while you‘re fast asleep

Berlin

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

You can only breadcrumb someone who’s used to starving

[furiousgoldfish]

you deserve better than to be neglected again

[unwelcome-ozian]

[artandfragments]

it’s so cold here blue and grey there’s no warmth to be found just me, alone and small in a world with no spot for me nowhere to turn no cozy refuge just blue and grey and me

[unwelcome-ozian]

[papertrail-s]

I really shouldn’t call him. I feel like an addict getting off of heroine. Probably because this is what is really happening in my brain right now.

[papertrail-s]

I really want to act in alignment with my highest good and learn to love myself but it is the hardest challenge there is. It is so difficult to resist the tempting sensation to go back to a toxic addictive relationship or to stand up for yourself when you fear the potential consequences of it. To not call him because you want that feeling of warm, beautiful closeness so much that you give up on your other needs because of it, because you believe that there is not enough love to go around. Because the fear of being alone drives you to do self-hating things.

[papertrail-s]

mein leben hat sich sehr verändert und ich bin so viel gewachsen. ich kann jedem nur ans herz lesen „the completion process“ von real swan zu lesen, wenn man heilen möchte.

[maternalscars]

As a child, when you reached out to connect emotionally (as all children naturally do), the lack of response sent you an unspoken message, loud and clear: Don’t reach out. So now deep down, when you need help or connection, you are stopped from making connections by a block inside of you. Somehow, it just feels needy or wrong to ask for help or even want to connect.

[weltenwellen]

Jonice Webb, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

[bpd-bbyg]

[furiousgoldfish]

Neglect is abuse. It has the same effect on you. Being last on the priority list of people “have other things to worry about” is not how you grow up into an emotionally healthy person. You will accept being ignored and neglected because it’s whats expected of you. You will be grateful for crumbs of attention and seek for no more, no matter what. You will grow up dealing with every problem alone and learning to not reach out, not ask for help, not take away a second of someone’s precious time for your problems that surely couldn’t matter.

You learn to be quiet and invisible and to not show signs of pain. You learn to blame yourself for not speaking out, for suffering alone, as if you’re doing it on purpose. You learn to cope with being insignificant, because when you’re neglected, that’s a given. Surely, if you were of any importance, someone would care enough to notice, to talk to you, to see if anything’s wrong. To see if you’re drowning in depression and dissociating from the amount of pain you’re in. Surely, what you’re going thru would matter to someone.  

People who don’t care to give you attention are not people who love you and care for you. They don’t raise you, they don’t even learn who you are. And it’s only a matter of time before you fall into resignation and learn that being ignored and sent to the gates of hell to deal with demons all by yourself, is how your life will be. And the more dangerous part – if someone gives you predatory attention, if someone finds something they can use within you, something they can tear away for their own purposes – it will feel welcome, it will make you feel like finally, you’re good for something. Finally, someone is looking at you. You’ll welcome people who use and hurt you, because even that is better than to be completely and utterly abandoned and ignored by the world. Neglect will make you welcome abusers in your life, not only without caution, but with gratitude that even for a moment, you’re not feeling neglected anymore.

[papertrail-s]

wow this sentence made me feel so seen

[cinematicwasteland]

[dulect]

Someone: why do u always say u feel sick

Me: because, my sweet dude, I literally cannot determine the line between my mental illness and physical unwellness anymore. I am Literally Always Ready To Die I am in a constant state of uncomfort my guy it always makes me feel like I'm gonna be ridin the queasy train to regretville

Me: haha

[tropigoblin]

Jeanne Damas by Sara Nataf

[thesurfslab]