warning: very long narration ahead (i went crazy with this i'm sorry)
taehyun stared at you with wide eyes and a mouth agape, trying to force his brain to give instructions on how he was going to respond or move. his hand stayed nervously gripping the doorknob, his body afraid to take another step.
there you were, looking up at him with a faint smile.
looking at you up close for the first time in years, he noticed how you changed a lot yet not at all. your hair was different, shorter than he had ever seen, but the liveliness of your face remained the same although your eyes were dimmer now and he was sure that it was because of his presence.
your style was different—darker than before. what used to be a pattern of bright colors became a palette of neutral colors. you looked good. you looked good in anything that you wore, he thought to himself.
taehyun quickly realized that he had been staring at you for too long. his eyes quickly left your figure and landed on the three eavesdroppers on the other side of the room who were communicating with him through frantic arm movements and eyes that screamed, 'stop being an idiot, SAY SOMETHING!'
he looked back at your expectant gaze. "h-hey?" he greeted pathetically, finally finding his voice. his greeting came out as a question and he wanted to bury himself in a hole. very smooth, taehyun.
you raised your eyebrows and tightened your lips in acknowledgment, not saying another word because really, you didn't know what else you were to say to him. the atmosphere was suffocating and awkward, neither of you were moving an inch. the three viewers behind you were close to pulling their hair at the interaction that was both painful and amusing to watch.
"should we do something?" kai whispered towards soobin who had his hands on his face like the man from 'the scream' painting. he started shaking his head at a sloth-like speed, getting frustrated by the second, "i really don't know."
"hyung, they're gonna be stuck there all day if we don't snap them out of their little bubble," beomgyu added in the same hushed yet exasperated voice.
soobin pursed his lips, considering the comments from his younger peers. he quickly decided on what was best and let go of his face. he crossed his arms and loudly cleared his throat. "y/n? you said you needed to use the bathroom?" he calmly voiced out, startling both you and taehyun from your staring contest.
"a-ah, yeah. i have to- yeah," you spluttered out, actively avoiding taehyun's unwavering gaze on you. "right," he muttered, seemingly in a daze, and let go of the doorknob.
the next few seconds felt like an awkward waltz that neither wanted to dance. when taehyun took a step to the left, you coincidentally took the same step and the same thing happened when he took a step to the right.
it was an amusing sight of shuffling and stammering from the both of you and your three loyal audiences were doing the best that they could to stifle their laughs as you were finally able to step in the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind you.
you leaned on the door and exhaled loudly, a hand clutching on your chest where your heart was. to say that the whole encounter was weird was an understatement. your insides were all over the place, your heart unsure where it stands.
but what would your heart know? the brain is the command center of a human's body. your left brain works overtime in making logical decisions and inquiries and right now, you wish that it would control your whole being and emotions. you need to wake up and remember how you felt about taehyun—you need to remember how that man makes you feel like smashing the windows of every car you see because of how much he gets on your nerves.
"get it together, y/n," you mumbled out loud, needing to hear it yourself rather than just letting the voice in your head send you the message.
you closed your eyes for a moment and let your ears pick up anything to distract yourself for a bit. your emotions and thoughts were overwhelming, a war happening inside of you although you didn't know why it was necessary. you hated taehyun and what he did, there shouldn't be a debate about this and how you should act.
you could hear the muffled arguing of beomgyu and kai behind the door, the faint chuckles from taehyun who looks like he decided to stay in the living room. you wanted to curse out the universe. you softly banged your head against the door, your brows knit in frustration. things were only going to get worse for you and you knew it.
you were able to work with soobin, sitting on the floor with him to feel more comfortable, but the eyes that burned through the back of your head bothered you to no end. you wanted so badly to turn around and give him a nasty death glare, but you didn't want to seem rude towards soobin. you were only a guest after all, and this was their home. you needed to act civil.
when taehyun left the living room to focus on something in the kitchen, relief washed over you. finally, your movements didn't feel like they were being pinned down and watched every second. you were able to make good progress with the project and were finally able to joke around like you usually would while being with soobin; even shared a few laughs with beomgyu and kai who would make teasing comments about the acting session in front of them.
"i know this isn't all that serious, but you're a really great actress, y/n. you amaze me," soobin praised after you ran lines with him. your face was flooded with red at his words and you shook your head with a small smile, waving your hand to say that it was nothing special.
"you should see yourself! you're a natural. i can't wait to see you in kdramas someday," you teased, but your words were truthful. soobin rolled his eyes playfully and gently nudged you, a delighted grin that reached his eyes appearing on his face. the happiness he showed lifted your own mood up, unconsciously replicating the grin that he was sporting.
taehyun was also seeing a shade of red from behind the kitchen counter, eyes in a hard glare as he watched the exchange. he clenched his jaw as he saw how easy it was for soobin to make you blush. he used to do that.
he couldn't stand watching the scene anymore.
"are you just going to sit there, smiling at each other? the tteokbeokki's getting cold," taehyun's cold remark slashed through the calm atmosphere of the room. four heads sporting the same frowns and confused looks turned towards the owner of the voice. your eyes narrowed at his irritated tone, not liking it one bit.
"is there a problem, taehyun?" you raised an eyebrow, looking at him straight in the eye. you noticed that he was slightly taken aback at you talking to him so directly, but he quickly regained composure and shrugged nonchalantly. "i'm just saying. i don't want my food to grow cold because of blatant flirting in front of me," it seemed like he couldn't control his tongue right now, and he made no attempt to stop it.
"taehyun," soobin warned, also not liking how he was behaving.
"why should it bother you if we were flirting?" you challenged him, letting your irritation lead the conversation for you. "you still in love with me, taehyunie?" you tilted your head to the side in fake innocence, a smirk plastered on your face.
upon hearing the name that you used to call him, you saw taehyun's eyes grow sharper, his jaw locking in anger. you were provoking him and he couldn't stand to see you step on his pride like that. he had to beat you in this twisted game, even if it meant lying.
"i never loved you, y/n. don't be too self-centered," taehyun snorted, a calm smile on his face and his eyes swimming in confidence.
you heard a gasp from behind you and you didn't care to know who it was from. all you could hear was his words echoing in your mind, mocking you both in the present and in the past. it was as if a hammer easily smashed your fragile heart in pieces and they were far too small to glue back together. this wasn't the answer that you were expecting, and taehyun could tell by the way that your expression faltered.
regret immediately caught up to taehyun no matter how hard he tried to block it out. he no longer appeared confident.
"wait that's not-"
"i think we worked on enough for today, soobin. i should go," you immediately cut off his words and turned to soobin. soobin was startled when you turned to him, looking like you were unfazed by what you heard. he, however, had eyes that were sympathetic and a face that was devoided of all color.
he felt like this malicious exchange between you and taehyun was partly his fault, although he didn't have any bad intentions with his remark. despite only hearing about what went on between the two of you since he didn't attend the same high school as the rest of the group, he thought that he should have remembered his place.
soobin felt dejected, only nodding at what you said. "i'll walk you out the building," he offered but you only shook your head and stood up.
"it's fine. i wouldn't want to seem too self-centered by making you escort me out," you snorted, but he still stood up to open the door. "i should at least be the one to let you out," he insisted with a quiet voice. you sighed in defeat and nodded, turning to beomgyu and kai who were looking at the couch pillows on their laps with pouts on their faces like they were the most interesting objects in the room.
"it was nice seeing you two again," you said out loud and they lifted their gazes towards you, immediately figuring out that the statement was for them. beomgyu sent you a small smile, winking at you to try and lift up the atmosphere of this conversation before you leave.
"get home safely, y/n," kai said gently, fearing that using his usual loud voice would be a wrong move in such a tense scenario. a genuine smile appeared on your face at his concern and at beomgyu's effort and that made them feel a bit of relief. kai gave you a kind smile back.
you finally turned around, not sparing a glance towards anything else and left the room. soobin quickly followed, gently closing the door behind him, leaning on it. "i'll see you tomorrow, soobs," you said, looking up at him and he nodded, ruffling the top of your head. you chuckled at the familiar action. you knew this was his way of comforting you. he would always do it whenever tests would be returned or just when you looked downer than usual.
soobin and yours' friendship didn't reach the point where you would be attached to the hip, but you had a connection that couldn't be found with anyone else in your batch. it was a special bond where you could easily rely on each other, comfortable enough to receive such acts of comfort. to you two, it was purely platonic—a sibling relationship, but perhaps it didn't look like it towards anyone else and that was a weird observation that you gathered today.
"i'm sorry about today," soobin sighed and you shook your head, grinning. "you've been saying sorry all day, soobs."
"i just feel really bad about a lot of things today, especially that," he pouted.
"it's fine, soobin, really. you didn't do anything wrong today, okay? he's just being a bitch," you rolled your eyes and soobin slightly chuckled.
"get home safely, okay?" you nodded, reaching out to briefly touch his arm and flashed him a smile in place of a verbal goodbye.
as soon as you turned around, the final string of the mask you were wearing finally broke. all of the hurt that you were trying to hide finally spread all over your face and the more that the distance between you and soobin's dorm grew, the more that your body slumped.
you could feel tears prickling in your eyes as his words taunted you once again. "i never loved you, y/n. don't be too self-centered," it was a brutal shot right to your heart. it played like a broken record in your head and the more you heard it, the more you wanted to scream into the void.
you couldn't focus on anything else. your steps were starting to stumble, your body on autopilot. it took a moment before you realized that you were already outside of the boys' dormitory and have been standing there, looking defeated for a few seconds now.
you could feel your knees weaken and you considered crouching down and letting your emotions pour out of you, but you still had a bit of shame left in you. you didn't want anyone else to see you in such a pathetic state. it took a lot of strength to get your body moving again until you were finally at your dorm.
at the click of the lock of your door, you finally allowed yourself to break down in complete solitude. your roommate was out for the whole day and it would have given you relief if only you weren't gasping for air as continuous sobs left your mouth. you needed an anchor to keep you from completely sinking.
your knees have given out long ago. crouching down in front of the door, you covered your mouth to try and muffle your cries as you screwed your eyes shut.
you hadn't felt this shattered since the first few weeks after it happened. you didn't expect for it to still hurt. you didn't expect for it to hurt more than it did before. you felt stupid—self-centered as he said. you shouldn't have taunted him. maybe then you would still be living in the fantasy you created that he felt something for you during that romance.
but could you still call it a romance? you didn't know anymore. at this moment, it seemed like that whole ordeal was just a big list of regrets.
you shouldn't have helped him with that equation that he said he was having a hard time on, despite already being good at math. you shouldn't have responded to his questions and inquiries that soon turned into random conversations about anything and everything. you shouldn't have fallen for his charm. you should have stopped yourself from smiling everytime he would smile, even when it wasn't directly at you. you shouldn't have focused on him when he was intially just another classmate to you before.
you shouldn't have fallen for kang taehyun.
masterlist / previous / next
A/N: happy 3rd anniversary txt my loves ♡ sorry for the angst on a day of celebration 😦
SYNOPSIS — after an unfortunate relationship in high school, y/n is determined to focus on everything except love as soon as she steps in college. things have been going well for her, but it was as if the universe was against her. what if she’s suddenly met with the person who broke her heart in the same library she finds solace in? the same person who she had grown to despise?
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