#quitting teaching

[gunshou]

Listen. While you are taking the test on "A Raisin in the Sun" is NOT the time to ask me what "dignity," "assimilation," or "defer" means. I have been using those words every day in class and made you write down the definitions and my explanations of how those words are used in the story. So either you forgot everything we've been talking about for two weeks even though you have a study guide in front of you, or you weren't listening at all for the past two weeks. Either way, vaya con Dios on this test, kiddos.

Chat, we are so cooked. These kids are getting driver's licenses and they cannot read or pay attention to anything that isn't a TikTok.

[paradisobound]

Why I'm Leaving Teaching at the end of this School Year (if I even make it that long)

I know my time on Tumblr is non-existent nowadays but I felt like this little thing I'm gonna write may help others or may even help myself.

This is my 3rd year teaching. Specifically, my third year being a school librarian. My first two years (plus my student teaching) were filled with nothing but positive notes. I felt happy and free and like it was the job I was made for. I went to work every day excited and I spent my says extremely happy.

After two years of being at my first school, I had to make the painful decision to leave because I could no longer afford the rent to stay in any reasonable length of drive to the school. I sobbed my final day as I hugged coworkers goodbye and prepared for my new adventure.

Going to my new school, I went through hell (three separate interviews) and over two months to get the position. I spent many days over the summer (not getting paid) to get things set up.

September was fine. But then, October came.

Students behaviors have made this job, like for so many others, unreasonable. I can't even teach a single class without being disrespected and talked back to. I've addressed admin for help. They know my situation and I'm not alone. Others in my school have had this same problem. But I had faith that admin was going to work with us and we would be okay.

During this time, I was managing two different librarians in two different buildings on the same campus. I had no aide and zero help. But every day, I was being asked "what now? What else?" Which put an overwhelming pressure on me to take on all these big roles to please admin.

I was drowning, doing my best, all by myself, on a limited time frame. And then came the last week in a half.

I had my dreaded evaluation. The first one at my new school. I was happy with it. I thought it went well. And then, I was blindsided completely by my admin who told me I was doing nothing they wanted. I was disappointing them. I wasn't making any strides. Essentially: they were calling me a failure to my face.

I was blamed for all problems with that trouble class. I was blamed for teachers not reaching out to the library. And I was blamed for students not coming in to the space.

I was blamed for not advertising new books (even though I had them displayed and even made announcements). I was blamed for books being in piles, ready to be discarded, despite being pushed to do big projects that required mass amounts of books to be moved with no help. And no one told me the process to get rid of them despite me reaching out.

I was blamed for everything that boiled down to these unrealistically high expectations from administrators and the behavior problems of middle school students.

In the last month, it's made me realize that my first school was one in a million. And my regret for leaving is unlike any other. But I can't go back because they have since terminated my job entirely, in lieu of budget cuts from our state.

Being at this new school, has done nothing besides emphasize to me how and why teachers burn out so fast.

We're given extremely high expectations, unrealistic goals, and pushed and pulled to the brink. We're blamed for students behavior but are given no support to help us correct.

And I'm not going to waste my life fighting these battles that I, and many teachers, never win.

I'm working on becoming a public librarian, despite it being difficult in my state and my area, and I'm looking into other careers goals until I can secure another position.

It's amazing how all it takes is a school to break down teachers to their absolute breaking point. I'm the most depressed I've been in years, and I'm struggling to even go to work. My brain is telling me to not quit and just resign at the end of the year, but my heart is telling me I need to leave now before I truly get run down.

If this is how schools are treating support and special area staff, I shudder to think about how they treat general ed teachers.

I know this post has nothing to do with what I normally post about, but I know I'm not alone.

And that's the saddest part of this reality.

[imamultifandommess]

OHTAD365: Day 43

After doing some more research, I actually feel a bit better about resigning as a teacher/tutor? 

The cottage school crosses state lines, so my 30-day notice should’ve been fine.

I won’t get any license revoked or suspended because of a complaint to a school board--I don’t have any license to teach/tutor--I just have a degree--and it’s not like I ever plan on teaching in a public school because...lord. 

I’m also fairly certain they won’t sue me...and if they fire me, I am eligible for a severance package and unemployment benefits.

I have plenty of reliable references, so even if they blackmark me and claim “not eligible for rehire,” it won’t kill me either. 

I don’t feel like a failure as a teacher either because I know for a fact I am a good teacher, but I can’t live on $656 a month without benefits and/or insurance, no ma’am. 

I have maxed out all my credit cards, my student loans have been deferred 3 years in a row, and I don’t get paid for how much I drive back and forth between campuses (I’ve spent roughly $1000 a year on gas), plus I can’t eat lunch really because I’m busy driving between campuses. I can’t afford to pay certain bills, so my family has had them covered since last year, but they can’t afford to keep them covered anymore.

That and I offered a shit-ton of help post-leave, including a video series, to make sure that those kids are not left in a lurch after I leave because I don’t want them to suffer and I want to make sure they still get their credits. I am not leaving without making sure they’re set without me. I didn’t have to do that, but I’m doing that because I love my kids. 

What’s more is that I can’t get a part-time position that will give me benefits because a) they want you to work just under 30 hours a week which is nigh near impossible with how much I do for the school and b) they want you to work in the middle of the week right when I would be teaching. They won’t hire me! 

The job is unreliable and unstable, has shitty pay, has 0 benefits or insurance, and has ridiculous hours. So no. 

I don’t feel like a failure. 

This is not selfishness, but self-preservation.

I’ve done the best I could, and I’ve done the best under the direst of circumstances.

I wouldn’t have made this move unless it was dire, and it is.

I also spoke with both of my managers with the retail place I work at and they said if for some reason everything fell through, they’d have me apply and hire me as a manager. 

So I have a contingency plan.

I feel better, I guess.