My path is my own to decide!

Indie HSR Caelus sideblog

[pathblazer]

Side Blog Mutuals only - Caelus of Honkai: Star Rail

18+ Mun - Minors do not follow

Written by Koishii

Rules:

Be kind and have fun.

Do not godmod.

Follow will come from main blog, you don't need to follow it.

Adult themes will be tagged.

[aubadenocturne]

"That's right. You're the one who spent the most time with Caelus in the past months, so you must have a better understanding of how his mind works," mused Hyacine aloud. It was Mydei, more than anyone here, who had learned about Caelus' demons and how to deal with them. If this was the case and the Kremnoan was right, then the healer was glad she could be a part of their friend's recovery process.

The moment Mydei said he was looking forward to their spar, Castorice shyly glanced down - she hardly believed her time on the training grounds would be worth a glance. Her eyes went to Phainon, where she found him looking... distracted. He must have sensed her attention however, because a heartbeat later, he was looking back at her with a reassuring smile.

Little Ica flew back to Hyacine as she spoke :

"No sparring for me today, but I'll patch you guys up if you need it. Do we even have straws here?"

Phainon quietly invited the violet-haired girl to the battleground, where they prepared for the first spar of the day.

[pathblazer]

"I'm still guessing, actually. Even with the time together, he still wouldn't talk about a lot of what was bothering him. But wanting to be around others instead of hiding away is a positive sign if there is one."

Mydeimos lowered his voice, trying to save even a little of the Outlander's dignity. Caelus was still pretty sensitive when it came to others knowing about what happened. Even the Kremnoan didn't believe he knew all of what set the Outlander Deliverer onto a crash course with self-destruction.

"I kinda wanted to spar Phainon."

Caelus sighs once said Heir was out of earshot, only to be elbowed in the arm by Mydeimos.

"You have to beat me to win the right to choose who you go against."

The Trailblazer stared for a moment, dumbstruck- a blaze then starting in his starlight eyes. Mydeimos knew right away that something clicked back into place for Caelus. That energetic look from before was a sign of hope for their friend and his recovery. It was amusing even as he hopped around cheering for both Castorice and Phainon... Even as he had to be ushered to a place to sit down on the sidelines.

[aubadenocturne]

It was satisfying seeing Mydei's heated glare turned Phainon's way - in some perverse way perhaps, because that meant normal, that meant a spar, a brawl, something delightfully destructive that was only allowed with a few.

An itch begging to be scratched.

It was a shame Caelus' interposition worked, then. Even more of a shame when Mydei's words missed their target. One silver eyebrow raised as if to say really? because... because there was a lot to unpack there. Phainon had ways of showing off without having to bring others down; Caelus didn't seem like a man who would love that kind of aggressive display; why was Mydei so intent on calling Caelus Phainon's?

By the time the Traiblazer had left with his teleslate, pride had turned into confusion.

Once Mydei turned his attention to the girls, Castorice waved at him while Hyacine sent Ica flying his way with a treat in its mouth - whether it would arrive safely in the Kremnoan's hands was anyone's guess. It was Hyacine who answered him :

"Actually, Caelus asked us to join you guys." "It has been some time since we last enjoyed each other's company. Ah, and forgive my impertinence, Mydeimos, I have asked Phainon for his first spar."

It had indeed been something they talked about during their short walk to the arena. How could Phainon had said no? Millions of cycles where Castorice was denied a normal life ; now, all she wanted was to experience what she had missed.

[pathblazer]

"Did he? I'll take that as a good sign."

Mydeimos nods sagely. It was a good thing that the Outlander seemed to be comfortable around a greater number of people. Then again, Castorice and Hyacine were two of the more calm Chrysos Heirs so their presence was probably something of a balm to Caelus' inner turmoil. A slight smile curves the Kremnoan's lips, a quick shake of his shoulders accompanying a snort when Ica inhales the snack sent along with the chubby pegasus.

"As for the spar... I'm quite looking forward to seeing it."

Caelus wandered back after sending off another quick message. Mydeimos noticed the more relaxed posture the Outlander returned with and offered him a quick nod. Something that said 'you're doing good'. The Trailblazer seemed rather pleased with himself, managing a bright smile.

"Are we drawing straws to see who faces who after Cas and Phainon go?"

[pathblazer]

@aubadenocturne

Caelus is pushing Phainon to a blanket nest he's just finished making so he can inspect it.

[aubadenocturne]

The road to the arena was full of chatter, the Heirs sipping on the beverages that had been forgotten while they were inside. Demetria's work, no doubt - even in Era Nova, she always knew how to bring the sweetest fruits to her stand.

Phainon stood next to the girls, cocky, one hand on his hip. Hyacine and Castorice shared a quick glance at each other, the ghost of a smile on their lips. They knew the boys' dance well enough now to know what would follow.

"Are you perhaps hoping I'd miss my daily training, Mydeimos? You should know this would not make me any easier to beat."

[pathblazer]

"Hey you two- don't start fighting-"

Caelus glances between Mydei and Phainon with his hands raised. Arguing didn't get anyone anywhere, and knowing Mydeimos might get baited into something... And with the look on the Kremnoan's face- Caelus felt he was right. Thankfully the fire that had blazed in his eyes faded into a frustrated ember.

"So you've resorted to trash talking in order to try to look good in front of your Outlander, huh Deliverer?"

A palm meets Caelus's face as he looses a groan. He wasn't sure how to deal with these two on a regular day... One at a time? Sure, by all means- but both? At the same time??

"Oh, that's right. Here."

Mydeimos produces the Trailblazer's teleslate which he promptly grabs with a large smile and a thanks. The Kremnoan cracks a grin when Caelus starts messing with the item, surely letting his fellow Express Crew members know he was alright. While he was busy with that, his attention turned to his fellow Heirs.

"Did you think bringing them with you would give you some sort of boon, Deliverer?"

[aubadenocturne]

Little Ica's round head peeked out of the bag, a piece of half-eaten fruit between his lips. He stared at the assembly, stealing the limelight from Caelus after the man reassured Castorice.

Hyacine was the first to act :

"Alright Ica, enough! Leave some food for us too~" "Drrooot~"

She packed up the food, quickly joined by her fellow Heirs and soon enough they were ready to depart.

[pathblazer]

Caelus couldn't help but laugh; the sound real, jovial. Like before what happened with Lygus. Watching Hyacine scold Ica reminded him that he had the plush Dromas in his clothing, so he excused himself and quickly rushed to put it safely in the bedroom. It was better to keep precious gifts in a secure place where they wouldn't be ruined. There was no way he'd be able to forgive himself if something happened to it.

"Alright let's go!"

The Trailblazer punched the air excitedly, doing his best to keep the energy high as they made their way to the training grounds. The moment they stepped foot into the arena Caelus caught sight of Mydei and hurried forward. The Kremnoan takes note of the small group before his and Caelus' closed fists bump in greeting.

"You're early. Here I figured you'd have convinced the Deliverer to sleep in for a change."

[aubadenocturne]

The man put a hand over the one that was grasping at him, a silent reassurance that he was alright. His gaze turned apologetic, realizing - not for the first time - just how deep his friends' worries about him were.

Hyacine and Castorice shared a look after Caelus' invitation. Meanwhile, Little Ica searched the bag of food that had been forgotten on the table... and wasn't that an idea? Maybe they could tag along the boys, and train and snack together. It would be a shame to waste all that food.

"Sure," answered Hyacine with a smile. "If we're not a bother," offered Castorice, looking like she didn't wish to overstep in case this was nothing but a polite invitation.

[pathblazer]

It took Caelus longer to calm than before, but when he does his grip on Phainon visibly relaxes. As does his posture. The mirth in his eyes returns when his gaze lands on Little Ica's vicious attack on the food bag. How could that little thing be so hungry?

"A bother?"

Caelus questions as his head turns towards Cas, then towards Phainon. He simply stares for a fraction of a second before chuckling and smiling back at Castorice.

"How is it a bother if I'm the one asking? I think the more of us are there, the more fun we'll have."

That- and it might help him keep calm. Caelus knew Phainon couldn't stay nearby at all times, so this should lend some aid.

[aubadenocturne]

"Like my eyes, you mean?"

The blue of his irises turned yellow which, this time, felt controlled. Mydei was to thank for that : he told Phainon of the way his eyes betrayed him. So of course the white-haired man would take it as something of a challenge to overcome. His proud expression softened when Caelus winked and he let his eyes turn back into their natural sky blue.

Hyacine did not seem as amused as the boys however, her mouth a disapproving pout ; she had just checked Phainon and there he was, playing with literal fire simply because he could. At least he had the decency of looking guilty after that.

She sighed.

"Yes, you can spar together. Just, don't bring innocent people into your games unwillingly," she said, remembering that last challenge in the hot bath and the victims of their... competitive spirit.

[pathblazer]

"That-"

Caelus freezes the moment Phainon's eyes change. In that second he's uncertain, simply staring as if afraid he'd started something. So when they revert, he releases a breath he didn't know he'd been holding onto. Nor did he realize his hand had grasped Phainon hard enough that his knuckles turned white.

"Oh- uh- right-"

Hyacine's voice snapped him out of his momentary lapse, Caelus having forgotten he'd asked a question. He clears his throat and puts the smile back on his face. It takes him a moment to steady it, but it's more or less genuine.

"I'll make sure they behave- unless you two wanna come along?"

[aubadenocturne]

Was it normal to feel this anxious?

It was a question Castorice couldn't completely answer. First of all, they weren't exactly in a normal situation. The Chrysos Heirs lived their lives dictated by their destinies. Knowing that - and the fact one of their friends had gained Emanator-like powers - feeling anxious didn't feel like a stretch by any means. She gave Caelus an understanding, tiny smile.

"Yes. We can only believe in our comrades to do what needs to be done." To move forward, to heal, to venture into this new world together.

Castorice took care in looking at the returning Heirs, although both knew how to cover their troubles a bit too well. It was essential for Hyacine to know how to hide her emotions, Castorice supposed. She was a healer. Her patients would worry if the one taking care of them appeared troubled. Even now she seemed normal. She gave Castorice an easy smile as she went back to the table where food could be found. Castorice followed herafter seeing Caelus close the distance between himself and Phainon. It felt a bit too invasive, staying close while they were whispering between themselves.

Phainon didn't react immediately to the hand on his arm. He did end up putting his hand over Caelus', squeezing in a manner he wished comforting.

"I'm fine," he answered with a quiet smile. "We found nothing out of the ordinary."

[pathblazer]

"Y-You're right."

Cas's words were truth even if the uneasy feeling lingered like ice in one's chest. Of all of them, Caelus knew he was bad at hiding his true feelings when it came to those he was close to. Though, he also knew when something wasn't quite right with others. Whether that was a 'blessing' of the Harmony, or Cyrene's lingering influence, he didn't really buy it when Phainon tried to reassure him.

"Just so you know, I have my ways of finding out if you're fibbing."

Caelus shakes a playful finger at the Heir, accompanied by a wink. A rather Cyrene-esque gesture that he hoped would at least make his partner's smile warm up a bit.

"So is he cleared for sparring with me and Mydei later?"

Golden gaze moves from Phainon to Hyacine as the Trailblazer turns his body. The hand on his partner's arm, however, remains where it is. Whether it's to reassure himself that things are alright, or to offer Phainon some sort of comfort- or a mix of both- all Caelus knows is that it's helping him in some way.

"We don't want a repeat of the hot bath incident after all."

[aubadenocturne]

If Castorice was surprised by the strength of Caelus' knocking, she didn't show it. Her smile held kindness as they shared a look, waiting for an answer from the other side of the door. Dry heat slowly permeated the humble house, almost as if they were in the middle of the month of Everday. The skin on the woman's arms prickled. It took a few heartbeats for Hyacine's voice to rise.

"Don't worry, we're fine!"

Castorice let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She felt a bit guilty at that - betraying worries she shouldn't have, fed only by the memories of past lives. That burning, summer sun had belonged to her executioner, yes, but it was also a dear friend's warmth. One who had cried tears of joy alongside her when they finally could hold each other.

Slowly the heat abated. As they were closer to the door, Castorice could hear her fellow Heir's hushed voices and, while she couldn't (or wouldn't) make anything out of it, it was enough to know when footsteps approached. She took a step back just in time for Hyacine to open the door, Phainon a few steps behind. He was wearing the same guilt she had felt moments before - yet he found both hers and Caelus' gazes.

"Apologies. I made you worry."

[pathblazer]

Even with the reassurance Caelus didn't look convinced. His golden gaze slipped back to Castorice, the faint shimmer in his eyes betraying his lingering doubts. Alas, he had to wait. Pushing into that room would only upset someone, and he didn't want to make things turn sour among his friends. That heat was connected to bad memories for the other Heirs, so of course he was worried not only for Phainon- but for Hyacine and Cas.

"Is it normal to feel this anxious?"

He gives Castorice a look that's one part sheepish to two parts pure confusion. That heat meant something was wrong, whether it was strong emotion towards the negative, or something happening... The former was more likely- of course... But that didn't stop him from worrying.

A breath of relief is released when Hyacine emerges, but his smile only returns when Phainon makes his appearance. The step forward is taken absentmindedly, the act not registering until his hand rests against his partner's arm. Even then he doesn't pull it away. Instead, the Trailblazer lowers his voice into a murmur meant for his dear partner alone.

"You okay?"

Caelus can feel the lingering heat from the moment before, his eyes searching for any sign that Phainon might be hiding something.

[aubadenocturne]

"Oh... you're not."

Castorice had never felt obliged to cheer Caelus up. She simply wanted to. Yet seeing how he reacted to the idea of it - well, it didn't seem like the invitation was welcome. Before she could say anything else she felt a quick rise in temperature, a now telltale sign of Phainon's emotions. She turned towards the door where he and Hyacine had disappeared into minutes before, worried something bad was happening. Of course, the worst that had happened in the past was a boiling bath or two. Nobody had been hurt. But before yesterday, he had never burst into the sky in his Emanator form either.

"Should we... knock?"

[pathblazer]

Rising arms lower with the shift in temperature. While he wasn't bothered by it in the slightest, he could still feel it- and with the worry he knew would bubble up in their friend he also turned towards where Phainon and Hyacine had gone. The side of himself that lacked impulse control was barely wrangled down by the other, his hand having come up, poised to push the door open.

"Y-Yeah- probably. Better safe than sorry, right?"

Caelus offers a smile to Castorice before his knuckles strike the door-- a little harder than he meant to. A soft curse slips as his gold eyes slip back to Cas from the door, expression a mixture of sheepish feelings and incredulousness. He could have punched the door and probably have been quieter.

"E-Everything okay you guys?"

[aubadenocturne]

Castorice's sight had long since been tainted by loss. She knew mourning and regret better than many. She knew the seeds of grief planted themselves deep into the heart of humanity - and it did not always come from death.

They said losses were a constant in the Flame-Chase journey. Caelus, tragically, was no exception.

"I remember a life in which you alleviated my sorrows with an embrace."

Memories of past cycles were like butterflies, fluttering at the edges of the mind. Sometimes, scenes or sights were enough to awaken a dormant memory. Sometimes, they did not need to be woken up at all. In Castorice's case, the warmth she had felt from the Trailblazer was akin to a flame. She put the plate down.

"If you allow me, I wish to do the same for you."

[pathblazer]

Golden gaze flicks upward at the mention of a past cycle, then he quickly becomes flustered.

"I-I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to cheer me up!"

Hands lift to dissuade but pause and slowly lower again. If he denied the aid of a friend... He'd be lying to himself... Phainon was getting help from Hyacine... The least he could do was get some help too, right? That could help Phainon in the end- not having to deal with him...

A hand lifts further, holding his head as he tries to shake the encroaching dark thoughts from taking root. Why was it so difficult to go some time without one popping back up?

"I-- yeah... That'd be okay..."

Hopefully Phainon was having a better time...

[aubadenocturne]

Castorice kept her hands busy, cutting a fresh peach into bite sized pieces - the fruit, unwilting under her touch, a small miracle brought by Era Nova. She hummed when Caelus wondered about Phainon, hesitant in her words since she hasn't seen much of the now Chaosbearer lately. Even after reaching tomorrow, the warrior had found another battleground ; with the threat of his flames, he stood between Amphoreus and the world beyond their sky. Was it really necessary? Castorice couldn't help but wonder. Perhaps she would never understand. She never grasped this sort of power in her hands - never had the duty to lead her people towards brighter days. But she had always trusted Lady Aglaea. Castorice would stand by her fellow Heirs. She simply wished...

"Oh." Her thoughts interrupted by Caelus' question, she met his gaze with her own, lips turning into a kind smile. "Thank you for your concern. You've always been so thoughtful."

She slowly closed the distance between them, offering Caelus the plate of fruit once he was within reach.

"I have been doing well. Death no longer waits in my embrace. My days are spent guiding souls to their final rest and helping Lady Aglaea with Amphoreus' rebirth."

As such, it wouldn't be fair to say Castorice hadn't seen Phainon in a while. He hadn't shown up to meetings in the past few days, not since they concluded exchanges with the IPC. Before that, they usually enjoyed each other's company quite a lot ; eating together once a week, exchanging discoveries in the Hero's Bath, learning how to navigate their new world after everything they went through. Not every Chrysos Heir reacted the same to their Deliverer also being their murderer, after all.

She knew, however, that a day - if tragic - could become more lifechanging than a decade of peace.

"How about you, Caelus?"

[pathblazer]

"Me? I saw you as the thoughtful one Cas!"

Caelus chuckles, a light-hearted sound that almost mirrors his prior playful nature. Just hearing that dear Castorice was faring far better in this reborn Amphoreus... It made his chest feel warm. Until the focus turned back to him, however.

"I... Ah--"

Smile faltering, Caelus lowers his gaze- a hand absentmindedly playing with the toy dromas tucked into his borrowed clothing. He didn't want to lie to her, nor downplay what happened... But sharing what he'd been through... It made him feel dirty. Shameful. Embarrassed that he couldn't even do a little more to defend himself.

"I've been managing. Mydei- helped me through a lot... Though, I feel bad bothering Phainon like I am. Thankfully he- doesn't make me feel like a burden..."

A hand shoots up to rub the back of his head sheepishly and he offers an apologetic grin. Good thing he'd caught himself before spiraling, Castorice didn't need to see that.

"Ah- sorry- I didn't mean to fall into that weird state again."

[aubadenocturne]

The light flickered back into the Trailblazer's eyes, leaving the worry to slowly leave Phainon's heart. He understood Caelus' quick glance towards the girls and, with a small sigh, responded :

"I'm glad."

Before making his way back to the waiting Heirs. Both Castorice and Hyacine acted as if those last minutes hadn't happened, polite enough to ignore the Trailblazer's upset. It went quickly after that : Phainon brought Hyacine with him to the guest room - leaving the main bedroom for Caelus to escape into if he ever felt the need for it - which meant Castorice stayed in the main living space with the Trailblazer. She waved at her leaving friends and seemed to simply enjoy the silence, sharing the space with Caelus for now, snacking lightly on the offerings the two of them had bought before coming over.

[pathblazer]

Caelus noticed that the room Phainon and Hyacine went to wasn't the main room they'd shared. It took a long moment for him to realize it was probably to leave him an escape route should it be needed. But, he couldn't just up and leave Cas on her own. That was rude, unkind to do to a friend.

"I hope he's okay."

Even with his own power of Remembrance, Caelus wasn't very good with healing the mind. Though, he could empathize with the multitude of memories thrust upon Phainon at the end of the cycle... He'd seen them all as well. The heartache it brought...

"Are you doing okay Castorice?"

[aubadenocturne]

A calloused thumb drew soft circles over Caelus' crimson cheek.

"Well,"

If talking in circles made for the Trailblazer's peace of mind, the Chrysos Heir didn't mind if it made him sound like a broken record. He would repeat himself a thousand times if this meant Caelus would feel just a bit better.

"Is it working?"

[pathblazer]

Managing a chuckle, Caelus shuts his eyes. Where did this side of Phainon come from? It wasn't unpleasant, embarrassing sure- but it was enough to calm him down. Slowly releasing his breath, the Trailblazer placed his hand over Phainon's chest.

"Yeah, thanks."

Caelus opened his eyes again, the light back in place as if it had never faded. His gaze then flicks over Phainon's shoulder, signaling that he should attend to the guests. He didn't want to worry Cas and Hyacine, plus Phainon needed to be checked over. That worry for his partner overrode everything else in that moment.

"I'm okay now."

[aubadenocturne]

Mydei... could take care of himself, couldn't he? Phainon kissed the wrist that was prisoner of his hands, thoughts drifting towards the Kremnoan. Mydei often acted like he didn't care when it couldn't be farther from the truth. He had spent months alone with Caelus. There was no doubt he felt worry for the Trailblazer. And Phainon only added to those with his own silly woes. The Chrysos Heir's blue gaze found Caelus' again as he listened to what he wished to add. Hyacine and Castorice were silently distracting themselves with the food, leaving the men to their secrets.

"It would be wise to look upon yourself with kindness. Give yourself some time. Your fire will keep on burning - my faith in this, in you, knows no bounds."

[pathblazer]

Gold eyes widen when his wrist is shown... Affection... Resulting in reddened ears and cheeks. Yet Caelus doesn't pull his hand back. Instead, he glances towards Cas and Hyacine again. Upon noticing they weren't paying attention, he brings Phainon's hand to his cheek and presses against it. He needed to ground himself and his partner... Was the best way to do so at the moment.

"Phainon..."

Caelus sighs through his nose then allows himself to smile a little. It's small and tired, but it holds his thankful feelings all the same.

"You just love talking in circles sometimes don't you, Sunshine?"

[aubadenocturne]

"Partner - "

Guilt stabbed at his heart at first, worried he'd made a mistake welcoming the girls inside his home. Wounds were still fresh inside the Trailblazer's heart, wounds he would never have had to deal with if he did not try to help Amphoreus. Yet, those thoughts would not be of any help right now.

Phainon reached for Caelus, softly taking one of his hands in his - he met his gaze then, willing his eyes to hold reassurances.

"I'm here." He cocked his head to the side. "Tell me what's wrong?"

[pathblazer]

The urge to flinch back was barely tempered, gold eyes flicking up to meet Phainon's face before his gaze was cast aside. He could almost see the forced support, another feeling burning behind sky-like eyes.

"I'm just-- worried about how Mydei might be feeling..."

Was that really it? He didn't even know anymore. But it didn't feel like a total lie, so he went with it. Though, when he finally registered that his hand had been taken- Caelus couldn't help how his shoulders sank a little. As if some sort of weight was being dragged off of them. A glance towards Cas and Hyacine was taken, then he looked back at Phainon and lowered his voice.

"I... Felt like my reaction was a bit- not like me, y'know? No energy, no spark- like I just glitched for a second. It just startled me. I-- I'll be okay."