im alive lol

| she/her | bi | 14 ||sometimes, late at night in the hotel room, after the lights have gone out and the mistakes have already been made, when it is heavy and silent and still, i lie awake and listen to my pulse on the pillow...| trigger warnings i tag

[patdptsd]

god i miss ryan ross

[patdptsd]

Okay so this is on the Death of the Bachelor album (Ryden)

(This is all written by Brendon)

Okay so, let’s begin:

Victorious

Okay, I’ll get into the lyrics later but I want to focus on the music video.

So Brendon finds a note and it states:

“Brendon,

I just can’t

do this anymore.

I don’t want to

be with you.

It’s over. (underlined)”

So this is obviously going to be about an ex. Also, there is a girl who broke up with Brendon in the music video who is named Kate and has blue hair. (Maybe blue=moon and moon=ryan?)

It also shows that Brendon is very hurt and he’s crying. He also gets a call from “Kate” but he denies it (like he ignores Ryan maybe?)

He’s also given a check of one million dollars for “not calling his ex”

There is a date saying 1/15/2016.

The camera also zoomed into the lower left hand corner that has a number there. The number is 107296303. I’m not sure what it means but maybe it’s a code?

Also, there is a lady that looks somewhat like Sarah in the video. They meet at a bar where Brendon is mourning his ex breaking up with him. Irl, Brendon and Sarah also meet in a bar. In the end, her and Brendon get together. In the end, Brendon and Sarah get together.

Now for the lyrics:

“Tonight we are victorious

Champagne pouring over us

All my friends were glorious

Tonight we are victorious”

I noticed that he used “were” and not “are” and it isn’t for rhyming purposes, bc it makes no difference in the way it sounds. I think Brendon is talking about original Panic! (Ryan, Spencer, Jon). He still is victorious because of the fact he is successful, so he is celebrating.

“It hurts until it stops

We will love until it’s not”

I feel like this line means that Brendon and Ryan will stop loving eachother after it starts hurting. I feel like they ended while they were still in love (I will later reference this) so, it still hurts. But they stop loving eachother, it will not hurt anymore.

The rest of the song is basically saying that Brendon is living the dream, but he knows that Ryan still needs him.

He sings:

“And nothing like my punch drunk kiss

I know you need it”

I think this means that Ryan will miss Brendon.

Next Song:

Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time

I will also look at the mv first.

So the mv starts in 1st person. Like you’re looking through the lady’s eyes and she meets Brendon at a bar. The lady seems very uncomfortable with Brendon flirting at first. They keep drinking and she gets drunk you can tell since the vision is impaired and she starts to act flirtatious towards Brendon. And they dance. Brendon starts to notice that the lady is not what she is. She’s a monster. She makes Brendon drink more and basically kills him and takes his skin. So now she is Brendon. She then I think catches a ride to Brendon’s house. This goes on as a loop and starts with another lady.

I think this song is about doing drugs. No ryden lol.

So next Song:

Hallelujah

Alright, I will first take a look at the mv.

So it’s a metaphor. Brendon is trying to go after this lady, but the patches keep changing making it harder for him to reach her. But at the end, Brendon reaches her. There are also scenes of Brendon confessing. If you do not know what confession is, it is when you tell your sins to a priest so they can have god forgive you.

I believe this video means that Brendon was with a bunch of people in the past, but he’s now ready to be with this girl.

Now the lyrics:

My life started the day I got caught

Under the covers

With secondhand lovers

Oh, tied up in pretty young things

In a state of emergency

Who was I tryna be?

Then the time for being sad is over

And you miss 'em like you miss no other

Okay, but wouldn’t her rhyme better? I mean over end in ‘er’ and so does her. So wouldn’t the two rhyme better. Just think about it. Since “em” is a gender neutral pronoun and since “her” would rhyme better and he didn’t use that instead, I’m going to guess this is not a female.

And being blue is better than being over it (over it)

Alright, so this means that Brendon really realized what he was doing (sleeping with Ryan) he realized he fucked up and that that was wrong.

But the important line is “being blue” part. When Ryan was in the Young Veins he wrote the lyrics to Lie To The Truth (a++++ Song) “I know I broke you’re heart, and mine is broken too. So now that we are even, then why are we both blue?” So basically, Brendon is saying he isn’t over them, but he wants to be.

I was drunk and it didn't mean a thing

Stop thinking about

The bullets from my mouth

I believe this line means that Brendon is trying to say that Ryan meant nothing to him, but it was obvious that he cared about him because of the way he spoke of him (bullets from his mouth)

I love the things you hate about yourself

Just finished a daydream

Who were you tryna be?

I think this means that Ryan livesd his dream (being in a famous band) and he obviously left, and Brendon is still trying to figure out why he left.

No one wants you when you have no heart and

Ryan broke Brendon’s heart (reference to Lie To The Truth: I know I broke you’re heart, and mine is broken too. Now that we’re even, then why are we both blue?

I'm sitting pretty in my brand new scars and

You'll never know if you don't ever try again

So let's try

Let's try

I feel like this is Brendon asking Ryan for another chance. Idk why he would be asking this if he’s happy with Sarah.

I also found these gifsets. These were on my dash a while ago so idk who the owner is. By adding the “perfect timing” I feel he means that Hallelujah isn’t about Ryan directly. Like Brendon wants to keep the meaning on the down low lol

Next Song:

(Author’s Note... 4 years from the future. I cant believe I believed this crap that I wrote. I cant believe I sat there analyzing this picking it apart. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this LMFAOOAOAO)

(P.S. Toxic trait I still have: I think there is some truth to Ryden or like Brendon and Ryan had a thing at SOME point #seatletheorytruther) 

[patdptsd]

my absence

this account has only like 200 something followers and I haven’t been on here in YEARS. I’m currently 18 (im going to leave my account as it is even tho it says im 14). I just wanted to say that I’m alive and okay. I actually leave for college in like a week (weird bc there was a long time where I did not think I was going to make it that long). 

I still love ryan ross so much. new panic album sucks. uhhhhhmmmm. i dont listen to twenty one pilots anymore, only listen to old panic, IM SEEING MCR IN CONCERT AUGUST 27TH!!! when I tell you if you told me four years ago theyd be back together i wouldve cried. still hoping for the day ryan ross released new music. i love that man so much. also FOB, still following them. hoping for a new album eventually. 

yeah I just wanted to come here and say thank you to every single one of you. Whether it was your kind messages, your reposts, friendships I built, I just want to say thank you so much. This account and those of you who interacted really helped me during a very dark time. This fandom (although toxic in some moments) was like a family to me. Its weird going through my blog and seeing it all. I feel like Im looked from the future onto my past? its just very strange (dunno if its in a good or bad way. its just nostalgic). 

I love you all and hope you have a good rest of your lives!  This isnt a goobye but a see you eventually. (interact if youd like :> ) 

[patdptsd]

do you ever check tumblr

literally just hopped on today for the first time in years

[patdptsd]

hiiiiiii 

[patdptsd]

omg I'm alive xddddddd

[patdptsd]

bich

I'm alive hoe

[geestdrift]

i just really want some friends right now who are ready to do some complete teenage cliché indie bullshit with me for at least a week like, driving an old car singing loudly to alternative 90′s music, stopping at cheap gas stations to get food in the middle of the night and take pics under the neon signs, visit a museum and take pictures of each other with the art, spend the day in one of our garages or basements filled with some band equipment and record our lame jams, sit outside on the bleachers and watch the sun go down, throw a quick last minute party in someone’s house when their parents aren’t home with red plastic cups and trashy music, sit on a roof and watch the stars, kiss boys and girls, just go somewhere without a plan and see where we’ll end up

[steampunkr0ss]

*is trying*

[patdptsd]

a king

[ryanrossmp3]

stanza one.

i’m sorry i put you through so much hell over the years. i was fucked up, i didn’t listen. i didn’t want to believe in love so i fought it and hurt you so many times in the process. i resented the idea that i could ever depend on someone else. i was constantly denying that i was falling for you- and good lord i fell really hard for you. i’d take back the pain if i could, but that wouldn’t be enough. i don’t ever want to see you hurt like that. i fucked up.

[ryanrossmp3]

sonnet one.

i feel like i am waiting on a ledge my heart anticipates a disaster refrain from heartbreak is what i had pledged but the heartbreak just seems to go faster the faith i had put inside of your words the trust i had forced inside of my eyes but my motive i could no longer herd, finally, i had found that my trust was unwise you twist and turn my love until it’s numb extracting every last drop of despair beg for my forgiveness and i succumb; my heart, i try but i cannot repair tonight, as i lay under cold, dead stars, i’ll do my best to accept who you are.

[highkoos]

white girls sayin “nigga” is fucking disgusting.

Don’t argue with me. 😊

[scorpiosweetie]

white girls who love black dick but don’t speak on racial issues, fetishize mixed babies, and only date black men for attention are fucking disgusting

[queenstravelingdarling]

White girls who date black men while talking shit about black women and thinking it’s a fucking competition while stealing our hairstyles, looks and style are fucking disgusting

[highkoos]

!!!!!!!!!!!

[sesh-nu-heaux-deactivated202007]

REBLOGGING for a 2nd time to say if you aint BLACK or DON’T have a drop of black in you YOU CAN NOT SAY NIGGA I dont give a fuh IF YOUR BESTIE BLACK HEUAX 

[miijumiiyagii]

Spanish girls who quick to say they’re not black but date black men and say nigga are quite disgusting too.

[kingwildex-deactivated20190919]

Spanish woman who don’t date black men but quick to open they mouth and say nigga are quite disgusting

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

Non Black people saying nigga and perpetuating antiblackness is always disgusting.

[gorillateaparty]

Always! Ain’t no lingo, bih. Keep that word out cha mouth.

[earthsigndyke-remade-deactivate]

thor, meeting the gotg for the first time: hi i-

drax:

[thecatranimal]

Raise your hand if you started off as an overachiever and now you’re fighting off crippling anxiety and depression as you watch people catch up and surpass you while you watch your own grades slowly slip

[animalbody]

when you’re listening to edgy music and they mention the medication ur on

[sprouting-sunns-deactivated2018]

Mikey: Pete wrote a song called “I slept with someone from Fall Out Boy and all I got is this stupid song written about me” and everyone knows that its about me.

Ryan *Sipping his tea* : Oh Really?

[stayfrostybish]