P A R A N O I A 4 0 4

Welcome to my account. Here you won’t find any basic information about me like my name or what I usually like to do but you will find my current hyperfixations, prone to constant changes, along with my unknown interests. Enjoy...?

[carolsturka]

[muzzlesbian]

kidnapping a girl except i can’t drive so i just get her really drunk and hope she won’t remember the bus route we took

[aureliagaming]

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool

[sabertoothwalrus]

pros of eating your lunch outside on a nice spring day: feeling the sun, getting vitamin d, hearing birds chirping, watching the bees and the lizards and the squirrels

cons of eating your lunch outside on a nice spring day:

MY NAPKINS

[anarqueeen]

My gf loves playing with my dick in bed because it's "like a little fidget toy"

[anarqueeen]

Normal sized fidget toy

[twocubes]

what if you combined a pressure cooker and a deep fryer and made a pressure fryer, the most dangerous kitchen implement in history

[baedlyweathered]

does this imply you want to heat cooking oil to past its boiling point at one atmosphere

[iatrophilosophos]

Its real and its called a broaster.

[garaged0g]

*grabs america by the shoulders* we have got to lock the fuck in. south asia and the middle east are running goddamn circles around us. we have got to come up with a more dangerous way of cooking food now or we can kiss these quarter finals goodbye

[just-another-dream-about-yuu]

jeremy knox

[cpericardium]

hey everyone "I" have something to show "you"

[cpericardium]

[cpericardium]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one time back in high school my friend accidentally revealed that he didn't know how to pronounce the word "masochist" by shouting "what do you think I am, some kind of machinist??" and I still think about it at least monthly

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[violenceenthusiast]

what about a shapeshifter who’s bad at it. shapeshifter who can never quite get the nose right. shapeshifter who always makes flipped faces because they’re doing adjustments in the mirror. shapeshifter with same face syndrome. shapeshifter who always dips further into the uncanny valley than they want. shapeshifter who can mimic a single celebrity completely perfectly but struggles to recreate anyone else.

[gonzos-humansona]

Woman in front of me in line at the caffe nero changed my life yesterday when she ordered a prosciutto sandwich but pronounced "prosciutto" like it rhymed with mosquito. "Pruh-squee-toe."

I heard this person say "uhhhh yeah can I get a prosquito sandwich please?" and I knew I'd never be the same. Prosquito. Prosquito. Its everything to me. I haven't been able to stop saying that lmfao. This is my spinch. This is my bagel and creem cheems. This is my ranibow sprimkle.

friends and family are already tired of me going crazy over prosquito but its so special to me

[charl0ttan]

haha thats so funny bro. hey what do you thik will become of me

[mynqzo]

harriet fangs >:3

[hamrikaa]

Cozy morning with Jerejean and Jabberwocky ✨️

(This will also be a standee btw!!)

[atreidespacito]

[atreidespacito]

[jermaine-main]

[kleefkruid]

hate how this 1) manages to make fun of Belgium without bothering to mention us 2) every single person in the notes knows this 3) it's true