nothing will remind you that eating is good and okay like fantasy books will. âand that night in the valley they brought out the best plum cake and sweet cream, trout and turnips roasted over the fire, mead and goatsmilk and fresh cold water from the spring-â and itâs like yeah dude youâre absolutely right. then sometimes itâs like âas he slept that night in the woods, he sorely missed the valley, where they brought out the best plum cake-â and itâs like man that sucks iâll have some seconds in his honor
i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate that im so big. i hate that even when i become small ill still have so many flaws on my body. i hate that it's a possibility for people to be naturally skinny and i'm not one of them. i hate the way i'm treated. i hate the way i treat myself. i hate myself when i'm gaining. i hate everyone else when i'm losing. i hate being tall. i hate that my height adds to my weight. i hate that people notice me more easily because i'm tall and fat. i want to hide and disappear and starve myself until i'm nothing but a memory. i want to love myself but i can't. i hate myself
when u don't eat anything all day so u binge at night and then u can't sleep bc u feel gross and then the next day ur still full so you don't eat all day and then binge at night and can't sleep and
draw a head and then 'decorate' that head however you're feeling (I drew a man with a hole for a face. It worked)
listen to a song and try to focus on one (1) instrument at a time, baseline, drums, guitar, another guitar, repeating sound effect
wash your face
take a nap or go to bed early
call someone. tell them about your horrible day or let them talk about theirs or both
go through your camera roll (specifically the screenshots folder)
go through your saved instagram posts / tumblr likes
watch That One Really Great Live Performance of That Artist You Love, then read the comments of everyone having great taste like you do
cry a little about it
remember that this day will end and another will begin. it'll be all new, never experienced before, no bad things will have happened, and you'll be okay.
Alleviate some of the (extreme) expectations you have for yourself by seeing things as extensions of yourself, rather than defining yourself by them.
Your talent for art is an extension of who you are: youâre enjoying it, youâre good at it and it might earn you money or a following. But if this extension were to fall away, it wouldnât change you at your core. It would affect you, but it wouldnât suddenly make you less worthy. Same goes for sports, songwriting, giving out advice, editing photos; theyâre extensions of you because youâre the one who built them and invests time into them.
Your core is what (who) remains when all of those things are taken away. The person who had the courage to try in the first place, fell down and got up again, the intelligence and kindness, the perseverance and the boldness. That person is already whole and already enough. Even if thereâs no extensions, talents, good grades, even if thereâs just you being- itâs completely okay and good. Everything else is a bonus. Youâre already worth celebrating just as you are.
honestly fuck all the ppl that have used me. fuck you for making me feel like thatâs all iâm good for. fuck you for hurting me. fuck you for damaging me. fuck you for touching me. fuck you fuck you fuck you.
Self harm doesnât always happen when a blade touches skin.
Itâs skipping meals because you donât feel like you deserve to eat today. Itâs having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. Itâs drinking recklessly because you might have the âcourageâ do something stupid. Itâs smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know itâs bad for you. Itâs banging your head against a wall when youâre angry. Itâs crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. Itâs thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. Itâs not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. Itâs taking painkillers in excess because you know itâs dangerous. Itâs walking home the more dangerous way because youâre kind of half hoping youâll get attacked or raped or stabbed. Itâs going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you canât find your way back. Itâs seeking out triggering material. Itâs all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you donât put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
Itâs a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesnât only happen in one way.
You don't have to choose one aesthetic. One personality or main theme. One defining characteristic for yourself. You don't have to find one category to box yourself into in any regard. You can be all things that inspire you, that make you feel more fully alive. You are multifaceted and complex. You are endlessly diverse. So many colors, textures, and joyous expressions live within you.
living in a house where everyone has an eating disorder is funny cause when i don't eat for three days my mom doesn't get concerned about me, she gets jealous
i grew up extremely overweight and was bullied for it my whole life. until i got an eating disorder in lockdown and the way i was treated changed drastically
i was ten times as confident as i was before. i wore dresses and clothes i'd only dream of wearing when i was big. i got compliments from strangers daily (even my friends wouldn't compliment me before). the guy who bullied me most tried to hook up with me. people noticed me and cared about me and wanted to BE like me and it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
i didn't feel like i was an actual person until i lost weight.
experiencing both sides makes it evident that being this way is just... better. and that's why it's so fucking hard to recover
These tips are intended for people with restrictive eating disorders who also binge and want to stop- just because that's what I have personal experience with- but it might be helpful for others who binge too.
Just a disclaimer, I am not a medical professional
(This is probably going to be long)
I'm just warning you- you're probably not going to like what you read here. I hope you still find it helpful anyways.
First off, let's start by defining binge eating- a binge is different from overeating- and a "binge" is also different for someone with a restrictive ed. In BED, an individual will typically feel out of control, overeating despite not being hungry, past the point of fullness and maybe to the point of pain or sickness. They will usually experience distressing emotions, like extreme guilt. However if you've been restricting for a long time your appetite and hunger cues are... unreliable at best. Even if you experience feeling out of control, eating past the point of fullness, distress and guilt- you ARE hungry. Your body and brain aren't working against you when you feel that desperate urge to eat everything, they are trying to keep you alive.
I understand how distressing it can be though so I want to help đ you deserve to eat but if you can't do that, you at least deserved to be comfortable. Okay now that I've ranted, on to the actual tips!
1. Assess why you binge- like *really* assess. Be honest with yourself even if it sucks. Are you hungry but not giving yourself permission to eat? Bored? Stressed or emotional? This is the most important step! My personal triggers that I identified were feeling full, pain (emotional or physical), exhaustion, and boredom. So the strategies I have are based off of those triggers- I try to avoid feeling full, take painkillers when I need them or talk to a friend for emotional support, get enough sleep, and keep myself occupied.
2. Take your fucking multivitamins! This isn't a cure-all since multivitamins aren't meant to supplement actual food but they will still help. oftentimes that desperate hunger is a sign that you're malnourished. I recommend taking gummy multivitamins as they're less likely to cause stomach upset
3. Electrolytes! Drink a sports drink or electrolyte mix that actually has a sufficient amount of sodium and glucose/sugar too, I don't wanna see any diet gatorade. If your electrolytes aren't balanced you'll be dehydrated at best and could literally die at worst. Salt is essential because it helps you retain water (yes you WANT to retain *some* water otherwise you're dehydrated-its a matter of balance) and sugar/glucose will help with low blood sugar. Also on this note of balance and hydration- don't drown yourself in water!! Only drink as much as you want/need, not more. Drinking too much can flush out essential electrolytes.
4. Give yourself permission to eat- (even if its still not a lot) plan out what you'll eat ahead of time so that you can feel prepared and be realistic about how much you can consistently eat without binging. Don't start a fast immediately after a binge either. Allow yourself to eat what you want too- are there specific foods that you tend to always binge on? Eat a portion of that food in combination with a safe food to feel less deprived
5. This is something that I never hear anyone recommend but it is SO IMPORTANT- and that's to not tell yourself that you will never ever binge again. I'm sure you've done this before, you feel awful, guilty, filled with self-loathing and the only comfort you give yourself is "I'll never EVER do this again" but you remember saying that last time and the time before and it just leaves you feeling worse- hopeless even. This makes a lot of sense because there are certain personality traits that predispose people to developing anorexia- specifically perfectionism and rigidity. But you actually need to get rid of that mindset to move on. Binging is not about "self control" or a lack of discipline or motivation or anything of the sort- it's more of a problem with self-regulation. Which is NOT something to beat yourself up over.
Here's some examples of what not to do and what to replace those thoughts and actions with to set yourself up for success:
- "I'm NEVER binging again!" > "I am no longer binging right now"
- "I fucked up again- I'm unbelievable!" > "I made it 4 days without binging this time- next I'll make it to 5 days"
- "I hate myself/I'm disgusting"/*insert self deprecation* > "what I did was understandable given my circumstances and I forgive myself"
- if you engage in purging behavior, try to do something else - maybe a bath, a nap, watch TV, or play a game- you have to teach yourself how to cope with the aftermath of binging in order to stop. You have to forgive yourself and show some self-compassion (it's not easy but it gets easier đ)
Notice how far you've come, don't be afraid to feel proud of yourself for every victory no matter how small it seems. And if you read all of this, thank you and I hope it was helpful somehow!! ^-^
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