One day I realized my parents have always been toxic and manipulative. The idea used to make me feel guilty and uncomfortable until I got professional help. Iām on my way to being absolutely free from guilt manipulation and emotional dependence, but Iām sure there are a lot of people out there who still donāt see what the exact problem is in their relationship with toxic parents. I started this blog to share memories since early childhood and if you can relate to any of them, please get a therapy or at least make a deeper research of the issue. Some important notes: ā¢ There was no physical abuse ā¢ The memories are more about my mother than my father. He was just didnāt care enoigh to stop it. ā¢ I know āthere are much worse cases with beating, alcohol/drug addicts, etc.ā but what does this fact have to do my exact problem? ā¢ The feeling of being an ungrateful child will chase you, itās the most challenging aspect of dealing with manipulative parents. Thatās why you need therapy, my friend. ā¢ I do love my parents. I also love freedom.
parents: wELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DID SOMETHING!!! DID YOU JUST LOOK AT A *WALL* ALL DAY????????
me: to be frank i did many things but you and I both know that you know very little about my interests and I know that you donāt particularly care to learn about them and I donāt have the mental capability to put up with you dismissing the things that make me happy so for the sake of brevity and my emotional well being: i did nothing
Donāt let anyone shame you for not forgiving your abuser, but also donāt let anger ruin your mental health. Forgiveness is an act of self care. You donāt have to, but you should.
you donāt need your abuserās permission to be angry at them
you donāt need your abuserās confession to hold them accountable for their actions
you donāt need their acknowledgment that youāre good enough to consider yourself valuable
you donāt need their approval to succeed
you donāt need their side of the storyĀ
you donāt need to consider their issues
you donāt need to extend empathy towards them, you can assume they meant exactly what they did, you can decide theyāre monsters if they hurt you, you can decide who they are, and they cannot decide who you are.
you get to define them.
you get to call them out.
you get to be furious, you get to make them pay.Ā
you get to take your approval away from them.
you get to be disappointed of them. you get to tell them you expected better, that they should have known better. you get to make them regret what they did.
Yes, you told me yesterday that you're invited for a party and I didn't say anything, because you didn't ask me for permission to go. I didn't say you can go, why are you all dressed up now? NO, YOU DIDN'T ASK, YOU INFORMED ME, SO IT'S A NO
A manipulative mother is always the victim. You're guilty because you live your life and make her worry about you. You're guilty for not letting her control your personal life, career, education, the way you raise your children, etc.
What did I say about being friends with that girl? She's a bad influence. If she calls again I will tell her to stay away from you, so you better make sure she never calls.
My mom about almost all friends I had from elementary to high school
