Heaven Sent @paradisobound - Tumblr Blog

*Taps microphone* is this thing on?

Hi.

I feel like every time I come back on here, its for a different reason but alas, I always make my way back lol

#lexi rambles #phan #its wild lol #life is so wild ngl

I have never cried while physically being at my job...until today lol

And no, shockingly, my job wasn't the reason lol

If you guys followed my harrowing journey from quitting teaching, you may remember that I became a children's public librarian instead. Well, I still am. I love it and will not leave this position ever. 10/10 no notes.

So why did I cry you may ask?

Because people and the public fucking suck lol

A woman legit screamed at me and called me a fucking bitch because I told her son that he couldn't have another snack right away (we do snack time at my library to help our impoverished community but we do a limit of 2 items) and he ran away from me so I put the snacks away.

Well, I probably would have let it go. Yeah I was shaken up but I've been called worse tbh so shaky, I went into the office, got a hug from my coworker, and took a few deep breaths.

I went back out and ten minutes later, same woman called and began threatening me on the phone. Saying she was going to beat me the fuck up and slap the shit out of me if she ever saw me again...because I told her son he couldn't have another snack.

So, me shaking like a leaf, went to grab my supervisor and as I am taking him in the office to tell him what happened, I snapped like a fucking twig. I have never cried so hard and so long at a job. Literally ever.

So my ending thought is just: why are people so fucking ridiculous? Like what was the point of it all? To make me the bad guy?

Anyway: the police got involved and they're banned and we served papers.

Rant over but damn, people fucking suck lmao

#lexi rambles

Hi

Wow it's been like...5 months now? Or close to that since I last did anything on here. But here we are!

I know that in hindsight, no one probably cares that much about my life but I like to document anyway so im going to do just that.

I am still a youth services librarian and can honestly say it's the best job I've ever had. I love what I do so much and it's genuinely not like work for me. I get excited to go to work every day. I have so much fun. I get to do so many fun things and my coworkers are all amazing. We laugh all the time, mesh super well, and I don't feel isolated like when I did as a teacher.

In addition to this, I literally have never felt more free. I have been reading more books in the last four months than I have in 10 years. I've been going on a radio show once a month for a book club, and I've been having the time of my life.

For once, i can see the life coming back to me and not draining out of me.

If I could give any advice to the Alexis who wasn't sleeping or eating back in November and December, I would tell her to leave her job sooner. I put it off for way too long when I could have had happiness way earlier (my current job had been posted with no applicants since October and I was hired in January).

So, if you get anything from this post, it's take the leap. Make yourself happy again. And do things that make you happy. Because life is too short to be miserable.

Anyway: im still here. I'm still kicking. Still enjoying all that I have previously (and more!) And I hope to be this happy for a long long time.

Until next time :)

#lexi rambles

paradisobound

Why I'm Leaving Teaching at the end of this School Year (if I even make it that long)

I know my time on Tumblr is non-existent nowadays but I felt like this little thing I'm gonna write may help others or may even help myself.

This is my 3rd year teaching. Specifically, my third year being a school librarian. My first two years (plus my student teaching) were filled with nothing but positive notes. I felt happy and free and like it was the job I was made for. I went to work every day excited and I spent my says extremely happy.

After two years of being at my first school, I had to make the painful decision to leave because I could no longer afford the rent to stay in any reasonable length of drive to the school. I sobbed my final day as I hugged coworkers goodbye and prepared for my new adventure.

Going to my new school, I went through hell (three separate interviews) and over two months to get the position. I spent many days over the summer (not getting paid) to get things set up.

September was fine. But then, October came.

Students behaviors have made this job, like for so many others, unreasonable. I can't even teach a single class without being disrespected and talked back to. I've addressed admin for help. They know my situation and I'm not alone. Others in my school have had this same problem. But I had faith that admin was going to work with us and we would be okay.

During this time, I was managing two different librarians in two different buildings on the same campus. I had no aide and zero help. But every day, I was being asked "what now? What else?" Which put an overwhelming pressure on me to take on all these big roles to please admin.

I was drowning, doing my best, all by myself, on a limited time frame. And then came the last week in a half.

I had my dreaded evaluation. The first one at my new school. I was happy with it. I thought it went well. And then, I was blindsided completely by my admin who told me I was doing nothing they wanted. I was disappointing them. I wasn't making any strides. Essentially: they were calling me a failure to my face.

I was blamed for all problems with that trouble class. I was blamed for teachers not reaching out to the library. And I was blamed for students not coming in to the space.

I was blamed for not advertising new books (even though I had them displayed and even made announcements). I was blamed for books being in piles, ready to be discarded, despite being pushed to do big projects that required mass amounts of books to be moved with no help. And no one told me the process to get rid of them despite me reaching out.

I was blamed for everything that boiled down to these unrealistically high expectations from administrators and the behavior problems of middle school students.

In the last month, it's made me realize that my first school was one in a million. And my regret for leaving is unlike any other. But I can't go back because they have since terminated my job entirely, in lieu of budget cuts from our state.

Being at this new school, has done nothing besides emphasize to me how and why teachers burn out so fast.

We're given extremely high expectations, unrealistic goals, and pushed and pulled to the brink. We're blamed for students behavior but are given no support to help us correct.

And I'm not going to waste my life fighting these battles that I, and many teachers, never win.

I'm working on becoming a public librarian, despite it being difficult in my state and my area, and I'm looking into other careers goals until I can secure another position.

It's amazing how all it takes is a school to break down teachers to their absolute breaking point. I'm the most depressed I've been in years, and I'm struggling to even go to work. My brain is telling me to not quit and just resign at the end of the year, but my heart is telling me I need to leave now before I truly get run down.

If this is how schools are treating support and special area staff, I shudder to think about how they treat general ed teachers.

I know this post has nothing to do with what I normally post about, but I know I'm not alone.

And that's the saddest part of this reality.

paradisobound

Update: I got hired to be a youth services librarian at this amazing public library near me and I'm super excited to start that journey!

I resigned from my teaching position and I genuinely have never felt so much more at ease until I did so.

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