« OUTDATED. @pastresigned-archive - Tumblr Blog

THEY WERE JUST

— so full of energy. It wasn’t clear what pumped them up so, but they were depleting it on a poor leather punching bag. A somewhat focused, though otherwise blank look befell their face as they hammered away at the coarse leather with bandaged knuckles.

#so i couldnt get to opens today #but have this old obe in the mean time

×

#ill make some open starters for this blog later today! c:

the-jade-sparrow

// Now that I have your attention with a meme, if any active Overwatch blogs could give this a like or reblog, it’d be greatly appreciated! I’m looking for new friends and blogs to follow!

#waddles #coughs #sinks into a bean bag

out of context quotes from my gm (aka crack rp starters)

"the universe is actually in-between my tits"

"i fought people in high school"

"i need to finish eating my boob cereal before i go to bed"

"IF U LET ME PHOTOSHOP UR HEAD ON HARAMBE"

"my only talent is roasting myself and eating cereal out of my boobs"

"THE BOOB CHEEZ-ITS ARE STABBING M E"

"you can't febreeze away your problems"

"one time i almost fell into the washing machine"

"SHOVE ME DOWN A HILL IN MY WHEELCHAIR"

"is my ass sentient"

"does everyone else think im just twerking forever"

"i only have enough love in my heart for harambe"

"shove marshmallows up your ass"

"WE ARE NOT KINKSHAMING ME AGAIN"

"VIVA LA PUTOITO"

"i rotate between fuckboy casual and private school uniform"

"can i steal an ostrich"

"it definitely means lettuce"

"IT FELT YOU. THATS KINKY"

"im gonna go pour fruity pebbles into my bra"

"u dont need a bowl when u have a sports bra and some titties"

"whAT KIND OF TITS HAVE YOU BEEN FONDLING"

"update we don’t have fruity pebbles so im pouring life into my boobs"

"im dressed and febreezed there's no stopping me"

"Theres a place in Australia called titty bong bong i was assuming that would be ur codename"

"no milk or anything just like. fruity pebbles in my titties"

"my lasting impression on this world is my plethora of memes"

"im just a relatable content dispenser"

"im a properly functioning adult okay"

"let me live under ur bed"

"im drinking wine and living my life okay"

"drinks a whole gallon of snow"

"my wine will keep me safe"

"could i join the circus and make profit"

"well if gently reminding you that I care about you and want you to be happy is roasting, consider yourself roasted"

"get that gorilla dick"

"i failed at being edgy"

"you're all attacking the disabled what the fuck is this"

"you keep knocking people over in the name of being the alpha sibling"

"i would actually dump ur noodles on the ground

"how many angels have u killed"

"DINGLE YOUR DONGLE"

"is it safe to eat room temp ranch"

"he can file ur taxes in exchange for bananas"

"ill be the ring gorilla"

"go shove some numbers up your ass if you’re so attracted to them"

"my latin ass is so here for this"

"shut up and go back to fucking your celery stalks okay"

"i ate fourty chicken nuggets once"

"what was JFK's mutant power"

“senpai desu… i made this sugoi bento for you since you’re so kawaii”

"i threw up on my surgeon once"

"yikeroni and cheese my dude"

#tbt.

trcshymemes

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS.

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

#tbt.

chillin-likeavillainnn

#tbt.

THEY WERE JUST

— so full of energy. It wasn’t clear what pumped them up so, but they were depleting it on a poor leather punching bag. A somewhat focused, though otherwise blank look befell their face as they hammered away at the coarse leather with bandaged knuckles.

#open #a little drabble while i work on the blog #overwatch rp #what year is it? || ic