[partyoffourplusfur]

outside feel duller.

life's lost all its color.

[partyoffourplusfur]

I feel like I'm losing myself. I cut my locs off which I knew I'd regret. I always do. maybe I'll try and grow them out again. and this time my real hair. I think the extensions were just not working out. I mean they stayed attached fine but they were getting itchy and I was hot and I'm so overstimulated and anxious here in Texas.

I don't know who I am here.

I miss Illinois.

[partyoffourplusfur]

I have ✨20✨ cats.

SOS send help send sanity send cat food

[partyoffourplusfur]

my mental health is a joke.

[hikes-and-moans]

UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.

[partyoffourplusfur]

I think I need to see a therapist.

I don't know how to be okay with not having another baby. I don't know how to let it go. I don't know how to accept that we'll just have two.

My heart yearns for another baby more than anything in this world. but it'll never happen. and I don't know how to simply just move on.

My husband offered to get snipped. and I don't even think that would make a difference. It would still hurt deep in my soul.

How do I let it go ?

[partyoffourplusfur]

it feels like I blinked and I'm back to where I started.

[partyoffourplusfur]

I need my husband to stop joking about getting me pregnant or else I'm gonna go get my birth control removed. I want another baby so dang bad.

[partyoffourplusfur]

my step dad has moved the date he wants to come and get all my belongings +my children FOUR times. and in turn giving me FOUR less days to pack. I could scream. I literally want to punch him in the throat. not even there and already making my life harder.

[partyoffourplusfur]

big regrets not buying this

[partyoffourplusfur]

my uncle Paul is in the ICU. critical condition but sedated and stable. cardiac arrest. failing organs. his youngest child is 5 months pregnant. their mother died when they were teens.. if he dies before she has her baby and neither of their parents get to meet their grandchild, I'm gonna lose my mind.

I'm moving in a week and I do not want the first thing on my to do list to be a funeral...please make it through this...

[partyoffourplusfur]

9 days. single digits. I wanna throw up.

[partyoffourplusfur]

My job is pushing me out. told them my last day could be next Thursday and I wasn't put on schedule next week at all so guess my last day is tomorrow.

Didn't think I'd really care but tonight I'm crying that tomorrow I'll wake up and it'll be my last day with the people ive spent the last two years with.

bodes well for the next week. I'm gonna be a fucking MESS over leaving my best friend. A MESS I TELL YOU. How am I supposed to do life without her 10 minutes down the road ???

[partyoffourplusfur]

keep telling myself "this is gonna be our year"

really hope moving home for a year makes a difference for us.

really hope we don't get stuck there.

[partyoffourplusfur]

my brain is having all the doubts. Are we making the wrong choice? Will our children suffer from our choices? Is this really the best choice for our family? What if we're going backwards? What if we get stuck? My husband keeps talking about having another baby. Is that even a possibility for us? Would moving help or hinder that from happening? Our goal is to go to Portland. Would we be able to do that with a new baby?? What if the kids resent us for moving? (twice??) What if they resent us for having another baby? What if?What if? What if?

[partyoffourplusfur]

Less than two weeks till we leave Illinois.

My heart hurts.

I'm gonna miss this place.

I'm gonna miss my people.

[partyoffourplusfur]

Giving ourselves baby fever with our own babies 😂😂😂😂