Bitching & Complaining

18, ftm, Yelling into the tumblr void instead of journaling or bothering my friends TW mostly ed related

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

what if I said I think the whole “prging doesn’t actually get rid of the cals your body still absorbs most of it” is at least partially a lie by big recovery

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

this canon event goes crazyyyyy 😻

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

can't wait for summer.

Can't wait to be super active and not need food bc no classes and I’ll be at home with my mom so I’ll be miserable and I can’t. absolutely fucking hyperfocus and obsess over this again.

I've gained so much and I know a lot of it is muscle but I'm actually freaking tf out about it constantly but I keep stress eating

summer.

im so fucking excited.

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

sometimes its just a boy and his eating disorder against the world

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

new symptom unlocked: FUCKING HEARTBURN OWOWORASUGHHH

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

scared. I always scare myself reading about m1a but I just can’t stop. and looking at the clearness of my front teeth especially. I have nice teeth. I needed braces that were really expensive. I don’t want to lose my teeth.

I remember my freshman year of high school when my 4n4 started getting really bad. I thought I’d get skinnier, then eventually grow out of this. I thought by junior year I would probably still have some disordered habits but overall I’d be fine and normal. Then the m1a hit.

I’m graduated. I haven’t gotten any better. I haven’t gotten any real help. Most of my friends don’t know anything. I’ve lost years to this. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life.

but there’s truly nothing that has come close to convincing me to stop. I’m so obsessed I can’t help it.

u

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

love and hate having a friend who also has an ed and can talk about it (I cannot speak of it ever)

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

guys I know weight fluctuates when you eat more than usual even though you can’t actually gain that much without a lotttt but I’m so paranoid that’s a lie

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

I was so good for so long and then it just kept getting worse in fucking everything except school/career wise

that tends to go best when my ed is at its worst so positives I guess

fuck I need to find a scale

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

how about I self isolate and starve to death instead idk might be fun

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

guess who’s back 😍😍😍😍

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

I just want to be okay. But never more than I want to be skinny :(

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

I just saw a insta post that talked about conceptualizing Ed’s as chronic illnesses and acknowledging that the “rosy road to recovery” ignores ppl’s lived experience (see: incredibly high relapse rates). It talked about focusing on harm reduction and taking steps to improve quality of life. thinking about it that way was really helpful to me personally

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

college will save me or kill me, stay tuned

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

I’m so close to my lw bc of theatre. I was so busy and active all the time. I was constantly moving, never had time to eat, and was emotionally fulfilled by the work and the social aspects of it. but my schedule just went back to normal and it’s getting bad again is it over

[decayingdogt33th]

Ed tumblr girlies don’t dehumanize fat people challenge (extreme) (100% failure rate) (gone wrong) (gone sexual)

[patheticfairynightmareboy]

me when the 3d and self destructive behaviors actually have negative consequences and destroy me as I intended 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯