Society has only taught me to love my body, but hate everyone else’s. If I’m not happy with my body, then no other person is to be happy with it.
Males have taught me to be wary when they give me attention. With being bigger, having large breasts is what attracted the opposite sex at all times. “Send me a pic” “You should let me feel them” “You’re not half bad for a fat chick” are all things I have heard more things than I can count since I was 13. Being lusted and never loved hurts the worst.
My friends have always said “Shut up, you’re gorgeous” or “I don’t think you’re fat by any means” (while they’re looking at all of my jelly rolls) My closest friends have always been the ones to tell me that yes, I am a bigger girl, but to tell me that it doesn’t change anything about my beauty, inside and out.
My family has almost always teased me for being big (although they’re all overweight also) “God she has a double chin” “Do you really think that you should wear that outfit?” Constantly being put down as a child, has now made me loathe my family to the point I can’t see them.
Looking at myself, I don’t know what to think. Some mornings, I’ll look at my naked body in the mirror and be proud to be in my skin, belly and all. Other days, I refuse to even go near a mirror, and will only wear baggy clothing to try and drown out my appearance. Thanks to the people around me, I have this constant fear that strangers are staring at me, teasing my appearance in their heads. My self esteem is as low as ever, but at the end of the day I know I’m this amazing creature capable of anything I dream of.
As being a bigger woman, I have been told to love myself and hate the people that do not appreciate it. I should see myself as the size two (although I’m definitely a size twenty) without even second guessing myself. As being a bigger woman, I know that one day, way down the line, there will eventually be someone that will love me, all 200+ pounds and all. I know that I’m beautiful, that although my attitude is fierce, my heart is huge; and I’m okay with that.
As being a bigger woman, I have learned that no matter who hates the way I look, I need to love the skin I’m in.
theartofmadeline
vaporwave
kianamaiart
romaincrisis
