anything. âWhat did you think was going to happen?â
A dozen half-baked excuses fly over his head, but none of them feel right. Grandma Miya was rightâhe owes you the truthâbut first, he needs to find a way to calm you down.
âDo you realise how messed up that is?â you continue. Your voice increases in pitch, garnering the attention of a few wedding-goers milling about. âYou didnât ask me. You didnât tell me anything. Do you know how embarrassing it was to get bombarded by all your relatives asking me how long weâve been dating? They think weâre something that weâre notâfuck it all, they think Iâm something Iâm not.â
âI didnâtâ I didnât mean for this to happen,â Atsumu pleads, finally having found his voice. âI justââ
âJust what?! Just thought it would be easier? Just wanted to impress your family?â
âNo,â he says, shaking his head. âNo. I justâshit, I dunnoâI didnât want my grandma to think I was screwing around. I didnât want my relatives to look at me with pity âcause I canât even stay in a decent relationship for longer than three weeks!â
Atsumu searches your face for somethingâsome sort of reaction to his words. But youâre silent, and he canât read your face. He canât tell if youâre angry, hurt, both, or something else entirely, and itâs making him feel even more out of his depth.
âWhat were you thinking, Atsumu?â you ask softly. Your teeth worry your bottom lip, and he resists the urge to give in and kiss you silly.
âI wasnât thinkinâ,â he says, hoarsely. âI didnât think about how it would make you feel. I should have.â
You donât say anything for a long while; Atsumu thinks heâs said too much. But then, you speak and the bite in your voice has reduced.
âYou didnât think about me. You didnât think âbout how Iâd feel being that person for you.âÂ
Your words ring hollow in his ears. The hurt in your voice makes his stomach twist with guilt. He wants to defend himself, but what could he possibly say? Instead, he looks at you quietly, hoping against all hope that somehow you will understand.
âFuck,â Atsumu mutters under his breath, more to himself than you. He takes a tentative step forward, but you hold up a hand.
âYou donâtââ Your voice trembles. âYou donât get to just walk over to me and give me some half-assed apology, Atsumu.â
Atsumu stops, letting silence blanket you both once more. He stares at you for a moment, at your beautiful face and your beautiful dress, and without thinking, he steps closer, his hand reaching out.
You donât pull awayânot immediately.
Heâs close enough now that he can see his reflection in your eyes, the small tremor in your lips. Something inside him shifts, something urgent, something that makes his head spin. He doesnât know what heâs doing until itâs too late.Â
He curls his hand around your waist and pulls you in, crashing your lips with his. He feels you stiffen at firstâbut then you kiss him back, hard and sharp, and everything in him unwinds.
It isnât gentle or sweet. It isnât tender, the way Atsumu had always imagined his first kiss with you would be like. Itâs angryâyou are angry at him, and he is angry at himself.Â
Itâs over far too quickly. Atsumuâs chest heaves with each breath he takes. You gawk at him, wide-eyed and breathless; a mirror to the expression on his own face, most likely.Â
âIââ Atsumu starts, but the sentence gets lost somewhere in his brain when you take a step back.
âIâm not some⊠prop to your little charade, Atsumu,â you say. âSo unless this means something to youâlike it does for meâdonât do things youâll regret.â
âI wonât,â Atsumu promises. His voice is gruff, his heartbeat a rapid staccato against his rib cage. âI could never. I like you too much for that.â
You look at him like he looked at you earlierâlike youâve forgotten how to breathe, like youâre drinking in the sight of him and trying to commit him to memory. It comes out as a whisper when you say, âWhat?â
âGod, ____, I like you. I like you so much I donât know what to do with myself when youâre around.â He owes you the truth, and so the truth is what you will get. Heâs not very good with wordsâyou know this, and heâs sure you will recognise this for what it is: heâs laying his heart bare for you to take and keep safely for him.
âMe too,â you say. âMe too, Atsumu. Me too.â
He kisses you again, gentle and tender and sweet, his hand placed on the curve of your neck and your hands clutching the front of his shirt.Â
Osamu finds him and you later, curled into each otherâs sides. Atsumuâs cheeks colour when his brother shoots him an impressed look.
âFinally,â he says. âBeen waitinâ forever for this buffoon to get his head out of his ass and make a move.â
Atsumu doesnât deny it, and you laugh softly. âBeen waitinâ for him myself,â you say, squeezing his arm affectionately.
âAnyways,â says Osamu. âGrandma Miyaâs lookinâ for Tsumu. She says she canât wait to meet his new girlfriend.â
Atsumuâs mouth splits into a grin. âTell her weâll be right there,â he says.
I woke up with a throbbing headache, unsure of what to make of last night at all, since I couldnât entirely remember it. Though, the one thing I did remember was Suna and his mesmerizing smile.
I sighed deeply, remembering also the comment Tsumu had made.
ââŠYouâll obsess over him for a week and then youâll be over it..â
He was right, and I knew he was. Though, I couldnât get his image out of my head regardless. Not to mention, he had asked for my number. That had to mean something, right?
I groaned, lying back in bed. This wasnât worth the headache.
âOsamu, weâre trusting you with the keys tonight.â Atsumu said, sitting in the passenger seat of Samuâs car. I slumped into the back, upset that he had beaten me to the front seat. He stuck his tongue out at me in response.
âThatâs fine.â Samu grumbled. âWhy am I going again?â Tsumu rolled his eyes.
âBecause I canât trust y/n by herself, and I already made a vow to get drunk off my ass tonight.â
I glared at Tsumu.
âWhat do you mean I canât be trusted?â I said, crossing my arms. âIf anything Iâm the most trust worthy of the three of us.â I huffed. Both of them turned to give me a look, telling me they believed otherwise.
âYeah.. alright.â Samu said, starting the car and driving down the road.
âHoly shit..â he grumbled, eyeing the road that was full of cars. âI thought it was just going to be the volleyball guys?â
We all shared a look of confusion as we got out of the car, the music blaring already from outside of Sunaâs apartment, the smell of alcohol already present in the air.
We walked inside, the smell hitting me like a truck and the heat from dancing bodies radiating through us.
âDamn..â I coughed, pinching my nose. âIs this what you meant by the smell, Samu?â He snorted.
âItâs never been this bad⊠Iâll admit..â he groaned, having to yell over the music. Atsumu had already disappeared into the crowd of college students, and Samu had started walking to god knows where, leaving me to my own devices.
I was starting to have second thoughts about coming here. Though, thatâs when I heard a voice from beside me.
âY/n!â He said to me, and I turned to see Bokuto beside me. I grinned at the familiar face.
âHi!â I said, and before I could do anything he grabbed my wrist, tugging me deeper into the house.
âWeâre playing beer pong.. you should join us.â He said excitedly, it was clear in his expression that he was already tipsy. I shrugged, accepting defeat and following him into one of the rooms. It had a table set up with a group of other familiar faces, one of them being Atsumu.
âHi y/n!â He said excitedly, waving me over. I stood beside him as he groaned, missing his shot by a mile. I looked up to see his opponent staring at me.
âThis is y/n?â I heard who I assumed was Suna say from across the table. Tsumu grinned.
âYep!â He said as Suna threw a ball with precision, causing Tsumu to groan. I laughed as he chugged the alcohol in the last cup.
âYouâre awful at this TsumuâŠâ I snorted, the others laughing with me. He glared at me.
âIâd like to see you do better!â He said, huffing and setting up the next game. I grinned, doing just that.
I played a few rounds, not sure if I was winning or loosing and already feeling the dizziness of the alcohol starting to settle. My skin prickled with sweat and buzzed delightfully from the drinks I had had to take. My vision was blurry, and I could barely make out the cups in front of me as I threw the pong ball.
âYou know, youâre not very good at this.â I heard Suna mumble, a small smile on his face. I glared at him.
âYeah, thatâs why Iâm winning.â I said confidently, even though I was obviously not. He snorted.
âIf you call a fat hangover tomorrow winning, I guess you could say that.â
Suna and I continued to play through the night, and eventually I had started to feel my legs weakening. I sat down for a minute, head resting against the back of the chair as I watched Suna and Keiji play a few rounds. Iâm not sure wether it was the alcohol or maybe just the overstimulation I was feeling in the moment, but I couldnât tear my eyes away from Suna, or his arms flexing as he threw the ball with grace across the table to Keijiâs side. His smirk caused a tinge in my stomach that wouldnât go away the longer I looked at it. Every time he looked up and caught my gaze, I felt like my entire world had stopped spinning, and suddenly I felt the urge to vomit.
I stood from my spot, sending Tsumu a look that he caught immediately.
âDammit already?â He groaned, catching my arm and tugging me mercilessly through the crowded hallways of Sunaâs apartment to the nearest bathroom.
The cool tile floor eased the ache of my feverish skin as I slumped over the toilet, Atsumu laughing a little behind me as he held my hair back.
âI thought I was going to be the first to puke tonight⊠I guess you proved me wrong, huh?â He laughed.
âHe looked at meâŠâ I mumbled as I wiped my mouth, lying on the bathroom floor to cool off. He gave me a glance.
âWhat?â
âHe looked at meâŠâ I said, grinning like an idiot. I saw the gears turning in his head, and suddenly it clicked for him.
âOh.. no.. no no no noâŠâ he grumbled. âDonât tell me youâre talking about Suna⊠god dammit y/n..â he groaned, knowing my track record with men.
âWhatâs so bad about it?â I asked, my words slurring as in started to laugh. He shook his head, making my world spin a little bit from the movement.
âYouâll obsess over him for like a week, and then Iâll never hear about him again.â He said plainly.
I sobered up from his comment slightly, but not enough to keep my head from spinning. I dipped back over the toilet again to let it out, and that was the last thing I remembered in the morning.
I practically ran over to the twins apartment that they shared with Bokuto and Akaashi. I knew them all pretty well, but we usually kept our distance regardless.
Bokuto opened the door, and I gave him a smile as I pushed passed him to Atsumuâs room, backpack slung over my shoulder as Bokuto laughed a little bit from behind me.
âHi Tsumu!â I said excitedly, walking into his room unannounced. He grinned at me.
âHi y/n! Samuâs on the way back now.â I nodded at him, flopping down on his bed.
âSo⊠party friday?â I said, a small smile on my face. He grinned in response.
âYeah, Suna hosts some pretty great parties honestly. Iâm excited.â I gave him a look.
âWhy have I never known about said parties until now?â He gave me a sheepish look.
âWell.. Suna doesnât exactly know you well, you know. He usually just hosts for the volleyball clubâŠâ I shrugged.
âHowâd I get invited this time then?â
âI asked.â He said with a grin.
âYouâre awesome, Tsumu.â I grinned back.
âI know.â He said. At about that time, Osamu walked into the room, his usual neutral expression on his face.
âAre we actually going to study or are you two going to talk the entire time while I try to work..?â He mumbled, sitting down on the bed next to me. I gave him a deadpanned expression.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â I asked. Tsumu backed me up.
âYeah, whatâs that supposed to mean, Samu?â Osamu rolled his eyes.
âNevermind..â he mumbled, seemingly knowing his answer.
A/n
y/n made it home safe dw, though they tried to get her to stay the night
Bokuto is baffled that she isnât fazed when he opened the door. (He thinks heâs scary)