i just have a lot of feelings

an archive of 1yr. my biggest battle to date with depression + anxiety. art blog // instagram

[paragonofthrift]

[paragonofthrift]

[paragonofthrift]

[paragonofthrift]

thanks

for those whose arms

generously

encompassed my frame

and returned

the air to my chest.

[paragonofthrift]

you made me

the animal, the hunted,

my body seize in fear,

father,

you haunt my 

temples, wrists, and

suck upon my self-worth.

[paragonofthrift]

skinship

warm spaces

beneath the condensation on windows,

where lips, breath, meet

amidst the crook of your neck.

[paragonofthrift]

my trust is buoyant

in the way you smile

at me in the dark.

[paragonofthrift]

comments made sideways and in circles, thrown, unassuming above me and I, in paranoia, sink my teeth into my own rotten centre.

The narcissistic I, unable to peel myself from my mistakes locks my self in silences and the rounded record I’ve beaten into my brain chemistry.

[paragonofthrift]

Hey,I like your poems😊💭

Hey, thank you!! <3 <3 moon-child! <3 <3

[paragonofthrift]

If I don’t eat until 3pm, I go to sleep skinny.

I miss the gauntness of my sadness,

the sight of my ribs

and my fingers playing them.

Instead I am repulsed my my softness,

the contented flesh

making home on my hips.

I am the filthy hypocrite,

in love with the shapes of others and

preaching pride,

hiding my own blush beneath

Body Positivity.

[paragonofthrift]

when you don’t know where that hour went.

I can’t see the moon this Winter

and I try to suck her into my stockings,

clutching to the last sprigs of my cycle

like the lonely to her lover.

Don’t abandon me

with myself,

Moon,

let the ticking tide over

keep the freedom in my fingertips.

[paragonofthrift]

It’s insects on skin,

the scrabbling and finally

the head which leaves the body and the heart

duller tomorrow for it.

[paragonofthrift]

selection theory.

Locked in a bartering of limbs,

a far-fetched exchange lips

looping looping and cigarettes drop ash

and grow dim.

Forgotten, dark breathing,

beneath debates in the night

on nothing.

[paragonofthrift]

Bitch.

Don’t you

cut off my words,

my whisky-thoughts didn’t

wander without reason.

You don’t see She as 

We do, you He,

you sit beyond the scope

of her miscellaneous venom.

The narrowed eyes and

errant judgement,

ever over-looked by the You’s who

have never suffered her glances.

Don’t you

tell me to relinquish

My sting,

because I will not

suffer Her

for you.

[paragonofthrift]

it’s an ugly vulnerabilty,

poised between 

a man

and a hard place.

I let myself loose

in a lovers arms,

and though I do not forget myself

I can’t remember

how to breathe.

Because I can still taste

the sadness in my teeth,

I train my feet to move

faster than my mind.

[paragonofthrift]

today i lost my hours to

hang-over sadness,

the dry heave of a body

after one unwelcome four a.m.

i clean the bedroom,

the lounge, shifting

one piece of paper

atop another,

again,

the mythic quest for perfection

the straight line

to the curve in my brain.

[paragonofthrift]

their love lies unquestioned in the collecting of lavender the next morning.

I can’t tell whose limbs are whose as I steady myself inside them.

it’s a special person who won’t mind you crying at the kitchen table.