Struggling with the guilt of being here?
To my my brothers and sisters in Christ and especially my fellow pastors,
The cycle of regret, repentance, and relapse is real. Unless you’ve been chasing the darkness a long time, you’re going to get drunk on darkness and then hate the hangover.
I get it. Better than most, I understand. I’ve got dozens of deleted secret email addresses, usernames, platform profiles, etc. in my wake because of the many times I’ve succumbed to guilt and shame and deleted, deleted, deleted.
I don’t have great words of wisdom for you. But I can tell you, darkness is addictive and you’ll almost always come back. Even though we promise God we never will ever again, temptation comes knocking, often through some of the most innocent of doors, and no one’s around, no one will ever know, and we remember that the best orgasm we ever had was when … and we’re back.
We each have to find our own way. My advice is, don’t be so quick to believe the voices of shame and guilt. Push through it … like when you’ve overeaten and you don’t think you’ll ever eat again? But give it a few hours, and the desire, the hunger will return, as strong as before.
Push through the feelings of disgust with yourself. You’re not the only one. I’m a pastor for Christ’s sake, and I can’t seem to shake the darkness. But to be honest, I’m not sure I want to anymore.
Give it all some time. If you continue to expose yourself to porn, blasphemy, provocative pictures, and all the things that brought you here to begin with, what offends you deeply at first becomes a craving that only carnal fleshly acts can satisfy.
The guilt subsides. The shame fades. But the pleasure only increases and intensifies.
I hope I’ve helped in some small way.
stormborns
izzy806
ellievsbear
annaxmalina
jbbartram-illu
dededos
tangentwithtanner
