pareidolia

poetry + art of sc3n3k1d3x1sts

[parei-d0lia]

hi guys this is the poetry/art sideblog of @sc3n3k1d3x1sts <3

#my art - my art

#my poetry - my poetry

#my songs - songs i've written

#favorites - my personal favorites

[parei-d0lia]

amongst the stars - 4 august 2024

love isnt any less pure

cause of lust

and lust isnt any more holy

cause of love

and when i say love

i mean the way a bee pollinates the flowers in spring

and the sound a cat makes

when he's happy

and when i say lust

i mean the way the salt water laps on the sand

and the way the night sky looks like it could swallow the world up

and i hope that the sky swallows us both

so we could be immortalized amongst the stars

[parei-d0lia]

untitled poem - 9 february 2026

don't you see that im worthless

cant you push me away?

i am stupid, suicidal, and spineless

and there is no direction inside me

i am only full on an empty stomach

i am only full when hunger grows

i feed the feeling to gnaw on my bones

my brain is on fire my arms are what burn

there is a hole where my heart should be

[parei-d0lia]

jan 7 2026

i feel my soul begin to splinter

this is not who i wanted to be

i am sorry to the child i was

i don't know how i let you turn into me

[parei-d0lia]

in hindsight, forshadowing - poem, 21 december 2023

you dont care

you dont CARE

you DONT CARE

YOU DONT CARE

maybe im just selfish and i should let you worry about yourself

i am not feeling well yet i refuse to get help

isnt it stupid?

this disorder

tearing away at my flesh and bones and heart

i am nothing but a shell

and i blame it on you

when it's never your fault

except when it is and i never speak up

i put this all on you for a shred of attention

i think i should stop trying to diminish your problems

or maybe you should so i could help

cause i can't feel okay when youre not

and i cant feel okay when you are

im destroying myself without actions

only words and emotions im not doing anything about

leaving it inside me until i fucking overflow

waterfall

abysmal

im falling apart

and no one cares

and you dont care

until i cry

and you're not really worried

until i cry

i tell you im not fine but then i lie

i just want you to say you dont believe me

that im not okay and you're here for me

i just want you to see that im going crazy

i just wanna be in bed all day

i want you to disappear cause im scared

im scared of what im doing to you

my love

scared that im falling back there

and i am and i know it

ill die because of you

and none of it's your fault

and none of it is real

i am sick i am crazy

and all i want is to be loved

but i dont know how to be without being sad

without crying for help and attention i dont need

but maybe if all this is a cry for help i need it

and maybe i just need to learn how to be okay

maybe i just dont wanna be

cause all i know is how to be afraid

how to scream and cry and beg

and you dont deserve to deal with me

you deserve so much more than me

i am not good enough

i am not good enough

and im scared

that you will love them more than me

that you already do

that my face isnt enough and my lips aren't enough

to satisfy you

when you are kissing someone else,

will you see me?

when you are kissing them,

do you wish it was me?

will you kiss them again?

i know i said it was okay

but i lied

and its driving me crazy

that im not special

and you dont love me

and im not good enough

im selfish and manipulative and jealous

and you should hate me

please hate me

it would be easier

you shouldn't have to care for me

but i'll cook for you if its all i can do

i will wash your back

im not all bad

just most of me

i want to get out of here

no one cares about me

everyone loves you more

maybe its all in my head

or maybe you matter more

they knew you first you said

it hurt my feelings

cause now i dont belong

i saw someone pretty

but all i want is you

in my bed and down my throat

please come here

im sorry

that you deserve to be comforted but i need to be

and so i cant

it makes me upset

that i cried and you weren't strong enough

so i had to comfort you

this isnt theraputic

im losing my mind

i need therapy i need to be hospitalized

i should get help

i refuse to

just take me back unwillingly

i want to die

i wanna die

i want to die

cause no one cares about me

and you don't

and its so hard to believe that you do

when you didn't show up

but i didn't show up for you

i want a hug

i dont deserve one

not to be touched and not to be loved

so leave me

im not good for you

im gonna tear you apart

and destroy myself so you love me

and i will never care about you

im selfish

and im just lonely.

[parei-d0lia]

untitled poem - january 9 2026

i am one of eight billion

i am one of billions who have ever existed to ever turn to dust

i am too small in the world,

never small enough for myself

my hunger could never satiate me

my body is a prison

my skin chokes on the air i feed it

my lungs explode from the smoke i breathe in

my stomach never sheds the ache

i feel my body disintegrate

i feel my soul disintegrate

i feel my bones disintegrate

i feel too much and never enough

i tear my flesh into pieces

i wonder how much weight i lose from bleeding

hunger never eased the pain

my brain is eating me more the less i feed it

my heart beats blood of butane

you took what i had left

you washed away my slivers of hope

you stole what you needed and gave when i pleaded

i wished too much for you to grow up

it's not your fault your parents are as immature as you are

[parei-d0lia]

untitled poem - november 9 2025

you were never real and i never was either

i was never real just fragments of memories and imagination

that collide into one but never combine

you weren't real for a long time

i wasn't there for longer than you were gone

i am sorry i am fragments of a whole that cannot combine

there are two halves at war

everything is shaky

pain is the only thing bringing me back to earth pain is what shatters

me

into

pie ce s

everything blurs around me everything spins and all i can see is black

but there is crimson behind my eyes

i am two parts i am hundreds of small pieces in each of those two

they collide

they cannot they will never combine

i am hundreds or thousands of shards that cut me up inside

everything you say makes my insides squeeze into them

everything you do makes the pain grow

but i fell in love with it a long time ago

if i am not whole i cannot learn to be

i am not whole i tried to sew myself together

but it only tore me apart

i am half or less of nothing

the glass is empty the water has spilled

i am half i will never be whole

i am less than half as it takes over

i am nothing much anymore

the glass inside tears me up

i am half

or am i even that much still?

i do not know where i am

i do not know who i am

you are me i am you i will never be real on my own

you arent real you are in my head but i can hear you

i am not real i am stuck in my head watching as the other part takes over

if i am not whole which part of me is true? which part of me gets to win which part of me will lose?

all parts of me will collide

no parts could ever combine

the world around me blurs

i do not know where i am

i do not know where i am

i do not know where

i am

it goes dark it always will

i feel so queasy my eyes blur and i am dizzy

there are hundreds of thousands of pieces of memories and ideas and dreams that i cannot handle

there are thousands of pieces that make up my two halves

i beg for pain to bring me back

i beg for the glass to break

i am two parts of a whole that collide

they are one but they cannot combine

i am

two parts

of one whole

i am

two parts

there are two parts to one of which i am half i am less than half

i am i am i am

my brain is on fire

i am on fire because i am my brain

i burn and i bleed myself away

please devise a plan to destroy me

cause i want the darkness to consume me

and i want the pain to drown me

i am made of pieces that will collide and feign to be one but they'll never combine

these fragments they never combine

so i am

but i am not

i am

i am not

i burn and bleed and burn and bleed

because i am made devoid of feeling and flesh is all i have

[parei-d0lia]

blood on paper - poem winter/spring 2024-25

I don't know how to write

the way I want, the

ways i feel, this

flesh and bone and mosquito bites

blood on paper

and humidity of tears

I don't know how to feel the way that I

should

the way that flows

like blood on paper and broken razors

there is a storm in my head

all black and blue

further binding to dogs

who can't see yellow

the drip drop saline down your throat,

through chest, flames decaying

sanity for it to rot away

I don't know how to think

beyond this

burning paper and bloody razors

[parei-d0lia]

disasterology - winter/spring 2024-2025

[parei-d0lia]

collages - december 2022

[parei-d0lia]

stitches - may 2022

[parei-d0lia]

when i grow up i want to be nothing at all (save me) - Oct 2024

[parei-d0lia]

the door / friend please - winter 2024

uncensored nsfw - nonsexual nudity

[parei-d0lia]

reflection - a study on black paper

winter or spring 2024-2025